The Secret's In The Telling [1/2]
Title: The Secret's In The Telling
Pairing: Iruka/Kakashi
Rating: PG
Word Count: 12,500
Disclaimer: AU. Characters belong to Masashi Kishimoto. Writing belongs to me.
Summary: Sometimes, the Road of Life detours through the produce aisle. Where it goes from there is anyone's guess.
Notes: Written for this year's KakaIru Winter Exchange Fest! My first AU, but it was insanely fun to write. I never expected it to get this long, but I'm pretty happy with how it turned out! Many thanks to my awesome betas, avocado_love and gryvon for making this readable and generally holding my hand throughout the process, even though I whined and worried a lot. <3
When they meet, there are no fireworks, no hint of what is to come. This fact, this memory, is very firm in Iruka's mind. Not because he takes any special care in the remembering of it, but because he finds he cannot shake it from his mind. They meet, absurdly, at a supermarket. Iruka is aware of the ridiculousness of this, which does nothing to stop tenderness from creeping in on the edges of the memory when he chooses to examine it like a curiosity, hidden away and only for his eyes.
There are, instead, eggplants, and the slightly chilly air of the produce section, and annoying fluorescent lights that do nothing for Iruka's impending headache. There is also--and this is most definitely the oddest if not most intriguing bit--a well-dressed man with a shock of silver hair, murmuring to himself, and blocking all polite access to the eggplants.
Iruka is in a hurry, and hardly has the time to take in the sight of this slouched stranger who actually seems to be fondling the eggplants, let alone start up a conversation. Still, lateness is no reason for rudeness, and so Iruka says, "Excuse me," hoping the man will simply move long enough to let him snatch a couple of the vegetables. Iruka idly wonders if eggplants are actually classified as a vegetable when the stranger sidesteps, raising one hand in apology.
"Ah, sorry, sorry."
Then Iruka notices that the man's hair is even more... unusual from the front than from the side. Some of it is sticking straight up while other parts are flopping into the man's eyes and over his ears. Iruka can't help but wonder if it's a deliberate style or simply misfortune. The man is also wearing an eye patch over his left eye, and a face mask hides his mouth and most of his nose. His visible eye is curved up in what Iruka assumes to be a rueful smile. Iruka catalogues this with casual detachedness, though a hint of appreciation for the man's appearance manages to creep into his thoughts. Iruka beats it down. He is going to be late and ogling strangers at a supermarket is a terrible, terrible excuse.
"No problem," Iruka says easily, as he leans forward to grab a couple of eggplants. "Just in a hurry to make some tempura for my little brother-- I'll sneak some vegetables into his diet if it kills me." Iruka isn't sure what possessed him to say that. He is cooking for Naruto, but the boy isn't even distantly related to him. He smiles, trying his best not to come across as a person who lies to strangers at supermarkets. He feels ridiculously out of place in his rumpled sweater vest and disheveled hair.
The statement seems to catch the other man off guard, because what little of his face Iruka can see seems to be in conflict with itself. It's as if the stranger can't decide whether to laugh appreciatively or grimace.
"Eugh, tempura," the stranger finally settles on, but still looks vaguely amused. His mouth is probably quirked under the mask. Iruka resolutely doesn't think about it because he is going to be late, he reminds himself.
Which is why it's absurd that he can't help himself from replying, just a bit defensively, "What's wrong with tempura?" Because it might not be ramen, but it doesn't exactly scream 'Vegetables incognito!' which is the only thing he's worried about where Naruto's concerned.
"Nothing, if you don't mind wrecking perfectly good eggplants," the stranger scoffs. "Though I suppose your cunning plan requires it."
Iruka, who is now ridiculously self-conscious, rubs at the scar crossing his nose. "Ah, um, right," he says, wondering why in the world he opened his mouth in the first place and how to go about beating a hasty retreat without appearing rude in front of a handsome, if peculiar, stranger. It's not exactly cowardly fleeing, Iruka reasons, if he's going to be late. "Well. Have a nice evening," he finishes lamely, sufficiently flustered.
Later, sometime between cooking dinner for Naruto and helping the boy with his homework, Iruka is finally able to put the stranger out of his mind.
So that is where they meet. But if he wanted to be entirely accurate, Iruka would say that where things actually start is a completely different matter.
* * *
A few days later, during a mandatory staff meeting, Iruka does a double take so hard that it nearly gives him whiplash. Sitting across from him at the table, with a dubiously bright orange novel obscuring his face, is the Eggplant Zealot. Iruka would know that hair anywhere. He doesn't quite tack on 'unfortunately' to this last thought, but it's a close thing.
It is much, much too early for Iruka's brain to have to deal with something like this. For a minute, he actually thinks he may still be asleep, because how could this be possible? Iruka takes a deep breath, blinks, and is still unable to do much more than stare outright at the man. It has to be some kind of cosmic joke.
Or, possibly, Iruka is going mad.
Lowering his book, the man regards Iruka with subtle surprise. Iruka can read it in the almost imperceptible widening of the man's visible eye, and smiles reflexively in acknowledgement.
"Yo," the other man says, raising a hand in greeting, "Tempura-san!"
Izumo, who is sitting to Iruka's left, goes into silent paroxysms of laughter at the expression on Iruka's face, barely able to hide his amusement behind his cup of coffee. If he listens very carefully, Iruka is sure he can hear his polite but doomed smile shatter on the table where it has slipped from his face, replaced by a deep flush of humiliation. He kicks Izumo under the table and nods politely.
Moments later, when the garish book has been lifted back into place, Iruka realizes that it's one of Jiraya-san's works. He allows himself a moment of indignation. Genma interrupts Iruka's thoughts by finally swaggering into the room to start the meeting, and Iruka looks towards the ceiling in silent thanks.
Iruka hopes to have this meeting done with as quickly as possible so he can get on with his day. So of course Genma drops a bombshell.
Shiranui Genma is Head Of Security at the Uzumaki mansion; not that one could easily guess it by his appearance-- his build and nonchalance belie his job description. His honey-colored hair is perpetually hidden under a navy blue bandana. Mitarashi Anko is currently running bets on whether or not the man is hiding a bald spot. On Iruka's first day, Genma had spent minutes frantically searching for his briefing notes before finally pulling the crumpled napkin they were written on from his pocket. Iruka had been mildly alarmed that no one seemed surprised. Genma perpetually chews on toothpicks, and there are also bets on when and where he'll finally swallow one by accident.
Genma introduces the stranger as Hatake Kakashi. Kakashi barely deigns to look up from his book, simply raising a hand in greeting. "Yo."
For some inexplicable reason, Kakashi catches Iruka's eye over the book, and wiggles his eyebrows suggestively. Iruka responds by stiffening and going very red in the cheeks-- and not in a good way. Iruka isn't about to interrupt Genma, who reveals that Kakashi is the newest addition to the security team, specifically tasked with providing extra protection for Naruto. Iruka would groan aloud if this new information didn't raise red flags-- this is the first he's hearing about the boy being in danger; anymore than usual, that is.
Uzumaki Naruto happens to be the orphaned son of the last CEO and owner of Konoha Incorporated. He's also the future heir of the company, though the boy has no idea about this. The current CEO, Sarutobi Hiruzen, is Naruto's legal guardian and wants the boy to be able to grow up as normal as possible, given the circumstances. Normal is the last word Iruka would use to describe Naruto; willful, loud, and energetic spring to mind instead. Heir or not, Iruka is determined to treat him the same as he would any other student. From what Iruka's been able to gather, Naruto had gone through an alarming number of nannies and boarding schools before arriving in Iruka's classroom. Within weeks of meeting Naruto, Iruka had been approached and offered a position by Konoha Inc. as a live-in tutor and caretaker (Iruka is fond of kids, but will deck anyone who calls him a nanny) for the boy. To this day, Iruka isn't sure if that had been because of his qualifications, because Sarutobi-sama had been a close friend of his parents, or because they couldn't find anyone else at all to take the job. Probably, it's a mix of all three; Iruka wouldn't be too surprised, in any case. Even the security team seems mildly afraid of Naruto, and Iruka doubts that it's because the boy will be their boss one day. Which isn't to say that others working in the company don't feel this way. As exuberant as Naruto is, or perhaps because of it, he's rarely seen in the company of the other children, even at school.
"We're dealing with an information leak, which means a breach of security. It could potentially lead to Naruto being at risk-- which is where Kakashi comes in, as I've mentioned. Our intelligence points to Otogakure being the culprit, but we don't have enough evidence at the moment-- that snake Orochimaru is probably behind it somehow." Genma pauses, looking pointedly from Iruka to Kakashi. "Are there any questions so far?"
Kakashi pipes up, finally lowering his book completely. "Maa... I'm to babysit the boy and his nanny. Shouldn't be a problem." He smirks. Iruka isn't sure how he knows this, with a good portion of Kakashi's face being covered, but he just does. Iruka is also pretty sure that everyone at the table can hear his teeth grinding together, especially because of the sudden, heavy silence that has descended. It's almost like they're waiting for his shouts of outrage. Not that Iruka can be driven to shouts of outrage this easily. He just glares at Kakashi until Genma, who is possibly choking on his toothpick, hurriedly moves on to what effectively ruins Iruka's day and foreseeable future.
