The Secret's In The Telling [2/2]
Title: The Secret's In The Telling
Pairing: Iruka/Kakashi
Rating: PG
Word Count: 12,500
Disclaimer: AU. Characters belong to Masashi Kishimoto. Writing belongs to me.
Summary: Sometimes, the Road of Life detours through the produce aisle. Where it goes from there is anyone's guess.
Notes: Written for this year's KakaIru Winter Exchange Fest! My first AU, but it was insanely fun to write. I never expected it to get this long, but I'm pretty happy with how it turned out! Many thanks to my awesome betas, avocado_love and gryvon for making this readable and generally holding my hand throughout the process, even though I whined and worried a lot. <3
"Look," Iruka says a few days later, unsure of how to bring it up. He's sitting at the kotatsu that Naruto had begged him to bring out somewhat early this year, his feet tucked under the table.
Kakashi has just walked into the room with two steaming cups of tea. Iruka hadn't even asked, but the fact that Kakashi is bringing out his favorite tea literally minutes after he'd entertained the thought of getting up to make some catches him unawares, and he's only just able to take the proffered cup with a murmured thanks. It takes a few moments of Kakashi sitting quietly with an expectant look on his face for Iruka's brain to reboot itself.
"Oh! Er, sorry. Yes. I was going to ask you something," Iruka ducks his head and rubs at the scar running over his nose. He vaguely wonders how Kakashi is going to manage to drink his tea with his mask in the way, but he pushes that thought aside. "Well, I don't know if anyone's mentioned it, but Naruto's birthday is next week, and I wondered... Well, he obviously likes you, and..." Iruka trails off, because he'd almost said 'I don't mind your company either', which wasn't untrue, but isn't even the point. Iruka wills himself back to a normal shade of tan before taking a deep breath and going on, bewildered by this sudden onset of nervousness. "So... I'd like to invite you? On his behalf. I mean. Don't feel obligated, I know it's a weekend, so you'd have the day off, but..."
"My, my, sensei, would this be a date?"
Iruka goes absolutely scarlet, suddenly unable to look Kakashi in the eye. "No!" Leave it to Kakashi to make things even more complicated than they need to be. Iruka ignores Kakashi's obvious amusement and presses on. "It's just going to be a few of his school friends, and probably the security team as well, though I don't exactly trust Genma or Anko to keep things in line..."
Under his mask, Kakashi is wrinkling his nose. Iruka is sure of it. This thought, oddly, makes Iruka's fingertips tingle, a warmth that has nothing to do with his tea or the embarrassment washing over him. The thought of Kakashi's nose wrinkling shouldn't do this to him. This is beyond ridiculous, he thinks. He's probably coming down with something, it's the only plausible explanation.
"Maa, well..." Kakashi is looking at him straight in the eyes, which is really distracting. Iruka looks away, unable to do much more than hold his breath and busy himself with marking his students' papers while he waits for an answer. Somehow, he already knows, because for all Kakashi puts on a big production about thinking it over, even scratching at his masked chin, as if trying to appear deep in thought, the man can be absurdly obvious.
"I suppose so," Kakashi finally says, and when Iruka looks up, Kakashi is positively beaming. Iruka can't help but smile back, though Kakashi ruins it the very next second. "It would probably be suspicious if your boyfriend were missing, after all."
"I'm sure no one who knows you would think so," Iruka mutters, because one awful turn deserves another. He ignores the way Kakashi puts the back of his hand to his forehead dramatically, his other hand clutching at his chest. "But thank you, on Naruto's behalf," Iruka adds.
"I wouldn't want to deprive anyone of my considerable charm, either," Kakashi replies. Iruka groans; he's sure these kind of stilted lines are straight out of Kakashi's awful book. At least it gives him an excuse to kick Kakashi under the table in a moment of playful mischief, grinning wryly.
"Oi!" Kakashi says, steadying his cup of tea, which is close to his lips. Come to think of it, when did he ever lower his mask? Iruka freezes, eyes wide and mouth dry. He quickly looks down to his papers, red pen clutched tightly in his hand like a lifeline.
"Iruka, you know you can look," Kakashi says, tone amused.
Iruka keeps his eyes downcast for a couple of seconds, silence stretching taut between him and Kakashi. He isn't sure how he's arrived at this point, or if it's even where he wants to be, but he knows that Kakashi hasn't made a move to replace his mask, and decides, what the hell. He looks up. He isn't sure what he expected; certainly not something half so strange as whatever Naruto had cooked up, in any case.
Kakashi is... handsome. Of course. The fact that this is unsurprising to Iruka is unexpected. He tries not to think about what that means, instead focusing his attention on Kakashi, who actually looks a little bit awkward and unsure of himself, like he's waiting for Iruka to say something. He's even paler under his mask, which somehow seems like it should be impossible. Iruka can see the slightest hint of freckling across Kakashi's nose, and notes that the small bit of scar running under Kakashi's eye actually continues to the base of his nose. Iruka brushes away his curiosity, which can be brought up at a different time, and simply looks Kakashi in the eye, biting his lower lip slightly as he studies him. He feels warm.
Because he really and truly can't think of anything to say, Iruka says the first thing that comes into his mind. "Oh..." The very second it's out of his mouth, he flushes bright red in embarrassment. He stifles the urge to clap a hand over his mouth, or to lean across the table and... Iruka coughs, curling a hand around his mug and lifting it to his lips, just for something to do, determined not to say anything else until he gets a grip.
Kakashi chuckles, first quietly, then out-right laughing, head thrown back and eyes squeezed shut in mirth. Iruka chokes on his tea, partially because he's so, so mortified that Kakashi finds his deep discomfort and inability to be normal funny, and partially because Iruka has never seen someone so gorgeous as Kakashi is, right in this moment, unable hold back his laughter. He's gripping his mug, head tipped back so that his hair is flopping slightly with each laugh. It's ridiculous, but Iruka doesn't want to blink, doesn't want this fragile moment to end.
Iruka wants to say: You're so attractive. Or: What is wrong with you? Or even: What is wrong with me?
Instead, he blurts out the biggest non sequitur his brain can manage, mouth running as if of its own accord. "I, uh. Got my scar when I was a kid. Naruto mentioned before. Mizuki-- I've known him for a while-- didn't mean to do it, I suspect. We were just bored, just messing around with kitchen knives one summer..." Iruka huffs a short laugh, eyes unfocused, aware that Kakashi's stopped laughing.
"My mother really screamed at us when she was done panicking; I couldn't stop crying, I'd never seen so much blood at once. It's, uh. It's not a very interesting story. But. Well. You didn't look at my scar. I mean-- When we first met. That's what people usually look at first, but you didn't."
Iruka doesn't know what he's thinking by bringing this up. He knows he sounds ridiculous, and that his face has to be bright red, because he feels so hot all of a sudden. He knows that Kakashi is staring at him, but Iruka can't bring himself to look Kakashi in the eye. He knows that this is, without a doubt, the most ridiculous thing he's ever brought up in a conversation that started out more or less normal. He knows, and wishes he had a second chance to go back and pluck the words out of the air. Instead, he strokes a hand over his hair, tugging at his ponytail, trying and failing to be calm.
"Iruka..."
Iruka doesn't flinch, but it's a close thing. He would apologize, but can't think of what he could possibly say. 'Sorry I ruined a perfectly normal conversation because your face is distracting?' Out of the corner of his eye, Iruka sees Kakashi's head tilt, as if in thought.
