#78: And when the night comes, I will hold your hand (and never let go)
From: fallendevil_17
Title: And when the night comes, I will hold your hand (and never let go)
Rating: R
Word Count: 7,500 words
Summary: Luhan thinks that his life is a sick joke; a twisted irony as his life’s biggest regret is staring back right at him. Sehun thinks about what he has done in his life to deserve this.
Warning/s: Violence, derogatory terms, and slight mention of sexual reference (just a little bit)
There’s too much that I want to say to you
Why am I silent now
No matter how many words there are, can it return to the beginning?
If hurting more means we can return to that piece of happiness
Pulling your hand tightly, I will not let you go easily.
- Chen & Zhang Liyin, Breath
Prologue
Luhan’s phone buzzes on his wooden writing table.
Stepping away from the room balcony where he stood previously, Luhan walks into his room. He puts out his half-smoked cigarette into the ashtray and picks up the phone. His heart lurches when he sees an unregistered series of numbers on the screen. It was unregistered but Luhan had memorized the number so well that he doesn’t need to pick up to know who the unknown caller is.
His phone is still vibrating. His gaze on the screen is unwavering.
No, Luhan.
You cannot do this to him.
No.
Luhan waits. He waits for the phone to stop vibrating; his grip around the thin iPhone 6s model tightens as his heart beats rapidly against his chest.
No, no, no.
You can’t, Luhan. You just can’t.
You promised.
But there’s another voice in Luhan’s head to tell him to pick up the phone.
Do it, Luhan. Go ahead and pick it up. It’s now or never.
He might never call anymore.
“Hello?” Luhan falls defeat to his own heart’s desire, his longing for him.
No one answers on the other side of the phone. But Luhan knows he is there. He just knows.
He tries again. “Hello?”
“Xiao Lu.”
Luhan thinks his heart actually stops momentarily.
“Sehun-ah.”
Sehun doesn’t reply. But Luhan hears his ragged breath over the phone.
“How…how are you?” Luhan knows it is a stupid question, but he just wants to hear more of Sehun’s voice. It’s now or never. He needs this.
“Xiao Lu.”
“Yes?” Luhan’s voice breaks.
“Happy birthday.”
Luhan swallows. He feels the familiar sting around his eyes.
“Thank…” Luhan clears his throat. “Thank you.”
None of them say a word. Luhan grips tightly onto his phone, as he listens to Sehun’s breath. There are so many things that Luhan wants to say. How are you? Are you eating well? Are you sleeping well? I miss you. I want you. I love you. I’m sorry that I am hurting you. I wish you had not met me. You deserve better. But he doesn’t. He doesn’t say anything. Because he knows no matter what he says, it will not make Sehun’s wound heal any faster. Nothing will ever change the fact that he will never be able to give what Sehun wants the most.
“Xiao Lu.”
Luhan’s ear picks up.
“Be happy.”
The last words are hardly audible, but Luhan hears it.
“我爱你。”(“I love you”).
The line goes dead.
Still holding the phone closely to his ear, stifled sobs escape Luhan. His head hangs low; his shoulder trembles as he struggles to get his words out.
“我也是，世勋啊。我爱你。”(“Me too, Sehun-ah. I love you”).
**
Sehun stares at the bright red circle on one of the dates on his calendar. He reaches for his phone on his bedside table. A soft ‘klik’, and a light touch on the dial icon on the home screen later, Sehun feels conflicted.
No, Sehun.
What do you think you are doing?
Enough, Oh Sehun.
Let it go, Sehun.
But Sehun can’t. He is everywhere he sees and hears. His hearts aches in familiarity when he passes by the vocal practice room; when he sees Baekhyun laughing with the rest of the groups and tries his best not to flinch when the Baekhyun offers him something akin to sympathetic smiles. His laughter rings in Sehun’s ears when Sehun passes by florist shops. Sehun can’t get rid of him from his mind and he doesn’t want to.
He has been the best thing that has ever happened to Sehun. No, he is his muse, his sun, the light of his life. Under his loving gaze and warm touches, Sehun feels alive. When he is with him, Sehun feels that he owns the world.
And the moment when he loses him, Sehun’s life comes crashing down.
Slowly, very slowly, Sehun presses the numbers that he knew very well by heart. And he puts his phone on his right ear, waits as the line gets connected.
He will not answer.
Why are you even trying?
You are not going to -
“- hello?”
Sehun freezes when he hears the familiar voice. He had heard this voice countless times, but there isn’t a time that his heart doesn’t flutter. It hasn’t changed since he laid his eyes on him for the very first time, and it wouldn’t now.
Sehun doesn’t expect Luhan to answer his call. It isn’t him to do so. He knows that Luhan doesn’t want to hurt him anymore. He is aware that Luhan thinks that contacts in any form will only prolong the pain that both of them are feeling right now. But the fact that Luhan is not reacting as Sehun has expected to is perplexing, and perhaps, a little elation to him.
“Hello?” The beautiful voice tries again.
“Xiao Lu.” The nickname escapes from Sehun’s lips.
“Sehun-ah.” He can hear the yearning in his voice. ‘I want you back too, Luhan,’ Sehun wants to say so badly. He takes in several breaths, biting his lips as he tries his hardest to suppress his emotions.
“How…how are you?” Sehun blinks back a few tears that had escaped from his eyes. Not good, hyung. I can’t eat or sleep without you. I miss you so much that it’s so hard to breathe. I hate how everyone giving me pitiful glances because you are not with me. I hate it. I hate it that we cannot be together, like everyone else. I love you so much, Luhan. I love you so much that it hurts but I can’t let you go.
But he says nothing. He says nothing at all. Instead, he says:
“Happy birthday.”
It is Luhan’s birthday today. That is why he calls. He just wants to wish him a ‘happy birthday’.
“Thank…thank you.”Luhan’s voice breaks. Hot tears roll down Sehun’scheeks.They are breaking. He has to end this.
“Xiao Lu.”
I am sorry for everything.
If I could do just anything, anything to make you stay,
I will.
“Be happy.”
But I couldn’t.
I’m sorry, Luhan.
“我爱你。”(“I love you”.)
He hangs up. He doesn’t wait for Luhan’s reply.
He knows what he will say.
But it doesn’t matter.
It never matters.
Part I
Luhan thinks that his life is a sick joke; a twisted irony as his life’s biggest regret is staring back right at him.
“Luhan, this is Chanyeol and his cousin, Sehun.”
His former lecturer smiles politely. “We know each other, actually. Luhan was once my student.”
He is aware that Fei, his cousin, is staring, back and forth, between him and Chanyeol but his eyes are unwilling to leave Sehun’s.
“Really?” The amusement in Fei’s voice is evident. “What a small world.”
Chanyeol casts glances between Sehun and Luhan. “Yes, what a small world it is.” There is a heavy sigh in his words but Fei doesn’t seem to take notice.
“Well, then I’ll let Luhan show you around.” Fei grins and taps Luhan’s shoulder lightly before excusing herself to greet other incoming guests.
A heavy tension hangs between the three of them, with Sehun and Luhan still staring at each other.
“It’s nice to see you again, Luhan.” Chanyeol offers a polite smile.
“It’s…”Luhan clears his throat and turns to Chanyeol. “It’s nice to see you again too, Professor Park.”
“How’s life?”
“I…” His eyes unconsciously dart toward Sehun. The latter is still staring at him. Luhan pauses, thinking of what to reply but the only answer he has in his mind is:
Life is terrible. I miss all of you at the university. I miss Baekhyun, Junmyeon, Jongdae, Minseok, Jongin and you, Chanyeol hyung. And most of all, I miss you, Sehun.
“Luhan.” He hasn’t even realized when Yifan is behind him. “Uncle Lee is looking for you.”
“Okay…” Luhan manages a small smile at Chanyeol and Sehun. “I’ll see you later.” Luhan gives them a small nod. Chanyeol nods back, a gentle smile adorned on his face whereas Sehun is still as stoic as he is when Fei introduced them to each other minutes before.
When Luhan turns his back, trailing behind his brother to another room, he misses the pining look in Sehun’s eyes.
**
Sehun thinks about what he has done in his life to deserve this. He knows that they are a pair of star-crossed lovers; meant to fall in love but not destined to be together. He knows. Every single waking moment without him reminds Sehun of the painful reality. But, at this very moment, as he stares into Luhan’s downcast gaze, he feels out of breath; a familiar twinge in his chest.
He wants to put up a smile and greet him as if he never knew Luhan, but he cannot bring himself to do so, not when Luhan is all he can ever think about ever since the day they decided to go separate ways.
“It’s nice to see you again, Luhan.”
Sehun stops himself from snorting aloud at Chanyeol’s pleasant exchange. Chanyeol has gone all out to make sure that Sehun doesn’t lock himself in the room during this semester break, moping about his tragic relationship. Yet the very person Chanyeol would want Sehun to avoid thinking is standing right in front of both of them. Life is literally mocking him in his face.
“It’s…” He clears his throat. He always does it unconsciously when he is nervous. “It’s nice to see you again too, Professor Park.”
“How is life?”
“I…”
“Tell me, Luhan,” Sehun thinks, “Have you been eating well? Have you been sleeping well? What are you doing now? Are you working in your father’s company now? … Have you met someone new?”Sehun’s heart sinks at the thought of it.
“Luhan.” A tall, Adonis-like man approaches them and places a hand on Luhan’s shoulder. Luhan’s shoulder visibly slumps when he turns to look at the man.
“Uncle Lee is looking for you.”
“Okay…”
“I’ll see you later.”
And Sehun watches him leave, again.
**
Sehun walks into the reception hall where the waiters and waitresses are cleaning up the remaining snacks and beverages. He passes by a waiter who is balancing a tray of glass wines.
“Would you like a drink, sir?” Sehun nods curtly and accepts the glass of wine from the waiter before heading towards the balcony for a quiet place to be alone. The auction has started in the room next to the reception hall and seeing that Chanyeol is preoccupied with the bidding, Sehun slips out of the room.
Sipping his wine, Sehun exhales softly as the night breeze drifts across his face. It is then he spots him. He is alone in the garden, looking so lonely and dejected. Sehun’s urge to pull him into his embrace grows even stronger.
No, Sehun. Don’t go. Don’t.
But Oh Sehun never listens. He never does, especially to himself.
He walks back into the hall, returning the glass of wine to the waiter, and heads out to the garden.
**
The luxurious hotel’s quiet garden is a getaway for Luhan. He grows up attending formal balls and events but he will never get used to the chattering of people that he really does not give a damn about. And he needs space to think.
Placing a hand on his left chest, Luhan takes several deep breaths as he tries to calm his racing heart. But it is pointless anyway. His heart has always beaten so rapidly when he is around.
