#215: When Fate Plays A Joke
From: seabreezeatdawn
Title: When Fate Plays A Joke
Rating: G
Word Count: 6,200
Summary: (Regency-ish AU) Luhan, Marquis of Hetral, gives up Sehun for a filial obligation, but Lady Fate has other ideas.
Warning/s: Suho x Lay as side-pairing
It's obvious you're meant for me
Every piece of you, it just fits perfectly
Every second, every thought, I'm in so deep
But I'll never show it on my face
- Little Mix feat. Jason Derulo, Secret Love Song
“Just because we will be apart does not mean that we will have to part,” Sehun said, clenching his fists to his sides. He did not understand why Luhan decided as he did. True, they were still too young to promise each other the rest of their lives, but Sehun had been confident of his feelings, even of Luhan’s. They had known each other since Luhan was seven and Sehun had toddled after Luhan. They grew up together, and what happened two years and ten later at University had been a long time coming. Sehun did not understand why Luhan thought it had to end. “You could write. I promise to seek you out when I graduate. I will not look for someone else-”
“Sehun.”
Sehun stared at Luhan. Luhan’s voice was firm. But his eyes were sad. Luhan had decided, and no one could change his mind. Sehun wanted to reach out and to beg. But his remaining sense of pride made him keep his hands on his sides. “At least tell me why.”
“I’m sorry.”
⚜⚜⚜
“You will find yourself married in a month.”
“A month,” Luhan said without emotion. He turned to his father, the Duke of Hetral, and asked, “Why, might I ask, was this decided without consultation?”
“We thought that since you have not decided on anyone yet -”
“That you make the decision for me?” Luhan asked in a low, quiet voice. He was careful not to raise his voice despite the bit of outrage he felt at the news. He had, in fact, known that he had been promised to marry. He had overheard his parents once, but never told them so. But knowing and expecting the arrangement did not equate to an easy acceptance. He had prepared himself for it, abandoned someone he held dear because of it. But he had hoped for a warning that was longer than a month’s countdown to the marriage ceremonies.
Luhan heard his father sigh.
The Duke of Hetral put away his spectacles and rubbed the bridge of his nose, as if harried by the decision to be truthful with his only child. “This marriage is by a contract made by your grandfather and a friend of his, the Baron of Urval.”
“On a whim?”
Luhan’s father sighed and ducked to pull out a drawer under his desk. He retrieved an envelope with the attorney’s seal on it and handed it to Luhan who accepted it suspiciously. Luhan unsealed the envelope and read the letter inside.
“In exchange for the Duke of Hetral’s generosity, I hereby promise my grandchild’s hand in marriage to the Duke of Hetral’s grandchild with a dowry of twelve thousand aurines. Signed Duke of Hetral and Baron of Urval.” Luhan frowned. “And this isn’t on a whim?”
“The Baron of Urval loaned money from Father to support his business. His father put his family in great debt and he had no choice. He did not believe he would be able to pay off his debt in his lifetime but he was confident his business would grow within the next two generations.”
“He could simply have promised the money and not involve two unwilling people.”
“But where is the benevolence in that?”
Luhan pulled a helpless sigh. He had loved his grandfather, who had been an inspiring figurehead to him. But he resented his grandfather now. How had the old man slept comfortably knowing that he had tied his only direct grandchild to an arranged marriage? Luhan frowned as a realization struck him. “Most of the Baron’s grandchildren are already married. The rest are not even five.”
At this, Luhan’s father smiled. “He has one that’s near your age. A grandson.”
Luhan blinked. He had not revealed his preferences to his parents, especially after knowing that he had already been promised. While having to wed another man was more favorable to him, it was not necessarily favorable to the family. “You would risk ending the line with this marriage?”
“The contract is binding. What else can we do but abide by it?”
“Release the poor boy. Just get his dowry.”
“The poor boy,” Luhan’s father started, “is in fact poor. His mother has had an unwanted marriage, an early pregnancy that caused her to be out of favor with her family and is now widowed. The boy has had to go to University with the aid benefactors. It is in our interest to help them as well.”
“Then you would have me end the line as a work of charity?”
“Luhan,” the Duke of Hetral said with a hint of impatience, “the line doesn’t have to end. You just honor this bargain and then sire heirs. Besides, when you find out who the boy is, you might realize that perhaps the arrangement suits you after all”
Luhan furrowed his brows. “Let me meet this boy and find out for myself.”
“That is against our wishes.”
Luhan’s eyes widened in disbelief. “Your wishes are granted but not mine?”
The Duke of Hetral walked around his desk and grasped Luhan’s shoulder. “Let us give you a surprise.”
⚜⚜⚜
Luhan did not offer any help for the wedding preparations, knowing full well that his mother would dismiss him immediately. He went through the fittings thoughtlessly, and let his mother pick the courses to be served at the wedding banquet. He knew he acted like an impertinent child, yet he could not help himself. He had given up so much for this, and allowed himself this bit of freedom, if only by a show of stubbornness, before he got married.
“I know why you’re like this,” Yixing started knowledgeably, “You’re thinking that if you were going to be allowed to marry another man couldn’t you just marry Sehun instead?”
Luhan glowered at Yixing over his glass of whiskey. Sehun would always be that one weak, bitter point. He still remembered how Sehun looked like he was going to fall apart that day when Luhan told Sehun they could not go on being together any more. He hated himself then, for hurting someone whom he promised he would never hurt. Even then, three years later, he hated that decision. He should have just run away with Sehun.
“Maybe this marriage would not be so terrible. Perhaps your husband will allow you a lover, then you can go to Sehun.”
Luhan downed a full glass of whiskey and grimaced. “He’ll never forgive me.” He could not even bear to forgive himself.
He woke up feeling like his head had been hit several times with a mallet for his wedding the next day. That was his own fault but he had needed to feel numb for this day. He let himself be dressed by his valet in a white coat that was supposedly tailored in a way that complimented his slight stature. With the headache hammering against his skull, he frowned as he walked to the Great Hall where the ceremonies were to take place. He did not entirely mind if his glower would chase the poor boy away from the wedding.
He stood in front of the makeshift altar feeling nothing, staring at the wall behind the chair on which the presiding abbot sat. He had not prepared a vow. He did not like the idea of lying in front of the abbot by promising to cherish his soon-to-be spouse. Perhaps, he hoped, they would do away with that particular tradition altogether; he doubted his husband had prepared a vow either.
When he heard the heavy doors open, he blinked but did not react. He was not interested in knowing who he was to wed. But he heard Yixing’s sharp and loud intake of breath and, puzzled, he turned to the door.
He felt immeasurably worse than nothing when he saw who was striding towards him, looking perfect in white and blue. He had the sudden urge for flight, especially seeing how Sehun’s face shuttered coldly at the sight of him. Sehun, obviously, had no idea that he was to marry Luhan.
Luhan tore his eyes away from Sehun and sought Yixing who sat on the front pew. Yixing mirrored Luhan’s disbelief. Next to him, Junmyeon, Yixing’s lover, smiled and nodded encouragingly at Luhan.
The abbot cleared his throat. “Shall we begin?”
“Yes, please,” was Sehun’s curt reply.
Throughout the rite, Luhan could not decide what he wanted more: for the wedding ceremony to end or for it to never end. He wanted to reach out and touch Sehun to make sure Sehun was real. But he also knew that he was not ready for a confrontation. He endured the rite with his body singing in tension, holding himselt together and trying to seem unaffected by Sehun who fared better than Luhan. Not once had Luhan seen Sehun glance at him. He knew because he was the one who kept throwing glimpses at Sehun.
Towards the end, mercifully, the abbot made them exchange “I do”s instead of asking them for their personal vows. But Luhan knew the worst had not yet passed.