"Kakashi will need a cover; a good reason to be around a lot. The last thing we want to do is scare Naruto by dumping a bodyguard on him for no reason. We've already briefed Kakashi on the details-- he will be working undercover as your boyfriend, Iruka-sensei, as well as a teacher's aide."
"WHAT!"
Genma raises a brow at first at Iruka, then turns it on Anko, who is sniggering rather loudly. He clears his throat, looking vaguely sheepish, but nonetheless determined. "These orders come straight from Sarutobi-sama, and I'm sure you are aware of the terms of your contract, Iruka-sensei. We've already set things up with the school, and--"
"I apologize, Genma-san," Iruka says hastily. He wants to crawl underneath the table and die. He's sure his face is bright red with mortification. The entire room is staring at him either outright or furtively. To his left, Izumo is trying to convey sympathy, but it's ruined by the man's obvious amusement. Next to Izumo, Kotetsu isn't doing a much better job of hiding his mirth, and Iruka doesn't dare look towards Kakashi, who knew. Anko is still snickering, albeit quieter, and Ibiki, sitting next to her, simply looks bored and completely unamused.
Genma, thankfully, dismisses the meeting before Iruka can lose the last shreds of his dignity. Although Iruka makes a beeline towards the door, Raidou catches up with him, tone apologetic. "If we could have come up with a better cover, we'd have used it, Iruka. This just seemed to make the most sense; honestly, we didn't think you'd mind that much... But you seem to know Kakashi?"
Iruka shrugs, trying to convey a lightness that he doesn't feel. "No, although I'm sure I will soon enough. I, ah, I guess I was just surprised. Didn't exactly expect to walk out of here with a boyfriend," he laughs, trying to sound indifferent. "But I'm going to be late if I don't leave, sorry." He smiles stiffly before turning to go, not in the mood to talk, and especially not about Kakashi.
* * *
"So when you said you were going to cook for your brother the other night..."
Kakashi has, infuriatingly, caught up with him in the hall as Iruka is on his way out the door. Iruka scowls, forcing down the sudden, strong desire to strangle him. Maybe he could make it look like an accident.
"Not that it's your business, but yes, I meant Naruto. No, we're not actually related, as I'm sure you know by now. Slip of the tongue."
Kakashi merely spreads his hands in an approximation of innocent courtesy that dissolves into teasing mockery if one looks close enough, and Iruka is. "Just curious, sensei. No need to get all up in arms about it." His tone isn't actually malicious, which is mildly infuriating to Iruka; he's being deliberately wound up for Kakashi's amusement. "Can't a man get to know his boyfriend better?"
Iruka opens his mouth to fire off a scathing reply, but shuts it just as quickly. He is going to have to put up with Kakashi all day for the foreseeable future, and on top of it, he's going to have to pretend that he likes him. It will be infinitely worse if they can't just figure out how to get along right now. If only for Naruto's sake, he tells himself. "Right. Okay," Iruka says, the model of politeness, hoping to salvage the situation. "I apologize. Let me start over. It's a pleasure to meet you, Hatake-san."
"Likewise, Iruka-sensei." No one should be able to make 'sensei' sound so dirty and make Iruka feel homicidal this early in the day, but somehow Kakashi manages to do both with a single sentence. The future looks very grim indeed, Iruka thinks, as Kakashi continues, "Shall I tell you about my likes and dislikes? My greatest dream?"
"I really don't think that will be necessary right now."
"Don't you want to hear about my hobbies, Iruka-sensei?"
Kakashi is saved from a grizzly end when Naruto bounds up to the door, backpack askew, his hair and t-shirt looking as if he's only just rolled out of bed. There are still crumbs stuck to his face, presumably from his breakfast. Iruka clears his throat, restraining himself from launching into a lecture, mostly because they're going to be late if he does. "Good morning, Naruto."
"G'morning, Iruka-sensei." Naruto yawns widely and eyes Kakashi quizzically. "Morning, Cyclops."
"Excuse me?"
It takes all of Iruka's considerable restraint not to let out a sharp bark of laughter at Kakashi's comically appalled face, as it would be a bad example for Naruto. Still, Iruka privately feels a rush of fondness towards the boy, even as he attempts to admonish him with what completely fails to be a stern look.
"Who is he?" Naruto asks, trailing after Iruka to the car. He glances at Kakashi, who has that despicable orange book out again, then looks at Iruka expectantly.
"I'll tell you on the way," Iruka sighs, defeated.
* * *
Iruka had wanted to break the news to Naruto carefully, and possibly vaguely. So of course Kakashi makes it impossible to do so, choosing instead to go with insufferable dramatics.
"I'm your sensei's boyfriend and I can't bear to be apart from him."
"You're a terrible liar, is what you are. He... he's going to be helping me out at school, Naruto."
"Oh, my love, you wound me deeply!"
"I wish I could."
"I love you too, darling."
Iruka wants to make gagging noises at Kakashi's theatrics, but Naruto beats him to it.
"I didn't know you had a boyfriend, Iruka-sensei!"
Funny, neither did I.
"Yes, well. Kakashi-san may seem odd, but you'll be seeing him around more often. Is that okay?" Iruka doesn't know why he even asks this, since it's not like he could do much about it if Naruto did object.
"...Can we get ramen tonight?"
"Well..." Iruka looks over to Kakashi, who shrugs. Eating a meal in public with Kakashi is not high on Iruka's list of things he would like to do, but Naruto shouldn't have to suffer because of it.
"Iruka-senseiii," Naruto whines, "I haven't had ramen for ever."
Iruka scoffs at this, rolling his eyes with more affection than he means to let show, and ignores Kakashi's badly hidden chuckle when he replies, "Naruto, it's only been two days."
"I know! Two whole days!" The boy's vulpine grin does nothing for Iruka's self-restraint.
"We'll see," Iruka says, but it's in a tone that even Naruto knows is more or less a confirmation.
It's almost absurd how well Naruto takes the news. The boy is mistrustful of strangers at the best of times. Scarcely a week ago, Naruto had, inexplicably, gotten his hands on a carton of rotten eggs and dumped the lot of them on Uchiha Sasuke during recess. Iruka still isn't sure why, but has since decided he probably doesn't want to know. Kakashi doesn't come to any harm on the drive to school, though Iruka catches Naruto sneaking glimpses of him. He seems less interested about why Kakashi is present than he does about Kakashi's appearance. Not that Iruka can blame him. Kakashi, predictably, reads. A small part of Iruka is secretly relieved that Kakashi has decided to leave him alone at least for the time being, because it's one less thing he needs to worry about.
It doesn't last long.
Iruka really should have expected the fiasco that is introducing Kakashi as his new teacher's aide, training Kakashi to be his new teacher's aide, enduring frankly horrifying pet names, giving up on Kakashi being anything like a teacher's aide, and generally being thwarted by the universe at every turn. He isn't even able to scream abuse at the man, because it would wreck his relationship cover and probably scare his class needlessly. Still. Iruka is going to kill Genma.
By the end of the day, Iruka has a massive headache, and does not relish the thought of spending more time in Kakashi's company. The man isn't incompetent; Iruka knows this, which is why it's so infuriating that Kakashi wasn't around to stop Kiba from gluing his hand to his desk when Iruka was breaking up yet another fight between Naruto and Sasuke. He likewise was nowhere to be found when Iruka mysteriously couldn't find a single red pen, or when Lee lost a baby tooth in the middle of snack time and needed to be escorted to the school nurse.
And yet, Kakashi would not go away when Iruka, after finally finding a new package of red pens, decided to grade homework. He had perched on the window sill ridiculously, reading during Iruka's lessons, and had hassled him during the entirety of recess and the lunch break. Iruka cannot remember the last time he has been so tired after work, and he has been an elementary school teacher for years.
Kakashi's life will be tragically cut short, Iruka decides, if the next day is a repeat performance.
* * *
Shockingly, Naruto isn't screaming at the top of his lungs about ramen when they finally arrive at Ichiraku's. This is slightly worrying to Iruka, because in his experience, a quiet Naruto never bodes well for anyone. The boy is silent and polite, and Iruka almost believes maybe, just maybe, he'll actually have uneventful night. It lasts until they are served, which is still pretty impressive for Naruto.
The typical Naruto impishness makes an appearance when he turns to Kakashi, mouth full of noodles, and brashly says, "You look funny."
"Naruto!"
Kakashi blinks and puts his chopsticks down, as if he's never heard something so ridiculous in his life. Then, he gets a mischievous look in his eye that can't mean anything good. "Well, Iruka-sensei seems to like the way I look, ne?"
"Don't flatter yourself," Iruka mutters, but Naruto doesn't catch it. Instead, the boy seems to consider Kakashi's reply for a few minutes before giving a shrug and going back to slurping his noodles. He looks up again a few minutes later, grinning widely.