Luhan closes his eyes, as he recalls his encounter with his ex- he winces- a couple minutes ago. Sehun has always been alluring; a fine painting coming to life. Luhan’s mind casts back to two years ago, where he had met an attractive pale young man in Yeuido Park in the spring. Luhan will never forget how faint blush colored his cheeks as he repeatedly apologizing for bumping into Luhan in his low, husky voice. Luhan’s heart had thumped so hard that he felt almost breathless. It had never occurred to him then that this man would always be the reason he is rendered breathless.
He was a boy; a twenty-one year old boy with a shy smile, who used to only look at Luhan like he is the sun. But tonight that boy is no longer to be found. A few centimeters taller than Luhan, he is now a man, silver hair swept back and custom-made Armani suit a perfect fit for his lean body. And his gaze so void of emotions that Luhan’s heart clenches.
I deserve it, Luhan thinks. I’ve hurt him so bad and he has the right to do so.
Running a hand through his hair, Luhan sighs and reaches out for his packet of Marlboro. He used to wonder why people smoke their life away but the past year has taught him enough that a cigarette or two a day helps him get through the day when the longing gets unbearable.
Before he even manages to register what is happening, someone snatches the orange cigarette stick between Luhan’s lips and throws it onto the floor. Annoyed, Luhan is about to yell at the person to mind his or her own business but stops when he sees an all-too-familiar face.
**
“Don’t smoke. It’s bad for health.” Sehun knows he has no right to interfere with Luhan’s life choices but he just can’t watch him destroy his own health.
Life has really taken a toll on Luhan. He is supposed to be happy and healthy. But the person staring at him right now isn’t Luhan. He’s not the old Luhan that Sehun used to know, not with those deep eye bags decorating beneath his desolate, tired eyes. Sehun wonders if Luhan is even sleeping. He’s so much thinner now, and when Sehun lays eyes on him for the first time, after a year, he looks so frail that it takes all of Sehun’s resoluteness not to pull him into his embrace.
And now he is picking up the habit of smoking.
Why aren’t you taking good care of yourself, Luhan?
**
“Why are you here?” The words coming out from his lips sound so hostile even to his own ears. “I mean…” He tries to rephrase his question, to soften the impact of his words but eventually gives up. Why am I even trying, Luhan thinks. All he ever did is ruining everything for everyone.
“Chanyeol hyung didn’t want to come alone.” Sehun replies, curt and detached.
Awkward silence is thick between them, as their gazes fix on each other.
Luhan takes in Sehun’s profile, using his eyes to map out every feature that makes him Sehun. His eyes shift from his intense stare to his high-bridged nose, slowly to his rosy red lips, which are slightly parted. Unconsciously, his arm stretches towards his face. When his fingertips come into contact with Sehun’s skin, Luhan realizes how much he has missed this; how much he has missed him. He used to touch him like this and Sehun would have the brightest smile but now, Luhan doesn’t even dare to look straight into his eyes, fearful of the rejection written on his handsome face.
Luhan jolts when a hand, much bigger and warmer than his, holds his own. Luhan braves himself to look up and he sees it- that pure adoration that Sehun always has when he looks at him like he is the only one who matters.
Why, after everything that has happened, you still look at me like this? I am not good. You deserve better, Sehun.
Sehun kisses the palm of his hand, before pulling Luhan’s hand away from his face and ever so gently, intertwines his fingers with Luhan’s. Licking his lips nervously, Sehun inches closer toward him. Luhan gulps. His breath hitches as he watches the distance between them decreases every second. Luhan’s rationality tells him that he should push Sehun away as they are no longer in the position to do so. But Luhan has been coherent for too long. For a long time, he has been suppressing his emotions, living like a walking dead. Just once, just fucking once, he wants to let go.
Luhan closes his eyes and waits for what his heart has been yearning for.
Part II
It happens so quickly. One moment he is leaning in toward Sehun and the next moment he is yanked from behind and someone has his arms locked around his neck forcefully.
“Don’t move.” His attacker speaks with an accent that is definitely not from Beijing. Luhan feels a sharp instrument cuts against his neck.
“Luhan!” Two burly looking men hold Sehun back as the younger struggles to escape his captor’s strong grips, his brows furrow and his teeth gritted.
“Do what you want with me but let him go!” Luhan tries to stay as calm as possible, albeit his heart is pounding with anxiety.
“Luhan…” Sehun fights off his captive harder but only ends up getting struck on the face.
“SEHUN!” Luhan glares at the man who had just hurt Sehun. God knows how much he wants to kill the man for even thinking of laying his dirty hands on Sehun. “GET YOUR HANDS OFF HIM!”
The accented man gestures at Sehun to his followers. “Let him go. He’s no use to us. We’ve already got what we came for.”
They release their hold on Sehun and push him so hard that he falls on the ground. One of the men gives a hard kick on Sehun’s stomach, causing Sehun to keel over and let out a cough as he groans in pain.
Not wanting the captors to hurt Sehun anymore, Luhan allows them to drag him along to wherever they are heading.
“LUHAN!” The Chinese man turns around and sees Sehun going after them. The two men charge toward Sehun and they begin to engage in a bloody fight. Sehun is clearly not having the upper hand seeing that the two men he is fighting against are at least twice his size.
Overwhelmed by his protective instinct toward Sehun, Luhan elbows his captor hard on the stomach and the man falls to the ground, groaning in agony.
They almost made it out; Luhan deals with one who had hurt Sehun earlier on while Sehun deals with the others. But then, as if the world stops its motion for a split second, as the two lovers make eye contact, Sehun’s gaze turns blank before he collapses on the ground, dark red stain spreads across his white shirt. The captor that Sehun was fighting with remains rooted at his spot, horrified gaze fixated on Sehun, as the knife in his hand drips with dark red liquid.
“SEHUN!!!” Luhan pushes the man away and pulls his unconscious lover into his arms.
“Sehun! Sehun! Please wake up! Can you hear me? Sehun? Sehun??” Luhan tries to shake him awake but to no avail.
Then, he feels a hard blow on his head and Sehun’s face is a blur before the world around him ultimately darkens.
Part III
Luhan slowly opens his eyes, scanning his surroundings. The room he’s in is dark save for the swaying dirty yellow light bulb that provides a little lighting to the place. He tries to stretch himself, only to realize his hands and legs are bounded. As he begins to regain his senses, the previous events come back to him in a flash.
“Sehun?” He turns around and sees Sehun lying unconscious in the other corner of the room. Without much liberty to move his limbs around, Luhan hauls himself towards the injured boy.
“Sehun? Sehun? Can you hear me?” Beads of sweat are visible on the younger’s forehead as low groans of pain escapes his lips. Luhan knows he has to do something. Sehun has been losing so much blood and his life might be in danger if he doesn’t help him soon.
“HEY! ANYONE OUT THERE?! HELP! HELP!” The steel door swings open with a loud bang and a bearded man enters. The man clears his throat and spits onto the spot a few centimeters away from Luhan. “What do you want?! If you make any more noise, I’m going to kill you and that little boy toy of yours!”
Luhan recognizes his voice- he is the man who has caught Luhan from behind with a knife on his neck, the leader of this kidnapping scheme.
Luhan throws a murderous glare at him. “If you ever lay your hand on him, I’ll make sure you will not receive a single cent from my father.”
The man’s left eye twitches as he fumes with anger. “Are you challenging me? You think I won’t do it?”
“If you touch him, I’ll bite myself to death. If I die, you won’t be able to prove to my father that you had kidnapped his son. My father won’t believe you unless he sees me or hears my voice. Besides if I am dead, there’s no point for him to pay the ransom anyway. So, touch him and you can say goodbye to your money.”
The man grits his teeth, seeming to register the truth behind Luhan’s words. “What do you want, bastard?”
“Untie me. And get me a complete first aid kit.” The man narrows his eyes at him.
“He’s bleeding!” Luhan gestures to Sehun. “I won’t run. I won’t leave him alone.”
The man gives a long, thoughtful look at Luhan, then at Sehun, and back at Luhan again. “Yah, rascal!” The captor shouts at the door and a young man, Luhan assumes, not even in his twenties and appears to be as thin as a bamboo stick, enters. “Untie him and get him a first aid kit.”
“But boss…” The young man glances at Luhan and then back at his leader, hesitance clearly written on his face.
“Just do what I say.” The young man reluctantly obeys and moves quickly to untie Luhan. When Luhan is free, he cradles Sehun’s head onto his lap. The man throws a disgusted look at him before walking out of the room, slamming the door shut behind him.
It doesn’t take long when the door unlocks again and a loud thud fills the empty room. Luhan turns towards the source of the sound and sees a first aid kid lying on the floor near the door. Luhan notices the apprehensive look on the boy’s face before he leaves the room, once again shutting the steel door behind him. Luhan gently removes Sehun’s head from his lap and rushes towards the first aid kit to retrieve it. Luhan knows that his paramedic knowledge would eventually come of use despite he would never be able to become a paramedic.
“Sehun, this will hurt a little.” He pours the small bottle of distilled water over Sehun’s wound and Sehun groans in pain. He searches the kit and finds nothing that can be used to sew Sehun’s wound, so Luhan is left with no choice but to bandage his wound, hoping that it will not get infected and stop bleeding on its own.
“You’ll be alright, Sehun. You’ll be alright.” He mumbles to himself as he works to bandage the younger.
**
“Lu... Luhan…” Luhan immediately snaps out of his reverie and quickly attends to Sehun, who is lying on the floor next to him when he hears Sehun calling for him.
“Sehun?” Luhan is washed with relief seeing Sehun regains consciousness. “Thank God you are awake.” Sehun tries to rise from his position but Luhan stops him. “Stay put. You are just going to aggravate the wound by moving.”
“Where…where…. are we?”
“I don’t know, Sehun. I don’t know.”
Sehun winces as he places a hand on the site of his injury. Luhan grimaces, thinking that the cut must have been deeper than it looks.
“I am so sorry, Sehun. It’s all my fault.”
Sehun winces as his injury create a stinging pain every time he exerts effort to speak louder. “It…it’s okay….not your fault.”
“I promise I’ll get us out of here, I promise.” Luhan gives a firm squeeze on Sehun’s hand to convince the latter but he doesn’t seem to need reassurance as his lips curl into a small, blissful smile. Luhan catches him muttering an ‘okay’ before he falls asleep again.
**
“Say cheese.” A striking burst of light flashes before Luhan and Sehun’s eyes. Temporarily blinded by the flash, Luhan blinks a few times before he is able to see anything clearly. And when he does, he sees his captor grins.
It takes all of Luhan’s might not to lunge at the man and choke him to death. Instead, Luhan settles for a deadly glare. “When are you going to let us go?”
“I will let you go when your father pays,” The captor gestures to Sehun, who is sleeping on Luhan’s lap, “for both of you.” He looks at the polaroid that he had just taken. “Hmm, I really wonder what the great Mr. Lu would say when he knows his precious youngest son is actually a faggot.”
