Happiness is a simple emotion
So, here I sit in my ergo chair staring at the monitor. I spent more time this weekend thinking, good clean thinking. I also spent time cleaning, cooking, playing with the kids, watching movies, playing a mind numbingly simple strategy game, and reading. Only three of these things really mattered. The thinking, playing with the kids, and reading all helped me get myself in the right frame of mind for the coming month.
Drake, Griffin, and Phoenix are still the most important people in my life. Without them all meaning is lost. Griffin is currently happy in a miserable little place in Mississippi. I have to wait to change that. The other two are at the heart of all my plans. I need to find a job, a safe lace for them to learn and grow, and enable them to live a god life. So, I set myself back into the job hunt with a vigor starting tomorrow. It's good to have a purpose.
The reading reminded me of a few things. Life is not always a battle. It has seemed like that for a long time. I have run myself ragged trying to be everything, do everything, and still hold myself together. I need to break down and just live for a while. I have a lot of things to be thankful for. I have done a lot. I have a good group of friends. I have helped a lot of other people and some have come into my life when I needed them most. I thank each and everyone of of you. I have returned to teaching in some regards. Which is a good thing, because it has always made me happy. I couldn't bring myself to do it for a living, but small scale is a rewarding thing. I will manage to get through everything that is on my plate. It's kinda what I have always done.
The funniest part of that little speech is what spawned it. I read. I read a lot. I read all the damned time. In the last six months, I have read both Max Brooks books, the first 7 books of the wheel of time, the first two graphic novels for Serenity, Two books of the sociological aspects of Zombie movies, all my actual text books, and the last three books of the Sookie Stackhouse novels. I am sure I missed something, but it doesn't matter. What does matter is I was reminded during the Stackhouse books that sometimes life is a bitch. I was also reminded that sometimes things just work out. Neither of these two thoughts are directly from the books. It's just combined with my frame of thinking and the last few years, they helped me clear some air. A little light and easy reading brings some things into focus. It's crazy how my mind works. The fact it does work is the good part.
So, I am happy. not overly joyous or jubilant. I think it fits into a simple happy. There's a smile on my face, a contentment in my heart, and a plan in my head. It's like sometimes all you really need is a little down time. Something I didn't get much of in the last few years. I always seemed to busy between school, work, forced pass-times, raising the boys, and constantly taking care of a certain other person. I honestly believe I burned myself out a year ago and just kept on moving. My mind wasn't really in it, but my heart and determination just kept me running long enough to see the end of the school plan. I knew I needed a break. I have now received a decent one. Between mom visiting, a lot of driving, and one good weekend. I don't know if it'll fix everything, but sometimes you just have to fix right now. So, I smile and tel the world to just relax a little.
Drake, Griffin, and Phoenix are still the most important people in my life. Without them all meaning is lost. Griffin is currently happy in a miserable little place in Mississippi. I have to wait to change that. The other two are at the heart of all my plans. I need to find a job, a safe lace for them to learn and grow, and enable them to live a god life. So, I set myself back into the job hunt with a vigor starting tomorrow. It's good to have a purpose.
The reading reminded me of a few things. Life is not always a battle. It has seemed like that for a long time. I have run myself ragged trying to be everything, do everything, and still hold myself together. I need to break down and just live for a while. I have a lot of things to be thankful for. I have done a lot. I have a good group of friends. I have helped a lot of other people and some have come into my life when I needed them most. I thank each and everyone of of you. I have returned to teaching in some regards. Which is a good thing, because it has always made me happy. I couldn't bring myself to do it for a living, but small scale is a rewarding thing. I will manage to get through everything that is on my plate. It's kinda what I have always done.
The funniest part of that little speech is what spawned it. I read. I read a lot. I read all the damned time. In the last six months, I have read both Max Brooks books, the first 7 books of the wheel of time, the first two graphic novels for Serenity, Two books of the sociological aspects of Zombie movies, all my actual text books, and the last three books of the Sookie Stackhouse novels. I am sure I missed something, but it doesn't matter. What does matter is I was reminded during the Stackhouse books that sometimes life is a bitch. I was also reminded that sometimes things just work out. Neither of these two thoughts are directly from the books. It's just combined with my frame of thinking and the last few years, they helped me clear some air. A little light and easy reading brings some things into focus. It's crazy how my mind works. The fact it does work is the good part.
So, I am happy. not overly joyous or jubilant. I think it fits into a simple happy. There's a smile on my face, a contentment in my heart, and a plan in my head. It's like sometimes all you really need is a little down time. Something I didn't get much of in the last few years. I always seemed to busy between school, work, forced pass-times, raising the boys, and constantly taking care of a certain other person. I honestly believe I burned myself out a year ago and just kept on moving. My mind wasn't really in it, but my heart and determination just kept me running long enough to see the end of the school plan. I knew I needed a break. I have now received a decent one. Between mom visiting, a lot of driving, and one good weekend. I don't know if it'll fix everything, but sometimes you just have to fix right now. So, I smile and tel the world to just relax a little.