"So what happened to your eye?"
"Uzumaki Naruto...!" Iruka reddens significantly and shoots an apologetic look at Kakashi, who only looks mildly amused. Iruka turns back to Naruto to level him with a glare that promises Dire Consequences if he doesn't remember his manners very, very quickly.
Naruto pouts, rather impressively. If Iruka is objective about it, he's never seen the boy this put out in such a close vicinity to ramen, and it's frankly unsettling.
"Childhood accident," Kakashi says, voice coming across as a bit faraway, like the man's been transported back a few years in his mind. Iruka is surprised to detect honesty in Kakashi's voice instead of the teasing undercurrent he usually picks up on.
"That's how Iruka-sensei got his scar too!" Naruto offers, then, apparently losing all interest in the conversation, goes back to his ramen.
"Oh?" Kakashi looks at Iruka for a few beats with a thoughtful expression.
Iruka has been trying his best to ignore Kakashi, but he has to admit that he's a bit curious about Kakashi's face. Namely, how in the world Kakashi manages to hide it while eating so neatly. Ramen isn't exactly an ideal food to eat with a mask on. Not that Iruka has been actively trying to catch him with his mask down. Naruto, on the other hand...
"You should eat another bowl of ramen," Naruto says, grinning, even though Kakashi isn't done with his first one.
"That's okay," Kakashi replies, playing oblivious. "I'm sure this will be enough."
"Staring is rude, Naruto," Iruka reprimands, after he catches him for the third time.
"Do you think he's a ninja, Iruka-sensei?" Naruto stage-whispers, his blue eyes wide. Iruka can hear the slurp of noodles from Kakashi's direction, but when Naruto's gaze shifts, hoping to find the man mask-less, his eyes just become even wider. Iruka turns around to find Kakashi with his mask firmly in place.
"He is a ninja," Naruto exclaims, pushing his empty bowl away. To Iruka's surprise, Kakashi merely chuckles good-naturedly.
"Either that, or he's hideous under there," Naruto looks pleased with his hypothesis. Iruka is stuck between being horrified on Kakashi's behalf (but not too much, as he's still annoyed by the amount of trouble Kakashi's given him today) and doubled over with laughter. Naruto does not mince words. Even when it comes to Iruka's pseudo-boyfriend, apparently.
"Hey! I'll have you know I am quite handsome under here," Kakashi says loftily.
"No, I bet you have, like... fat fish lips under there!"
"Naruto!"
"You should ask Iruka-sensei if I have fish lips," Kakashi smirks. "We kiss all the time."
"Eugh, kissing!"
Kakashi actually chuckles, a rich sound, and leans down to Naruto's eye-level, his visible eye mischievous. Iruka rolls his eyes at the ceiling and refrains from kicking Kakashi off of his stool. He does not think about kissing him.
"You really want to see under my mask?"
Naruto, of course, nods furiously. "Yeah!" Iruka cocks his head, trying and failing not to look too curious himself. Kakashi's eyes flick towards Iruka for a split second, no doubt grinning broadly under his mask, because it's stretched slightly.
"Well, you see," Kakashi says, raising his eyebrows as he looks around conspiratorially, "Underneath this mask is..."
Naruto leans so far forward that he's in danger of toppling out of his seat at any minute. Kakashi's finger comes up to rest where the mask starts, at the bridge of his nose. Naruto is, possibly, holding his breath. Kakashi pulls his mask down with a flourish. Naruto's jaw drops. Iruka doesn't think he's ever seen the boy so surprised, but then again, he very nearly gapes himself. He blinks, trying not to collapse into a fit of giggles at Naruto's uncomprehending expression alone.
"Another mask!" Kakashi exclaims, rather needlessly, at this point. Naruto's expression crumples then builds back up within the space of a minute.
"So you are a ninja," he says, looking pleased with himself. Then, looking furtively around, "I can't believe Iruka-sensei's boyfriend is a ninja! Don't worry, I won't tell anyone." He hops off the stool, grinning.
"Or he just has really bad allergies," Iruka deadpans quietly. He ducks his head when Kakashi straightens up to look at him. Iruka turns to Naruto, who is now unabashedly hero-worshipping Kakashi. Iruka can feel a migraine coming on. "You have no idea how badly he wants to be a ninja," Iruka says, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Now you'll never hear the end of it."
"Yes, well. It'll be our secret," Kakashi says to Naruto.
"Ninja indeed," Iruka mutters, hiding his amusement at Naruto's awe and Kakashi's penchant for dramatics.
"I am very flexible," Kakashi winks suggestively at Iruka, who goes scarlet, not out of embarrassment, but indignation.
"We are in public."
Kakashi shrugs, and before Iruka can add anything else he pays for the meal, hopping off his stool neatly and ignoring all protests from Iruka. Iruka resolutely does not feel any tenderness for the man.
* * *
Days go by and they fall into a routine of sorts. If Iruka really thinks about it, he would be alarmed by how quickly Kakashi has insinuated himself into their lives, for all Iruka knows next to nothing about him and Naruto is reluctant to trust others on a good day. Kakashi is even helpful sometimes, and as for the rest of the time, well, at least he isn't actively plotting more disasters for Iruka to deal with.
Iruka has come to terms with the fact that drastic measures will have to be taken to counteract Kakashi's Icha Icha obsession or to get Kakashi to stop teasing him. Kakashi is utterly and completely insufferable. Fortunately for him, Iruka has better things to do with his time than plot revenge in creative ways. At least, for now. As it is, Iruka tries not to think about Kakashi any more than he has to, but is horrified to find that he might actually be building up a tolerance for Kakashi-- that he's getting used to having him around. It's absurd.
It's not like Iruka's lonely. He has Naruto, after all.
The boy in question has taken to following Kakashi around, begging him to teach him 'ninja techniques', when he isn't causing mayhem elsewhere. Sometimes both of these activities go hand in hand, because Kakashi storms into the living room one day, where Iruka is grading papers, looking decidedly put out. The man's hair and skin is sprinkled with chalk dust, and a good amount of it has found its way onto his suit as well.
Iruka can't help himself, he bursts out laughing. "Don't tell me--"
"I appear to have found where your chalkboard eraser had disappeared to, sensei," Kakashi says gravely. Then he adds, "Do you know any good places to hide a body?"
Iruka just laughs harder, clutching at his sides, because Kakashi's serious voice doesn't at all match his humorous appearance. Naruto is going to get a Stern Talking To later on, but Iruka can't believe Kakashi, of all people, has been outsmarted by Naruto. With the aid of school supplies. He can't help but rib Kakashi a bit. "That is the oldest prank in the book!"
"Maybe I should make it two bodies," Kakashi mutters darkly, shaking his head. It only serves to create a small cloud of dust which reattaches itself elsewhere on his person. Iruka is caught between coughing and laughing, unable to dredge up very much pity at all.
"If it makes you feel better, he's pranked everyone at least once."
"Even you?"
"Yes," Iruka chuckles, reminiscing. "Except I didn't fall for it. Former prankster, and all."
Kakashi looks vaguely scandalized, or possibly about to sneeze. It shouldn't be a look that endears him to Iruka, even the slightest, because that would be ridiculous. Chalk dust does funny things to your insides, Iruka decides.
"Iruka-sensei, a former prankster? No, no, I refuse to believe it. Or is your whole Paragon of Virtue attitude just a clever act, sensei? It's always the quiet ones, isn't it? I've been terribly lax in looking underneath the underneath when it comes to you."
"Oh, spare me," Iruka mutters. Kakashi's probably going to hurt himself with the intensity of his ridiculous leer.
"You can't just leave it there, Iruka-sensei! Former prankster!"
Iruka sighs. "Well... I suppose I just wanted to be the center of attention. I lost my parents when I was young, and I didn't really have anyone else to notice me, unless I was getting into trouble... But that isn't the point," Iruka avoids Kakashi's gaze. "I'd say you got off lucky with that one. He must like you. One time, I kid you not, he had filled a bucket with mud, and Genma--"
Naruto chooses this moment to barge into the room, whooping in glee when he sees Kakashi, and the damage his prank has done. "You fell for it! You fell for it!"
Kakashi, for his part, looks nonchalant. Iruka bites down on a laugh and turns to regard Naruto sternly.
"Naruto..."
"Aww, I just wanted to see him act like a ninja! But, uh, he didn't. I was going to put the eraser back tomorrow!"
Iruka sighs and straightens his papers. "How about we get started on your homework?"
* * *
Iruka has been waiting for this moment. He's surprised that it hasn't come up sooner, actually.
Kakashi is sitting on the couch, pretending to read-- Iruka is sure he's faking at least half of the time, though the reason why eludes him. He can't even pretend to know Kakashi's motives, and rarely brings himself to try. It usually ends in a headache, anyway.