Anger consumes Luhan. “You better watch your mouth!”
The captor throws a dirty glance at Sehun, then at Luhan. “You two are just fucking disgusting.” He walks off and shuts the door again, for the third time in a night.
Luhan grips his fist tight, trying his best to contain his anger. Sehun slowly reaches for Luhan’s finger and as he laces their fingers together, he catches Luhan’s attention and he looks at the older with the gentlest expression he can manage. Luhan’s anger dissipates almost immediately.
“Luhan?”
“Yes?”
“Can… can I know why you let go?”
“I…”
“Before…we went…separate ways, I could see that you want to….” Sehun grimaces. “… hold on to our relationship…and I thought we would…” Sehun catches his breath as he tries to endure the pain from his abdomen. “Why?”
“My father threatened that he will make sure you won’t be able to study in the academy if I choose to be with you.” Luhan pauses as he strokes Sehun’s hair. Sehun doesn’t miss the remorseful look painted on his face. “I know it sounds ridiculous to you but he is capable of doing that. I’m not going to let him destroy your dream because of me. I know how important dancing is to you.”
“But Luhan…” Sehun reaches to caress Luhan’s cheek as Luhan traces random circles on the younger’s other hand. “You are my dream.” Luhan blinks once before his eyes turn huge. Sehun smiles at how Luhan looks like a deer in headlights right now.
“Chanyeol hyung told me that…. dream is doing something you love…. I love dancing, so I want to be a dancer…” He pauses, and wipes the tears from Luhan’s eyes. “… but when I met you, I realize I never want to be a dancer….. at least,…not as much as I want to hold your hand or …. how I want to kiss you every time you look at me.”
Luhan unconsciously tightens his hold on Sehun and the latter takes it as a sign to continue. “It doesn’t matter if I can’t dance…. I don’t care, Luhan, as long as you are with me. I love you, Luhan.”
Luhan swears his heart breaks a little more when he hears Sehun’s confession. He places a soft kiss on the younger’s forehead as he whispers, “Me too, Sehun. I love you too.”
Part IV
Luhan wakes up to the sound of soft groans. His first instinct is to check on Sehun. “Sehun?” Luhan pats gently at the younger who is already sweating profusely and slightly shivering. When the younger doesn’t respond to his call, he touches his forehead and turns anxious, realizing that Sehun is burning. Shit, his wound must have been infected. They have to get out of here immediately. Sehun needs a doctor’s attention as soon as possible.
Luhan leans Sehun against the wall as he anxiously searches the room for any other possible escape routes. As he nears the window, he hears them having a discussion of their own.
“We’ll be back in 10 minutes. You better make sure they don’t escape.”
“Don’t worry, boss. I got this.”
The leader left with his young lackey, leaving only a burly-looking man, whom Luhan recognizes as the one who had stabbed Sehun on the stomach. The man lets out a loud yawn, before sitting back at an old stool and takes a gulp from his bottle of beer.
It is now or never, Luhan realizes if they ever want to escape from the clutches of these men.
“HEY! HEY!” Luhan yells as loud as he can to catch the man’s attention. When it doesn’t work, he tries again. “HEY! HEY!”
Clearly agitated by Luhan’s antics, he hurls his bottle onto the floor. “WHAT DO YOU WANT?”
“I NEED TO PEE!”
“PEE INSIDE THERE!’
“NO, I CAN’T PEE WHEN SEHUN’S WATCHING. I NEED TO GO!”
“SHUT UP!”
“IF I CAN’T PEE, I MIGHT DIE FROM KIDNEY STONES! HEY, OPEN UP! I NEED TO PEE! HEY!”
“WHY CAN’T YOU JUST SHUT UP, YOU BASTARD?!” Luhan’s pestering has actually worked as the man angrily marches towards the room. Luhan holds his breath, ready to strike, as he waits for the door unlocks from the other side.
“I AM GOING TO END YOU… ARGH!” When the man enters, Luhan knees him hard at his crotch. The man yelps in pain as he falls to the ground. Before the man can recover from his previous attack, Luhan kicks him again but unfortunately the man catches hold of Luhan’s leg and tugs his leg, causing Luhan to collapse next to him. Both of them struggle and the man is gaining the upper hand; Luhan isn’t going to give up, not when Sehun needs him the most.
“You bastard! Since you want to die earlier, I’ll do the honor and grant your wish!” He grabs Luhan by the collar and throws him outside the house. He grabs the gun from the table nearby and points it at Luhan, who stares back in horror. When the man is about to fire, a loud breaking sound reverberates and blood begins to trickle down the man’s face. He blinks once before he collapses on the floor. Behind him is Sehun, who stills in his spot, his right hand holding a half-broken glass bottle as he stares absently at the fallen man.
Luhan regains his senses and wraps his arms around Sehun. “Let’s go.”
**
It feels like they’ve run forever before Sehun eventually passes out.
“Sehun!” Amidst the panic, Luhan notices a fresh red spot spreading over his already stained bandage.
“Sehun, please, please. Stay with me, Sehun, please.” Luhan pats both of Sehun’s cheeks but he just doesn’t respond. Luhan sweeps through their surrounding; they are currently stuck somewhere in a huge meadow that he has no idea of. Luhan is trembling as anxiety and fear of getting captured again starting to get the best of him. They need to get to somewhere, anywhere, before the men return and realize that they are gone. But where can he take Sehun?
At this critical moment, Luhan catches a glimpse of billowing smoke a short distance away. Thinking perhaps there is hope, after all, Luhan carries Sehun on his back and rushes towards the source of the smoke as fast as his legs can take both him and Sehun.
**
The smoke comes from the burning where a man and an older woman are burning dead leaves near their small cottage. “Help… help us.” Luhan yells. His shout catches the attention of the pair and their eyes widen in shock when they sees Sehun unconscious on Luhan’s back. “Get him inside.” The old woman tells Luhan and gestures at the younger man to help Luhan to get Sehun inside. The old woman gasps when she sees the stain on Sehun’s bandage.
She shouts for her son to get warm water and a list of herbs that Luhan has no idea about as well as a pair of needle and thread. She gently unravels Sehun’s bandage. Unfortunately, the bandage is already stuck to the wound, causing Sehun to whimper aloud when she tries to remove it from Sehun’s skin. Trying his best to comfort Sehun through this painful process, Luhan strokes Sehun’s hair and intertwines their fingers together with his other hand. The old woman steals a quick glance at their interlaced fingers but says nothing as she proceeds to clean Sehun’s wound, dipping the wet towel around the cut as lightly as possible. As if she has done this many times before, she skillfully threads the needle and stitches Sehun’s wound. This time, Sehun lets out a loud and pitiful groan and Luhan kisses Sehun’s forehead, whispering comfort words to him. With every pierce Sehun grips onto Luhan so hard that it actually hurts Luhan but never once Luhan tries to let go. Instead, he holds on even tighter.
When she is done, Sehun’s hold on Luhan’s hand loosens as he falls back into unconsciousness. The old woman gives Luhan a light squeeze on the shoulder. “ …he will be okay.” Her accent is difficult to comprehend but Luhan manages to catch most part of it.
“Thank you.” She then sits in front of Luhan, cleans the scratches and applies a type of traditional self-made cream on the bruises and scratches on his face and limbs.
“…why you hurt so bad?”
Luhan tries his best to explain their current situation and the old lady’s eyes can’t get any bigger as she listens to his story, occasionally expressing her disbelief on how anyone can do this to them.
When she has finished applying the ointment on Luhan, she pats lightly on Luhan’s hand. “Rest ….. bring you to police station.”
“Thank you so much. I don’t know what will happen to us if I hadn’t met you.” A small smile graces her features as she shakes her head and leaves the cottage, most probably to dispose the old bandages and cottons she has used on them.
Luhan hears low whispers from the old lady and her son outside the cottage, assuming that the old lady is recounting his story to her son. Luhan knows he shouldn’t trust strangers easily but he does not have many options. For now, Sehun is doing fine. All Luhan can do now is to pray that those kidnappers will not be able to find them here.
Feeling extremely exhausted, Luhan lays next to Sehun. Sleep takes over him the moment he shuts his eyes.
**
Luhan has no idea how long he has been asleep but he is soon stirred awake by persistent nudges. When he opens his eyes, he is greeted by the old lady’s anxious face.
“They are here looking for you. You have to go now.”
Luhan can hardly feel lethargic, not when adrenaline courses through his veins. The old lady’s son comes into the cottage and helps Luhan to lift Sehun, who is barely awake, to the back of his lorry.
As the man gets to his wheel, the old lady hands two bottles of water and a bag of bread to Luhan. “Eat this if you are hungry on the way.”
“Thank you so much.” Luhan holds tightly onto the old lady’s hand as he feels nothing but enormous gratitude towards this old lady, who showers him with utmost kindness despite she hardly knows him.
“Be careful.”
As the lorry embarks on its journey, Luhan waves goodbye to the old lady until she disappears into the dark night.
**
It is dark save from the light illuminated from the car’s headlights. The moon is hardly visible in the skies, hidden behind the black clouds. The cold wind blows past him and Luhan holds onto Sehun a little closer.
“Lu..Luhan?”
“Yes?”
“Nothing…. I just… just… want to call… your name.”
Luhan kisses the crown. “傻瓜” (“Fool”)
“I…know that. You call… me pabo.”
“Yes, I did, pabo-ya.”
Sehun looks up at Luhan, voice clear albeit raspy. “我是你的傻瓜” (“I am your fool”).
Luhan is certainly impressed that Sehun can speak Mandarin with almost native-like accuracy. He remembered teaching Sehun certain Chinese phrases, and despite Sehun is a fast learner, he was far from his level now.
“After you left… I uh…” Sehun grimaces when the truck hits a bump. Luhan gives his hand a light squeeze and kisses his forehead as his heart aches with every whimper Sehun makes. “… I went for Chinese lessons….. I knew ….. it was pointless because you weren’t there and there was no one that I can converse in Chinese with….” Sehun grips on Luhan’s arm with his other hand, trying to be closer to Luhan. Luhan gently pulls him even closer. “… I still wanted to learn…. I wanted to learn…your language… your culture… something that reminds me of …you.”
Luhan gulps, trying his best to restrain from tearing up, thinking of how he really, really doesn’t deserve Sehun.
“I even graduated with a distinction.” Sehun makes a mental note to show Luhan his certificate, if, they ever make it out alive.
Luhan laughs but Sehun sees the tears glistening in his eyes. He touches Luhan’s cheek and Luhan grips on Sehun’s hand before planting a deep kiss on his lips. “I am so proud of you; so, so proud of you.”
**
They reach a village at the break of dawn. The lorry pulls over at the entrance of the village where another lorry is parked at a spot next to the vehicle that they are on.
The old lady’s son unlocks the tailgate, helping Luhan and Sehun to get down from the vehicle. A young man in his mid-thirties comes down from the other lorry and approaches them.