"You have nice eyes," Kakashi says, which causes Iruka's head to snap up, startled. Surely he'd heard wrong. There's no way-- it has to be a joke-- But Kakashi isn't smirking, there is no teasing note in his voice.
"I'm sorry?"
Kakashi chuckles good-naturedly, rising from the floor. "Your eyes, Iruka-sensei. They're nice. That's the first thing I noticed."
Then he walks away, leaving Iruka bewildered, face hot, and slightly indignant for it. Not for the first time, he wonders if he's going crazy.
* * *
The day of Naruto's party arrives, and Iruka has been so busy and overworked with the planning of it that he almost sleeps through every one of his alarms. Because it's a Sunday, Naruto sleeps in, and Iruka coerces Kakashi and the rest of the security team into helping him with the finishing touches. Iruka had had a moment of foresight, deciding that a party including elementary school-age children ought to be held outdoors. The backyard of the Uzumaki mansion is quite large, though seldom utilized, and Iruka has seen to it that tables and chairs are set up.
Iruka doesn't think of what the boy's previous birthdays must have been like, and can't quite bring himself to read too much into the utterly bowled over, vulnerable look in Naruto's eyes when he'd been told to get ready for his party.
"It's a party for me?"
"Who else would it be for, silly?"
"Kakashi-sensei's here," the boy had said, eyes too bright, like he couldn't believe it. "And others are coming, too?"
"Well, of course."
"Even that jerk Sasuke?"
"Manners, Naruto."
"Er, sorry, Iruka-sensei."
It's easy not to think of these things when he can watch the boy running around barefoot, exuding unbridled glee and wearing a lopsided party hat, fleeing in earnest from a determined looking Sakura. Iruka smiles widely and turns his attention to the other guests. His eyes, inevitably, are drawn to Kakashi, and this isn't something he wants to think too much about either, just now.
Kakashi holds himself with a level of discipline that speaks of years of experience and control and poise if not some military training as well. It's not that he's constantly rigid or at attention or even looking serious; quite the opposite, in fact. It's that even in his trademark slouch, in the bored look the man wears everywhere, Iruka can see the underlying tension, like a coiled spring, everything else simply a cleverly crafted picture of indifference.
It is subtle, something Iruka would miss if it weren't for the fact that he's studying Kakashi, trying to analyze the man without half realizing it, and even then it's too easy to take the man's facade for granted. It melts away when Iruka blinks and Kakashi is letting himself be tackled by Lee and Kiba, and Iruka can't put words to the swell of emotion he feels when Kakashi looks up, straight at him. Iruka's face goes red at being caught staring.
This distraction is how Anko gets the drop on him, gleefully dumping a full cup of ice down his shirt and cackling madly at his shout of outrage before sprinting away easily. Somehow, the security team is having as much fun as the children. Well, a good amount of the security team, in any case.
Lee has been accompanied by his father, Gai, who had volunteered to help keep an eye on the kids. It turns out that Kakashi and Gai actually know each other fairly well, though apparently neither had expected to see the other at a birthday party. Iruka watches their exchange with a mix of amusement and mild bewilderment. If nothing else, their dynamic is a decidedly odd one.
"My Most Esteemed Rival!"
"Gai."
"So cool, as always!"
Kakashi gets a look in his eye, but just before Iruka can classify it as dangerous and attempt to flee, he's being pulled by the wrist to be introduced.
"This is my boyfriend, Iruka."
"I, er, yes. We do know each other, Kakashi."
Granted, Gai knows him as Lee's teacher, and not as Kakashi's boyfriend, but that's hardly the point. The point is that Kakashi really, really looks entirely too pleased with himself, now that he's found a victim to act as a buffer between himself and Gai. Iruka privately swears revenge by creative means, especially when Izumo and Kotetsu start making ridiculous faces at him from across the yard.
"Fair Iruka-Sensei Is The Beloved Of My Good Friend Kakashi! This Is Quite A Happy Coincidence!"
Then, the man actually bows. When he straightens up, the grin he's wearing somehow catches the sun and is so blinding that Iruka actually winces. Next to him, Kakashi has gone suspiciously silent, and if Iruka didn't know better, he might say that the man's cheekbones are looking a bit more... pink, than usual.
"I am going to kill you," Iruka mutters, from the corner of his mouth.
"Can you be persuaded to make it quick?" Kakashi replies, brushing their elbows together.
Iruka learns a lot of things. He learns that Kakashi and Gai are old childhood friends and that Gai is a cop (oddly fitting, Iruka thinks) and that Lee's enthusiasm is definitely influenced by Gai. He learns that Kakashi isn't nearly as put out by the man as he's currently pretending to be, and that Gai can do an absurd amount of walking around on his hands alone. Later, when they part ways because Iruka has to pull Sasuke and Naruto apart, he hears a loud Crash! come from the house.
Gai and Kakashi may or may not have broken a lamp in the excitement they call an arm wrestling contest that somehow had turned into a vigorous dance-off-- that's if Iruka is actually getting the gist of the story right. He decides that he really, really doesn't want to know the finer details of it. Kakashi had tried to blame it on Akamaru, but in the end, Iruka makes him and Gai clean up the sorry remains of the shattered lamp while he busies himself with checking on the children. He's vaguely worried about the rest of the furniture until Gai and Kakashi sheepishly come back outside in time for cake.
Bullying Kakashi into singing 'Happy Birthday' with the rest of the party is definitely one of the high points in Iruka's day, right up there with the look of absolute, irrepressible glee written on Naruto's features by the end of the song. Then there are presents, and Naruto beams so widely that Iruka's chest almost aches.
It's no surprise that Naruto's favorite presents are ninja related in some way or another. What does surprise Iruka is when Naruto is in the middle of opening one, Kakashi goes quite still, as if he's holding his breath. Iruka looks from Naruto, to the half unwrapped gift, and then to Kakashi before realization dawns. Kakashi is actually nervous about his how his gift will be received. Oddly enough, the anticipation on Naruto's features practically mirrors Kakashi's own, and Iruka promptly chokes on his cake when the first word he can think of to describe it happens to be 'adorable'. He has to be thwacked repeatedly on the back by Kakashi before raising a hand to let everyone know he's fine, embarrassed at making a scene. Naruto had actually paused to regard him with some concern.
Naruto unwraps presents like most children of his age, tearing at paper with the kind of fervor that Iruka can hardly remember feeling, it's been so long. Still, the boy looks more blissfully happy than Iruka can recall, like he has more than enough joy to share with everyone at the party and then some. Naruto's mouth is a wide 'o' as he pulls out what look to be authentic tabi socks, a book about the history of ninja, a set of plastic shuriken, and a mask that bears quite the resemblance to Kakashi's own.
Something ignites in Iruka's chest, like a spark, when Kakashi's arm brushes casually against his, tentative, and Iruka doesn't hesitate to reciprocate the action. Because it can't be an accident, the brush of the arm, the carefully chosen gifts, all of the meticulously placed words in their conversations leading up to this point, and Iruka is really and truly out of his depth. Kakashi is all mystery and reservedness wrapped up in indiscernible motives and unexpected kindness and beautiful ethereality. He is all of those things and still manages to hide his wildness under the surface, just out of reach until he needs to call upon it. Iruka thinks: That shouldn't be so endearing, and: Kakashi looks so much younger without the mask, and: I really never had a chance.
