(no subject)
Once again,
I find a small part of my day to update the world on what I'm doing. Firstly, thank you to all you beautiful loving and caring people out there who have supported me over the past couple of days. I've been a mess and continue muchly on this path. I spent part of my day today with Damian. We went out to lunch together, which was nice, but strained too in many ways. He and I talked about many things, namely one of them was why we didn't work out. I didn't challenge him enough...suprised? sure, I used to be one of the most challenging people out there, but after my last little thing, I just kind of thought that that's what guys don't want, there's something wrong with me, so I bent over backwards to be what every guy would want, except Damian. I can't help but think I fucked it all up for us. He's never blamed me, ever. He constantly tells me that there's nothing wrong with me, yet, I may have fucked it up with the one man who perhaps could have loved me for me. I know it's not the fucking end...there are plenty of men out there. And now, I have to face that reality because Damian confessed something to me today. He think's he's falling in love, with someone else. He wasn't sure if he should tell me this, but I told him to tell me what was on his mind. I'm happy for him, don't get me wrong, but I wonder if that just makes me now one of his multitude of conquests? I know I mean more to him than that, he still loves me in many ways... as I do him... but I know for sure I'm not in love with him, so going away and putting distance between us will be good for me moving on. He's like one of the very few male friends I have now, I have to learn how to deal with them! I know I must sound like a broken record right now, but I guess I'm just learning to deal with being away from everyone I love. I'm going to miss my family, friends, Aladdin, everyone and thing. I'm just way too emotional now.
I'm going to go bake a banana cake...that might make me feel better.
I find a small part of my day to update the world on what I'm doing. Firstly, thank you to all you beautiful loving and caring people out there who have supported me over the past couple of days. I've been a mess and continue muchly on this path. I spent part of my day today with Damian. We went out to lunch together, which was nice, but strained too in many ways. He and I talked about many things, namely one of them was why we didn't work out. I didn't challenge him enough...suprised? sure, I used to be one of the most challenging people out there, but after my last little thing, I just kind of thought that that's what guys don't want, there's something wrong with me, so I bent over backwards to be what every guy would want, except Damian. I can't help but think I fucked it all up for us. He's never blamed me, ever. He constantly tells me that there's nothing wrong with me, yet, I may have fucked it up with the one man who perhaps could have loved me for me. I know it's not the fucking end...there are plenty of men out there. And now, I have to face that reality because Damian confessed something to me today. He think's he's falling in love, with someone else. He wasn't sure if he should tell me this, but I told him to tell me what was on his mind. I'm happy for him, don't get me wrong, but I wonder if that just makes me now one of his multitude of conquests? I know I mean more to him than that, he still loves me in many ways... as I do him... but I know for sure I'm not in love with him, so going away and putting distance between us will be good for me moving on. He's like one of the very few male friends I have now, I have to learn how to deal with them! I know I must sound like a broken record right now, but I guess I'm just learning to deal with being away from everyone I love. I'm going to miss my family, friends, Aladdin, everyone and thing. I'm just way too emotional now.
I'm going to go bake a banana cake...that might make me feel better.