I Will Never Under....
I've had myself wound up soooo tight lately and I really am just taking myself far to seriously.
I think I've been honest to the point of fault.
I don't like shoving my shit in people's faces, and no one wants to fucking hear it anyway.
Why do I have to really think certain things are important? I'm not normally this way.
...What's "normal" for me anyway? As far as I know, I've never been normal.
Perhaps "ideal" is really what I mean when I say that phrase. Who knows!
It's not that I'm really asking questions, either. It's that I have no other way to express my disbelief. I lie to myself horribly. I don't mean that it's bad to lie, I mean that I do a very poor job of it. I could at least try if I'm going to do it at all.
And that's how I feel about anything. I should at least try if I'm going to attempt. To really work at it.
Yet at the same time, there are things that I have to just not try for at all. Just let it go.
"The key is to want it, not need it." --My uncle's tip on haggling. Detachment.
Tanya mentioned the other day that I seem really disengaged. That's fairly accurate, I'd say.
Also, that I'm practicing not-my-problemism. Good call there, too.
What I'm finding now is how to re-engage myself without making things my problem.
One thing I realized the other day is that while I may be a social butterfly, my excuses are running thin as to why I've been such a bore to hang out with these days. Hence the feeling like I'm always missing out on a joke. I'm just as socially inept as most anyone else. There goes that. I think I'm pretty much over it, too.
I guess all that's left to do is wait. Or something. I don't even know anymore. Although things seem like they're less crazy, I still need to chill. Seriously.
-Maggie.
I think I've been honest to the point of fault.
I don't like shoving my shit in people's faces, and no one wants to fucking hear it anyway.
Why do I have to really think certain things are important? I'm not normally this way.
...What's "normal" for me anyway? As far as I know, I've never been normal.
Perhaps "ideal" is really what I mean when I say that phrase. Who knows!
It's not that I'm really asking questions, either. It's that I have no other way to express my disbelief. I lie to myself horribly. I don't mean that it's bad to lie, I mean that I do a very poor job of it. I could at least try if I'm going to do it at all.
And that's how I feel about anything. I should at least try if I'm going to attempt. To really work at it.
Yet at the same time, there are things that I have to just not try for at all. Just let it go.
"The key is to want it, not need it." --My uncle's tip on haggling. Detachment.
Tanya mentioned the other day that I seem really disengaged. That's fairly accurate, I'd say.
Also, that I'm practicing not-my-problemism. Good call there, too.
What I'm finding now is how to re-engage myself without making things my problem.
One thing I realized the other day is that while I may be a social butterfly, my excuses are running thin as to why I've been such a bore to hang out with these days. Hence the feeling like I'm always missing out on a joke. I'm just as socially inept as most anyone else. There goes that. I think I'm pretty much over it, too.
I guess all that's left to do is wait. Or something. I don't even know anymore. Although things seem like they're less crazy, I still need to chill. Seriously.
-Maggie.