Iruka feels cold and hot and unable to keep up with specific words, because the sights and sounds surrounding him have become a bit of a blur. When he remembers this day, this moment, it will be made up of stuttered memories; the most stark images imprinted in his mind forever, enshrouded with a mix of euphoria and fear and the sensation of clear laughter: Naruto launching himself at Kakashi in a hug around the waist, Kakashi's surprise, Naruto refusing to let the man go for a good few seconds, and Kakashi's halfhearted attempts to pry him off. Iruka will remember the feeling of his heart constricting in his chest as he laughs along, and the way Kakashi turns to him and manages to convey countless words without opening his mouth.
Iruka will remember this visceral ache and the way it translates into wanting more than anything to turn and kiss the man full on the mouth, in front of everyone, and... not having the nerve to do so.
* * *
"Naruto is literally a party animal," Kakashi remarks, later, face hidden behind Icha Icha as he pretends to help Iruka clean up the aftermath of the party.
"I think he did less damage than you and Gai. Though I still can't believe he hugged you for giving him a book," Iruka chuckles.
"Maa, was going to go for Icha Icha, but..."
"Kakashi, he's nine."
"Exactly! Too young to enjoy the finer aspects of Icha Icha, I thought."
"Well, he certainly appreciated your gifts, if not your presence. So I wanted to thank you, again. For being here today."
"Maa, it was nothing."
"No, it really wasn't." Iruka smiles, feeling warm as he recalls Naruto's face. "You didn't have to get him anything, but he really looks up to you, you know."
Kakashi makes a noncommittal sound, which is mostly to cover up how pleased he is by the comment. "If I go blind from that jacket, you will be to blame."
"It is very orange," Iruka agrees. He'd seen it in the store and immediately thought of Naruto. When the boy had unwrapped it, crowing with delight, Iruka had breathed a sigh of relief. Presents were tricky. Iruka had not had very many birthday parties as a child, and is always drawn to purchasing practical gifts for others. Or, as his friends like to tease him, boring ones. Iruka's only worry is that he hasn't thought far ahead enough to come up with a way to make the boy take the jacket off. It could be a problem. He'd also included books in his gift, but he's pretty sure the hug he'd received was more for the jacket and ramen vouchers.
"You really think he looks up to me?"
"Well... yes," Iruka chuckles, because it should really be obvious to the man at this point. "Though I can't imagine why. I can still kick your ass at the Wii."
"Oho," Kakashi says, pushing off of the arm of the couch, where he's been leaning. He stalks towards Iruka, a mischievous gleam in his eye. "Is that so, sensei. What do you say to some... actual sparring, then?"
When Iruka ignores him to bend over and pick up a napkin, Kakashi actually whistles. Iruka can feel his cheeks heat, which is really, really getting old. "The party's over, you lousy pervert, you can drop your cover already," Iruka deadpans without thinking, rolling his eyes as he straightens up, but it must come out more harshly than he means it to.
Kakashi is standing very still, with an indecipherable look on his features. When Iruka blinks, it's gone, already shunted away, and the man is wearing a perfectly neutral expression, the cracks in his facade gone. "I see."
Iruka kicks himself, quick to apologize. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean--"
"No," Kakashi interrupts, still feigning nonchalance, "No, ah, you're right, Iruka-sensei. I apologize. I should go. It's getting late. My apologies for overstaying my welcome. I won't trouble you further."
"Kakashi, that isn't even--"
"Have a good night, Iruka-sensei."
Minutes after Kakashi's gone, Iruka is still standing there, reeling, because What just happened? Finally, he snaps out of it, throwing himself into a nearby chair. "You idiot," he says, vehement. "You utter, utter idiot!"
He isn't sure who he's talking to.
* * *
The morning that it all gets shot to hell starts off relatively normal. Miserable, but normal enough. Looking back, Iruka isn't able to bring himself to be too surprised by the way things play out, hindsight being what it is.
It's a Monday, and Iruka has not had a good night's sleep, which never bodes well when one is about to face a classroom of energetic children. The fact that it's at least half Kakashi's fault doesn't make things any better, because the man is nowhere to be found. Iruka has tried his best to brush off what had happened the previous night as a silly misunderstanding, but the tangle of emotions he's combating doesn't make it easy. It's annoying that Kakashi should affect him at all, really.
But Naruto is a great distraction if there ever was one-- the boy bursts into the kitchen where Iruka is trying to keep busy by making apple pancakes. He's wearing his new orange jacket over his pajamas, beaming, and Iruka finds himself grinning back. "I hope you're hungry."
Naruto wrinkles his nose at the idea of fruit in his pancakes, but ends up being pleasantly surprised.
"Where is Kakashi-sensei?"
"I'm not sure," Iruka says, trying to come across as nonchalant. "I'm sure he'll turn up."
By the time they're on their way out the door, Iruka has almost succeeded in putting the man out of his mind, too caught up instead with helping Naruto search for his misplaced backpack. Kakashi turns out to be waiting outside. The car ride on the way to school is tense, and is thankfully filled with Naruto's oblivious ramblings, which serve to combat the awkward silences. When Kakashi does deign to speak to him, it's all businesslike and terse, and Iruka hates it.
Because it isn't Kakashi. Because now that he actually knows the man, it's painfully obvious.
Things continue at a steady pace of agony for a good portion of the day. Iruka knows he's being silly, that he's probably overreacting, that he needs to get over it, find some way to fix things-- but it's Kakashi that's avoiding him, Kakashi that's ignoring him when he tries to start up a conversation or make eye contact, and Kakashi that storms out of the room as soon as the lunch break rolls around, like he can't wait to get away from Iruka. It's hard not to take it personally, and Iruka quickly goes from hurt to downright angry at the situation.
Iruka's mood isn't helped any by the realization that he's left his lunch at home, and he feels a massive headache coming on. Which is why, when Kakashi bursts into the room, looking panicked, Iruka's first instinct is to scream at the man.
"Kakashi, you idiot!" he shouts, rising from his desk so quickly that the chair topples over behind him. Kakashi goes stiff, visible eye narrowed, obviously not anticipating being insulted upon entering. "I've been trying to apologize to you all day, and you are making it really, really diffi--"
"Naruto's missing."
All of the color drains out of Iruka's face at once. "What?"
"Naruto is missing."
Iruka runs.
He doesn't get very far, because Kakashi runs after him, grabbing onto the sleeve of his shirt and whirling him around. Kakashi looks furious, but that's just on the surface. He looks terrified. Iruka's fury ebbs away with each deep breath. He needs to be calm, he needs to be rational.
"Iruka, listen. We never actually expected Naruto to be in any danger, but--"
"What!"
"Look, it's a bit complicated-- We knew there was a company spy, but we misjudged. We never expected more than one person to be involved-- Mizuki-- anyway, my job was to find and eliminate the spy, and we thought..."
"You thought it was me? Why would--"
"We didn't know! We were sure it had to be someone who had access to the house but wasn't under excessive scrutiny. It was the most logical--"
"But Mizuki?"
"Has been acting as the go-between for Orochimaru and the company spy for months, but we-- we think he's become impatient and intends to curry favor with Orochimaru by kidnapping Naruto."
"And you let him out of your sight because you thought I was the spy!"
"No, no I didn't, actually. I did it because those were my orders. And you can shout at me later, when Naruto's safe!"
