Another realization
I was browsing through Match.com (yes, I decided to go back to that myself) when I found a person looking for someone "self-motivated." I thought about all the things I did that were just about Whitney's interests and I though how far I was from self-motivated while I was with her, and how I feel now with a new job, law school on the horizon, and a different future to discover.
Then I realized that I WAS self-motivated while I was with her. The problem was that in a lot of ways I treated her like a project. I saw her as young and just getting started in her life and career, and I was going to help her get it started. Working on the website, shooting video and pictures, encouraging her to start her own business - none of it was because she demanded it. I did it because I was working towards MY goal of advancing HER, whether she liked it or not. I'm thinking "not."
My memory is flooding me with instances of her saying "I never asked for that." It was all about what I wanted to give her, not what she wanted. I'm a very selfish giver, and if that doesn't make sense then you don't know me very well.
(Note to self: work on that.)
Then I realized that I WAS self-motivated while I was with her. The problem was that in a lot of ways I treated her like a project. I saw her as young and just getting started in her life and career, and I was going to help her get it started. Working on the website, shooting video and pictures, encouraging her to start her own business - none of it was because she demanded it. I did it because I was working towards MY goal of advancing HER, whether she liked it or not. I'm thinking "not."
My memory is flooding me with instances of her saying "I never asked for that." It was all about what I wanted to give her, not what she wanted. I'm a very selfish giver, and if that doesn't make sense then you don't know me very well.
(Note to self: work on that.)