“You may now kiss each other,” the abbot said, to Luhan’s dread.
Luhan tensed and turned to Sehun uncertainly. Sehun looked like he felt nothing but impatience over the ceremonies. He stooped down, took a fleeting kiss on Luhan’s lips and straightened up. Luhan barely felt the touch of their lips that he was sure Sehun went just close enough to make it appear that they had kissed. Their guests broke into an applause, happy for the newlyweds, completely opposite to what the newlyweds themselves felt.
The luncheon that followed was equally tortuous to Luhan, or perhaps worse. They went through the dance mechanically and then were led to a table on a dais, where everyone could see them. Anything they showed apart from smiles and affection would be the topic on the next ball.
“I did not know you had noble blood,” Luhan remarked in a low voice over his steak and third glass of wine. Sehun, who turned red at a sip of alcohol, had now turned bright carmine. Clearly, Luhan was not the only one desensitizing himself.
“I did not know until a month ago,” Sehun said in a detached manner. “I did not know you have been betrothed since birth.” He took a long gulp of wine. He was so red that Luhan began to worry. “You did know.”
“Sehun -”
But Sehun raised a hand and left the table, presumably to find the nearest bathroom. However, he did not come back the rest of the day, leaving Luhan to deal with well-wishes and inquiries from guests. It was an odd arrangement, indeed. Yes, it was a surprise. Was it a pleasant one? Perhaps. How would they get heirs? They haven’t discussed it yet. Luhan felt his inebriated brain swimming in the questions that he could not sincerely answer, and his equally intoxicated heart was not numb enough to stop squeezing every time he considered his reply.
After the guests left, he went up to his room and was informed that Lord Sehun had asked for a different set of rooms. Luhan had anticipated the like and was extremely grateful. They were both shocked to be seeing each other again after three years. They could not deal with each other tonight. The morning, Luhan hoped, would see them better.
But Sehun was gone in the morning with the excuse that he was off to see his mother who was to leave the duchy in the afternoon. It left Luhan wanting for company, so he requested for Yixing and Junmyeon who had spent the night in the manor. Yixing eyed Luhan warily as they ate, perhaps curious about the past night.
“Nothing happened,” Luhan almost snapped.
“That’s just as well. I don’t think you are ready to deal with each other,” Yixing said after taking a bite of sausage.
“Did you know that I would be marrying him?” Luhan asked suspiciously. Yixing shook his head. Luhan looked at Junmyeon, who, coming from a family of lawyers that Luhan’s and Yixing’s families trusted, more likely would have heard it from his father. “Did you?”
Junmyeon said, “No. I did know they were looking for the estranged daughter and her son but Father never told me who it was when they found her.”
Luhan took a deep, calming sip of coffee, shut his eyes and leaned back. Lady Gayeon, Sehun’s mother, had been Luhan’s governess. She brought her son to the manor as a student and playmate to Luhan. His own mother had always praised the young, widowed Mrs. Gayeon Oh for being a well-rounded governess. She knew a lot more than most governors and governesses; she knew music and arts and history and maths and etiquette. In hindsight, his family should have realized that the things she knew and how she carried herself were more than what the common-born would learn at finishing school.
The rest of what he knew of Sehun fit his father’s description of a poor boy who went to University with help from benefactors. His family had, in fact, helped Sehun get into University until Sehun told Luhan that he could not live on free things from Luhan. Sehun then looked for sponsors who would invest in someone smart and had ambition.
“Talk to him,” Yixing said.
Luhan huffed. “I doubt he would listen.”
“He does not have a choice. You are bound by marriage. You should at least be civil again,” Junmyeon said.
Luhan did attempt to talk to Sehun a few times, but Sehun always disappeared in the mornings for an errand or another. Even Luhan’s mother who wanted to show Sehun around the manor had become frustrated.
“Leave him a missive and ask him to have supper with us,” Luhan suggested. “He would not be able to decline the invitation.”
“Why do you not invite him? He is your husband.”
Luhan heaved a sigh. “I am afraid we parted in unfavorable terms.”
The Duchess of Hetral eyed Luhan quizzically, but Luhan chose not to respond.
Sehun did appear for supper the next day, giving Luhan a quick, disinterested glance as he entered the dining hall. He bowed courteously to the Duchess, who bade him to sit on the chair beside Luhan.
“Excuse His Grace. He is dealing with business in another estate,” Luhan’s mother said genially. “How have you been, Sehun?”
“Well, Your Grace,” Sehun replied politely. “Forgive me for not spending more time with you these past few days. I have just been visiting friends. But how have you been, Your Grace? It has been a while since we last saw each other.”
“Indeed,” the Duchess went. “I last saw you with Luhan at the University.”
At that, Luhan fidgeted. He did not know how Sehun would take the mention of their time together.
Sehun nodded and said, “Taking law studies is admittedly hardwork, Your Grace. Forgive me for not being able to keep in touch.”
“I believe you were so busy that you failed to be in touch with my son as well?”
Luhan went rigid, and he felt Sehun go tense beside him. “We have both been occupied, Mother. We were both at fault.” From the corner of his eyes, he saw Sehun purse his lips.
“When you were younger, you were inseparable,” the Duchess said. “That was one of the reasons we did not worry about the marriage. But it seems you have gotten distant over time.” She waved a hand and indicated the food that the servants had set in front of them. “No matter. You have the rest of your lives to reconnect.”
The Duchess steered the conversation throughout supper, inquiring after Sehun’s studies and Sehun’s mother, asking Sehun what he needed and if Sehun would like to look around the manor. She explained the tasks Sehun was expected to perform as part of the household, which, in the coming season, would be to appear in balls and functions with Luhan. He was also expected to share in Luhan’s burden of the family business. Every now and then, the Duchess would recall an anecdote from Luhan’s and Sehun’s shared childhood, making Luhan uncomfortable.
When it was time to say good night, Luhan had to jog up to be able to step alongside Sehun to their wing in the manor. “Sehun.” But Sehun ignored him, and strode on. “Sehun, please.” Still, Sehun paid no heed. “Sehun.”
At last, Sehun halted. He took a deep breath and turned to Luhan. “What?” he asked dispassionately.
“Let’s talk.”
“I thought you weren’t one for talking,” Sehun quipped.
Luhan flinched. This was not the Sehun he remembered, or at least this was not the way Sehun would have treated him three years back. But Sehun had been made sharp by his studies and, admittedly, by what Luhan had done. “Just hear me out.”
“Where were you when I was ready to hear you out?” Sehun said in a low, toneless voice.
Luhan stepped back and shut his eyes. “I’m sorry.”
“I know. I heard you the first time.”
⚜⚜⚜
After that night, Sehun no longer had the excuse to stay away from the manor. The Duchess had set him up for small tasks like directing inventories of family and household properties, and meeting the household staff. She forced Sehun to join her for tea with visitors whenever Luhan was too occupied with the winery to accompany her. In a way, the Duchess made Sehun fill up the role of a daughter-in-law and the would-be Duchess. Luhan pitied Sehun for it, but could not help being glad that it compelled Sehun to be within Luhan’s sight. They still only spoke during mealtimes, however, in words that were impersonal and necessary.
Luhan did not want to spend the rest of his life in a complicated, unhappy marriage with, in fact, the only person he had ever wanted to marry. He hoped to mend their relationship wherever it could still be mended, and hoped that the future would hold something better for them. He sent Sehun a request to have breakfast with him, with only him, and wished that Sehun would not find yet another reason to avoid Luhan.