The point is, Naruto does not trust anyone who refuses to play the Wii with him, at least once. Privately, Iruka thinks this could be a pretty good test of character; or did, until Kakashi had huffed a small laugh and reluctantly agreed. Then again, it isn't as if Iruka thinks Kakashi is untrustworthy. The man just manages to be entirely incorrigible and has poor literary tastes and likes to rile Iruka endlessly like it's a game, and the most annoying part is that it works, even if the ribbing has been less scathing and more playful lately.
That's beside the point.
The game starts out friendly enough before dissolving, as competitive games often do, into just short of an all-out war. The fact that they're playing Wii Boxing doesn't help, either. Iruka can't blame Naruto; Kakashi is insufferably cool about it, even reading while beating him during one round. Iruka is actually worried that one of the controllers is destined to put a hole in the television before the day is done. He's slightly more worried that Naruto is going to explode in rage, though Kakashi will have deserved it for baiting the boy.
Finally, Naruto crosses his arms and glares at Kakashi with begrudging respect. "Fine, you win. But I bet you can't beat Iruka-sensei."
Kakashi raises his eyebrows. "Is that so?"
Iruka feels that he ought to be at least a little bit indignant at Kakashi's level of disbelief. "Hey!"
"What do you think, sensei? Wanna play?"
"You're horrible," Iruka groans.
"And you're stalling, sensei. Maa, I can't blame you. I can see why you'd be scared to lose."
Because it's Wii boxing and not, say, Wii golf (Iruka really, really can't stand Wii golf), Iruka accepts the challenge. But not before standing up and 'accidentally' stepping on Kakashi's foot when he goes to accept the controller from Naruto.
Within minutes, Kakashi's character is knocked out cold, Iruka is doubled over in manic laughter clutching at his chest, and Naruto says 'Hah!' over and over again, bouncing in place. The look of absolute disbelief on Kakashi's features will stay with Iruka forever, he's sure of it. His personal honor has been sufficiently defended, but better than that, Kakashi has been thoroughly thrashed.
"But you wear sweater vests!"
Iruka smirks.
"...Best two out of three."
"Oh, fine."
Iruka still beats him, in the end.
* * *
Mizuki, a fellow teacher at the school, stops by one evening. He arrives under the guise of delivering lesson plans, but is actually trying to lure Iruka out for drinks with Kotetsu and Izumo. It's usually a weekly occurrence; the four of them are childhood friends, but Iruka has been ridiculously busy lately and hasn't spent any time with them. Unfortunately, Iruka has already committed to cooking dinner with Naruto and has to turn him away, apologetic.
"Sorry, I've already made plans for the night. Maybe some other time?"
This is when Kakashi comes to the door and promptly drapes himself all over Iruka, with a challenging look at Mizuki. Things get awkward very quickly as Mizuki looks from Iruka to Kakashi, then back, confused. He obviously hadn't expected Iruka's teaching aide to be at home with him, let alone dressed so casually and acting this familiar. Understanding dawns on his features then, chased by irritation before settling back to normal. "Oh, er, sure. See you tomorrow, Iruka."
Iruka shoves Kakashi off as soon as the door closes, and glares at him. "Was that really necessary?" Inexplicably, Kakashi actually looks annoyed, but the look is gone as soon as Iruka blinks.
"Maa, just protecting our cover."
"You didn't need to do it so dramatically," Iruka rolls his eyes and tries not to think back to the sudden contact and Kakashi's warm presence. They haven't really had to play things up too much, and Iruka isn't used to having his personal space so unexpectedly violated. Or rather, he is, but not quite in this way. Kakashi usually just pokes him or nudges him. Once, Kakashi had flicked him on the tip of his nose. Iruka had punched him in the arm, hard, and Kakashi hasn't tried it again since.
Iruka walks away, feeling odd and skittish and unable to place the reason for it. Kakashi doesn't follow him, but Iruka can feel his stare.
The night goes downhill from there.
The acrid stench of smoke emanating from the kitchen has Iruka and Kakashi running towards the source, panicked. Iruka can't figure it out, because he hasn't even put anything in the oven yet. He'd only asked Naruto to preheat it, and--
As if he can sense Iruka's train of thought, Naruto shows up and starts shouting and waving his arms. "It's not my fault! I didn't do anything! I swear!"
Then the sprinklers go off.
Iruka flicks on the kitchen fan, coughing lightly, and turns the oven off. He bends down to look inside, baffled, and lets out a groan. He's dripping, Kakashi's dripping, and Naruto is, predictably, dripping.
"It wasn't my fault!" Naruto announces again, for good measure.
"I know, I know," Iruka says wearily. The oven is full of shattered glass and melted rubber and is going to be a horrendous nightmare to clean up. He'd forgotten to get the baking things out before asking Naruto to pre-heat it; probably because he'd still been flustered, but it's a poor excuse.
"I've suddenly lost my appetite," Kakashi deadpans, dodging a swipe of Iruka's hand. "And I'm wet," he adds, needlessly.
"We can eat ramen!" Naruto shrieks, just a bit too gleefully.
Kakashi, now convinced that the immediate danger is over, is back to his normal slouch, his eye looking pleadingly at Iruka, though he addresses Naruto. "Naruto, we just had ramen last night." Naruto had, once again, been unable to catch a glimpse of the man's face. So had Iruka, not that he'd been trying to.
"I know!"
Iruka levels Naruto with a stern, if slightly wry gaze. "No ramen tonight."
"Aww..."
"No broiled saury either, apparently," Iruka sighs, trying to think of what else to make.
"I could cook."
Iruka looks up, brows raised in surprise. He's mildly worried about Kakashi and cooking even being in the same sentence, but he doesn't exactly have a leg to stand on right now. Still, Kakashi had picked the batter off of his tempura the other night, and Iruka is convinced that anything Kakashi comes up with will be questionable. If only just because it's Kakashi.
"You don't have to do that," Iruka says, partly baffled by the offer, partly nervous.
Kakashi levels him with a look that clearly says I know, and shrugs, turning to leave. "But I think I'll get changed first."
"Good idea; let's meet back here in a few minutes."
Iruka ends up mopping the floor, first.
* * *
When Iruka returns in dry clothes and towel-dried hair, he finds that Kakashi has beaten him to the kitchen and is, ridiculously, humming as he goes through the contents of the refrigerator. Iruka tries very hard to focus on this instead of staring at him. He clears his throat, and Naruto walks in just as Kakashi turns to greet them.
"Not eggplant," Naruto moans, throwing himself to the tiled floor in what Iruka assumes is supposed to be a tragic, bereaved sprawl of limbs. Further groans are forthcoming when Kakashi pulls out the saury, some tofu, miso paste, and green onions.
Iruka stifles a laugh, which earns an indiscernible look from Kakashi. Iruka can't help it; for all Kakashi surprises him on a daily basis as he gets to know him better, it seems that Iruka's initial assessment of him had been correct. Kakashi definitely enjoys eggplant.
"It's going to be delicious, you'll see." Kakashi sounds sure of himself, in any case. "I won't even burn down the kitchen!" He winks at Iruka, who goes red in embarrassment all over again.
"Oi!" Iruka smacks him on the arm with the green onion before going to chop it up.
Kakashi ends up cooking a tasty meal of grilled saury, eggplant miso soup, and rice. Even Naruto, who usually won't touch tofu or eggplant without a considerable amount of coaxing or trickery, has seconds.
"That was delicious, Kakashi." Iruka grins as he clears away the dishes. "Where did you learn to cook like that?"
"Oh, er, just around. I had to cook for myself a lot when I was younger. But this was nothing."
Kakashi's visible eye curves happily, however, and Iruka notes that the man's tone is pleased, like he isn't used to being praised. At least, not for cooking. It makes Iruka feel inexplicably warm all over and content. The feeling persists through several rounds of Buta no shippo, Naruto's favorite card game. Naruto has convinced Kakashi to play, only to accuse the man of cheating with his eyepatch somehow after Kakashi wins three rounds in a row. It intensifies when Kakashi turns to Iruka, laughing, and when Iruka realizes that he's been staring at Kakashi this whole time, which is at least half the reason he keeps losing. Kakashi's gaze promptly turns lecherous, which is really predictable, to the point of almost being a joke, and Iruka reciprocates with the expected eye roll.
Kakashi then proceeds to alternate between winning and losing strategically for the next few rounds, just to get Naruto to stop complaining, until the boy begins to stifle yawns furtively, and even Iruka is feeling sleepy after the long day. He glances at the clock before announcing, with a clap of his hands, "Bed time! It's a school night, after all."
"Aww..." Naruto and Kakashi give twin protests, but Kakashi's is just for show; he's already gathering up the cards to put away.
"Thanks again for dinner," Iruka says, after Naruto is tucked in and fast asleep, or at least pretending to be.
"No problem. What are fake boyfriends for, ne?"
Iruka chuckles, full and warm and unexpectedly content with how the night has turned out, all things considered. He's still having trouble putting a name to this feeling; like a misjudged step or a word just out of reach. Bidding Kakashi good night, he vaguely wonders if it will make any more sense in the morning.