Iruka can't breathe. His heart seems to be pounding somewhere in between his ears, and his chest aches and he can't even begin to process the information that Kakashi's just dumped on him, and its implications.
Naruto is missing.
Mizuki has Naruto.
Mizuki is in league with the spy.
Mizuki has Naruto.
Naruto is--
All Iruka can do is run through the halls of the school, hoping that he or Kakashi can find the boy; they've split up, but they really have no idea where to start. Genma and the team won't be arriving for a while yet, and Iruka's stomach does a sickening flip, because what if it's too late by then? He thinks in terms of logic and efficiency and figures, in routes and blueprints and strategy. He knows this school and he knows Naruto and he'd thought he knew Mizuki. He thinks, I am going to kill him. I am going to kill him with my bare hands and it still won't be enough, it is never going to be enough if he's hurt Naruto. He thinks, Was everything about Kakashi just an elaborate act?
He tries to stop thinking, then.
* * *
The grounds of the academy are vast, and Iruka is running out of breath, but when he hears the sound of a gunshot ring out, he flies towards the source.
He thinks, no silencer? He thinks: faster.
* * *
Naruto has a gun and Mizuki is snarling and Naruto is backing away, panting, and Mizuki is lunging for the boy and Naruto has a gun.
He doesn't manage to keep ahold of it for very long.
* * *
The scene is frozen like a still image, like a paused movie: Naruto and Mizuki and a gun and the space between them, and the space between Iruka and them, all that space, stretching and shrinking.
Mizuki is breathing heavily and Naruto is trembling with fear and Iruka is sailing through the air but feels like he's moving through water.
Time is frozen; it's the space of a split second that seems to go on forever for Iruka, like a single note looping endlessly. There was no space for a decision, but just enough time for instinct, and now this: The gunshot and the burst of pain and Naruto's scream and... Kakashi's voice, rending the air? It doesn't make any sense.
And then, Mizuki's shout of pain.
No, that's out of order. Everything is chaos.
Iruka crumples, but somehow manages to land so that he's shielding Naruto. That's important-- that's the only thing he can hold on to, just now. Iruka's eyes focus and unfocus and there is pain and shouting and blood and another gunshot and then Mizuki's shout of pain. Iruka's chest hurts and his head hurts and his fingertips hurt, which makes no sense. Naruto whimpers and Kakashi's face comes into view and all Iruka can say or try to say is, "You're late." He tastes blood.
Kakashi's next words surge and ebb as darkness creeps in on Iruka's senses. Got lost on the road of life, I'm sorry, Iruka-- hang in there, don't you dare-- It sounds like forced levity and terror and desperation and Iruka laughs, or coughs, and there is more blood in his mouth, now. He promptly passes out.
* * *
Iruka wakes amid beeping and whirring machines, shivering. Returning to consciousness is slow going and comes in waves. He hears the machines, and a low voice, and feels the cold. There is pain, a persistent if somewhat dulled ache, like he's still too groggy to process it fully. Iruka's stomach rolls at the scent of disinfectant-- hospital? --and he fights to open his eyes.
He regrets it when he does, biting down on the panic of seeing so many tubes and wires and machines and Kakashi. The light is blinding, and Iruka feels as if all of his energy has been spent in waking up, which is ironic, but thinking about it just intensifies the ache. He squeezes his eyes shut, wincing.
He says, "Hrngh?"
"Shh, I'll be here when you wake up."
There is the sensation of warmth, on his cheeks-- no, just one, like the gentle stroke of knuckles, and Iruka drifts back to sleep, mildly puzzled.
* * *
When he wakes up the second time, Iruka is sure it's Kakashi's voice that he's hearing, deep and even and washing over him like warmth. His brain feels less muddled, though the sensation of pain persists. Iruka groans and says, "Are you reading me Icha Icha?" He blinks fully awake at Kakashi's answering chuckle, then freezes.
"Naruto--"
"Is perfectly fine, sensei. Relax."
"You are not off the hook," Iruka mutters, willing his muscles to unclench.
"For reading you Icha Icha?"
"You know exactly what I mean. Incorrigible pervert. Can't you let me die in peace?"
"You can't mean that-- here, listen, I was just getting to the good part!"
Iruka regards Kakashi with a scowl, because everything hurts, and there is a madman sitting in his hospital room being insufferable. He says as much.
"Oh, I'm the madman? If you'll recall, Iruka-sensei, I'm not the one with a penchant for flinging myself in front of guns. Usually."
Kakashi's words are mocking, but his tone is shaky, forced. He's sitting close to the bed in what looks to be a horribly uncomfortable hospital chair, and, true to Iruka's expectations, is holding Icha Icha in his free hand. Iruka looks down, and says, "Oh," because Kakashi's other hand is tightly gripping his own, radiating warm reassurance. How had he not noticed that before now? Kakashi blinks, then quickly drops it, apologizing.
The warmth fades, and Iruka glances up at the ceiling. Like if he looks hard enough, he can see all of the half-formed, unsaid questions and words and deeds and the future, hanging over their heads, almost palpable. This could be fate. Or love. Or whatever drugs he's on that make it difficult to untangle the present from the future, to choose a course of action.
It's probably a mixture of all of it, Iruka thinks, as the moment stretches on like a held breath. Like the moment before taking a leap of faith. He makes a decision-- or he made it some time ago-- it doesn't really matter-- and follows through.
He says, "No, wait, I--" and grabs Kakashi's hand back. His cheeks redden and he mutters, "This is such a cliche," and time snaps back to normal all at once, like an exhalation, like he can finally breathe.
"It's only a cliche if I offer you a sponge bath, isn't it?"
Iruka barks out a laugh, ignoring the pain that comes along with it. "I didn't mean a porn cliche, you idiot."
"Is that a 'no' on the sponge bath, then?" Kakashi wiggles his eyebrows, chuckling.
"Oh god, I'm actually stuck with you, aren't I? I'm doomed."
Instead of firing back with an expected retort, Kakashi goes quiet, sober, frowning. "You underwent two hours in surgery, you know. We were sure you were gone-- you should have seen Anko and Naruto and--"
Iruka's heart clenches in a way that has nothing to do with his recent chest wound. He studies Kakashi closely, the way his voice cracks and his expression topples, and how it's rebuilt in the space of seconds, smoothing out. "Oh," he says again, and squeezes Kakashi's hand, going for a bright smile that makes his face twinge. "But I'm fine now, alright?"
"You had better be," Kakashi growls out, squeezing back.
"You were scared," Iruka breathes, half amused, half in awe. "You-- you're still-- It wasn't all an act."
Kakashi flinches, as if burned, and ducks his head to hide his features. "Did you really think it was?"
"Well, was it?"
"You are impossible," Kakashi mutters. He straightens up to look Iruka directly in the eyes. Iruka takes in the sight of him, rumpled shirt and wilting hair and almost imperceptibly trembling hands.
"And you're not always as brave as you would have people think," Iruka says, but without ire. He looks at the sterile white walls, looks at the wires and tubes still connecting him to various machines, and sighs. It's a little hypocritical, he thinks, justified or not. "But then, neither am I."
Kakashi hums thoughtfully, silent for a few moments before pulling down his mask with his free hand, his mouth quirked into an unreadable expression. "I rather think I resent that, Iruka-sensei."
Iruka only has a split-second warning before Kakashi's lips seal over his.