Luhan was therefore surprised when Sehun showed up in his chambers early the next morning, looking neat and ready for the day. Luhan himself was shirtless, and had to drag himself off the bed. “I don’t normally take breakfast this early,” he said, as he signaled Sehun to occupy one of the armchairs near the hearth.
“You could have said so,” Sehun said, lounging comfortably on the couch. Luhan tried not to stare at the flattering way Sehun’s white shirt clung so tightly to Sehun’s chest.
Luhan rang the bell and asked for breakfast before entering his bathroom to wash himself. He pulled on a comfortable shirt before joining Sehun. “I’m surprised you are here.”
“Honestly? I am surprised myself,” Sehun replied.
Luhan studied Sehun, in a way that he had not allowed himself to in the past few days. The past three years had not been unkind to Sehun. His features were sharper and more mature than Luhan remembered. Sehun carried himself more confidently and elegantly now too; gone were the traces of the Sehun who would stand shyly behind Luhan or who would lower his head to avoid other people’s notice.
When Luhan lifted his gaze, he saw that Sehun had been watching him too. "How have you been?” Luhan asked. “Truthfully.”
He saw the slide of muscle along Sehun’s jaw as Sehun mulled over whether or not to respond. Finally, Sehun said, “I managed. I kept myself busy. You?”
“I spent the past three years dreading this wedding.”
Sehun took a long time before responding. His tone was icy when he said, “Perhaps you would not have spent it thus had you been more forthcoming with me.”
“What could we have done then if I had told you? Would we have eloped? Was I supposed to denounce my title and leave my parents behind? Or would you have offered to be a lover to me when I got married?”
Sehun’s gaze was fixed on Luhan when he said, “You know I would have done anything to be with you.”
“And it would have hurt you.”
“As if leaving me confused did not hurt me.”
Luhan shut his eyes. His heart felt the same pangs of pain that he felt when he left Sehun alone.
“I agreed to marry whoever I was supposed to marry without knowing who it would be. I could not find myself caring about it.” Sehun paused and Luhan heard him pull a deep breath. Sehun made a chuckle that was between amusement and disbelief. “I would not have believed Mama if she had told me who I was going to wed.”
A servant had come in to set their breakfast before Luhan could voice his response. It was somewhere along the lines of perhaps this was their second chance. But he held his tongue. It was selfish of him to ask for forgiveness and expect it immediately. “I know you’re angry -”
“Angry.”
Luhan continued, “And I know this marriage is taking a lot from you. You worked too hard to be a lawyer to be filling in the role of a future Duke’s spouse. I will take this up with Mother and Father.”
Sehun frowned, bit his lip and reached for his cup of coffee.
⚜⚜⚜
Being civil was the most they could manage, in Luhan’s opinion. He stayed away from Sehun in respect to Sehun’s feelings while Sehun pored over his law books in anticipation of upcoming law examinations. But, as Luhan’s mother had kindly reminded, the Countess of Nerial’s ball was approaching and it would be their first public appearance since the wedding. Luhan had long accepted the invitation, and therefore was compelled to bring Sehun with him.
The ride to the Nerial manor was quiet and awkward. Sehun lounged on the cushioned seat with a bored look on his face and a distant look in his eyes. Luhan took the opportunity to watch Sehun and appreciate the fine angles of Sehun’s face. When Sehun caught him, he found that he could not look away.
“We’re here,” Sehun pointed out.
“I realized,” Luhan said, buttoning his coat before alighting from the carriage. He waited for Sehun and rested a hand on the small of Sehun’s back. Sehun visibly tensed beside him. “We are married. This is expected. We must not let them find anything to talk about.”
“In the interest of your family’s good name?” Sehun asked.
Luhan pressed his lips and nodded. “For my family’s good name.”
“I don’t think they expect this to be a love match.”
“But I do not think they should know that we are not in good terms. If they found out, they would ask why. We would not want that to happen.”
“Why not?” Sehun’s voice was raised slightly.
“Why not?” Luhan asked, puzzled.
Sehun looked at him with knitted brows and then shook his head. “Never mind.”
They arrived during the middle of a dance and thus did not catch attention. When they stepped into the ballroom to join the rest of the guests, Luhan felt Sehun hesitate. “Why?” Luhan asked.
“This is the first time I’m attending a ball for the nobility,” Sehun said frankly.
Luhan blinked in surprise, and smiled. This was the Sehun he remembered from when they were younger. While not exactly insecure, Sehun lacked the ability to deal well with strangers. So did Luhan, but these nobles were people Luhan had known all his life. He wanted to take Sehun’s hand in his and squeeze it in reassurance and hold it through the night, but he doubted that it was what Sehun wanted. “You are a lawyer. You deal with judges, other lawyers and criminals. These are just people who happen to have titles.”
Sehun’s eyes panned towards Luhan but quickly shifted away. He took three deep, calming breaths and stepped confidently to join the people in the ballroom.
He introduced Sehun to some of the older nobility who did not attend the wedding, and reintroduced Sehun to friends whom Sehun had known either from their shared childhood or from University. He smiled, feeling inordinately proud, as the latter appraised the positive changes in Sehun.
Sehun drank minimally that night, leaving a quite becoming flush on his face. He dealt with people with courtesy that was not lacking, and he gained appreciating glances from lords and ladies alike. Yixing asked Sehun for a dance, leaving Luhan with his whiskey and with Junmyeon. They watched the set from their seats on the balcony that overlooked the ballroom, and saw how comfortable Sehun felt around Yixing. Sehun looked like he was enjoying himself, and was laughing for the first time since the wedding, his eyes crinkling into tiny crescents. Luhan drained his glass and asked a servant for another. While he did not resent Yixing for making Sehun smile (the two had known each other for as long as Sehun and Luhan had known each other), he resented himself for losing the right to win back that smile.
“You miss him,” Junmyeon pointed out.
Luhan thought his whiskey was taking a long time. “It doesn’t take a genius to see that,” Luhan quipped.
Junmyeon laughed. “He must miss you too. You were friends long before you got together. He must miss at least that.”
At that moment, the servant arrived with a bottle of whiskey that Luhan appreciated a lot. He filled his glass and drained it.
“Are you trying hard enough to earn his forgiveness? Does he even know you feel the same way even after three years?”
Luhan grimaced. Not quite. All he remembered doing was avoiding Sehun instead of getting Sehun’s attention. All he did was to think Sehun would never forgive him instead of actively deserving Sehun’s forgiveness. Luhan raised his glass of whiskey before tipping its contents into his mouth.
They rode home in silence that night. Luhan was too inebriated to start a conversation that Sehun was not willing to have. He headed straight to his rooms and hit bed in his ball attire.
⚜⚜⚜
He took Junmyeon’s advice to heart, in small ways that Sehun would not find too invasive. Sehun’s studies took most of his time, and Luhan made sure Sehun had every thing he needed - access to the library, food and tea or coffee all the time, he even ordered that Sehun’s valet ensured that Sehun got enough rest. What Sehun thought of those gestures or if Sehun even noticed, Luhan had no idea. Luhan was curious, but dared not ask. It was better that way; he was not even sure what he would answer if Sehun asked what his intentions were.
Luhan invited Sehun to breakfast on the day of the examinations. If he were right, Sehun would be much too nervous to take a bite of anything.
It turned out that Luhan was correct. Sehun simply sat across Luhan, his eyebrows furrowed as he pored over sheets of paper that seemed to be his notes.
“At least have some toast,” Luhan said. He picked up a piece of toast from Sehun’s plate and spread a large amount of jam that he knew Sehun liked and held it out to Sehun. Sehun stared at him, wide-eyed, but took the toast all the same. “You are going to do well,” Luhan said as he wiped his fingers with a napkin. “You’ve worked hard for this. Harder than anyone I know.”