Part 2
Pairing: Iruka/Kakashi
Rating: PG
Word Count: 12,500
Disclaimer: AU. Characters belong to Masashi Kishimoto. Writing belongs to me.
Summary: Sometimes, the Road of Life detours through the produce aisle. Where it goes from there is anyone's guess.
Notes: Written for this year's KakaIru Winter Exchange Fest! My first AU, but it was insanely fun to write. I never expected it to get this long, but I'm pretty happy with how it turned out! Many thanks to my awesome betas, avocado_love and gryvon for making this readable and generally holding my hand throughout the process, even though I whined and worried a lot. <3
When they meet, there are no fireworks, no hint of what is to come. This fact, this memory, is very firm in Iruka's mind. Not because he takes any special care in the remembering of it, but because he finds he cannot shake it from his mind. They meet, absurdly, at a supermarket. Iruka is aware of the ridiculousness of this, which does nothing to stop tenderness from creeping in on the edges of the memory when he chooses to examine it like a curiosity, hidden away and only for his eyes.
There are, instead, eggplants, and the slightly chilly air of the produce section, and annoying fluorescent lights that do nothing for Iruka's impending headache. There is also--and this is most definitely the oddest if not most intriguing bit--a well-dressed man with a shock of silver hair, murmuring to himself, and blocking all polite access to the eggplants.
Iruka is in a hurry, and hardly has the time to take in the sight of this slouched stranger who actually seems to be fondling the eggplants, let alone start up a conversation. Still, lateness is no reason for rudeness, and so Iruka says, "Excuse me," hoping the man will simply move long enough to let him snatch a couple of the vegetables. Iruka idly wonders if eggplants are actually classified as a vegetable when the stranger sidesteps, raising one hand in apology.
"Ah, sorry, sorry."
Then Iruka notices that the man's hair is even more... unusual from the front than from the side. Some of it is sticking straight up while other parts are flopping into the man's eyes and over his ears. Iruka can't help but wonder if it's a deliberate style or simply misfortune. The man is also wearing an eye patch over his left eye, and a face mask hides his mouth and most of his nose. His visible eye is curved up in what Iruka assumes to be a rueful smile. Iruka catalogues this with casual detachedness, though a hint of appreciation for the man's appearance manages to creep into his thoughts. Iruka beats it down. He is going to be late and ogling strangers at a supermarket is a terrible, terrible excuse.
"No problem," Iruka says easily, as he leans forward to grab a couple of eggplants. "Just in a hurry to make some tempura for my little brother-- I'll sneak some vegetables into his diet if it kills me." Iruka isn't sure what possessed him to say that. He is cooking for Naruto, but the boy isn't even distantly related to him. He smiles, trying his best not to come across as a person who lies to strangers at supermarkets. He feels ridiculously out of place in his rumpled sweater vest and disheveled hair.
The statement seems to catch the other man off guard, because what little of his face Iruka can see seems to be in conflict with itself. It's as if the stranger can't decide whether to laugh appreciatively or grimace.
"Eugh, tempura," the stranger finally settles on, but still looks vaguely amused. His mouth is probably quirked under the mask. Iruka resolutely doesn't think about it because he is going to be late, he reminds himself.
Which is why it's absurd that he can't help himself from replying, just a bit defensively, "What's wrong with tempura?" Because it might not be ramen, but it doesn't exactly scream 'Vegetables incognito!' which is the only thing he's worried about where Naruto's concerned.
"Nothing, if you don't mind wrecking perfectly good eggplants," the stranger scoffs. "Though I suppose your cunning plan requires it."
Iruka, who is now ridiculously self-conscious, rubs at the scar crossing his nose. "Ah, um, right," he says, wondering why in the world he opened his mouth in the first place and how to go about beating a hasty retreat without appearing rude in front of a handsome, if peculiar, stranger. It's not exactly cowardly fleeing, Iruka reasons, if he's going to be late. "Well. Have a nice evening," he finishes lamely, sufficiently flustered.
Later, sometime between cooking dinner for Naruto and helping the boy with his homework, Iruka is finally able to put the stranger out of his mind.
So that is where they meet. But if he wanted to be entirely accurate, Iruka would say that where things actually start is a completely different matter.
* * *
A few days later, during a mandatory staff meeting, Iruka does a double take so hard that it nearly gives him whiplash. Sitting across from him at the table, with a dubiously bright orange novel obscuring his face, is the Eggplant Zealot. Iruka would know that hair anywhere. He doesn't quite tack on 'unfortunately' to this last thought, but it's a close thing.
It is much, much too early for Iruka's brain to have to deal with something like this. For a minute, he actually thinks he may still be asleep, because how could this be possible? Iruka takes a deep breath, blinks, and is still unable to do much more than stare outright at the man. It has to be some kind of cosmic joke.
Or, possibly, Iruka is going mad.
Lowering his book, the man regards Iruka with subtle surprise. Iruka can read it in the almost imperceptible widening of the man's visible eye, and smiles reflexively in acknowledgement.
"Yo," the other man says, raising a hand in greeting, "Tempura-san!"
Izumo, who is sitting to Iruka's left, goes into silent paroxysms of laughter at the expression on Iruka's face, barely able to hide his amusement behind his cup of coffee. If he listens very carefully, Iruka is sure he can hear his polite but doomed smile shatter on the table where it has slipped from his face, replaced by a deep flush of humiliation. He kicks Izumo under the table and nods politely.
Moments later, when the garish book has been lifted back into place, Iruka realizes that it's one of Jiraya-san's works. He allows himself a moment of indignation. Genma interrupts Iruka's thoughts by finally swaggering into the room to start the meeting, and Iruka looks towards the ceiling in silent thanks.
Iruka hopes to have this meeting done with as quickly as possible so he can get on with his day. So of course Genma drops a bombshell.
Shiranui Genma is Head Of Security at the Uzumaki mansion; not that one could easily guess it by his appearance-- his build and nonchalance belie his job description. His honey-colored hair is perpetually hidden under a navy blue bandana. Mitarashi Anko is currently running bets on whether or not the man is hiding a bald spot. On Iruka's first day, Genma had spent minutes frantically searching for his briefing notes before finally pulling the crumpled napkin they were written on from his pocket. Iruka had been mildly alarmed that no one seemed surprised. Genma perpetually chews on toothpicks, and there are also bets on when and where he'll finally swallow one by accident.
Genma introduces the stranger as Hatake Kakashi. Kakashi barely deigns to look up from his book, simply raising a hand in greeting. "Yo."
For some inexplicable reason, Kakashi catches Iruka's eye over the book, and wiggles his eyebrows suggestively. Iruka responds by stiffening and going very red in the cheeks-- and not in a good way. Iruka isn't about to interrupt Genma, who reveals that Kakashi is the newest addition to the security team, specifically tasked with providing extra protection for Naruto. Iruka would groan aloud if this new information didn't raise red flags-- this is the first he's hearing about the boy being in danger; anymore than usual, that is.
Uzumaki Naruto happens to be the orphaned son of the last CEO and owner of Konoha Incorporated. He's also the future heir of the company, though the boy has no idea about this. The current CEO, Sarutobi Hiruzen, is Naruto's legal guardian and wants the boy to be able to grow up as normal as possible, given the circumstances. Normal is the last word Iruka would use to describe Naruto; willful, loud, and energetic spring to mind instead. Heir or not, Iruka is determined to treat him the same as he would any other student. From what Iruka's been able to gather, Naruto had gone through an alarming number of nannies and boarding schools before arriving in Iruka's classroom. Within weeks of meeting Naruto, Iruka had been approached and offered a position by Konoha Inc. as a live-in tutor and caretaker (Iruka is fond of kids, but will deck anyone who calls him a nanny) for the boy. To this day, Iruka isn't sure if that had been because of his qualifications, because Sarutobi-sama had been a close friend of his parents, or because they couldn't find anyone else at all to take the job. Probably, it's a mix of all three; Iruka wouldn't be too surprised, in any case. Even the security team seems mildly afraid of Naruto, and Iruka doubts that it's because the boy will be their boss one day. Which isn't to say that others working in the company don't feel this way. As exuberant as Naruto is, or perhaps because of it, he's rarely seen in the company of the other children, even at school.
"We're dealing with an information leak, which means a breach of security. It could potentially lead to Naruto being at risk-- which is where Kakashi comes in, as I've mentioned. Our intelligence points to Otogakure being the culprit, but we don't have enough evidence at the moment-- that snake Orochimaru is probably behind it somehow." Genma pauses, looking pointedly from Iruka to Kakashi. "Are there any questions so far?"
Kakashi pipes up, finally lowering his book completely. "Maa... I'm to babysit the boy and his nanny. Shouldn't be a problem." He smirks. Iruka isn't sure how he knows this, with a good portion of Kakashi's face being covered, but he just does. Iruka is also pretty sure that everyone at the table can hear his teeth grinding together, especially because of the sudden, heavy silence that has descended. It's almost like they're waiting for his shouts of outrage. Not that Iruka can be driven to shouts of outrage this easily. He just glares at Kakashi until Genma, who is possibly choking on his toothpick, hurriedly moves on to what effectively ruins Iruka's day and foreseeable future.