~ Owari ~
Pairing: Iruka/Kakashi
Rating: PG
Word Count: 12,500
Disclaimer: AU. Characters belong to Masashi Kishimoto. Writing belongs to me.
Summary: Sometimes, the Road of Life detours through the produce aisle. Where it goes from there is anyone's guess.
Notes: Written for this year's KakaIru Winter Exchange Fest! My first AU, but it was insanely fun to write. I never expected it to get this long, but I'm pretty happy with how it turned out! Many thanks to my awesome betas, avocado_love and gryvon for making this readable and generally holding my hand throughout the process, even though I whined and worried a lot. <3
"Look," Iruka says a few days later, unsure of how to bring it up. He's sitting at the kotatsu that Naruto had begged him to bring out somewhat early this year, his feet tucked under the table.
Kakashi has just walked into the room with two steaming cups of tea. Iruka hadn't even asked, but the fact that Kakashi is bringing out his favorite tea literally minutes after he'd entertained the thought of getting up to make some catches him unawares, and he's only just able to take the proffered cup with a murmured thanks. It takes a few moments of Kakashi sitting quietly with an expectant look on his face for Iruka's brain to reboot itself.
"Oh! Er, sorry. Yes. I was going to ask you something," Iruka ducks his head and rubs at the scar running over his nose. He vaguely wonders how Kakashi is going to manage to drink his tea with his mask in the way, but he pushes that thought aside. "Well, I don't know if anyone's mentioned it, but Naruto's birthday is next week, and I wondered... Well, he obviously likes you, and..." Iruka trails off, because he'd almost said 'I don't mind your company either', which wasn't untrue, but isn't even the point. Iruka wills himself back to a normal shade of tan before taking a deep breath and going on, bewildered by this sudden onset of nervousness. "So... I'd like to invite you? On his behalf. I mean. Don't feel obligated, I know it's a weekend, so you'd have the day off, but..."
"My, my, sensei, would this be a date?"
Iruka goes absolutely scarlet, suddenly unable to look Kakashi in the eye. "No!" Leave it to Kakashi to make things even more complicated than they need to be. Iruka ignores Kakashi's obvious amusement and presses on. "It's just going to be a few of his school friends, and probably the security team as well, though I don't exactly trust Genma or Anko to keep things in line..."
Under his mask, Kakashi is wrinkling his nose. Iruka is sure of it. This thought, oddly, makes Iruka's fingertips tingle, a warmth that has nothing to do with his tea or the embarrassment washing over him. The thought of Kakashi's nose wrinkling shouldn't do this to him. This is beyond ridiculous, he thinks. He's probably coming down with something, it's the only plausible explanation.
"Maa, well..." Kakashi is looking at him straight in the eyes, which is really distracting. Iruka looks away, unable to do much more than hold his breath and busy himself with marking his students' papers while he waits for an answer. Somehow, he already knows, because for all Kakashi puts on a big production about thinking it over, even scratching at his masked chin, as if trying to appear deep in thought, the man can be absurdly obvious.
"I suppose so," Kakashi finally says, and when Iruka looks up, Kakashi is positively beaming. Iruka can't help but smile back, though Kakashi ruins it the very next second. "It would probably be suspicious if your boyfriend were missing, after all."
"I'm sure no one who knows you would think so," Iruka mutters, because one awful turn deserves another. He ignores the way Kakashi puts the back of his hand to his forehead dramatically, his other hand clutching at his chest. "But thank you, on Naruto's behalf," Iruka adds.
"I wouldn't want to deprive anyone of my considerable charm, either," Kakashi replies. Iruka groans; he's sure these kind of stilted lines are straight out of Kakashi's awful book. At least it gives him an excuse to kick Kakashi under the table in a moment of playful mischief, grinning wryly.
"Oi!" Kakashi says, steadying his cup of tea, which is close to his lips. Come to think of it, when did he ever lower his mask? Iruka freezes, eyes wide and mouth dry. He quickly looks down to his papers, red pen clutched tightly in his hand like a lifeline.
"Iruka, you know you can look," Kakashi says, tone amused.
Iruka keeps his eyes downcast for a couple of seconds, silence stretching taut between him and Kakashi. He isn't sure how he's arrived at this point, or if it's even where he wants to be, but he knows that Kakashi hasn't made a move to replace his mask, and decides, what the hell. He looks up. He isn't sure what he expected; certainly not something half so strange as whatever Naruto had cooked up, in any case.
Kakashi is... handsome. Of course. The fact that this is unsurprising to Iruka is unexpected. He tries not to think about what that means, instead focusing his attention on Kakashi, who actually looks a little bit awkward and unsure of himself, like he's waiting for Iruka to say something. He's even paler under his mask, which somehow seems like it should be impossible. Iruka can see the slightest hint of freckling across Kakashi's nose, and notes that the small bit of scar running under Kakashi's eye actually continues to the base of his nose. Iruka brushes away his curiosity, which can be brought up at a different time, and simply looks Kakashi in the eye, biting his lower lip slightly as he studies him. He feels warm.
Because he really and truly can't think of anything to say, Iruka says the first thing that comes into his mind. "Oh..." The very second it's out of his mouth, he flushes bright red in embarrassment. He stifles the urge to clap a hand over his mouth, or to lean across the table and... Iruka coughs, curling a hand around his mug and lifting it to his lips, just for something to do, determined not to say anything else until he gets a grip.
Kakashi chuckles, first quietly, then out-right laughing, head thrown back and eyes squeezed shut in mirth. Iruka chokes on his tea, partially because he's so, so mortified that Kakashi finds his deep discomfort and inability to be normal funny, and partially because Iruka has never seen someone so gorgeous as Kakashi is, right in this moment, unable hold back his laughter. He's gripping his mug, head tipped back so that his hair is flopping slightly with each laugh. It's ridiculous, but Iruka doesn't want to blink, doesn't want this fragile moment to end.
Iruka wants to say: You're so attractive. Or: What is wrong with you? Or even: What is wrong with me?
Instead, he blurts out the biggest non sequitur his brain can manage, mouth running as if of its own accord. "I, uh. Got my scar when I was a kid. Naruto mentioned before. Mizuki-- I've known him for a while-- didn't mean to do it, I suspect. We were just bored, just messing around with kitchen knives one summer..." Iruka huffs a short laugh, eyes unfocused, aware that Kakashi's stopped laughing.
"My mother really screamed at us when she was done panicking; I couldn't stop crying, I'd never seen so much blood at once. It's, uh. It's not a very interesting story. But. Well. You didn't look at my scar. I mean-- When we first met. That's what people usually look at first, but you didn't."
Iruka doesn't know what he's thinking by bringing this up. He knows he sounds ridiculous, and that his face has to be bright red, because he feels so hot all of a sudden. He knows that Kakashi is staring at him, but Iruka can't bring himself to look Kakashi in the eye. He knows that this is, without a doubt, the most ridiculous thing he's ever brought up in a conversation that started out more or less normal. He knows, and wishes he had a second chance to go back and pluck the words out of the air. Instead, he strokes a hand over his hair, tugging at his ponytail, trying and failing to be calm.
"Iruka..."
Iruka doesn't flinch, but it's a close thing. He would apologize, but can't think of what he could possibly say. 'Sorry I ruined a perfectly normal conversation because your face is distracting?' Out of the corner of his eye, Iruka sees Kakashi's head tilt, as if in thought.