Sehun sighed and muttered a thanks before nibbling on his toast and reading his notes. He barely spoke a word except when he mumbled laws to himself, and Luhan had to force Sehun to eat a few more slices of toast.
When it was time for Sehun to leave, Luhan got up and said, “I cannot see you off. I have some business to attend to. But if you like, I will see you in supper.” He sensed the anxiety in Sehun so he added, “You don’t have anything to worry about, Sehun. You will become a lawyer, like you’ve always wanted.”
While Luhan did not believe that Sehun would accept or even remember his invitation, he still asked supper to be prepared for two in his rooms. When Sehun entered his rooms, Luhan could not hide his relief. “How was it?”
“Bad,” Sehun said. He looked harrassed. His hair looked a mess, an indication that he had been pulling on it throughout the day. “It was terribly long. I answered all the questions but I’m sure I got a couple of them wrong.” He was shaking his head dismally as he settled on the armchair across Luhan.
Luhan couldn’t help himself. He chuckled in amusement. “You always say that, but you get good marks anyway.”
They established a routine that way, having breakfast and supper together whenever possible. They discussed little things about the family business, about Sehun’s studies, about Sehun’s newly discovered cousins, about small things from the past that did not touch on the relationship they had lost. Luhan, admittedly, was delighted by the change. They could be friends like this, if Sehun would allow it. Luhan would welcome whatever would play out in the future for them.
But as the days progressed, Luhan found himself wanting more. He liked the rare times he could make Sehun laugh, surprising Sehun and himself whenever he did. He liked that he still could coax a smile out of Sehun, and how it transformed Sehun’s normally emotionless countenance into something warm that crept inside Luhan’s chest. And many times, Luhan found himself starting to reach out for some form of contact only to retract his hand before he did something that could upset Sehun.
“I feel greedy,” Luhan confessed over whiskey with Yixing or rather he drank and Yixing listened. “I don’t know if I deserve his forgiveness.”
Yixing shrugged. “You did leave him alone when you knew very well how devoted he was to you. And why? Because you were afraid of the future.”
“I hate you,” he told Yixing dispassionately.
“Because I tell the truth.”
Luhan drank more than he could handle that night. He stumbled towards the wing he shared with Sehun and decided that he did not want to spend the night in his own rooms. He entered Sehun’s chambers and sat on the chair on Sehun’s bedside. Sehun slept on his side, and was shirtless so that Luhan had a good view of his well-toned back. Luhan pulled off his coat, kicked off his shoes, and laid on the bed, facing Sehun’s back.
The small portion of his brain that was not affected by alcohol gave him some warning that he should not be doing this, but he wanted it so much. He craved the physical contact with Sehun that he could practically feel the prickle in his skin. He ran his fingers up and down Sehun’s back and finally let his hand rest on Sehun’s waist. He curled up closer so that his lips almost touched Sehun’s nape.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I’m sorry. I miss you. I thought I was saving you from pain but I realized I was just being a coward. I’m sorry.” There was no response, and that was a relief. He closed his eyes and sank to sleep.
It took Luhan a full minute to realize where he was when he woke up the next day, but it took much shorter for him to realize that the space beside him was empty. He shut his eyes in pain from both the alcohol and Sehun’s absence. Holding his head, he sat on the edge of the bed, his feet touching the carpet. He rested his elbows on his knees and buried his face in his hands.
“You really should stop drinking too much. You didn’t use to.”
Luhan raised his head so quickly that for a few seconds he thought he was going to start emptying his gut on the floor. He squinted and saw Sehun, already dressed for the day, standing on the doorway, leaning his side against the doorframe with arms crossed over his chest.
“Or is it part of your atonement?” Sehun asked.
Luhan winced at the sharpness of Sehun’s words. They stared at each other for a long time, Sehun’s eyes challenging Luhan to say something.
“I don’t know which suits you better: a coward or an idiot,” Sehun continued.
Luhan frowned. “You heard me.”
“You weren’t exactly being gentle. You woke me up.”
“Yet you did not turn me away.”
“The fault is all mine. Despite my anger, I find,” Sehun said slowly, “that I cannot turn you away. Never in my life have I been able to no matter how hard I tried.”
Luhan took his time to register the words. When the full meaning dawned on him, he thought that he could not breathe.
“Make no mistake, I am quite mad at you. You left me and made me feel the worst of myself. I thought you left me because you simply did not love me any more, and couldn’t just tell me outright. I believed that for years. I kept asking myself what happened, why I lost you. And then when I saw you in front of the altar and understood what you had done, I felt mad because you did not trust me enough to tell me and that you did not believe I would stay.”
“I thought you would try to stay, but you would hurt too much and give up -”
“When I confessed to you, I knew what I was getting into. I was a commoner. You were the sole heir to a dukedom. You would have to continue your line. I knew that all along. I feared it, I knew I would hurt. But I would have stayed. I’d have preferred seeing you spend a few nights on someone else’s bed but come back to me after, than not seeing you at all.”
Luhan looked at the floor for a long time before asking, “What can I do to be forgiven?”
Sehun shrugged. “I don’t know. Perhaps give me my own law firm to compete with Junmyeon’s family. Take me up as your own lawyer -”
“Have you gotten the results?”
“No, but I thought you said you have no doubt I would pass.”
And Luhan was fascinated by the amused twinkle in Sehun’s eyes.
After a moment’s pause, Sehun pulled a deep breath and said, “Forgiveness would come eventually. But you would have to earn it.”
“How?”
“Perhaps if you spoiled me a bit more.”
“You noticed,” Luhan mumbled.
“Of course I noticed the little things you did, Luhan. You have not really changed. Anyway, we have no choice but to reconcile. We’re spending the rest of our lives together. In fact, I am looking forward to ways to make you earn forgiveness. I am going to make a list, and I will make it challenging.”
Luhan raised a brow. “What is on the list, so far?”
“Apart from that law firm? A kiss,” When Luhan merely laughed, Sehun added, “I’m quite serious.”
Willing his headache away, Luhan got to his feet and joined Sehun in the doorway. “Not right now, though,” Sehun said, his lips curled up at one corner. “I imagine you taste like whiskey. I’d probably turn red the moment you kiss me.”
“Because of the alcohol? Not because you’d be blushing?” Luhan asked. Sehun playfully jabbed his shoulder. But Luhan grabbed Sehun’s hand and brought Sehun’s palm to his lips.
“I was so relieved when I saw you at the altar,” Sehun admitted as he stared at Luhan rested their hands on his cheek. Sehun’s thumb started tracing circles on Luhan’s cheek. “I was relieved to know that you did not leave me for lack of affection. I was relieved to find that you have not yet married. You have always been an intolerable weakness, you know that.”
“I did not really believe so when I saw you then. I thought I was simply intolerable for you.”
Sehun smiled weakly and shook his head. “I tried so hard to appear angry all the time and to not care but when you - when you take care of me, it reminds me of what you’re really like and why even after three years I could not see anyone else. I think... fate has a sense of humor for setting us up like this. We probably would never have thought of marrying each other otherwise.”
Luhan tilted his head and considered this as he looked into Sehun’s eyes. “I would have.”
“Not me. I always thought that you would end up marrying a noblewoman, and I’d be in the sidelines.”
“You never told me.”
“Because it would frustrate you. It frustrates you, see? I don’t like sharing but if it meant I could keep you, I don’t mind. Even now that we’re married, you are still expected to sire heirs.”
“I don’t need heirs.”
“Don’t be silly,” Sehun scolded. “Of course you do.”
“But, Sehun -”
“It will be all right. I will be all right.”
End.
Author’s Note: It’s quite a roundabout interpretation of the prompt. But I hope you like it anyway.