"Kakashi will need a cover; a good reason to be around a lot. The last thing we want to do is scare Naruto by dumping a bodyguard on him for no reason. We've already briefed Kakashi on the details-- he will be working undercover as your boyfriend, Iruka-sensei, as well as a teacher's aide."
"WHAT!"
Genma raises a brow at first at Iruka, then turns it on Anko, who is sniggering rather loudly. He clears his throat, looking vaguely sheepish, but nonetheless determined. "These orders come straight from Sarutobi-sama, and I'm sure you are aware of the terms of your contract, Iruka-sensei. We've already set things up with the school, and--"
"I apologize, Genma-san," Iruka says hastily. He wants to crawl underneath the table and die. He's sure his face is bright red with mortification. The entire room is staring at him either outright or furtively. To his left, Izumo is trying to convey sympathy, but it's ruined by the man's obvious amusement. Next to Izumo, Kotetsu isn't doing a much better job of hiding his mirth, and Iruka doesn't dare look towards Kakashi, who knew. Anko is still snickering, albeit quieter, and Ibiki, sitting next to her, simply looks bored and completely unamused.
Genma, thankfully, dismisses the meeting before Iruka can lose the last shreds of his dignity. Although Iruka makes a beeline towards the door, Raidou catches up with him, tone apologetic. "If we could have come up with a better cover, we'd have used it, Iruka. This just seemed to make the most sense; honestly, we didn't think you'd mind that much... But you seem to know Kakashi?"
Iruka shrugs, trying to convey a lightness that he doesn't feel. "No, although I'm sure I will soon enough. I, ah, I guess I was just surprised. Didn't exactly expect to walk out of here with a boyfriend," he laughs, trying to sound indifferent. "But I'm going to be late if I don't leave, sorry." He smiles stiffly before turning to go, not in the mood to talk, and especially not about Kakashi.
* * *
"So when you said you were going to cook for your brother the other night..."
Kakashi has, infuriatingly, caught up with him in the hall as Iruka is on his way out the door. Iruka scowls, forcing down the sudden, strong desire to strangle him. Maybe he could make it look like an accident.
"Not that it's your business, but yes, I meant Naruto. No, we're not actually related, as I'm sure you know by now. Slip of the tongue."
Kakashi merely spreads his hands in an approximation of innocent courtesy that dissolves into teasing mockery if one looks close enough, and Iruka is. "Just curious, sensei. No need to get all up in arms about it." His tone isn't actually malicious, which is mildly infuriating to Iruka; he's being deliberately wound up for Kakashi's amusement. "Can't a man get to know his boyfriend better?"
Iruka opens his mouth to fire off a scathing reply, but shuts it just as quickly. He is going to have to put up with Kakashi all day for the foreseeable future, and on top of it, he's going to have to pretend that he likes him. It will be infinitely worse if they can't just figure out how to get along right now. If only for Naruto's sake, he tells himself. "Right. Okay," Iruka says, the model of politeness, hoping to salvage the situation. "I apologize. Let me start over. It's a pleasure to meet you, Hatake-san."
"Likewise, Iruka-sensei." No one should be able to make 'sensei' sound so dirty and make Iruka feel homicidal this early in the day, but somehow Kakashi manages to do both with a single sentence. The future looks very grim indeed, Iruka thinks, as Kakashi continues, "Shall I tell you about my likes and dislikes? My greatest dream?"
"I really don't think that will be necessary right now."
"Don't you want to hear about my hobbies, Iruka-sensei?"
Kakashi is saved from a grizzly end when Naruto bounds up to the door, backpack askew, his hair and t-shirt looking as if he's only just rolled out of bed. There are still crumbs stuck to his face, presumably from his breakfast. Iruka clears his throat, restraining himself from launching into a lecture, mostly because they're going to be late if he does. "Good morning, Naruto."
"G'morning, Iruka-sensei." Naruto yawns widely and eyes Kakashi quizzically. "Morning, Cyclops."
"Excuse me?"
It takes all of Iruka's considerable restraint not to let out a sharp bark of laughter at Kakashi's comically appalled face, as it would be a bad example for Naruto. Still, Iruka privately feels a rush of fondness towards the boy, even as he attempts to admonish him with what completely fails to be a stern look.
"Who is he?" Naruto asks, trailing after Iruka to the car. He glances at Kakashi, who has that despicable orange book out again, then looks at Iruka expectantly.
"I'll tell you on the way," Iruka sighs, defeated.
* * *
Iruka had wanted to break the news to Naruto carefully, and possibly vaguely. So of course Kakashi makes it impossible to do so, choosing instead to go with insufferable dramatics.
"I'm your sensei's boyfriend and I can't bear to be apart from him."
"You're a terrible liar, is what you are. He... he's going to be helping me out at school, Naruto."
"Oh, my love, you wound me deeply!"
"I wish I could."
"I love you too, darling."
Iruka wants to make gagging noises at Kakashi's theatrics, but Naruto beats him to it.
"I didn't know you had a boyfriend, Iruka-sensei!"
Funny, neither did I.
"Yes, well. Kakashi-san may seem odd, but you'll be seeing him around more often. Is that okay?" Iruka doesn't know why he even asks this, since it's not like he could do much about it if Naruto did object.
"...Can we get ramen tonight?"
"Well..." Iruka looks over to Kakashi, who shrugs. Eating a meal in public with Kakashi is not high on Iruka's list of things he would like to do, but Naruto shouldn't have to suffer because of it.
"Iruka-senseiii," Naruto whines, "I haven't had ramen for ever."
Iruka scoffs at this, rolling his eyes with more affection than he means to let show, and ignores Kakashi's badly hidden chuckle when he replies, "Naruto, it's only been two days."
"I know! Two whole days!" The boy's vulpine grin does nothing for Iruka's self-restraint.
"We'll see," Iruka says, but it's in a tone that even Naruto knows is more or less a confirmation.
It's almost absurd how well Naruto takes the news. The boy is mistrustful of strangers at the best of times. Scarcely a week ago, Naruto had, inexplicably, gotten his hands on a carton of rotten eggs and dumped the lot of them on Uchiha Sasuke during recess. Iruka still isn't sure why, but has since decided he probably doesn't want to know. Kakashi doesn't come to any harm on the drive to school, though Iruka catches Naruto sneaking glimpses of him. He seems less interested about why Kakashi is present than he does about Kakashi's appearance. Not that Iruka can blame him. Kakashi, predictably, reads. A small part of Iruka is secretly relieved that Kakashi has decided to leave him alone at least for the time being, because it's one less thing he needs to worry about.
It doesn't last long.
Iruka really should have expected the fiasco that is introducing Kakashi as his new teacher's aide, training Kakashi to be his new teacher's aide, enduring frankly horrifying pet names, giving up on Kakashi being anything like a teacher's aide, and generally being thwarted by the universe at every turn. He isn't even able to scream abuse at the man, because it would wreck his relationship cover and probably scare his class needlessly. Still. Iruka is going to kill Genma.
By the end of the day, Iruka has a massive headache, and does not relish the thought of spending more time in Kakashi's company. The man isn't incompetent; Iruka knows this, which is why it's so infuriating that Kakashi wasn't around to stop Kiba from gluing his hand to his desk when Iruka was breaking up yet another fight between Naruto and Sasuke. He likewise was nowhere to be found when Iruka mysteriously couldn't find a single red pen, or when Lee lost a baby tooth in the middle of snack time and needed to be escorted to the school nurse.
And yet, Kakashi would not go away when Iruka, after finally finding a new package of red pens, decided to grade homework. He had perched on the window sill ridiculously, reading during Iruka's lessons, and had hassled him during the entirety of recess and the lunch break. Iruka cannot remember the last time he has been so tired after work, and he has been an elementary school teacher for years.
Kakashi's life will be tragically cut short, Iruka decides, if the next day is a repeat performance.
* * *
Shockingly, Naruto isn't screaming at the top of his lungs about ramen when they finally arrive at Ichiraku's. This is slightly worrying to Iruka, because in his experience, a quiet Naruto never bodes well for anyone. The boy is silent and polite, and Iruka almost believes maybe, just maybe, he'll actually have uneventful night. It lasts until they are served, which is still pretty impressive for Naruto.
The typical Naruto impishness makes an appearance when he turns to Kakashi, mouth full of noodles, and brashly says, "You look funny."
"Naruto!"
Kakashi blinks and puts his chopsticks down, as if he's never heard something so ridiculous in his life. Then, he gets a mischievous look in his eye that can't mean anything good. "Well, Iruka-sensei seems to like the way I look, ne?"
"Don't flatter yourself," Iruka mutters, but Naruto doesn't catch it. Instead, the boy seems to consider Kakashi's reply for a few minutes before giving a shrug and going back to slurping his noodles. He looks up again a few minutes later, grinning widely.