"You have nice eyes," Kakashi says, which causes Iruka's head to snap up, startled. Surely he'd heard wrong. There's no way-- it has to be a joke-- But Kakashi isn't smirking, there is no teasing note in his voice.
"I'm sorry?"
Kakashi chuckles good-naturedly, rising from the floor. "Your eyes, Iruka-sensei. They're nice. That's the first thing I noticed."
Then he walks away, leaving Iruka bewildered, face hot, and slightly indignant for it. Not for the first time, he wonders if he's going crazy.
* * *
The day of Naruto's party arrives, and Iruka has been so busy and overworked with the planning of it that he almost sleeps through every one of his alarms. Because it's a Sunday, Naruto sleeps in, and Iruka coerces Kakashi and the rest of the security team into helping him with the finishing touches. Iruka had had a moment of foresight, deciding that a party including elementary school-age children ought to be held outdoors. The backyard of the Uzumaki mansion is quite large, though seldom utilized, and Iruka has seen to it that tables and chairs are set up.
Iruka doesn't think of what the boy's previous birthdays must have been like, and can't quite bring himself to read too much into the utterly bowled over, vulnerable look in Naruto's eyes when he'd been told to get ready for his party.
"It's a party for me?"
"Who else would it be for, silly?"
"Kakashi-sensei's here," the boy had said, eyes too bright, like he couldn't believe it. "And others are coming, too?"
"Well, of course."
"Even that jerk Sasuke?"
"Manners, Naruto."
"Er, sorry, Iruka-sensei."
It's easy not to think of these things when he can watch the boy running around barefoot, exuding unbridled glee and wearing a lopsided party hat, fleeing in earnest from a determined looking Sakura. Iruka smiles widely and turns his attention to the other guests. His eyes, inevitably, are drawn to Kakashi, and this isn't something he wants to think too much about either, just now.
Kakashi holds himself with a level of discipline that speaks of years of experience and control and poise if not some military training as well. It's not that he's constantly rigid or at attention or even looking serious; quite the opposite, in fact. It's that even in his trademark slouch, in the bored look the man wears everywhere, Iruka can see the underlying tension, like a coiled spring, everything else simply a cleverly crafted picture of indifference.
It is subtle, something Iruka would miss if it weren't for the fact that he's studying Kakashi, trying to analyze the man without half realizing it, and even then it's too easy to take the man's facade for granted. It melts away when Iruka blinks and Kakashi is letting himself be tackled by Lee and Kiba, and Iruka can't put words to the swell of emotion he feels when Kakashi looks up, straight at him. Iruka's face goes red at being caught staring.
This distraction is how Anko gets the drop on him, gleefully dumping a full cup of ice down his shirt and cackling madly at his shout of outrage before sprinting away easily. Somehow, the security team is having as much fun as the children. Well, a good amount of the security team, in any case.
Lee has been accompanied by his father, Gai, who had volunteered to help keep an eye on the kids. It turns out that Kakashi and Gai actually know each other fairly well, though apparently neither had expected to see the other at a birthday party. Iruka watches their exchange with a mix of amusement and mild bewilderment. If nothing else, their dynamic is a decidedly odd one.
"My Most Esteemed Rival!"
"Gai."
"So cool, as always!"
Kakashi gets a look in his eye, but just before Iruka can classify it as dangerous and attempt to flee, he's being pulled by the wrist to be introduced.
"This is my boyfriend, Iruka."
"I, er, yes. We do know each other, Kakashi."
Granted, Gai knows him as Lee's teacher, and not as Kakashi's boyfriend, but that's hardly the point. The point is that Kakashi really, really looks entirely too pleased with himself, now that he's found a victim to act as a buffer between himself and Gai. Iruka privately swears revenge by creative means, especially when Izumo and Kotetsu start making ridiculous faces at him from across the yard.
"Fair Iruka-Sensei Is The Beloved Of My Good Friend Kakashi! This Is Quite A Happy Coincidence!"
Then, the man actually bows. When he straightens up, the grin he's wearing somehow catches the sun and is so blinding that Iruka actually winces. Next to him, Kakashi has gone suspiciously silent, and if Iruka didn't know better, he might say that the man's cheekbones are looking a bit more... pink, than usual.
"I am going to kill you," Iruka mutters, from the corner of his mouth.
"Can you be persuaded to make it quick?" Kakashi replies, brushing their elbows together.
Iruka learns a lot of things. He learns that Kakashi and Gai are old childhood friends and that Gai is a cop (oddly fitting, Iruka thinks) and that Lee's enthusiasm is definitely influenced by Gai. He learns that Kakashi isn't nearly as put out by the man as he's currently pretending to be, and that Gai can do an absurd amount of walking around on his hands alone. Later, when they part ways because Iruka has to pull Sasuke and Naruto apart, he hears a loud Crash! come from the house.
Gai and Kakashi may or may not have broken a lamp in the excitement they call an arm wrestling contest that somehow had turned into a vigorous dance-off-- that's if Iruka is actually getting the gist of the story right. He decides that he really, really doesn't want to know the finer details of it. Kakashi had tried to blame it on Akamaru, but in the end, Iruka makes him and Gai clean up the sorry remains of the shattered lamp while he busies himself with checking on the children. He's vaguely worried about the rest of the furniture until Gai and Kakashi sheepishly come back outside in time for cake.
Bullying Kakashi into singing 'Happy Birthday' with the rest of the party is definitely one of the high points in Iruka's day, right up there with the look of absolute, irrepressible glee written on Naruto's features by the end of the song. Then there are presents, and Naruto beams so widely that Iruka's chest almost aches.
It's no surprise that Naruto's favorite presents are ninja related in some way or another. What does surprise Iruka is when Naruto is in the middle of opening one, Kakashi goes quite still, as if he's holding his breath. Iruka looks from Naruto, to the half unwrapped gift, and then to Kakashi before realization dawns. Kakashi is actually nervous about his how his gift will be received. Oddly enough, the anticipation on Naruto's features practically mirrors Kakashi's own, and Iruka promptly chokes on his cake when the first word he can think of to describe it happens to be 'adorable'. He has to be thwacked repeatedly on the back by Kakashi before raising a hand to let everyone know he's fine, embarrassed at making a scene. Naruto had actually paused to regard him with some concern.
Naruto unwraps presents like most children of his age, tearing at paper with the kind of fervor that Iruka can hardly remember feeling, it's been so long. Still, the boy looks more blissfully happy than Iruka can recall, like he has more than enough joy to share with everyone at the party and then some. Naruto's mouth is a wide 'o' as he pulls out what look to be authentic tabi socks, a book about the history of ninja, a set of plastic shuriken, and a mask that bears quite the resemblance to Kakashi's own.
Something ignites in Iruka's chest, like a spark, when Kakashi's arm brushes casually against his, tentative, and Iruka doesn't hesitate to reciprocate the action. Because it can't be an accident, the brush of the arm, the carefully chosen gifts, all of the meticulously placed words in their conversations leading up to this point, and Iruka is really and truly out of his depth. Kakashi is all mystery and reservedness wrapped up in indiscernible motives and unexpected kindness and beautiful ethereality. He is all of those things and still manages to hide his wildness under the surface, just out of reach until he needs to call upon it. Iruka thinks: That shouldn't be so endearing, and: Kakashi looks so much younger without the mask, and: I really never had a chance.