Title: When Fate Plays A Joke
Rating: G
Word Count: 6,200
Summary: (Regency-ish AU) Luhan, Marquis of Hetral, gives up Sehun for a filial obligation, but Lady Fate has other ideas.
Warning/s: Suho x Lay as side-pairing
It's obvious you're meant for me
Every piece of you, it just fits perfectly
Every second, every thought, I'm in so deep
But I'll never show it on my face
- Little Mix feat. Jason Derulo, Secret Love Song
“Just because we will be apart does not mean that we will have to part,” Sehun said, clenching his fists to his sides. He did not understand why Luhan decided as he did. True, they were still too young to promise each other the rest of their lives, but Sehun had been confident of his feelings, even of Luhan’s. They had known each other since Luhan was seven and Sehun had toddled after Luhan. They grew up together, and what happened two years and ten later at University had been a long time coming. Sehun did not understand why Luhan thought it had to end. “You could write. I promise to seek you out when I graduate. I will not look for someone else-”
“Sehun.”
Sehun stared at Luhan. Luhan’s voice was firm. But his eyes were sad. Luhan had decided, and no one could change his mind. Sehun wanted to reach out and to beg. But his remaining sense of pride made him keep his hands on his sides. “At least tell me why.”
“I’m sorry.”
⚜⚜⚜
“You will find yourself married in a month.”
“A month,” Luhan said without emotion. He turned to his father, the Duke of Hetral, and asked, “Why, might I ask, was this decided without consultation?”
“We thought that since you have not decided on anyone yet -”
“That you make the decision for me?” Luhan asked in a low, quiet voice. He was careful not to raise his voice despite the bit of outrage he felt at the news. He had, in fact, known that he had been promised to marry. He had overheard his parents once, but never told them so. But knowing and expecting the arrangement did not equate to an easy acceptance. He had prepared himself for it, abandoned someone he held dear because of it. But he had hoped for a warning that was longer than a month’s countdown to the marriage ceremonies.
Luhan heard his father sigh.
The Duke of Hetral put away his spectacles and rubbed the bridge of his nose, as if harried by the decision to be truthful with his only child. “This marriage is by a contract made by your grandfather and a friend of his, the Baron of Urval.”
“On a whim?”
Luhan’s father sighed and ducked to pull out a drawer under his desk. He retrieved an envelope with the attorney’s seal on it and handed it to Luhan who accepted it suspiciously. Luhan unsealed the envelope and read the letter inside.
“In exchange for the Duke of Hetral’s generosity, I hereby promise my grandchild’s hand in marriage to the Duke of Hetral’s grandchild with a dowry of twelve thousand aurines. Signed Duke of Hetral and Baron of Urval.” Luhan frowned. “And this isn’t on a whim?”
“The Baron of Urval loaned money from Father to support his business. His father put his family in great debt and he had no choice. He did not believe he would be able to pay off his debt in his lifetime but he was confident his business would grow within the next two generations.”
“He could simply have promised the money and not involve two unwilling people.”
“But where is the benevolence in that?”
Luhan pulled a helpless sigh. He had loved his grandfather, who had been an inspiring figurehead to him. But he resented his grandfather now. How had the old man slept comfortably knowing that he had tied his only direct grandchild to an arranged marriage? Luhan frowned as a realization struck him. “Most of the Baron’s grandchildren are already married. The rest are not even five.”
At this, Luhan’s father smiled. “He has one that’s near your age. A grandson.”
Luhan blinked. He had not revealed his preferences to his parents, especially after knowing that he had already been promised. While having to wed another man was more favorable to him, it was not necessarily favorable to the family. “You would risk ending the line with this marriage?”
“The contract is binding. What else can we do but abide by it?”
“Release the poor boy. Just get his dowry.”
“The poor boy,” Luhan’s father started, “is in fact poor. His mother has had an unwanted marriage, an early pregnancy that caused her to be out of favor with her family and is now widowed. The boy has had to go to University with the aid benefactors. It is in our interest to help them as well.”
“Then you would have me end the line as a work of charity?”
“Luhan,” the Duke of Hetral said with a hint of impatience, “the line doesn’t have to end. You just honor this bargain and then sire heirs. Besides, when you find out who the boy is, you might realize that perhaps the arrangement suits you after all”
Luhan furrowed his brows. “Let me meet this boy and find out for myself.”
“That is against our wishes.”
Luhan’s eyes widened in disbelief. “Your wishes are granted but not mine?”
The Duke of Hetral walked around his desk and grasped Luhan’s shoulder. “Let us give you a surprise.”
⚜⚜⚜
Luhan did not offer any help for the wedding preparations, knowing full well that his mother would dismiss him immediately. He went through the fittings thoughtlessly, and let his mother pick the courses to be served at the wedding banquet. He knew he acted like an impertinent child, yet he could not help himself. He had given up so much for this, and allowed himself this bit of freedom, if only by a show of stubbornness, before he got married.
“I know why you’re like this,” Yixing started knowledgeably, “You’re thinking that if you were going to be allowed to marry another man couldn’t you just marry Sehun instead?”
Luhan glowered at Yixing over his glass of whiskey. Sehun would always be that one weak, bitter point. He still remembered how Sehun looked like he was going to fall apart that day when Luhan told Sehun they could not go on being together any more. He hated himself then, for hurting someone whom he promised he would never hurt. Even then, three years later, he hated that decision. He should have just run away with Sehun.
“Maybe this marriage would not be so terrible. Perhaps your husband will allow you a lover, then you can go to Sehun.”
Luhan downed a full glass of whiskey and grimaced. “He’ll never forgive me.” He could not even bear to forgive himself.
He woke up feeling like his head had been hit several times with a mallet for his wedding the next day. That was his own fault but he had needed to feel numb for this day. He let himself be dressed by his valet in a white coat that was supposedly tailored in a way that complimented his slight stature. With the headache hammering against his skull, he frowned as he walked to the Great Hall where the ceremonies were to take place. He did not entirely mind if his glower would chase the poor boy away from the wedding.
He stood in front of the makeshift altar feeling nothing, staring at the wall behind the chair on which the presiding abbot sat. He had not prepared a vow. He did not like the idea of lying in front of the abbot by promising to cherish his soon-to-be spouse. Perhaps, he hoped, they would do away with that particular tradition altogether; he doubted his husband had prepared a vow either.
When he heard the heavy doors open, he blinked but did not react. He was not interested in knowing who he was to wed. But he heard Yixing’s sharp and loud intake of breath and, puzzled, he turned to the door.
He felt immeasurably worse than nothing when he saw who was striding towards him, looking perfect in white and blue. He had the sudden urge for flight, especially seeing how Sehun’s face shuttered coldly at the sight of him. Sehun, obviously, had no idea that he was to marry Luhan.
Luhan tore his eyes away from Sehun and sought Yixing who sat on the front pew. Yixing mirrored Luhan’s disbelief. Next to him, Junmyeon, Yixing’s lover, smiled and nodded encouragingly at Luhan.
The abbot cleared his throat. “Shall we begin?”
“Yes, please,” was Sehun’s curt reply.
Throughout the rite, Luhan could not decide what he wanted more: for the wedding ceremony to end or for it to never end. He wanted to reach out and touch Sehun to make sure Sehun was real. But he also knew that he was not ready for a confrontation. He endured the rite with his body singing in tension, holding himselt together and trying to seem unaffected by Sehun who fared better than Luhan. Not once had Luhan seen Sehun glance at him. He knew because he was the one who kept throwing glimpses at Sehun.
Towards the end, mercifully, the abbot made them exchange “I do”s instead of asking them for their personal vows. But Luhan knew the worst had not yet passed.