"So what happened to your eye?"
"Uzumaki Naruto...!" Iruka reddens significantly and shoots an apologetic look at Kakashi, who only looks mildly amused. Iruka turns back to Naruto to level him with a glare that promises Dire Consequences if he doesn't remember his manners very, very quickly.
Naruto pouts, rather impressively. If Iruka is objective about it, he's never seen the boy this put out in such a close vicinity to ramen, and it's frankly unsettling.
"Childhood accident," Kakashi says, voice coming across as a bit faraway, like the man's been transported back a few years in his mind. Iruka is surprised to detect honesty in Kakashi's voice instead of the teasing undercurrent he usually picks up on.
"That's how Iruka-sensei got his scar too!" Naruto offers, then, apparently losing all interest in the conversation, goes back to his ramen.
"Oh?" Kakashi looks at Iruka for a few beats with a thoughtful expression.
Iruka has been trying his best to ignore Kakashi, but he has to admit that he's a bit curious about Kakashi's face. Namely, how in the world Kakashi manages to hide it while eating so neatly. Ramen isn't exactly an ideal food to eat with a mask on. Not that Iruka has been actively trying to catch him with his mask down. Naruto, on the other hand...
"You should eat another bowl of ramen," Naruto says, grinning, even though Kakashi isn't done with his first one.
"That's okay," Kakashi replies, playing oblivious. "I'm sure this will be enough."
"Staring is rude, Naruto," Iruka reprimands, after he catches him for the third time.
"Do you think he's a ninja, Iruka-sensei?" Naruto stage-whispers, his blue eyes wide. Iruka can hear the slurp of noodles from Kakashi's direction, but when Naruto's gaze shifts, hoping to find the man mask-less, his eyes just become even wider. Iruka turns around to find Kakashi with his mask firmly in place.
"He is a ninja," Naruto exclaims, pushing his empty bowl away. To Iruka's surprise, Kakashi merely chuckles good-naturedly.
"Either that, or he's hideous under there," Naruto looks pleased with his hypothesis. Iruka is stuck between being horrified on Kakashi's behalf (but not too much, as he's still annoyed by the amount of trouble Kakashi's given him today) and doubled over with laughter. Naruto does not mince words. Even when it comes to Iruka's pseudo-boyfriend, apparently.
"Hey! I'll have you know I am quite handsome under here," Kakashi says loftily.
"No, I bet you have, like... fat fish lips under there!"
"Naruto!"
"You should ask Iruka-sensei if I have fish lips," Kakashi smirks. "We kiss all the time."
"Eugh, kissing!"
Kakashi actually chuckles, a rich sound, and leans down to Naruto's eye-level, his visible eye mischievous. Iruka rolls his eyes at the ceiling and refrains from kicking Kakashi off of his stool. He does not think about kissing him.
"You really want to see under my mask?"
Naruto, of course, nods furiously. "Yeah!" Iruka cocks his head, trying and failing not to look too curious himself. Kakashi's eyes flick towards Iruka for a split second, no doubt grinning broadly under his mask, because it's stretched slightly.
"Well, you see," Kakashi says, raising his eyebrows as he looks around conspiratorially, "Underneath this mask is..."
Naruto leans so far forward that he's in danger of toppling out of his seat at any minute. Kakashi's finger comes up to rest where the mask starts, at the bridge of his nose. Naruto is, possibly, holding his breath. Kakashi pulls his mask down with a flourish. Naruto's jaw drops. Iruka doesn't think he's ever seen the boy so surprised, but then again, he very nearly gapes himself. He blinks, trying not to collapse into a fit of giggles at Naruto's uncomprehending expression alone.
"Another mask!" Kakashi exclaims, rather needlessly, at this point. Naruto's expression crumples then builds back up within the space of a minute.
"So you are a ninja," he says, looking pleased with himself. Then, looking furtively around, "I can't believe Iruka-sensei's boyfriend is a ninja! Don't worry, I won't tell anyone." He hops off the stool, grinning.
"Or he just has really bad allergies," Iruka deadpans quietly. He ducks his head when Kakashi straightens up to look at him. Iruka turns to Naruto, who is now unabashedly hero-worshipping Kakashi. Iruka can feel a migraine coming on. "You have no idea how badly he wants to be a ninja," Iruka says, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Now you'll never hear the end of it."
"Yes, well. It'll be our secret," Kakashi says to Naruto.
"Ninja indeed," Iruka mutters, hiding his amusement at Naruto's awe and Kakashi's penchant for dramatics.
"I am very flexible," Kakashi winks suggestively at Iruka, who goes scarlet, not out of embarrassment, but indignation.
"We are in public."
Kakashi shrugs, and before Iruka can add anything else he pays for the meal, hopping off his stool neatly and ignoring all protests from Iruka. Iruka resolutely does not feel any tenderness for the man.
* * *
Days go by and they fall into a routine of sorts. If Iruka really thinks about it, he would be alarmed by how quickly Kakashi has insinuated himself into their lives, for all Iruka knows next to nothing about him and Naruto is reluctant to trust others on a good day. Kakashi is even helpful sometimes, and as for the rest of the time, well, at least he isn't actively plotting more disasters for Iruka to deal with.
Iruka has come to terms with the fact that drastic measures will have to be taken to counteract Kakashi's Icha Icha obsession or to get Kakashi to stop teasing him. Kakashi is utterly and completely insufferable. Fortunately for him, Iruka has better things to do with his time than plot revenge in creative ways. At least, for now. As it is, Iruka tries not to think about Kakashi any more than he has to, but is horrified to find that he might actually be building up a tolerance for Kakashi-- that he's getting used to having him around. It's absurd.
It's not like Iruka's lonely. He has Naruto, after all.
The boy in question has taken to following Kakashi around, begging him to teach him 'ninja techniques', when he isn't causing mayhem elsewhere. Sometimes both of these activities go hand in hand, because Kakashi storms into the living room one day, where Iruka is grading papers, looking decidedly put out. The man's hair and skin is sprinkled with chalk dust, and a good amount of it has found its way onto his suit as well.
Iruka can't help himself, he bursts out laughing. "Don't tell me--"
"I appear to have found where your chalkboard eraser had disappeared to, sensei," Kakashi says gravely. Then he adds, "Do you know any good places to hide a body?"
Iruka just laughs harder, clutching at his sides, because Kakashi's serious voice doesn't at all match his humorous appearance. Naruto is going to get a Stern Talking To later on, but Iruka can't believe Kakashi, of all people, has been outsmarted by Naruto. With the aid of school supplies. He can't help but rib Kakashi a bit. "That is the oldest prank in the book!"
"Maybe I should make it two bodies," Kakashi mutters darkly, shaking his head. It only serves to create a small cloud of dust which reattaches itself elsewhere on his person. Iruka is caught between coughing and laughing, unable to dredge up very much pity at all.
"If it makes you feel better, he's pranked everyone at least once."
"Even you?"
"Yes," Iruka chuckles, reminiscing. "Except I didn't fall for it. Former prankster, and all."
Kakashi looks vaguely scandalized, or possibly about to sneeze. It shouldn't be a look that endears him to Iruka, even the slightest, because that would be ridiculous. Chalk dust does funny things to your insides, Iruka decides.
"Iruka-sensei, a former prankster? No, no, I refuse to believe it. Or is your whole Paragon of Virtue attitude just a clever act, sensei? It's always the quiet ones, isn't it? I've been terribly lax in looking underneath the underneath when it comes to you."
"Oh, spare me," Iruka mutters. Kakashi's probably going to hurt himself with the intensity of his ridiculous leer.
"You can't just leave it there, Iruka-sensei! Former prankster!"
Iruka sighs. "Well... I suppose I just wanted to be the center of attention. I lost my parents when I was young, and I didn't really have anyone else to notice me, unless I was getting into trouble... But that isn't the point," Iruka avoids Kakashi's gaze. "I'd say you got off lucky with that one. He must like you. One time, I kid you not, he had filled a bucket with mud, and Genma--"
Naruto chooses this moment to barge into the room, whooping in glee when he sees Kakashi, and the damage his prank has done. "You fell for it! You fell for it!"
Kakashi, for his part, looks nonchalant. Iruka bites down on a laugh and turns to regard Naruto sternly.
"Naruto..."
"Aww, I just wanted to see him act like a ninja! But, uh, he didn't. I was going to put the eraser back tomorrow!"
Iruka sighs and straightens his papers. "How about we get started on your homework?"
* * *
Iruka has been waiting for this moment. He's surprised that it hasn't come up sooner, actually.
Kakashi is sitting on the couch, pretending to read-- Iruka is sure he's faking at least half of the time, though the reason why eludes him. He can't even pretend to know Kakashi's motives, and rarely brings himself to try. It usually ends in a headache, anyway.