Iruka feels cold and hot and unable to keep up with specific words, because the sights and sounds surrounding him have become a bit of a blur. When he remembers this day, this moment, it will be made up of stuttered memories; the most stark images imprinted in his mind forever, enshrouded with a mix of euphoria and fear and the sensation of clear laughter: Naruto launching himself at Kakashi in a hug around the waist, Kakashi's surprise, Naruto refusing to let the man go for a good few seconds, and Kakashi's halfhearted attempts to pry him off. Iruka will remember the feeling of his heart constricting in his chest as he laughs along, and the way Kakashi turns to him and manages to convey countless words without opening his mouth.
Iruka will remember this visceral ache and the way it translates into wanting more than anything to turn and kiss the man full on the mouth, in front of everyone, and... not having the nerve to do so.
* * *
"Naruto is literally a party animal," Kakashi remarks, later, face hidden behind Icha Icha as he pretends to help Iruka clean up the aftermath of the party.
"I think he did less damage than you and Gai. Though I still can't believe he hugged you for giving him a book," Iruka chuckles.
"Maa, was going to go for Icha Icha, but..."
"Kakashi, he's nine."
"Exactly! Too young to enjoy the finer aspects of Icha Icha, I thought."
"Well, he certainly appreciated your gifts, if not your presence. So I wanted to thank you, again. For being here today."
"Maa, it was nothing."
"No, it really wasn't." Iruka smiles, feeling warm as he recalls Naruto's face. "You didn't have to get him anything, but he really looks up to you, you know."
Kakashi makes a noncommittal sound, which is mostly to cover up how pleased he is by the comment. "If I go blind from that jacket, you will be to blame."
"It is very orange," Iruka agrees. He'd seen it in the store and immediately thought of Naruto. When the boy had unwrapped it, crowing with delight, Iruka had breathed a sigh of relief. Presents were tricky. Iruka had not had very many birthday parties as a child, and is always drawn to purchasing practical gifts for others. Or, as his friends like to tease him, boring ones. Iruka's only worry is that he hasn't thought far ahead enough to come up with a way to make the boy take the jacket off. It could be a problem. He'd also included books in his gift, but he's pretty sure the hug he'd received was more for the jacket and ramen vouchers.
"You really think he looks up to me?"
"Well... yes," Iruka chuckles, because it should really be obvious to the man at this point. "Though I can't imagine why. I can still kick your ass at the Wii."
"Oho," Kakashi says, pushing off of the arm of the couch, where he's been leaning. He stalks towards Iruka, a mischievous gleam in his eye. "Is that so, sensei. What do you say to some... actual sparring, then?"
When Iruka ignores him to bend over and pick up a napkin, Kakashi actually whistles. Iruka can feel his cheeks heat, which is really, really getting old. "The party's over, you lousy pervert, you can drop your cover already," Iruka deadpans without thinking, rolling his eyes as he straightens up, but it must come out more harshly than he means it to.
Kakashi is standing very still, with an indecipherable look on his features. When Iruka blinks, it's gone, already shunted away, and the man is wearing a perfectly neutral expression, the cracks in his facade gone. "I see."
Iruka kicks himself, quick to apologize. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean--"
"No," Kakashi interrupts, still feigning nonchalance, "No, ah, you're right, Iruka-sensei. I apologize. I should go. It's getting late. My apologies for overstaying my welcome. I won't trouble you further."
"Kakashi, that isn't even--"
"Have a good night, Iruka-sensei."
Minutes after Kakashi's gone, Iruka is still standing there, reeling, because What just happened? Finally, he snaps out of it, throwing himself into a nearby chair. "You idiot," he says, vehement. "You utter, utter idiot!"
He isn't sure who he's talking to.
* * *
The morning that it all gets shot to hell starts off relatively normal. Miserable, but normal enough. Looking back, Iruka isn't able to bring himself to be too surprised by the way things play out, hindsight being what it is.
It's a Monday, and Iruka has not had a good night's sleep, which never bodes well when one is about to face a classroom of energetic children. The fact that it's at least half Kakashi's fault doesn't make things any better, because the man is nowhere to be found. Iruka has tried his best to brush off what had happened the previous night as a silly misunderstanding, but the tangle of emotions he's combating doesn't make it easy. It's annoying that Kakashi should affect him at all, really.
But Naruto is a great distraction if there ever was one-- the boy bursts into the kitchen where Iruka is trying to keep busy by making apple pancakes. He's wearing his new orange jacket over his pajamas, beaming, and Iruka finds himself grinning back. "I hope you're hungry."
Naruto wrinkles his nose at the idea of fruit in his pancakes, but ends up being pleasantly surprised.
"Where is Kakashi-sensei?"
"I'm not sure," Iruka says, trying to come across as nonchalant. "I'm sure he'll turn up."
By the time they're on their way out the door, Iruka has almost succeeded in putting the man out of his mind, too caught up instead with helping Naruto search for his misplaced backpack. Kakashi turns out to be waiting outside. The car ride on the way to school is tense, and is thankfully filled with Naruto's oblivious ramblings, which serve to combat the awkward silences. When Kakashi does deign to speak to him, it's all businesslike and terse, and Iruka hates it.
Because it isn't Kakashi. Because now that he actually knows the man, it's painfully obvious.
Things continue at a steady pace of agony for a good portion of the day. Iruka knows he's being silly, that he's probably overreacting, that he needs to get over it, find some way to fix things-- but it's Kakashi that's avoiding him, Kakashi that's ignoring him when he tries to start up a conversation or make eye contact, and Kakashi that storms out of the room as soon as the lunch break rolls around, like he can't wait to get away from Iruka. It's hard not to take it personally, and Iruka quickly goes from hurt to downright angry at the situation.
Iruka's mood isn't helped any by the realization that he's left his lunch at home, and he feels a massive headache coming on. Which is why, when Kakashi bursts into the room, looking panicked, Iruka's first instinct is to scream at the man.
"Kakashi, you idiot!" he shouts, rising from his desk so quickly that the chair topples over behind him. Kakashi goes stiff, visible eye narrowed, obviously not anticipating being insulted upon entering. "I've been trying to apologize to you all day, and you are making it really, really diffi--"
"Naruto's missing."
All of the color drains out of Iruka's face at once. "What?"
"Naruto is missing."
Iruka runs.
He doesn't get very far, because Kakashi runs after him, grabbing onto the sleeve of his shirt and whirling him around. Kakashi looks furious, but that's just on the surface. He looks terrified. Iruka's fury ebbs away with each deep breath. He needs to be calm, he needs to be rational.
"Iruka, listen. We never actually expected Naruto to be in any danger, but--"
"What!"
"Look, it's a bit complicated-- We knew there was a company spy, but we misjudged. We never expected more than one person to be involved-- Mizuki-- anyway, my job was to find and eliminate the spy, and we thought..."
"You thought it was me? Why would--"
"We didn't know! We were sure it had to be someone who had access to the house but wasn't under excessive scrutiny. It was the most logical--"
"But Mizuki?"
"Has been acting as the go-between for Orochimaru and the company spy for months, but we-- we think he's become impatient and intends to curry favor with Orochimaru by kidnapping Naruto."
"And you let him out of your sight because you thought I was the spy!"
"No, no I didn't, actually. I did it because those were my orders. And you can shout at me later, when Naruto's safe!"
