(no subject)
There are 3,000+ crosses and gravestones on my campus’s lawns. I helped put them up yesterday in the pouring rain. Almost all of them have a name on them. The name of someone who has died in Iraq. Just “our side”. Not the Iraqis - because there isn’t enough room to put 204,000 gravestones up. We have a speaker system set up and we are reading the name and age of every soldier who has died in half hour shifts. I read at 10:00 and will read at 12:30. It’s intense.
I went to therapy yesterday. Karen instilled in me such excitement for me future. I was telling her how much it hurts that I don’t get to spend Christmas with Sam’s family because my parents won’t let me. She said, “But you know what? 13 months.” And that really shook me. I’ll be 18 in 13 months. I’ll probably keep leaving with the fam until I graduate. And then I want to travel all over the US. I think by then this need I’ve had for about 3 years now to be wild and free and get to know myself more will be very strong. And I’ll go.
All this talk about me being single. Three boys who would date me if I said yes. I’ve been confused and stirred up inside. Not sure.
Chase. Design class. Graffiti artist. Graphic arts major. 21. I’ve been realizing that I keep getting these crushes on boys who may be perfect for me, but in a few years, not now. I don’t want a 21 year old. Chase lives on his own etc, etc. I don’t want that. Sam and Morgan make me gleeful because I love them so dearly and they are both my age - Sam is 2 months older than me, Morgan 1 month.
I mentioned this other kid a while ago? Ethan? Homeschooler? I saw him again today. Oh, god. I’m so psyched. 17. Quoted Gandhi. Discussed the Old and New Testament with me. Is a Christian but hesitates to call himself one because there are so many hypocrites in Christianity. Has been to fucking Madagascar. And Switzerland. And France.
I’m so comfortable with him! I said, “Would you like to go on a picnic with me?” And he said, “I believe I’ve only been to one picnic in my life. I would love to go on a picnic with you, Newt.” Or something to that end. He talks funny. Like me. Or like Geoffrey. And he’s 17.
Crap. I’m boycrazy aren’t I? Is it disgusting?
I went to therapy yesterday. Karen instilled in me such excitement for me future. I was telling her how much it hurts that I don’t get to spend Christmas with Sam’s family because my parents won’t let me. She said, “But you know what? 13 months.” And that really shook me. I’ll be 18 in 13 months. I’ll probably keep leaving with the fam until I graduate. And then I want to travel all over the US. I think by then this need I’ve had for about 3 years now to be wild and free and get to know myself more will be very strong. And I’ll go.
All this talk about me being single. Three boys who would date me if I said yes. I’ve been confused and stirred up inside. Not sure.
Chase. Design class. Graffiti artist. Graphic arts major. 21. I’ve been realizing that I keep getting these crushes on boys who may be perfect for me, but in a few years, not now. I don’t want a 21 year old. Chase lives on his own etc, etc. I don’t want that. Sam and Morgan make me gleeful because I love them so dearly and they are both my age - Sam is 2 months older than me, Morgan 1 month.
I mentioned this other kid a while ago? Ethan? Homeschooler? I saw him again today. Oh, god. I’m so psyched. 17. Quoted Gandhi. Discussed the Old and New Testament with me. Is a Christian but hesitates to call himself one because there are so many hypocrites in Christianity. Has been to fucking Madagascar. And Switzerland. And France.
I’m so comfortable with him! I said, “Would you like to go on a picnic with me?” And he said, “I believe I’ve only been to one picnic in my life. I would love to go on a picnic with you, Newt.” Or something to that end. He talks funny. Like me. Or like Geoffrey. And he’s 17.
Crap. I’m boycrazy aren’t I? Is it disgusting?