“This is Jia Heng.” The old lady’s son speaks to them for the first time when they are finally on the ground. His accent isn’t as thick as his mother’s, so Luhan can understand him without much difficulty. “He delivers goods to the town a few miles away every two days. He’s supposed to leave tomorrow morning but I’ve asked for his help. He’ll take both of you to the nearest police station so you can call home and ask someone to get you.”
Luhan and Sehun nod.
“Thank you so much.”
“We are Chinese people. Chinese people should help each other.”
They hop onto the passenger seat next to Jia Heng and in no time, they are on the highway to somewhere that Luhan himself has no idea of. It doesn’t take long before Sehun falls asleep on Luhan’s shoulder, clearly exhausted by the traveling and his injury which has made him even weaker. Luhan laces his fingers around Sehun, and looking at Sehun who is peacefully asleep, he knows they are going to be okay.
Part V
The sun has risen from the horizon when Luhan spots the sight of a signboard that says ‘Fuying’ which is two kilometers away. Luhan realizes that they are in the secluded part of China seeing how he has never heard the town’s name in his entire life. Jia Heng drives into a small dirt road which seems to Luhan like an endless road surrounded by thick trees on both sides when he sees the mentioned town.
Jia Heng pulls over at the familiar white painted building and rushes to assist Luhan to lift Sehun down from the lorry.
Upon entering the hospital, needless to say, the doctors and nurses are shocked to see Sehun’s state and immediately whisk him into their small operation room in the hospital. After thanking Jia Heng for his kindness, Luhan is left alone to wait for Sehun’s operation to end. It doesn’t take long for the police officers to arrive at the hospital and Luhan let them question him about everything that had happened. After taking down his recount and making a few calls to the headquarters, a police officer informs that they would need to wait for at least three hours before the officers from the headquarters would come over and bring them home.
Luhan nods silently and excuses himself when he sees the doctor and nurses exit the wardroom that Sehun is in.
“How’s my friend?”
The doctor offers a fatherly smile. “He is weak, but he will survive.”
“Can I see him?”
“Of course.”
“Thank you.”
The sight of Sehun sleeping on the hospital bed with an IV needle inserted into his vein somehow provides a sense of relief to Luhan before guilt creeps in with the realization that he is the main reason why Sehun is injured at the first place. He slowly settles on the seat next to Sehun and like second nature, he laces their fingers together and holds the younger’s hand close to his lips. He quietly waits for the younger to wake up before the long suppressed exhaustion finally overthrows him as he slumps to unconsciousness next to Sehun.
**
Being a light sleeper, Luhan’s ears picks up the sound of hushed whispers and footsteps. His fight or flight response jolts him awake as he searches around for the sight of danger, only to be met with the faces of Yifan, his brother, Chanyeol and another man whom Luhan cannot recognize.
“Sehun!” The other man and Chanyeol hover over Sehun as the latter still lies unconscious. Luhan watches helplessly as the paramedics move Sehun onto the stretcher and transports him out from the room. He is hardly aware of being in his brother’s embrace or hears his older sibling tells him, “Thank God you are okay. We were worried sick. Mama fainted when she heard you were kidnapped.”
Chanyeol catches Luhan’s gaze before leaving the room with the rest of the paramedics and as they make eye contact, Chanyeol sends him a reassuring smile, one that says ‘he will take care of Sehun’.
When the room becomes silent after the commotion before, Luhan thinks how it will always be this way: his body and soul long to be with Sehun but he is caged within his brother’s arms, just like how he will always be on the cross road between Sehun and his family.
Part VI
Sehun’s eyelids slowly flutter open, and he is greeted by the sight of blank, white ceiling. It takes him a second or two to register the fact that he is in a hospital before the strong smell of antiseptic gives it away. His body aches all over especially his stomach and his left arm, in which at a glance, is injected by an IV needle.
“Sehun?” Chanyeol hovers over.
“Chanyeol …Chanyeol hyung…” His voice is a low, raspy whisper and gosh, his throat is parched. “Water…”
Chanyeol immediately pours a cup of plain water for him and not forgetting to put a straw in it. Sehun sips from the straw as if his life depends on it.
“How are you feeling?” Chanyeol asks, his voice tight, as he places the cup away. Feeling more refreshed, his mind sorts out everything that had happened before he ends up lying on this bed in this hospital- the bidding event, the stab, the night ride, Luhan… Luhan!
“Luhan…” Sehun croaks weakly. His hand grabs onto the hem of Chanyeol’s sleeve. The latter holds his cousin’s hand and gives a light pat in an attempt to calm him down. “Luhan’s fine. He was over exhausted and suffered a few bruises when he was admitted to the hospital but he is fine now. He just got out of the hospital two days ago.”
His grip on Chanyeol’s sleeve loosens and Chanyeol takes this opportunity to take his cousin’s hand in his.
“Uncle and Aunt are here. And Tae Hun and Young Ji and also Ha Young.”
“They… are here…?”
Chanyeol smiles apologetically. “You were missing for 2 days, Sehun. I had to inform them.” He knows Sehun was never one to like to worry his family but as the older cousin, Chanyeol is responsible for Sehun’s safety, which in this case, he fails.
Sehun’s eyelids feel heavy. Before he succumbs into unconsciousness once more, he hears his cousin’s baritone voice muttering ‘Thank God you are alive, Sehun. Praise to the heavenly above.’
**
When Sehun wakes up, he no longer sees the blank white ceiling. Instead, he is back in a dark room that is only illuminated by the white light from the side of his bed, and he sees Luhan sitting next to him, smiling his favorite smile of his.
“Luhan.” After a long, deep sleep, Sehun gains more strength to be able to speak.
“Sehun-ah…” Luhan kisses his hand. “How are you feeling?”
“Luhan, are you okay?” Luhan nods, a small, fond smile gracing his handsome face. “I’m fine. How about you? Does it still hurt very much?” Luhan carefully trails his fingers on Sehun’s stomach, his touch as light as a feather, afraid of hurting him.
Sehun tries to move but his attempt causes a stinging pain from his stomach and he grimaces. “Not so…much…anymore.”
Luhan reaches out to caress Sehun’s cheek, his expression filled with adoration. Sehun gives a tug on their intertwined hands. Knowing his lover well, Luhan knows Sehun is gesturing him to come closer towards him. Luhan chuckles as he indulges in his boyfriend’s desire.
Dissatisfied at their distance, Sehun pouts. “Closer.” Luhan grins and hovers ever so carefully over Sehun until they can feel their breath on each other. When they are close enough, Sehun mischievously places a light kiss on Luhan’s lips.
“坏蛋” (“Bad person”). Luhan pinches his nose playfully and Sehun chuckles in response. “我是你的坏蛋” (“I am your bad person”.) They grin at each other for a moment before Luhan tilts Sehun’s chin and kisses him long and deep.
His Sehun.
Sehun, who is safe and sound in his arms now, only belongs to him and only him.
The thought makes Luhan’s blood races. He deepens the kiss, eliciting moans of pleasure from Sehun. Luhan doesn’t have to end the kiss but he has to. The front of his jeans is starting to get a little too tight. He is definitely not going to do this here, in a hospital, not with Sehun who is heavily injured and going home with a long, raging boner is certainly is not an option.
With much reluctance, Luhan pulls away. Sehun whimpers at the loss of contact, and Luhan giggles because it reminds him so much of a lost puppy.
“Sehun-ah, I cannot go home with a boner.”
“Or we can do it here…” Sehun looks at him with a playful glint in his eyes as he trails his finger across the buttons on Luhan’s shirt. The latter catches hold of his hand before he manages to move further down. “Oh Sehun.” Luhan chides but there is hardly any bite in his words.
“I am serious.” Sehun puts up an innocent expression, in which Luhan rolls his eyes at. Some things like Sehun’s shameless proposition at the worst timing do not change.
Luhan pinches Sehun’s nose playfully. “It’s late and you need to rest more. I need to leave soon. Zhou Mi is waiting for me.”
Sehun’s expression pales immediately and Luhan doesn’t miss the change in his facial expression. “You will come back tomorrow, right?” Luhan can tell that he is afraid that he is going to leave him from the way Sehun grips his hand a little tighter than before. He isn’t angry at Sehun for the lack of his trust in him and he has no right to, for he is the one who has broken his promise towards his boyfriend.
“I will.” Sehun stares into Luhan’s eyes, and it kills Luhan to see the fear of losing him in his gaze. “I promise.” He says with resoluteness, hoping that Sehun will trust him this once that he is not going anywhere, not without him.
They stare into each other’s eyes for a long time as Sehun seeks for elements of deceit in Luhan’s eyes and Luhan reassuring him with his firm gaze and gentle smile. It takes a while before Sehun slowly releases his hold on Luhan’s hand.
“Okay.” Sehun says with a shy smile. Luhan grins and coos internally at how Sehun looking like a four-year-old instead of a twenty-two year old adult.
Luhan plants a short, sweet kiss on the younger’s lips. “I’ll leave when you are asleep.”
“Then, can I sleep a little later? Since you said that you’ll leave after I sleep.” Sehun jokes.
“No.” Luhan tries to be firm but he knows his effort is futile. When it comes to Sehun, he is nothing but a big, soft marshmallow that gives in to Sehun’s whims and fancy.
“Please, Luhan.” Sehun’s adorable pout and whine are a lethal combination, and Luhan immediately surrenders, as he lets out an exasperated sigh but the fond smile on his face says otherwise.
It doesn’t take long for the morphine to take effect as Sehun falls asleep in a blink of an eye. As Luhan watches the younger sleep, his mind conjures the memories where Sehun had collapsed before him, the terrible red spot spreading across Sehun’s shirt, and how Sehun had writhed in pain as the old woman stitched his wound. Luhan shakes his head as if trying to shake off those horrible images from his mind. But he knows perfectly well that it will never work, not when the dreadful feeling of losing a loved one will forever haunt him.
Luhan gently caresses Sehun’s cheek and as he feels the pulse on Sehun’s neck beneath his finger, he vows to keep Sehun safe, even if it means to sacrifice everything that he has, including himself.
“Good night Sehun.”
Author’s Note: First of all, I want to thank the Selubration mods for answering all my queries and also allowing my late fic submission. It’s been an honor to be able to participate in this fest. To my dear readers, I would like to apologize if the fic doesn’t make much sense to you (or how it is related to the song prompt) as it is supposed to be part of a novella that unfortunately, I am unable to finish on time. Consider this as a teaser for my upcoming work which I will be uploading on my Ao3 (links will also be posted on my LJ account) after the reveals. Thank you so much for reading! Comments are greatly appreciated!
Extra note: The English equivalent of”傻瓜” and”坏蛋” might sound harsh but they don’t necessarily carry negative connotations as they can be also used as a playful term of address. I am speaking from the perspective of my social circles as it is considered normal to use them with people whom we are close with and I often use these terms to address my friends.
