Still waiting...
Still haven't heard from the traumatic stress program. Most of the family is still not talking to me. Thinking about suicide again.
Last week my eldest brother's car was broken into and his laptop stolen. For several days all of our phone conversations centered on that topic. Then one day the family comes over and I ask my brother "how's it going." I assumed that he would know I was talking about the break-in situation, since all of our previous conversations had been about nothing but that. He turns his back so that my SIL cannot see his expression and snarks "oh you know, still married."
Now my eldest brother is known for giving smartass remarks, but they are usually along the lines of "oh you know, alive" or "still breathing." It was obvious to me to what he was referring to and it surprised me that he would attempt such a passive aggressive threat (in an attempt to silence me) right in front of my SIL. But by doing so, it revealed/confirmed a few things for me.
1) That fucker is scared. And he should be. I really don't know why I continue to be nice to these asshats and cover up THEIR crime.
2) He remembers what his did to me. And instead of taking responsibility for his actions and admitting what he did, like a real man would, he's trying to passively threaten me into silence, (just like any of the other asshat, misogynistic men in this patriarchal world would). Big fucking shock there. NOT!
If the asshat brothers keep this shit up, not only will I tell everyone what they did to me, I will see too it that they have a very long and uncomfortable stay in jail. That's if I don't cave under the pressure and kill myself first. And believe me, I've been feeling the pressure. As always I struggle with the whole "what's the fucking point" shit when they will likely get off scott free on the account that they are men and by default this world believes and supports men more then women.
Which pisses me off because what the hell is so wrong with women that men have been oppressing and degrading us for thousands of years? The only real difference is biological. Perceptions and beliefs of inferiority of a class of people (whether it be gender, race, or culture) comes from misunderstanding and fear that get ingrained into cultural tradition that turns into culturally or religiously sanctioned intolerance of others. I fucking hate the human race. Why does everything have to be so fucking complex?
I fucking hate everything.
Last week my eldest brother's car was broken into and his laptop stolen. For several days all of our phone conversations centered on that topic. Then one day the family comes over and I ask my brother "how's it going." I assumed that he would know I was talking about the break-in situation, since all of our previous conversations had been about nothing but that. He turns his back so that my SIL cannot see his expression and snarks "oh you know, still married."
Now my eldest brother is known for giving smartass remarks, but they are usually along the lines of "oh you know, alive" or "still breathing." It was obvious to me to what he was referring to and it surprised me that he would attempt such a passive aggressive threat (in an attempt to silence me) right in front of my SIL. But by doing so, it revealed/confirmed a few things for me.
1) That fucker is scared. And he should be. I really don't know why I continue to be nice to these asshats and cover up THEIR crime.
2) He remembers what his did to me. And instead of taking responsibility for his actions and admitting what he did, like a real man would, he's trying to passively threaten me into silence, (just like any of the other asshat, misogynistic men in this patriarchal world would). Big fucking shock there. NOT!
If the asshat brothers keep this shit up, not only will I tell everyone what they did to me, I will see too it that they have a very long and uncomfortable stay in jail. That's if I don't cave under the pressure and kill myself first. And believe me, I've been feeling the pressure. As always I struggle with the whole "what's the fucking point" shit when they will likely get off scott free on the account that they are men and by default this world believes and supports men more then women.
Which pisses me off because what the hell is so wrong with women that men have been oppressing and degrading us for thousands of years? The only real difference is biological. Perceptions and beliefs of inferiority of a class of people (whether it be gender, race, or culture) comes from misunderstanding and fear that get ingrained into cultural tradition that turns into culturally or religiously sanctioned intolerance of others. I fucking hate the human race. Why does everything have to be so fucking complex?
I fucking hate everything.