Iruka can't breathe. His heart seems to be pounding somewhere in between his ears, and his chest aches and he can't even begin to process the information that Kakashi's just dumped on him, and its implications.
Naruto is missing.
Mizuki has Naruto.
Mizuki is in league with the spy.
Mizuki has Naruto.
Naruto is--
All Iruka can do is run through the halls of the school, hoping that he or Kakashi can find the boy; they've split up, but they really have no idea where to start. Genma and the team won't be arriving for a while yet, and Iruka's stomach does a sickening flip, because what if it's too late by then? He thinks in terms of logic and efficiency and figures, in routes and blueprints and strategy. He knows this school and he knows Naruto and he'd thought he knew Mizuki. He thinks, I am going to kill him. I am going to kill him with my bare hands and it still won't be enough, it is never going to be enough if he's hurt Naruto. He thinks, Was everything about Kakashi just an elaborate act?
He tries to stop thinking, then.
* * *
The grounds of the academy are vast, and Iruka is running out of breath, but when he hears the sound of a gunshot ring out, he flies towards the source.
He thinks, no silencer? He thinks: faster.
* * *
Naruto has a gun and Mizuki is snarling and Naruto is backing away, panting, and Mizuki is lunging for the boy and Naruto has a gun.
He doesn't manage to keep ahold of it for very long.
* * *
The scene is frozen like a still image, like a paused movie: Naruto and Mizuki and a gun and the space between them, and the space between Iruka and them, all that space, stretching and shrinking.
Mizuki is breathing heavily and Naruto is trembling with fear and Iruka is sailing through the air but feels like he's moving through water.
Time is frozen; it's the space of a split second that seems to go on forever for Iruka, like a single note looping endlessly. There was no space for a decision, but just enough time for instinct, and now this: The gunshot and the burst of pain and Naruto's scream and... Kakashi's voice, rending the air? It doesn't make any sense.
And then, Mizuki's shout of pain.
No, that's out of order. Everything is chaos.
Iruka crumples, but somehow manages to land so that he's shielding Naruto. That's important-- that's the only thing he can hold on to, just now. Iruka's eyes focus and unfocus and there is pain and shouting and blood and another gunshot and then Mizuki's shout of pain. Iruka's chest hurts and his head hurts and his fingertips hurt, which makes no sense. Naruto whimpers and Kakashi's face comes into view and all Iruka can say or try to say is, "You're late." He tastes blood.
Kakashi's next words surge and ebb as darkness creeps in on Iruka's senses. Got lost on the road of life, I'm sorry, Iruka-- hang in there, don't you dare-- It sounds like forced levity and terror and desperation and Iruka laughs, or coughs, and there is more blood in his mouth, now. He promptly passes out.
* * *
Iruka wakes amid beeping and whirring machines, shivering. Returning to consciousness is slow going and comes in waves. He hears the machines, and a low voice, and feels the cold. There is pain, a persistent if somewhat dulled ache, like he's still too groggy to process it fully. Iruka's stomach rolls at the scent of disinfectant-- hospital? --and he fights to open his eyes.
He regrets it when he does, biting down on the panic of seeing so many tubes and wires and machines and Kakashi. The light is blinding, and Iruka feels as if all of his energy has been spent in waking up, which is ironic, but thinking about it just intensifies the ache. He squeezes his eyes shut, wincing.
He says, "Hrngh?"
"Shh, I'll be here when you wake up."
There is the sensation of warmth, on his cheeks-- no, just one, like the gentle stroke of knuckles, and Iruka drifts back to sleep, mildly puzzled.
* * *
When he wakes up the second time, Iruka is sure it's Kakashi's voice that he's hearing, deep and even and washing over him like warmth. His brain feels less muddled, though the sensation of pain persists. Iruka groans and says, "Are you reading me Icha Icha?" He blinks fully awake at Kakashi's answering chuckle, then freezes.
"Naruto--"
"Is perfectly fine, sensei. Relax."
"You are not off the hook," Iruka mutters, willing his muscles to unclench.
"For reading you Icha Icha?"
"You know exactly what I mean. Incorrigible pervert. Can't you let me die in peace?"
"You can't mean that-- here, listen, I was just getting to the good part!"
Iruka regards Kakashi with a scowl, because everything hurts, and there is a madman sitting in his hospital room being insufferable. He says as much.
"Oh, I'm the madman? If you'll recall, Iruka-sensei, I'm not the one with a penchant for flinging myself in front of guns. Usually."
Kakashi's words are mocking, but his tone is shaky, forced. He's sitting close to the bed in what looks to be a horribly uncomfortable hospital chair, and, true to Iruka's expectations, is holding Icha Icha in his free hand. Iruka looks down, and says, "Oh," because Kakashi's other hand is tightly gripping his own, radiating warm reassurance. How had he not noticed that before now? Kakashi blinks, then quickly drops it, apologizing.
The warmth fades, and Iruka glances up at the ceiling. Like if he looks hard enough, he can see all of the half-formed, unsaid questions and words and deeds and the future, hanging over their heads, almost palpable. This could be fate. Or love. Or whatever drugs he's on that make it difficult to untangle the present from the future, to choose a course of action.
It's probably a mixture of all of it, Iruka thinks, as the moment stretches on like a held breath. Like the moment before taking a leap of faith. He makes a decision-- or he made it some time ago-- it doesn't really matter-- and follows through.
He says, "No, wait, I--" and grabs Kakashi's hand back. His cheeks redden and he mutters, "This is such a cliche," and time snaps back to normal all at once, like an exhalation, like he can finally breathe.
"It's only a cliche if I offer you a sponge bath, isn't it?"
Iruka barks out a laugh, ignoring the pain that comes along with it. "I didn't mean a porn cliche, you idiot."
"Is that a 'no' on the sponge bath, then?" Kakashi wiggles his eyebrows, chuckling.
"Oh god, I'm actually stuck with you, aren't I? I'm doomed."
Instead of firing back with an expected retort, Kakashi goes quiet, sober, frowning. "You underwent two hours in surgery, you know. We were sure you were gone-- you should have seen Anko and Naruto and--"
Iruka's heart clenches in a way that has nothing to do with his recent chest wound. He studies Kakashi closely, the way his voice cracks and his expression topples, and how it's rebuilt in the space of seconds, smoothing out. "Oh," he says again, and squeezes Kakashi's hand, going for a bright smile that makes his face twinge. "But I'm fine now, alright?"
"You had better be," Kakashi growls out, squeezing back.
"You were scared," Iruka breathes, half amused, half in awe. "You-- you're still-- It wasn't all an act."
Kakashi flinches, as if burned, and ducks his head to hide his features. "Did you really think it was?"
"Well, was it?"
"You are impossible," Kakashi mutters. He straightens up to look Iruka directly in the eyes. Iruka takes in the sight of him, rumpled shirt and wilting hair and almost imperceptibly trembling hands.
"And you're not always as brave as you would have people think," Iruka says, but without ire. He looks at the sterile white walls, looks at the wires and tubes still connecting him to various machines, and sighs. It's a little hypocritical, he thinks, justified or not. "But then, neither am I."
Kakashi hums thoughtfully, silent for a few moments before pulling down his mask with his free hand, his mouth quirked into an unreadable expression. "I rather think I resent that, Iruka-sensei."
Iruka only has a split-second warning before Kakashi's lips seal over his.
~ Owari ~