Title: And when the night comes, I will hold your hand (and never let go)
Rating: R
Word Count: 7,500 words
Summary: Luhan thinks that his life is a sick joke; a twisted irony as his life’s biggest regret is staring back right at him. Sehun thinks about what he has done in his life to deserve this.
Warning/s: Violence, derogatory terms, and slight mention of sexual reference (just a little bit)
There’s too much that I want to say to you
Why am I silent now
No matter how many words there are, can it return to the beginning?
If hurting more means we can return to that piece of happiness
Pulling your hand tightly, I will not let you go easily.
- Chen & Zhang Liyin, Breath
Prologue
Luhan’s phone buzzes on his wooden writing table.
Stepping away from the room balcony where he stood previously, Luhan walks into his room. He puts out his half-smoked cigarette into the ashtray and picks up the phone. His heart lurches when he sees an unregistered series of numbers on the screen. It was unregistered but Luhan had memorized the number so well that he doesn’t need to pick up to know who the unknown caller is.
His phone is still vibrating. His gaze on the screen is unwavering.
No, Luhan.
You cannot do this to him.
No.
Luhan waits. He waits for the phone to stop vibrating; his grip around the thin iPhone 6s model tightens as his heart beats rapidly against his chest.
No, no, no.
You can’t, Luhan. You just can’t.
You promised.
But there’s another voice in Luhan’s head to tell him to pick up the phone.
Do it, Luhan. Go ahead and pick it up. It’s now or never.
He might never call anymore.
“Hello?” Luhan falls defeat to his own heart’s desire, his longing for him.
No one answers on the other side of the phone. But Luhan knows he is there. He just knows.
He tries again. “Hello?”
“Xiao Lu.”
Luhan thinks his heart actually stops momentarily.
“Sehun-ah.”
Sehun doesn’t reply. But Luhan hears his ragged breath over the phone.
“How…how are you?” Luhan knows it is a stupid question, but he just wants to hear more of Sehun’s voice. It’s now or never. He needs this.
“Xiao Lu.”
“Yes?” Luhan’s voice breaks.
“Happy birthday.”
Luhan swallows. He feels the familiar sting around his eyes.
“Thank…” Luhan clears his throat. “Thank you.”
None of them say a word. Luhan grips tightly onto his phone, as he listens to Sehun’s breath. There are so many things that Luhan wants to say. How are you? Are you eating well? Are you sleeping well? I miss you. I want you. I love you. I’m sorry that I am hurting you. I wish you had not met me. You deserve better. But he doesn’t. He doesn’t say anything. Because he knows no matter what he says, it will not make Sehun’s wound heal any faster. Nothing will ever change the fact that he will never be able to give what Sehun wants the most.
“Xiao Lu.”
Luhan’s ear picks up.
“Be happy.”
The last words are hardly audible, but Luhan hears it.
“我爱你。”(“I love you”).
The line goes dead.
Still holding the phone closely to his ear, stifled sobs escape Luhan. His head hangs low; his shoulder trembles as he struggles to get his words out.
“我也是，世勋啊。我爱你。”(“Me too, Sehun-ah. I love you”).
**
Sehun stares at the bright red circle on one of the dates on his calendar. He reaches for his phone on his bedside table. A soft ‘klik’, and a light touch on the dial icon on the home screen later, Sehun feels conflicted.
No, Sehun.
What do you think you are doing?
Enough, Oh Sehun.
Let it go, Sehun.
But Sehun can’t. He is everywhere he sees and hears. His hearts aches in familiarity when he passes by the vocal practice room; when he sees Baekhyun laughing with the rest of the groups and tries his best not to flinch when the Baekhyun offers him something akin to sympathetic smiles. His laughter rings in Sehun’s ears when Sehun passes by florist shops. Sehun can’t get rid of him from his mind and he doesn’t want to.
He has been the best thing that has ever happened to Sehun. No, he is his muse, his sun, the light of his life. Under his loving gaze and warm touches, Sehun feels alive. When he is with him, Sehun feels that he owns the world.
And the moment when he loses him, Sehun’s life comes crashing down.
Slowly, very slowly, Sehun presses the numbers that he knew very well by heart. And he puts his phone on his right ear, waits as the line gets connected.
He will not answer.
Why are you even trying?
You are not going to -
“- hello?”
Sehun freezes when he hears the familiar voice. He had heard this voice countless times, but there isn’t a time that his heart doesn’t flutter. It hasn’t changed since he laid his eyes on him for the very first time, and it wouldn’t now.
Sehun doesn’t expect Luhan to answer his call. It isn’t him to do so. He knows that Luhan doesn’t want to hurt him anymore. He is aware that Luhan thinks that contacts in any form will only prolong the pain that both of them are feeling right now. But the fact that Luhan is not reacting as Sehun has expected to is perplexing, and perhaps, a little elation to him.
“Hello?” The beautiful voice tries again.
“Xiao Lu.” The nickname escapes from Sehun’s lips.
“Sehun-ah.” He can hear the yearning in his voice. ‘I want you back too, Luhan,’ Sehun wants to say so badly. He takes in several breaths, biting his lips as he tries his hardest to suppress his emotions.
“How…how are you?” Sehun blinks back a few tears that had escaped from his eyes. Not good, hyung. I can’t eat or sleep without you. I miss you so much that it’s so hard to breathe. I hate how everyone giving me pitiful glances because you are not with me. I hate it. I hate it that we cannot be together, like everyone else. I love you so much, Luhan. I love you so much that it hurts but I can’t let you go.
But he says nothing. He says nothing at all. Instead, he says:
“Happy birthday.”
It is Luhan’s birthday today. That is why he calls. He just wants to wish him a ‘happy birthday’.
“Thank…thank you.”Luhan’s voice breaks. Hot tears roll down Sehun’scheeks.They are breaking. He has to end this.
“Xiao Lu.”
I am sorry for everything.
If I could do just anything, anything to make you stay,
I will.
“Be happy.”
But I couldn’t.
I’m sorry, Luhan.
“我爱你。”(“I love you”.)
He hangs up. He doesn’t wait for Luhan’s reply.
He knows what he will say.
But it doesn’t matter.
It never matters.
Part I
Luhan thinks that his life is a sick joke; a twisted irony as his life’s biggest regret is staring back right at him.
“Luhan, this is Chanyeol and his cousin, Sehun.”
His former lecturer smiles politely. “We know each other, actually. Luhan was once my student.”
He is aware that Fei, his cousin, is staring, back and forth, between him and Chanyeol but his eyes are unwilling to leave Sehun’s.
“Really?” The amusement in Fei’s voice is evident. “What a small world.”
Chanyeol casts glances between Sehun and Luhan. “Yes, what a small world it is.” There is a heavy sigh in his words but Fei doesn’t seem to take notice.
“Well, then I’ll let Luhan show you around.” Fei grins and taps Luhan’s shoulder lightly before excusing herself to greet other incoming guests.
A heavy tension hangs between the three of them, with Sehun and Luhan still staring at each other.
“It’s nice to see you again, Luhan.” Chanyeol offers a polite smile.
“It’s…”Luhan clears his throat and turns to Chanyeol. “It’s nice to see you again too, Professor Park.”
“How’s life?”
“I…” His eyes unconsciously dart toward Sehun. The latter is still staring at him. Luhan pauses, thinking of what to reply but the only answer he has in his mind is:
Life is terrible. I miss all of you at the university. I miss Baekhyun, Junmyeon, Jongdae, Minseok, Jongin and you, Chanyeol hyung. And most of all, I miss you, Sehun.
“Luhan.” He hasn’t even realized when Yifan is behind him. “Uncle Lee is looking for you.”
“Okay…” Luhan manages a small smile at Chanyeol and Sehun. “I’ll see you later.” Luhan gives them a small nod. Chanyeol nods back, a gentle smile adorned on his face whereas Sehun is still as stoic as he is when Fei introduced them to each other minutes before.
When Luhan turns his back, trailing behind his brother to another room, he misses the pining look in Sehun’s eyes.
**
Sehun thinks about what he has done in his life to deserve this. He knows that they are a pair of star-crossed lovers; meant to fall in love but not destined to be together. He knows. Every single waking moment without him reminds Sehun of the painful reality. But, at this very moment, as he stares into Luhan’s downcast gaze, he feels out of breath; a familiar twinge in his chest.
He wants to put up a smile and greet him as if he never knew Luhan, but he cannot bring himself to do so, not when Luhan is all he can ever think about ever since the day they decided to go separate ways.
“It’s nice to see you again, Luhan.”
Sehun stops himself from snorting aloud at Chanyeol’s pleasant exchange. Chanyeol has gone all out to make sure that Sehun doesn’t lock himself in the room during this semester break, moping about his tragic relationship. Yet the very person Chanyeol would want Sehun to avoid thinking is standing right in front of both of them. Life is literally mocking him in his face.
“It’s…” He clears his throat. He always does it unconsciously when he is nervous. “It’s nice to see you again too, Professor Park.”
“How is life?”
“I…”
“Tell me, Luhan,” Sehun thinks, “Have you been eating well? Have you been sleeping well? What are you doing now? Are you working in your father’s company now? … Have you met someone new?”Sehun’s heart sinks at the thought of it.
“Luhan.” A tall, Adonis-like man approaches them and places a hand on Luhan’s shoulder. Luhan’s shoulder visibly slumps when he turns to look at the man.
“Uncle Lee is looking for you.”
“Okay…”
“I’ll see you later.”
And Sehun watches him leave, again.
**
Sehun walks into the reception hall where the waiters and waitresses are cleaning up the remaining snacks and beverages. He passes by a waiter who is balancing a tray of glass wines.
“Would you like a drink, sir?” Sehun nods curtly and accepts the glass of wine from the waiter before heading towards the balcony for a quiet place to be alone. The auction has started in the room next to the reception hall and seeing that Chanyeol is preoccupied with the bidding, Sehun slips out of the room.
Sipping his wine, Sehun exhales softly as the night breeze drifts across his face. It is then he spots him. He is alone in the garden, looking so lonely and dejected. Sehun’s urge to pull him into his embrace grows even stronger.
No, Sehun. Don’t go. Don’t.
But Oh Sehun never listens. He never does, especially to himself.
He walks back into the hall, returning the glass of wine to the waiter, and heads out to the garden.
**
The luxurious hotel’s quiet garden is a getaway for Luhan. He grows up attending formal balls and events but he will never get used to the chattering of people that he really does not give a damn about. And he needs space to think.
Placing a hand on his left chest, Luhan takes several deep breaths as he tries to calm his racing heart. But it is pointless anyway. His heart has always beaten so rapidly when he is around.
