Epiphany
You know that moment where anger at another person fades because you start to recognize yourself? I had that moment last night. Whitney took me to Melting Pot for what amounts to a "farewell dinner."
Backstory: I dated a woman I'll call "Amy" (because that's her name) who was fun to be with and interesting. Once we were involved in a relationship, however, she started deferring all of her opinions to me. It was irritating and we broke up over it.
What I did to Whitney is so close to that it scares me. It's not that I deferred to her opinions, in fact I probably ignored them a little too much. What I did was make the marriage the central, if not sole, focus of all my time and energy. I devoted little energy to making myself a person independent of the relationship. I spent a month working on the computer and video side of Whitney's horse business. I thought working together would bring us closer and help smooth over some of the difficulties we were having.
In fact it smothered her. She should have been better at telling me. I should have been better at hearing her. None of it matters now, she's already gone. However, it is ironic that the decision to divorce finally came at the same time as me getting my own life; which is all she ever wanted me to do. She will probably always believe that the divorce caused me to change, but it didn't.
Backstory: I dated a woman I'll call "Amy" (because that's her name) who was fun to be with and interesting. Once we were involved in a relationship, however, she started deferring all of her opinions to me. It was irritating and we broke up over it.
What I did to Whitney is so close to that it scares me. It's not that I deferred to her opinions, in fact I probably ignored them a little too much. What I did was make the marriage the central, if not sole, focus of all my time and energy. I devoted little energy to making myself a person independent of the relationship. I spent a month working on the computer and video side of Whitney's horse business. I thought working together would bring us closer and help smooth over some of the difficulties we were having.
In fact it smothered her. She should have been better at telling me. I should have been better at hearing her. None of it matters now, she's already gone. However, it is ironic that the decision to divorce finally came at the same time as me getting my own life; which is all she ever wanted me to do. She will probably always believe that the divorce caused me to change, but it didn't.