“You may now kiss each other,” the abbot said, to Luhan’s dread.
Luhan tensed and turned to Sehun uncertainly. Sehun looked like he felt nothing but impatience over the ceremonies. He stooped down, took a fleeting kiss on Luhan’s lips and straightened up. Luhan barely felt the touch of their lips that he was sure Sehun went just close enough to make it appear that they had kissed. Their guests broke into an applause, happy for the newlyweds, completely opposite to what the newlyweds themselves felt.
The luncheon that followed was equally tortuous to Luhan, or perhaps worse. They went through the dance mechanically and then were led to a table on a dais, where everyone could see them. Anything they showed apart from smiles and affection would be the topic on the next ball.
“I did not know you had noble blood,” Luhan remarked in a low voice over his steak and third glass of wine. Sehun, who turned red at a sip of alcohol, had now turned bright carmine. Clearly, Luhan was not the only one desensitizing himself.
“I did not know until a month ago,” Sehun said in a detached manner. “I did not know you have been betrothed since birth.” He took a long gulp of wine. He was so red that Luhan began to worry. “You did know.”
“Sehun -”
But Sehun raised a hand and left the table, presumably to find the nearest bathroom. However, he did not come back the rest of the day, leaving Luhan to deal with well-wishes and inquiries from guests. It was an odd arrangement, indeed. Yes, it was a surprise. Was it a pleasant one? Perhaps. How would they get heirs? They haven’t discussed it yet. Luhan felt his inebriated brain swimming in the questions that he could not sincerely answer, and his equally intoxicated heart was not numb enough to stop squeezing every time he considered his reply.
After the guests left, he went up to his room and was informed that Lord Sehun had asked for a different set of rooms. Luhan had anticipated the like and was extremely grateful. They were both shocked to be seeing each other again after three years. They could not deal with each other tonight. The morning, Luhan hoped, would see them better.
But Sehun was gone in the morning with the excuse that he was off to see his mother who was to leave the duchy in the afternoon. It left Luhan wanting for company, so he requested for Yixing and Junmyeon who had spent the night in the manor. Yixing eyed Luhan warily as they ate, perhaps curious about the past night.
“Nothing happened,” Luhan almost snapped.
“That’s just as well. I don’t think you are ready to deal with each other,” Yixing said after taking a bite of sausage.
“Did you know that I would be marrying him?” Luhan asked suspiciously. Yixing shook his head. Luhan looked at Junmyeon, who, coming from a family of lawyers that Luhan’s and Yixing’s families trusted, more likely would have heard it from his father. “Did you?”
Junmyeon said, “No. I did know they were looking for the estranged daughter and her son but Father never told me who it was when they found her.”
Luhan took a deep, calming sip of coffee, shut his eyes and leaned back. Lady Gayeon, Sehun’s mother, had been Luhan’s governess. She brought her son to the manor as a student and playmate to Luhan. His own mother had always praised the young, widowed Mrs. Gayeon Oh for being a well-rounded governess. She knew a lot more than most governors and governesses; she knew music and arts and history and maths and etiquette. In hindsight, his family should have realized that the things she knew and how she carried herself were more than what the common-born would learn at finishing school.
The rest of what he knew of Sehun fit his father’s description of a poor boy who went to University with help from benefactors. His family had, in fact, helped Sehun get into University until Sehun told Luhan that he could not live on free things from Luhan. Sehun then looked for sponsors who would invest in someone smart and had ambition.
“Talk to him,” Yixing said.
Luhan huffed. “I doubt he would listen.”
“He does not have a choice. You are bound by marriage. You should at least be civil again,” Junmyeon said.
Luhan did attempt to talk to Sehun a few times, but Sehun always disappeared in the mornings for an errand or another. Even Luhan’s mother who wanted to show Sehun around the manor had become frustrated.
“Leave him a missive and ask him to have supper with us,” Luhan suggested. “He would not be able to decline the invitation.”
“Why do you not invite him? He is your husband.”
Luhan heaved a sigh. “I am afraid we parted in unfavorable terms.”
The Duchess of Hetral eyed Luhan quizzically, but Luhan chose not to respond.
Sehun did appear for supper the next day, giving Luhan a quick, disinterested glance as he entered the dining hall. He bowed courteously to the Duchess, who bade him to sit on the chair beside Luhan.
“Excuse His Grace. He is dealing with business in another estate,” Luhan’s mother said genially. “How have you been, Sehun?”
“Well, Your Grace,” Sehun replied politely. “Forgive me for not spending more time with you these past few days. I have just been visiting friends. But how have you been, Your Grace? It has been a while since we last saw each other.”
“Indeed,” the Duchess went. “I last saw you with Luhan at the University.”
At that, Luhan fidgeted. He did not know how Sehun would take the mention of their time together.
Sehun nodded and said, “Taking law studies is admittedly hardwork, Your Grace. Forgive me for not being able to keep in touch.”
“I believe you were so busy that you failed to be in touch with my son as well?”
Luhan went rigid, and he felt Sehun go tense beside him. “We have both been occupied, Mother. We were both at fault.” From the corner of his eyes, he saw Sehun purse his lips.
“When you were younger, you were inseparable,” the Duchess said. “That was one of the reasons we did not worry about the marriage. But it seems you have gotten distant over time.” She waved a hand and indicated the food that the servants had set in front of them. “No matter. You have the rest of your lives to reconnect.”
The Duchess steered the conversation throughout supper, inquiring after Sehun’s studies and Sehun’s mother, asking Sehun what he needed and if Sehun would like to look around the manor. She explained the tasks Sehun was expected to perform as part of the household, which, in the coming season, would be to appear in balls and functions with Luhan. He was also expected to share in Luhan’s burden of the family business. Every now and then, the Duchess would recall an anecdote from Luhan’s and Sehun’s shared childhood, making Luhan uncomfortable.
When it was time to say good night, Luhan had to jog up to be able to step alongside Sehun to their wing in the manor. “Sehun.” But Sehun ignored him, and strode on. “Sehun, please.” Still, Sehun paid no heed. “Sehun.”
At last, Sehun halted. He took a deep breath and turned to Luhan. “What?” he asked dispassionately.
“Let’s talk.”
“I thought you weren’t one for talking,” Sehun quipped.
Luhan flinched. This was not the Sehun he remembered, or at least this was not the way Sehun would have treated him three years back. But Sehun had been made sharp by his studies and, admittedly, by what Luhan had done. “Just hear me out.”
“Where were you when I was ready to hear you out?” Sehun said in a low, toneless voice.
Luhan stepped back and shut his eyes. “I’m sorry.”
“I know. I heard you the first time.”
⚜⚜⚜
After that night, Sehun no longer had the excuse to stay away from the manor. The Duchess had set him up for small tasks like directing inventories of family and household properties, and meeting the household staff. She forced Sehun to join her for tea with visitors whenever Luhan was too occupied with the winery to accompany her. In a way, the Duchess made Sehun fill up the role of a daughter-in-law and the would-be Duchess. Luhan pitied Sehun for it, but could not help being glad that it compelled Sehun to be within Luhan’s sight. They still only spoke during mealtimes, however, in words that were impersonal and necessary.
Luhan did not want to spend the rest of his life in a complicated, unhappy marriage with, in fact, the only person he had ever wanted to marry. He hoped to mend their relationship wherever it could still be mended, and hoped that the future would hold something better for them. He sent Sehun a request to have breakfast with him, with only him, and wished that Sehun would not find yet another reason to avoid Luhan.
Luhan was therefore surprised when Sehun showed up in his chambers early the next morning, looking neat and ready for the day. Luhan himself was shirtless, and had to drag himself off the bed. “I don’t normally take breakfast this early,” he said, as he signaled Sehun to occupy one of the armchairs near the hearth.