Luhan closes his eyes, as he recalls his encounter with his ex- he winces- a couple minutes ago. Sehun has always been alluring; a fine painting coming to life. Luhan’s mind casts back to two years ago, where he had met an attractive pale young man in Yeuido Park in the spring. Luhan will never forget how faint blush colored his cheeks as he repeatedly apologizing for bumping into Luhan in his low, husky voice. Luhan’s heart had thumped so hard that he felt almost breathless. It had never occurred to him then that this man would always be the reason he is rendered breathless.
He was a boy; a twenty-one year old boy with a shy smile, who used to only look at Luhan like he is the sun. But tonight that boy is no longer to be found. A few centimeters taller than Luhan, he is now a man, silver hair swept back and custom-made Armani suit a perfect fit for his lean body. And his gaze so void of emotions that Luhan’s heart clenches.
I deserve it, Luhan thinks. I’ve hurt him so bad and he has the right to do so.
Running a hand through his hair, Luhan sighs and reaches out for his packet of Marlboro. He used to wonder why people smoke their life away but the past year has taught him enough that a cigarette or two a day helps him get through the day when the longing gets unbearable.
Before he even manages to register what is happening, someone snatches the orange cigarette stick between Luhan’s lips and throws it onto the floor. Annoyed, Luhan is about to yell at the person to mind his or her own business but stops when he sees an all-too-familiar face.
**
“Don’t smoke. It’s bad for health.” Sehun knows he has no right to interfere with Luhan’s life choices but he just can’t watch him destroy his own health.
Life has really taken a toll on Luhan. He is supposed to be happy and healthy. But the person staring at him right now isn’t Luhan. He’s not the old Luhan that Sehun used to know, not with those deep eye bags decorating beneath his desolate, tired eyes. Sehun wonders if Luhan is even sleeping. He’s so much thinner now, and when Sehun lays eyes on him for the first time, after a year, he looks so frail that it takes all of Sehun’s resoluteness not to pull him into his embrace.
And now he is picking up the habit of smoking.
Why aren’t you taking good care of yourself, Luhan?
**
“Why are you here?” The words coming out from his lips sound so hostile even to his own ears. “I mean…” He tries to rephrase his question, to soften the impact of his words but eventually gives up. Why am I even trying, Luhan thinks. All he ever did is ruining everything for everyone.
“Chanyeol hyung didn’t want to come alone.” Sehun replies, curt and detached.
Awkward silence is thick between them, as their gazes fix on each other.
Luhan takes in Sehun’s profile, using his eyes to map out every feature that makes him Sehun. His eyes shift from his intense stare to his high-bridged nose, slowly to his rosy red lips, which are slightly parted. Unconsciously, his arm stretches towards his face. When his fingertips come into contact with Sehun’s skin, Luhan realizes how much he has missed this; how much he has missed him. He used to touch him like this and Sehun would have the brightest smile but now, Luhan doesn’t even dare to look straight into his eyes, fearful of the rejection written on his handsome face.
Luhan jolts when a hand, much bigger and warmer than his, holds his own. Luhan braves himself to look up and he sees it- that pure adoration that Sehun always has when he looks at him like he is the only one who matters.
Why, after everything that has happened, you still look at me like this? I am not good. You deserve better, Sehun.
Sehun kisses the palm of his hand, before pulling Luhan’s hand away from his face and ever so gently, intertwines his fingers with Luhan’s. Licking his lips nervously, Sehun inches closer toward him. Luhan gulps. His breath hitches as he watches the distance between them decreases every second. Luhan’s rationality tells him that he should push Sehun away as they are no longer in the position to do so. But Luhan has been coherent for too long. For a long time, he has been suppressing his emotions, living like a walking dead. Just once, just fucking once, he wants to let go.
Luhan closes his eyes and waits for what his heart has been yearning for.
Part II
It happens so quickly. One moment he is leaning in toward Sehun and the next moment he is yanked from behind and someone has his arms locked around his neck forcefully.
“Don’t move.” His attacker speaks with an accent that is definitely not from Beijing. Luhan feels a sharp instrument cuts against his neck.
“Luhan!” Two burly looking men hold Sehun back as the younger struggles to escape his captor’s strong grips, his brows furrow and his teeth gritted.
“Do what you want with me but let him go!” Luhan tries to stay as calm as possible, albeit his heart is pounding with anxiety.
“Luhan…” Sehun fights off his captive harder but only ends up getting struck on the face.
“SEHUN!” Luhan glares at the man who had just hurt Sehun. God knows how much he wants to kill the man for even thinking of laying his dirty hands on Sehun. “GET YOUR HANDS OFF HIM!”
The accented man gestures at Sehun to his followers. “Let him go. He’s no use to us. We’ve already got what we came for.”
They release their hold on Sehun and push him so hard that he falls on the ground. One of the men gives a hard kick on Sehun’s stomach, causing Sehun to keel over and let out a cough as he groans in pain.
Not wanting the captors to hurt Sehun anymore, Luhan allows them to drag him along to wherever they are heading.
“LUHAN!” The Chinese man turns around and sees Sehun going after them. The two men charge toward Sehun and they begin to engage in a bloody fight. Sehun is clearly not having the upper hand seeing that the two men he is fighting against are at least twice his size.
Overwhelmed by his protective instinct toward Sehun, Luhan elbows his captor hard on the stomach and the man falls to the ground, groaning in agony.
They almost made it out; Luhan deals with one who had hurt Sehun earlier on while Sehun deals with the others. But then, as if the world stops its motion for a split second, as the two lovers make eye contact, Sehun’s gaze turns blank before he collapses on the ground, dark red stain spreads across his white shirt. The captor that Sehun was fighting with remains rooted at his spot, horrified gaze fixated on Sehun, as the knife in his hand drips with dark red liquid.
“SEHUN!!!” Luhan pushes the man away and pulls his unconscious lover into his arms.
“Sehun! Sehun! Please wake up! Can you hear me? Sehun? Sehun??” Luhan tries to shake him awake but to no avail.
Then, he feels a hard blow on his head and Sehun’s face is a blur before the world around him ultimately darkens.
Part III
Luhan slowly opens his eyes, scanning his surroundings. The room he’s in is dark save for the swaying dirty yellow light bulb that provides a little lighting to the place. He tries to stretch himself, only to realize his hands and legs are bounded. As he begins to regain his senses, the previous events come back to him in a flash.
“Sehun?” He turns around and sees Sehun lying unconscious in the other corner of the room. Without much liberty to move his limbs around, Luhan hauls himself towards the injured boy.
“Sehun? Sehun? Can you hear me?” Beads of sweat are visible on the younger’s forehead as low groans of pain escapes his lips. Luhan knows he has to do something. Sehun has been losing so much blood and his life might be in danger if he doesn’t help him soon.
“HEY! ANYONE OUT THERE?! HELP! HELP!” The steel door swings open with a loud bang and a bearded man enters. The man clears his throat and spits onto the spot a few centimeters away from Luhan. “What do you want?! If you make any more noise, I’m going to kill you and that little boy toy of yours!”
Luhan recognizes his voice- he is the man who has caught Luhan from behind with a knife on his neck, the leader of this kidnapping scheme.
Luhan throws a murderous glare at him. “If you ever lay your hand on him, I’ll make sure you will not receive a single cent from my father.”
The man’s left eye twitches as he fumes with anger. “Are you challenging me? You think I won’t do it?”
“If you touch him, I’ll bite myself to death. If I die, you won’t be able to prove to my father that you had kidnapped his son. My father won’t believe you unless he sees me or hears my voice. Besides if I am dead, there’s no point for him to pay the ransom anyway. So, touch him and you can say goodbye to your money.”
The man grits his teeth, seeming to register the truth behind Luhan’s words. “What do you want, bastard?”
“Untie me. And get me a complete first aid kit.” The man narrows his eyes at him.
“He’s bleeding!” Luhan gestures to Sehun. “I won’t run. I won’t leave him alone.”
The man gives a long, thoughtful look at Luhan, then at Sehun, and back at Luhan again. “Yah, rascal!” The captor shouts at the door and a young man, Luhan assumes, not even in his twenties and appears to be as thin as a bamboo stick, enters. “Untie him and get him a first aid kit.”
“But boss…” The young man glances at Luhan and then back at his leader, hesitance clearly written on his face.
“Just do what I say.” The young man reluctantly obeys and moves quickly to untie Luhan. When Luhan is free, he cradles Sehun’s head onto his lap. The man throws a disgusted look at him before walking out of the room, slamming the door shut behind him.
It doesn’t take long when the door unlocks again and a loud thud fills the empty room. Luhan turns towards the source of the sound and sees a first aid kid lying on the floor near the door. Luhan notices the apprehensive look on the boy’s face before he leaves the room, once again shutting the steel door behind him. Luhan gently removes Sehun’s head from his lap and rushes towards the first aid kit to retrieve it. Luhan knows that his paramedic knowledge would eventually come of use despite he would never be able to become a paramedic.
“Sehun, this will hurt a little.” He pours the small bottle of distilled water over Sehun’s wound and Sehun groans in pain. He searches the kit and finds nothing that can be used to sew Sehun’s wound, so Luhan is left with no choice but to bandage his wound, hoping that it will not get infected and stop bleeding on its own.
“You’ll be alright, Sehun. You’ll be alright.” He mumbles to himself as he works to bandage the younger.
**
“Lu... Luhan…” Luhan immediately snaps out of his reverie and quickly attends to Sehun, who is lying on the floor next to him when he hears Sehun calling for him.
“Sehun?” Luhan is washed with relief seeing Sehun regains consciousness. “Thank God you are awake.” Sehun tries to rise from his position but Luhan stops him. “Stay put. You are just going to aggravate the wound by moving.”
“Where…where…. are we?”
“I don’t know, Sehun. I don’t know.”
Sehun winces as he places a hand on the site of his injury. Luhan grimaces, thinking that the cut must have been deeper than it looks.
“I am so sorry, Sehun. It’s all my fault.”
Sehun winces as his injury create a stinging pain every time he exerts effort to speak louder. “It…it’s okay….not your fault.”
“I promise I’ll get us out of here, I promise.” Luhan gives a firm squeeze on Sehun’s hand to convince the latter but he doesn’t seem to need reassurance as his lips curl into a small, blissful smile. Luhan catches him muttering an ‘okay’ before he falls asleep again.
**
“Say cheese.” A striking burst of light flashes before Luhan and Sehun’s eyes. Temporarily blinded by the flash, Luhan blinks a few times before he is able to see anything clearly. And when he does, he sees his captor grins.
It takes all of Luhan’s might not to lunge at the man and choke him to death. Instead, Luhan settles for a deadly glare. “When are you going to let us go?”
“I will let you go when your father pays,” The captor gestures to Sehun, who is sleeping on Luhan’s lap, “for both of you.” He looks at the polaroid that he had just taken. “Hmm, I really wonder what the great Mr. Lu would say when he knows his precious youngest son is actually a faggot.”
Anger consumes Luhan. “You better watch your mouth!”