The point is, Naruto does not trust anyone who refuses to play the Wii with him, at least once. Privately, Iruka thinks this could be a pretty good test of character; or did, until Kakashi had huffed a small laugh and reluctantly agreed. Then again, it isn't as if Iruka thinks Kakashi is untrustworthy. The man just manages to be entirely incorrigible and has poor literary tastes and likes to rile Iruka endlessly like it's a game, and the most annoying part is that it works, even if the ribbing has been less scathing and more playful lately.
That's beside the point.
The game starts out friendly enough before dissolving, as competitive games often do, into just short of an all-out war. The fact that they're playing Wii Boxing doesn't help, either. Iruka can't blame Naruto; Kakashi is insufferably cool about it, even reading while beating him during one round. Iruka is actually worried that one of the controllers is destined to put a hole in the television before the day is done. He's slightly more worried that Naruto is going to explode in rage, though Kakashi will have deserved it for baiting the boy.
Finally, Naruto crosses his arms and glares at Kakashi with begrudging respect. "Fine, you win. But I bet you can't beat Iruka-sensei."
Kakashi raises his eyebrows. "Is that so?"
Iruka feels that he ought to be at least a little bit indignant at Kakashi's level of disbelief. "Hey!"
"What do you think, sensei? Wanna play?"
"You're horrible," Iruka groans.
"And you're stalling, sensei. Maa, I can't blame you. I can see why you'd be scared to lose."
Because it's Wii boxing and not, say, Wii golf (Iruka really, really can't stand Wii golf), Iruka accepts the challenge. But not before standing up and 'accidentally' stepping on Kakashi's foot when he goes to accept the controller from Naruto.
Within minutes, Kakashi's character is knocked out cold, Iruka is doubled over in manic laughter clutching at his chest, and Naruto says 'Hah!' over and over again, bouncing in place. The look of absolute disbelief on Kakashi's features will stay with Iruka forever, he's sure of it. His personal honor has been sufficiently defended, but better than that, Kakashi has been thoroughly thrashed.
"But you wear sweater vests!"
Iruka smirks.
"...Best two out of three."
"Oh, fine."
Iruka still beats him, in the end.
* * *
Mizuki, a fellow teacher at the school, stops by one evening. He arrives under the guise of delivering lesson plans, but is actually trying to lure Iruka out for drinks with Kotetsu and Izumo. It's usually a weekly occurrence; the four of them are childhood friends, but Iruka has been ridiculously busy lately and hasn't spent any time with them. Unfortunately, Iruka has already committed to cooking dinner with Naruto and has to turn him away, apologetic.
"Sorry, I've already made plans for the night. Maybe some other time?"
This is when Kakashi comes to the door and promptly drapes himself all over Iruka, with a challenging look at Mizuki. Things get awkward very quickly as Mizuki looks from Iruka to Kakashi, then back, confused. He obviously hadn't expected Iruka's teaching aide to be at home with him, let alone dressed so casually and acting this familiar. Understanding dawns on his features then, chased by irritation before settling back to normal. "Oh, er, sure. See you tomorrow, Iruka."
Iruka shoves Kakashi off as soon as the door closes, and glares at him. "Was that really necessary?" Inexplicably, Kakashi actually looks annoyed, but the look is gone as soon as Iruka blinks.
"Maa, just protecting our cover."
"You didn't need to do it so dramatically," Iruka rolls his eyes and tries not to think back to the sudden contact and Kakashi's warm presence. They haven't really had to play things up too much, and Iruka isn't used to having his personal space so unexpectedly violated. Or rather, he is, but not quite in this way. Kakashi usually just pokes him or nudges him. Once, Kakashi had flicked him on the tip of his nose. Iruka had punched him in the arm, hard, and Kakashi hasn't tried it again since.
Iruka walks away, feeling odd and skittish and unable to place the reason for it. Kakashi doesn't follow him, but Iruka can feel his stare.
The night goes downhill from there.
The acrid stench of smoke emanating from the kitchen has Iruka and Kakashi running towards the source, panicked. Iruka can't figure it out, because he hasn't even put anything in the oven yet. He'd only asked Naruto to preheat it, and--
As if he can sense Iruka's train of thought, Naruto shows up and starts shouting and waving his arms. "It's not my fault! I didn't do anything! I swear!"
Then the sprinklers go off.
Iruka flicks on the kitchen fan, coughing lightly, and turns the oven off. He bends down to look inside, baffled, and lets out a groan. He's dripping, Kakashi's dripping, and Naruto is, predictably, dripping.
"It wasn't my fault!" Naruto announces again, for good measure.
"I know, I know," Iruka says wearily. The oven is full of shattered glass and melted rubber and is going to be a horrendous nightmare to clean up. He'd forgotten to get the baking things out before asking Naruto to pre-heat it; probably because he'd still been flustered, but it's a poor excuse.
"I've suddenly lost my appetite," Kakashi deadpans, dodging a swipe of Iruka's hand. "And I'm wet," he adds, needlessly.
"We can eat ramen!" Naruto shrieks, just a bit too gleefully.
Kakashi, now convinced that the immediate danger is over, is back to his normal slouch, his eye looking pleadingly at Iruka, though he addresses Naruto. "Naruto, we just had ramen last night." Naruto had, once again, been unable to catch a glimpse of the man's face. So had Iruka, not that he'd been trying to.
"I know!"
Iruka levels Naruto with a stern, if slightly wry gaze. "No ramen tonight."
"Aww..."
"No broiled saury either, apparently," Iruka sighs, trying to think of what else to make.
"I could cook."
Iruka looks up, brows raised in surprise. He's mildly worried about Kakashi and cooking even being in the same sentence, but he doesn't exactly have a leg to stand on right now. Still, Kakashi had picked the batter off of his tempura the other night, and Iruka is convinced that anything Kakashi comes up with will be questionable. If only just because it's Kakashi.
"You don't have to do that," Iruka says, partly baffled by the offer, partly nervous.
Kakashi levels him with a look that clearly says I know, and shrugs, turning to leave. "But I think I'll get changed first."
"Good idea; let's meet back here in a few minutes."
Iruka ends up mopping the floor, first.
* * *
When Iruka returns in dry clothes and towel-dried hair, he finds that Kakashi has beaten him to the kitchen and is, ridiculously, humming as he goes through the contents of the refrigerator. Iruka tries very hard to focus on this instead of staring at him. He clears his throat, and Naruto walks in just as Kakashi turns to greet them.
"Not eggplant," Naruto moans, throwing himself to the tiled floor in what Iruka assumes is supposed to be a tragic, bereaved sprawl of limbs. Further groans are forthcoming when Kakashi pulls out the saury, some tofu, miso paste, and green onions.
Iruka stifles a laugh, which earns an indiscernible look from Kakashi. Iruka can't help it; for all Kakashi surprises him on a daily basis as he gets to know him better, it seems that Iruka's initial assessment of him had been correct. Kakashi definitely enjoys eggplant.
"It's going to be delicious, you'll see." Kakashi sounds sure of himself, in any case. "I won't even burn down the kitchen!" He winks at Iruka, who goes red in embarrassment all over again.
"Oi!" Iruka smacks him on the arm with the green onion before going to chop it up.
Kakashi ends up cooking a tasty meal of grilled saury, eggplant miso soup, and rice. Even Naruto, who usually won't touch tofu or eggplant without a considerable amount of coaxing or trickery, has seconds.
"That was delicious, Kakashi." Iruka grins as he clears away the dishes. "Where did you learn to cook like that?"
"Oh, er, just around. I had to cook for myself a lot when I was younger. But this was nothing."
Kakashi's visible eye curves happily, however, and Iruka notes that the man's tone is pleased, like he isn't used to being praised. At least, not for cooking. It makes Iruka feel inexplicably warm all over and content. The feeling persists through several rounds of Buta no shippo, Naruto's favorite card game. Naruto has convinced Kakashi to play, only to accuse the man of cheating with his eyepatch somehow after Kakashi wins three rounds in a row. It intensifies when Kakashi turns to Iruka, laughing, and when Iruka realizes that he's been staring at Kakashi this whole time, which is at least half the reason he keeps losing. Kakashi's gaze promptly turns lecherous, which is really predictable, to the point of almost being a joke, and Iruka reciprocates with the expected eye roll.
Kakashi then proceeds to alternate between winning and losing strategically for the next few rounds, just to get Naruto to stop complaining, until the boy begins to stifle yawns furtively, and even Iruka is feeling sleepy after the long day. He glances at the clock before announcing, with a clap of his hands, "Bed time! It's a school night, after all."
"Aww..." Naruto and Kakashi give twin protests, but Kakashi's is just for show; he's already gathering up the cards to put away.
"Thanks again for dinner," Iruka says, after Naruto is tucked in and fast asleep, or at least pretending to be.
"No problem. What are fake boyfriends for, ne?"
Iruka chuckles, full and warm and unexpectedly content with how the night has turned out, all things considered. He's still having trouble putting a name to this feeling; like a misjudged step or a word just out of reach. Bidding Kakashi good night, he vaguely wonders if it will make any more sense in the morning.
Part 2