“You could have said so,” Sehun said, lounging comfortably on the couch. Luhan tried not to stare at the flattering way Sehun’s white shirt clung so tightly to Sehun’s chest.
Luhan rang the bell and asked for breakfast before entering his bathroom to wash himself. He pulled on a comfortable shirt before joining Sehun. “I’m surprised you are here.”
“Honestly? I am surprised myself,” Sehun replied.
Luhan studied Sehun, in a way that he had not allowed himself to in the past few days. The past three years had not been unkind to Sehun. His features were sharper and more mature than Luhan remembered. Sehun carried himself more confidently and elegantly now too; gone were the traces of the Sehun who would stand shyly behind Luhan or who would lower his head to avoid other people’s notice.
When Luhan lifted his gaze, he saw that Sehun had been watching him too. "How have you been?” Luhan asked. “Truthfully.”
He saw the slide of muscle along Sehun’s jaw as Sehun mulled over whether or not to respond. Finally, Sehun said, “I managed. I kept myself busy. You?”
“I spent the past three years dreading this wedding.”
Sehun took a long time before responding. His tone was icy when he said, “Perhaps you would not have spent it thus had you been more forthcoming with me.”
“What could we have done then if I had told you? Would we have eloped? Was I supposed to denounce my title and leave my parents behind? Or would you have offered to be a lover to me when I got married?”
Sehun’s gaze was fixed on Luhan when he said, “You know I would have done anything to be with you.”
“And it would have hurt you.”
“As if leaving me confused did not hurt me.”
Luhan shut his eyes. His heart felt the same pangs of pain that he felt when he left Sehun alone.
“I agreed to marry whoever I was supposed to marry without knowing who it would be. I could not find myself caring about it.” Sehun paused and Luhan heard him pull a deep breath. Sehun made a chuckle that was between amusement and disbelief. “I would not have believed Mama if she had told me who I was going to wed.”
A servant had come in to set their breakfast before Luhan could voice his response. It was somewhere along the lines of perhaps this was their second chance. But he held his tongue. It was selfish of him to ask for forgiveness and expect it immediately. “I know you’re angry -”
“Angry.”
Luhan continued, “And I know this marriage is taking a lot from you. You worked too hard to be a lawyer to be filling in the role of a future Duke’s spouse. I will take this up with Mother and Father.”
Sehun frowned, bit his lip and reached for his cup of coffee.
⚜⚜⚜
Being civil was the most they could manage, in Luhan’s opinion. He stayed away from Sehun in respect to Sehun’s feelings while Sehun pored over his law books in anticipation of upcoming law examinations. But, as Luhan’s mother had kindly reminded, the Countess of Nerial’s ball was approaching and it would be their first public appearance since the wedding. Luhan had long accepted the invitation, and therefore was compelled to bring Sehun with him.
The ride to the Nerial manor was quiet and awkward. Sehun lounged on the cushioned seat with a bored look on his face and a distant look in his eyes. Luhan took the opportunity to watch Sehun and appreciate the fine angles of Sehun’s face. When Sehun caught him, he found that he could not look away.
“We’re here,” Sehun pointed out.
“I realized,” Luhan said, buttoning his coat before alighting from the carriage. He waited for Sehun and rested a hand on the small of Sehun’s back. Sehun visibly tensed beside him. “We are married. This is expected. We must not let them find anything to talk about.”
“In the interest of your family’s good name?” Sehun asked.
Luhan pressed his lips and nodded. “For my family’s good name.”
“I don’t think they expect this to be a love match.”
“But I do not think they should know that we are not in good terms. If they found out, they would ask why. We would not want that to happen.”
“Why not?” Sehun’s voice was raised slightly.
“Why not?” Luhan asked, puzzled.
Sehun looked at him with knitted brows and then shook his head. “Never mind.”
They arrived during the middle of a dance and thus did not catch attention. When they stepped into the ballroom to join the rest of the guests, Luhan felt Sehun hesitate. “Why?” Luhan asked.
“This is the first time I’m attending a ball for the nobility,” Sehun said frankly.
Luhan blinked in surprise, and smiled. This was the Sehun he remembered from when they were younger. While not exactly insecure, Sehun lacked the ability to deal well with strangers. So did Luhan, but these nobles were people Luhan had known all his life. He wanted to take Sehun’s hand in his and squeeze it in reassurance and hold it through the night, but he doubted that it was what Sehun wanted. “You are a lawyer. You deal with judges, other lawyers and criminals. These are just people who happen to have titles.”
Sehun’s eyes panned towards Luhan but quickly shifted away. He took three deep, calming breaths and stepped confidently to join the people in the ballroom.
He introduced Sehun to some of the older nobility who did not attend the wedding, and reintroduced Sehun to friends whom Sehun had known either from their shared childhood or from University. He smiled, feeling inordinately proud, as the latter appraised the positive changes in Sehun.
Sehun drank minimally that night, leaving a quite becoming flush on his face. He dealt with people with courtesy that was not lacking, and he gained appreciating glances from lords and ladies alike. Yixing asked Sehun for a dance, leaving Luhan with his whiskey and with Junmyeon. They watched the set from their seats on the balcony that overlooked the ballroom, and saw how comfortable Sehun felt around Yixing. Sehun looked like he was enjoying himself, and was laughing for the first time since the wedding, his eyes crinkling into tiny crescents. Luhan drained his glass and asked a servant for another. While he did not resent Yixing for making Sehun smile (the two had known each other for as long as Sehun and Luhan had known each other), he resented himself for losing the right to win back that smile.
“You miss him,” Junmyeon pointed out.
Luhan thought his whiskey was taking a long time. “It doesn’t take a genius to see that,” Luhan quipped.
Junmyeon laughed. “He must miss you too. You were friends long before you got together. He must miss at least that.”
At that moment, the servant arrived with a bottle of whiskey that Luhan appreciated a lot. He filled his glass and drained it.
“Are you trying hard enough to earn his forgiveness? Does he even know you feel the same way even after three years?”
Luhan grimaced. Not quite. All he remembered doing was avoiding Sehun instead of getting Sehun’s attention. All he did was to think Sehun would never forgive him instead of actively deserving Sehun’s forgiveness. Luhan raised his glass of whiskey before tipping its contents into his mouth.
They rode home in silence that night. Luhan was too inebriated to start a conversation that Sehun was not willing to have. He headed straight to his rooms and hit bed in his ball attire.
⚜⚜⚜
He took Junmyeon’s advice to heart, in small ways that Sehun would not find too invasive. Sehun’s studies took most of his time, and Luhan made sure Sehun had every thing he needed - access to the library, food and tea or coffee all the time, he even ordered that Sehun’s valet ensured that Sehun got enough rest. What Sehun thought of those gestures or if Sehun even noticed, Luhan had no idea. Luhan was curious, but dared not ask. It was better that way; he was not even sure what he would answer if Sehun asked what his intentions were.
Luhan invited Sehun to breakfast on the day of the examinations. If he were right, Sehun would be much too nervous to take a bite of anything.
It turned out that Luhan was correct. Sehun simply sat across Luhan, his eyebrows furrowed as he pored over sheets of paper that seemed to be his notes.
“At least have some toast,” Luhan said. He picked up a piece of toast from Sehun’s plate and spread a large amount of jam that he knew Sehun liked and held it out to Sehun. Sehun stared at him, wide-eyed, but took the toast all the same. “You are going to do well,” Luhan said as he wiped his fingers with a napkin. “You’ve worked hard for this. Harder than anyone I know.”