The captor throws a dirty glance at Sehun, then at Luhan. “You two are just fucking disgusting.” He walks off and shuts the door again, for the third time in a night.
Luhan grips his fist tight, trying his best to contain his anger. Sehun slowly reaches for Luhan’s finger and as he laces their fingers together, he catches Luhan’s attention and he looks at the older with the gentlest expression he can manage. Luhan’s anger dissipates almost immediately.
“Luhan?”
“Yes?”
“Can… can I know why you let go?”
“I…”
“Before…we went…separate ways, I could see that you want to….” Sehun grimaces. “… hold on to our relationship…and I thought we would…” Sehun catches his breath as he tries to endure the pain from his abdomen. “Why?”
“My father threatened that he will make sure you won’t be able to study in the academy if I choose to be with you.” Luhan pauses as he strokes Sehun’s hair. Sehun doesn’t miss the remorseful look painted on his face. “I know it sounds ridiculous to you but he is capable of doing that. I’m not going to let him destroy your dream because of me. I know how important dancing is to you.”
“But Luhan…” Sehun reaches to caress Luhan’s cheek as Luhan traces random circles on the younger’s other hand. “You are my dream.” Luhan blinks once before his eyes turn huge. Sehun smiles at how Luhan looks like a deer in headlights right now.
“Chanyeol hyung told me that…. dream is doing something you love…. I love dancing, so I want to be a dancer…” He pauses, and wipes the tears from Luhan’s eyes. “… but when I met you, I realize I never want to be a dancer….. at least,…not as much as I want to hold your hand or …. how I want to kiss you every time you look at me.”
Luhan unconsciously tightens his hold on Sehun and the latter takes it as a sign to continue. “It doesn’t matter if I can’t dance…. I don’t care, Luhan, as long as you are with me. I love you, Luhan.”
Luhan swears his heart breaks a little more when he hears Sehun’s confession. He places a soft kiss on the younger’s forehead as he whispers, “Me too, Sehun. I love you too.”
Part IV
Luhan wakes up to the sound of soft groans. His first instinct is to check on Sehun. “Sehun?” Luhan pats gently at the younger who is already sweating profusely and slightly shivering. When the younger doesn’t respond to his call, he touches his forehead and turns anxious, realizing that Sehun is burning. Shit, his wound must have been infected. They have to get out of here immediately. Sehun needs a doctor’s attention as soon as possible.
Luhan leans Sehun against the wall as he anxiously searches the room for any other possible escape routes. As he nears the window, he hears them having a discussion of their own.
“We’ll be back in 10 minutes. You better make sure they don’t escape.”
“Don’t worry, boss. I got this.”
The leader left with his young lackey, leaving only a burly-looking man, whom Luhan recognizes as the one who had stabbed Sehun on the stomach. The man lets out a loud yawn, before sitting back at an old stool and takes a gulp from his bottle of beer.
It is now or never, Luhan realizes if they ever want to escape from the clutches of these men.
“HEY! HEY!” Luhan yells as loud as he can to catch the man’s attention. When it doesn’t work, he tries again. “HEY! HEY!”
Clearly agitated by Luhan’s antics, he hurls his bottle onto the floor. “WHAT DO YOU WANT?”
“I NEED TO PEE!”
“PEE INSIDE THERE!’
“NO, I CAN’T PEE WHEN SEHUN’S WATCHING. I NEED TO GO!”
“SHUT UP!”
“IF I CAN’T PEE, I MIGHT DIE FROM KIDNEY STONES! HEY, OPEN UP! I NEED TO PEE! HEY!”
“WHY CAN’T YOU JUST SHUT UP, YOU BASTARD?!” Luhan’s pestering has actually worked as the man angrily marches towards the room. Luhan holds his breath, ready to strike, as he waits for the door unlocks from the other side.
“I AM GOING TO END YOU… ARGH!” When the man enters, Luhan knees him hard at his crotch. The man yelps in pain as he falls to the ground. Before the man can recover from his previous attack, Luhan kicks him again but unfortunately the man catches hold of Luhan’s leg and tugs his leg, causing Luhan to collapse next to him. Both of them struggle and the man is gaining the upper hand; Luhan isn’t going to give up, not when Sehun needs him the most.
“You bastard! Since you want to die earlier, I’ll do the honor and grant your wish!” He grabs Luhan by the collar and throws him outside the house. He grabs the gun from the table nearby and points it at Luhan, who stares back in horror. When the man is about to fire, a loud breaking sound reverberates and blood begins to trickle down the man’s face. He blinks once before he collapses on the floor. Behind him is Sehun, who stills in his spot, his right hand holding a half-broken glass bottle as he stares absently at the fallen man.
Luhan regains his senses and wraps his arms around Sehun. “Let’s go.”
**
It feels like they’ve run forever before Sehun eventually passes out.
“Sehun!” Amidst the panic, Luhan notices a fresh red spot spreading over his already stained bandage.
“Sehun, please, please. Stay with me, Sehun, please.” Luhan pats both of Sehun’s cheeks but he just doesn’t respond. Luhan sweeps through their surrounding; they are currently stuck somewhere in a huge meadow that he has no idea of. Luhan is trembling as anxiety and fear of getting captured again starting to get the best of him. They need to get to somewhere, anywhere, before the men return and realize that they are gone. But where can he take Sehun?
At this critical moment, Luhan catches a glimpse of billowing smoke a short distance away. Thinking perhaps there is hope, after all, Luhan carries Sehun on his back and rushes towards the source of the smoke as fast as his legs can take both him and Sehun.
**
The smoke comes from the burning where a man and an older woman are burning dead leaves near their small cottage. “Help… help us.” Luhan yells. His shout catches the attention of the pair and their eyes widen in shock when they sees Sehun unconscious on Luhan’s back. “Get him inside.” The old woman tells Luhan and gestures at the younger man to help Luhan to get Sehun inside. The old woman gasps when she sees the stain on Sehun’s bandage.
She shouts for her son to get warm water and a list of herbs that Luhan has no idea about as well as a pair of needle and thread. She gently unravels Sehun’s bandage. Unfortunately, the bandage is already stuck to the wound, causing Sehun to whimper aloud when she tries to remove it from Sehun’s skin. Trying his best to comfort Sehun through this painful process, Luhan strokes Sehun’s hair and intertwines their fingers together with his other hand. The old woman steals a quick glance at their interlaced fingers but says nothing as she proceeds to clean Sehun’s wound, dipping the wet towel around the cut as lightly as possible. As if she has done this many times before, she skillfully threads the needle and stitches Sehun’s wound. This time, Sehun lets out a loud and pitiful groan and Luhan kisses Sehun’s forehead, whispering comfort words to him. With every pierce Sehun grips onto Luhan so hard that it actually hurts Luhan but never once Luhan tries to let go. Instead, he holds on even tighter.
When she is done, Sehun’s hold on Luhan’s hand loosens as he falls back into unconsciousness. The old woman gives Luhan a light squeeze on the shoulder. “ …he will be okay.” Her accent is difficult to comprehend but Luhan manages to catch most part of it.
“Thank you.” She then sits in front of Luhan, cleans the scratches and applies a type of traditional self-made cream on the bruises and scratches on his face and limbs.
“…why you hurt so bad?”
Luhan tries his best to explain their current situation and the old lady’s eyes can’t get any bigger as she listens to his story, occasionally expressing her disbelief on how anyone can do this to them.
When she has finished applying the ointment on Luhan, she pats lightly on Luhan’s hand. “Rest ….. bring you to police station.”
“Thank you so much. I don’t know what will happen to us if I hadn’t met you.” A small smile graces her features as she shakes her head and leaves the cottage, most probably to dispose the old bandages and cottons she has used on them.
Luhan hears low whispers from the old lady and her son outside the cottage, assuming that the old lady is recounting his story to her son. Luhan knows he shouldn’t trust strangers easily but he does not have many options. For now, Sehun is doing fine. All Luhan can do now is to pray that those kidnappers will not be able to find them here.
Feeling extremely exhausted, Luhan lays next to Sehun. Sleep takes over him the moment he shuts his eyes.
**
Luhan has no idea how long he has been asleep but he is soon stirred awake by persistent nudges. When he opens his eyes, he is greeted by the old lady’s anxious face.
“They are here looking for you. You have to go now.”
Luhan can hardly feel lethargic, not when adrenaline courses through his veins. The old lady’s son comes into the cottage and helps Luhan to lift Sehun, who is barely awake, to the back of his lorry.
As the man gets to his wheel, the old lady hands two bottles of water and a bag of bread to Luhan. “Eat this if you are hungry on the way.”
“Thank you so much.” Luhan holds tightly onto the old lady’s hand as he feels nothing but enormous gratitude towards this old lady, who showers him with utmost kindness despite she hardly knows him.
“Be careful.”
As the lorry embarks on its journey, Luhan waves goodbye to the old lady until she disappears into the dark night.
**
It is dark save from the light illuminated from the car’s headlights. The moon is hardly visible in the skies, hidden behind the black clouds. The cold wind blows past him and Luhan holds onto Sehun a little closer.
“Lu..Luhan?”
“Yes?”
“Nothing…. I just… just… want to call… your name.”
Luhan kisses the crown. “傻瓜” (“Fool”)
“I…know that. You call… me pabo.”
“Yes, I did, pabo-ya.”
Sehun looks up at Luhan, voice clear albeit raspy. “我是你的傻瓜” (“I am your fool”).
Luhan is certainly impressed that Sehun can speak Mandarin with almost native-like accuracy. He remembered teaching Sehun certain Chinese phrases, and despite Sehun is a fast learner, he was far from his level now.
“After you left… I uh…” Sehun grimaces when the truck hits a bump. Luhan gives his hand a light squeeze and kisses his forehead as his heart aches with every whimper Sehun makes. “… I went for Chinese lessons….. I knew ….. it was pointless because you weren’t there and there was no one that I can converse in Chinese with….” Sehun grips on Luhan’s arm with his other hand, trying to be closer to Luhan. Luhan gently pulls him even closer. “… I still wanted to learn…. I wanted to learn…your language… your culture… something that reminds me of …you.”
Luhan gulps, trying his best to restrain from tearing up, thinking of how he really, really doesn’t deserve Sehun.
“I even graduated with a distinction.” Sehun makes a mental note to show Luhan his certificate, if, they ever make it out alive.
Luhan laughs but Sehun sees the tears glistening in his eyes. He touches Luhan’s cheek and Luhan grips on Sehun’s hand before planting a deep kiss on his lips. “I am so proud of you; so, so proud of you.”
**
They reach a village at the break of dawn. The lorry pulls over at the entrance of the village where another lorry is parked at a spot next to the vehicle that they are on.
The old lady’s son unlocks the tailgate, helping Luhan and Sehun to get down from the vehicle. A young man in his mid-thirties comes down from the other lorry and approaches them.
“This is Jia Heng.” The old lady’s son speaks to them for the first time when they are finally on the ground. His accent isn’t as thick as his mother’s, so Luhan can understand him without much difficulty. “He delivers goods to the town a few miles away every two days. He’s supposed to leave tomorrow morning but I’ve asked for his help. He’ll take both of you to the nearest police station so you can call home and ask someone to get you.”
Luhan and Sehun nod.
“Thank you so much.”
“We are Chinese people. Chinese people should help each other.”
They hop onto the passenger seat next to Jia Heng and in no time, they are on the highway to somewhere that Luhan himself has no idea of. It doesn’t take long before Sehun falls asleep on Luhan’s shoulder, clearly exhausted by the traveling and his injury which has made him even weaker. Luhan laces his fingers around Sehun, and looking at Sehun who is peacefully asleep, he knows they are going to be okay.
Part V
The sun has risen from the horizon when Luhan spots the sight of a signboard that says ‘Fuying’ which is two kilometers away. Luhan realizes that they are in the secluded part of China seeing how he has never heard the town’s name in his entire life. Jia Heng drives into a small dirt road which seems to Luhan like an endless road surrounded by thick trees on both sides when he sees the mentioned town.
Jia Heng pulls over at the familiar white painted building and rushes to assist Luhan to lift Sehun down from the lorry.
Upon entering the hospital, needless to say, the doctors and nurses are shocked to see Sehun’s state and immediately whisk him into their small operation room in the hospital. After thanking Jia Heng for his kindness, Luhan is left alone to wait for Sehun’s operation to end. It doesn’t take long for the police officers to arrive at the hospital and Luhan let them question him about everything that had happened. After taking down his recount and making a few calls to the headquarters, a police officer informs that they would need to wait for at least three hours before the officers from the headquarters would come over and bring them home.
Luhan nods silently and excuses himself when he sees the doctor and nurses exit the wardroom that Sehun is in.
“How’s my friend?”
The doctor offers a fatherly smile. “He is weak, but he will survive.”
“Can I see him?”
“Of course.”
“Thank you.”
The sight of Sehun sleeping on the hospital bed with an IV needle inserted into his vein somehow provides a sense of relief to Luhan before guilt creeps in with the realization that he is the main reason why Sehun is injured at the first place. He slowly settles on the seat next to Sehun and like second nature, he laces their fingers together and holds the younger’s hand close to his lips. He quietly waits for the younger to wake up before the long suppressed exhaustion finally overthrows him as he slumps to unconsciousness next to Sehun.
**
Being a light sleeper, Luhan’s ears picks up the sound of hushed whispers and footsteps. His fight or flight response jolts him awake as he searches around for the sight of danger, only to be met with the faces of Yifan, his brother, Chanyeol and another man whom Luhan cannot recognize.
“Sehun!” The other man and Chanyeol hover over Sehun as the latter still lies unconscious. Luhan watches helplessly as the paramedics move Sehun onto the stretcher and transports him out from the room. He is hardly aware of being in his brother’s embrace or hears his older sibling tells him, “Thank God you are okay. We were worried sick. Mama fainted when she heard you were kidnapped.”
Chanyeol catches Luhan’s gaze before leaving the room with the rest of the paramedics and as they make eye contact, Chanyeol sends him a reassuring smile, one that says ‘he will take care of Sehun’.
When the room becomes silent after the commotion before, Luhan thinks how it will always be this way: his body and soul long to be with Sehun but he is caged within his brother’s arms, just like how he will always be on the cross road between Sehun and his family.
Part VI
Sehun’s eyelids slowly flutter open, and he is greeted by the sight of blank, white ceiling. It takes him a second or two to register the fact that he is in a hospital before the strong smell of antiseptic gives it away. His body aches all over especially his stomach and his left arm, in which at a glance, is injected by an IV needle.
“Sehun?” Chanyeol hovers over.
“Chanyeol …Chanyeol hyung…” His voice is a low, raspy whisper and gosh, his throat is parched. “Water…”
Chanyeol immediately pours a cup of plain water for him and not forgetting to put a straw in it. Sehun sips from the straw as if his life depends on it.
“How are you feeling?” Chanyeol asks, his voice tight, as he places the cup away. Feeling more refreshed, his mind sorts out everything that had happened before he ends up lying on this bed in this hospital- the bidding event, the stab, the night ride, Luhan… Luhan!
“Luhan…” Sehun croaks weakly. His hand grabs onto the hem of Chanyeol’s sleeve. The latter holds his cousin’s hand and gives a light pat in an attempt to calm him down. “Luhan’s fine. He was over exhausted and suffered a few bruises when he was admitted to the hospital but he is fine now. He just got out of the hospital two days ago.”
His grip on Chanyeol’s sleeve loosens and Chanyeol takes this opportunity to take his cousin’s hand in his.
“Uncle and Aunt are here. And Tae Hun and Young Ji and also Ha Young.”
“They… are here…?”
Chanyeol smiles apologetically. “You were missing for 2 days, Sehun. I had to inform them.” He knows Sehun was never one to like to worry his family but as the older cousin, Chanyeol is responsible for Sehun’s safety, which in this case, he fails.
Sehun’s eyelids feel heavy. Before he succumbs into unconsciousness once more, he hears his cousin’s baritone voice muttering ‘Thank God you are alive, Sehun. Praise to the heavenly above.’
**
When Sehun wakes up, he no longer sees the blank white ceiling. Instead, he is back in a dark room that is only illuminated by the white light from the side of his bed, and he sees Luhan sitting next to him, smiling his favorite smile of his.
“Luhan.” After a long, deep sleep, Sehun gains more strength to be able to speak.
“Sehun-ah…” Luhan kisses his hand. “How are you feeling?”
“Luhan, are you okay?” Luhan nods, a small, fond smile gracing his handsome face. “I’m fine. How about you? Does it still hurt very much?” Luhan carefully trails his fingers on Sehun’s stomach, his touch as light as a feather, afraid of hurting him.
Sehun tries to move but his attempt causes a stinging pain from his stomach and he grimaces. “Not so…much…anymore.”
Luhan reaches out to caress Sehun’s cheek, his expression filled with adoration. Sehun gives a tug on their intertwined hands. Knowing his lover well, Luhan knows Sehun is gesturing him to come closer towards him. Luhan chuckles as he indulges in his boyfriend’s desire.
Dissatisfied at their distance, Sehun pouts. “Closer.” Luhan grins and hovers ever so carefully over Sehun until they can feel their breath on each other. When they are close enough, Sehun mischievously places a light kiss on Luhan’s lips.
“坏蛋” (“Bad person”). Luhan pinches his nose playfully and Sehun chuckles in response. “我是你的坏蛋” (“I am your bad person”.) They grin at each other for a moment before Luhan tilts Sehun’s chin and kisses him long and deep.
His Sehun.
Sehun, who is safe and sound in his arms now, only belongs to him and only him.
The thought makes Luhan’s blood races. He deepens the kiss, eliciting moans of pleasure from Sehun. Luhan doesn’t have to end the kiss but he has to. The front of his jeans is starting to get a little too tight. He is definitely not going to do this here, in a hospital, not with Sehun who is heavily injured and going home with a long, raging boner is certainly is not an option.
With much reluctance, Luhan pulls away. Sehun whimpers at the loss of contact, and Luhan giggles because it reminds him so much of a lost puppy.
“Sehun-ah, I cannot go home with a boner.”
“Or we can do it here…” Sehun looks at him with a playful glint in his eyes as he trails his finger across the buttons on Luhan’s shirt. The latter catches hold of his hand before he manages to move further down. “Oh Sehun.” Luhan chides but there is hardly any bite in his words.
“I am serious.” Sehun puts up an innocent expression, in which Luhan rolls his eyes at. Some things like Sehun’s shameless proposition at the worst timing do not change.
Luhan pinches Sehun’s nose playfully. “It’s late and you need to rest more. I need to leave soon. Zhou Mi is waiting for me.”
Sehun’s expression pales immediately and Luhan doesn’t miss the change in his facial expression. “You will come back tomorrow, right?” Luhan can tell that he is afraid that he is going to leave him from the way Sehun grips his hand a little tighter than before. He isn’t angry at Sehun for the lack of his trust in him and he has no right to, for he is the one who has broken his promise towards his boyfriend.
“I will.” Sehun stares into Luhan’s eyes, and it kills Luhan to see the fear of losing him in his gaze. “I promise.” He says with resoluteness, hoping that Sehun will trust him this once that he is not going anywhere, not without him.
They stare into each other’s eyes for a long time as Sehun seeks for elements of deceit in Luhan’s eyes and Luhan reassuring him with his firm gaze and gentle smile. It takes a while before Sehun slowly releases his hold on Luhan’s hand.
“Okay.” Sehun says with a shy smile. Luhan grins and coos internally at how Sehun looking like a four-year-old instead of a twenty-two year old adult.
Luhan plants a short, sweet kiss on the younger’s lips. “I’ll leave when you are asleep.”
“Then, can I sleep a little later? Since you said that you’ll leave after I sleep.” Sehun jokes.
“No.” Luhan tries to be firm but he knows his effort is futile. When it comes to Sehun, he is nothing but a big, soft marshmallow that gives in to Sehun’s whims and fancy.
“Please, Luhan.” Sehun’s adorable pout and whine are a lethal combination, and Luhan immediately surrenders, as he lets out an exasperated sigh but the fond smile on his face says otherwise.
It doesn’t take long for the morphine to take effect as Sehun falls asleep in a blink of an eye. As Luhan watches the younger sleep, his mind conjures the memories where Sehun had collapsed before him, the terrible red spot spreading across Sehun’s shirt, and how Sehun had writhed in pain as the old woman stitched his wound. Luhan shakes his head as if trying to shake off those horrible images from his mind. But he knows perfectly well that it will never work, not when the dreadful feeling of losing a loved one will forever haunt him.
Luhan gently caresses Sehun’s cheek and as he feels the pulse on Sehun’s neck beneath his finger, he vows to keep Sehun safe, even if it means to sacrifice everything that he has, including himself.
“Good night Sehun.”
Author’s Note: First of all, I want to thank the Selubration mods for answering all my queries and also allowing my late fic submission. It’s been an honor to be able to participate in this fest. To my dear readers, I would like to apologize if the fic doesn’t make much sense to you (or how it is related to the song prompt) as it is supposed to be part of a novella that unfortunately, I am unable to finish on time. Consider this as a teaser for my upcoming work which I will be uploading on my Ao3 (links will also be posted on my LJ account) after the reveals. Thank you so much for reading! Comments are greatly appreciated!
Extra note: The English equivalent of”傻瓜” and”坏蛋” might sound harsh but they don’t necessarily carry negative connotations as they can be also used as a playful term of address. I am speaking from the perspective of my social circles as it is considered normal to use them with people whom we are close with and I often use these terms to address my friends.