Sehun sighed and muttered a thanks before nibbling on his toast and reading his notes. He barely spoke a word except when he mumbled laws to himself, and Luhan had to force Sehun to eat a few more slices of toast.
When it was time for Sehun to leave, Luhan got up and said, “I cannot see you off. I have some business to attend to. But if you like, I will see you in supper.” He sensed the anxiety in Sehun so he added, “You don’t have anything to worry about, Sehun. You will become a lawyer, like you’ve always wanted.”
While Luhan did not believe that Sehun would accept or even remember his invitation, he still asked supper to be prepared for two in his rooms. When Sehun entered his rooms, Luhan could not hide his relief. “How was it?”
“Bad,” Sehun said. He looked harrassed. His hair looked a mess, an indication that he had been pulling on it throughout the day. “It was terribly long. I answered all the questions but I’m sure I got a couple of them wrong.” He was shaking his head dismally as he settled on the armchair across Luhan.
Luhan couldn’t help himself. He chuckled in amusement. “You always say that, but you get good marks anyway.”
They established a routine that way, having breakfast and supper together whenever possible. They discussed little things about the family business, about Sehun’s studies, about Sehun’s newly discovered cousins, about small things from the past that did not touch on the relationship they had lost. Luhan, admittedly, was delighted by the change. They could be friends like this, if Sehun would allow it. Luhan would welcome whatever would play out in the future for them.
But as the days progressed, Luhan found himself wanting more. He liked the rare times he could make Sehun laugh, surprising Sehun and himself whenever he did. He liked that he still could coax a smile out of Sehun, and how it transformed Sehun’s normally emotionless countenance into something warm that crept inside Luhan’s chest. And many times, Luhan found himself starting to reach out for some form of contact only to retract his hand before he did something that could upset Sehun.
“I feel greedy,” Luhan confessed over whiskey with Yixing or rather he drank and Yixing listened. “I don’t know if I deserve his forgiveness.”
Yixing shrugged. “You did leave him alone when you knew very well how devoted he was to you. And why? Because you were afraid of the future.”
“I hate you,” he told Yixing dispassionately.
“Because I tell the truth.”
Luhan drank more than he could handle that night. He stumbled towards the wing he shared with Sehun and decided that he did not want to spend the night in his own rooms. He entered Sehun’s chambers and sat on the chair on Sehun’s bedside. Sehun slept on his side, and was shirtless so that Luhan had a good view of his well-toned back. Luhan pulled off his coat, kicked off his shoes, and laid on the bed, facing Sehun’s back.
The small portion of his brain that was not affected by alcohol gave him some warning that he should not be doing this, but he wanted it so much. He craved the physical contact with Sehun that he could practically feel the prickle in his skin. He ran his fingers up and down Sehun’s back and finally let his hand rest on Sehun’s waist. He curled up closer so that his lips almost touched Sehun’s nape.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I’m sorry. I miss you. I thought I was saving you from pain but I realized I was just being a coward. I’m sorry.” There was no response, and that was a relief. He closed his eyes and sank to sleep.
It took Luhan a full minute to realize where he was when he woke up the next day, but it took much shorter for him to realize that the space beside him was empty. He shut his eyes in pain from both the alcohol and Sehun’s absence. Holding his head, he sat on the edge of the bed, his feet touching the carpet. He rested his elbows on his knees and buried his face in his hands.
“You really should stop drinking too much. You didn’t use to.”
Luhan raised his head so quickly that for a few seconds he thought he was going to start emptying his gut on the floor. He squinted and saw Sehun, already dressed for the day, standing on the doorway, leaning his side against the doorframe with arms crossed over his chest.
“Or is it part of your atonement?” Sehun asked.
Luhan winced at the sharpness of Sehun’s words. They stared at each other for a long time, Sehun’s eyes challenging Luhan to say something.
“I don’t know which suits you better: a coward or an idiot,” Sehun continued.
Luhan frowned. “You heard me.”
“You weren’t exactly being gentle. You woke me up.”
“Yet you did not turn me away.”
“The fault is all mine. Despite my anger, I find,” Sehun said slowly, “that I cannot turn you away. Never in my life have I been able to no matter how hard I tried.”
Luhan took his time to register the words. When the full meaning dawned on him, he thought that he could not breathe.
“Make no mistake, I am quite mad at you. You left me and made me feel the worst of myself. I thought you left me because you simply did not love me any more, and couldn’t just tell me outright. I believed that for years. I kept asking myself what happened, why I lost you. And then when I saw you in front of the altar and understood what you had done, I felt mad because you did not trust me enough to tell me and that you did not believe I would stay.”
“I thought you would try to stay, but you would hurt too much and give up -”
“When I confessed to you, I knew what I was getting into. I was a commoner. You were the sole heir to a dukedom. You would have to continue your line. I knew that all along. I feared it, I knew I would hurt. But I would have stayed. I’d have preferred seeing you spend a few nights on someone else’s bed but come back to me after, than not seeing you at all.”
Luhan looked at the floor for a long time before asking, “What can I do to be forgiven?”
Sehun shrugged. “I don’t know. Perhaps give me my own law firm to compete with Junmyeon’s family. Take me up as your own lawyer -”
“Have you gotten the results?”
“No, but I thought you said you have no doubt I would pass.”
And Luhan was fascinated by the amused twinkle in Sehun’s eyes.
After a moment’s pause, Sehun pulled a deep breath and said, “Forgiveness would come eventually. But you would have to earn it.”
“How?”
“Perhaps if you spoiled me a bit more.”
“You noticed,” Luhan mumbled.
“Of course I noticed the little things you did, Luhan. You have not really changed. Anyway, we have no choice but to reconcile. We’re spending the rest of our lives together. In fact, I am looking forward to ways to make you earn forgiveness. I am going to make a list, and I will make it challenging.”
Luhan raised a brow. “What is on the list, so far?”
“Apart from that law firm? A kiss,” When Luhan merely laughed, Sehun added, “I’m quite serious.”
Willing his headache away, Luhan got to his feet and joined Sehun in the doorway. “Not right now, though,” Sehun said, his lips curled up at one corner. “I imagine you taste like whiskey. I’d probably turn red the moment you kiss me.”
“Because of the alcohol? Not because you’d be blushing?” Luhan asked. Sehun playfully jabbed his shoulder. But Luhan grabbed Sehun’s hand and brought Sehun’s palm to his lips.
“I was so relieved when I saw you at the altar,” Sehun admitted as he stared at Luhan rested their hands on his cheek. Sehun’s thumb started tracing circles on Luhan’s cheek. “I was relieved to know that you did not leave me for lack of affection. I was relieved to find that you have not yet married. You have always been an intolerable weakness, you know that.”
“I did not really believe so when I saw you then. I thought I was simply intolerable for you.”
Sehun smiled weakly and shook his head. “I tried so hard to appear angry all the time and to not care but when you - when you take care of me, it reminds me of what you’re really like and why even after three years I could not see anyone else. I think... fate has a sense of humor for setting us up like this. We probably would never have thought of marrying each other otherwise.”
Luhan tilted his head and considered this as he looked into Sehun’s eyes. “I would have.”
“Not me. I always thought that you would end up marrying a noblewoman, and I’d be in the sidelines.”
“You never told me.”
“Because it would frustrate you. It frustrates you, see? I don’t like sharing but if it meant I could keep you, I don’t mind. Even now that we’re married, you are still expected to sire heirs.”
“I don’t need heirs.”
“Don’t be silly,” Sehun scolded. “Of course you do.”
“But, Sehun -”
“It will be all right. I will be all right.”
End.
Author’s Note: It’s quite a roundabout interpretation of the prompt. But I hope you like it anyway.