(Untitled)

[pratservant]

Who: calamitousnaiad & pratservant
When: Right after this.
Where: Verity's room, Outlander block.
Format: Action
What: Two sadfaises. :(
Warnings: See above.

Comments

[calamitousnaiad]

[Verity has lost count by now of how many times she had tried to dry her eyes. She feels a little safer inside the familiar four walls of the apartment where she's been living since she arrived in this place, but still there is fear. She feels it more than the cut on her arm, but even it is drowned by this shocked sadness. And every time she thinks of Arthur, of his death, or of Merlin, now bereft, any work her handkerchief had done is washed away again.]

[The knock on the door startles her for a moment before she rises, drawn up by the sound of Merlin's voice. Penwiper, unaware of the reason for Verity's crying, jumps onto the bed as her human crosses the room.]

Oh, Merlin.

[Even she is unsure if she repeats the name to herself or to the young man who is standing there when she opens the door. At the sight of him, her voice cracks and her hand moves to cover her mouth but it doesn't stop her crying.]

[pratservant]

[One look is all it takes for the bottom to drop out of Merlin's stomach. He steps across the threshold, thin arms reaching for her. He's never given much thought to impropriety. He's certainly not choosing this moment to start.]

You should not have had to go through any of that.

[At first he thinks it's only his voice that trembles. It isn't.]

[calamitousnaiad]

[When he reaches for her, she doesn't think twice about throwing herself into his arms and hugging him tightly. She's shaking too, from head to toe shivering as if she's been left out in the cold to freeze.]

I'm so sorry, Merlin. I'm sorry.

[Though what exactly she's sorry for is hard to say. It's not as if she could have done anything to stop Arthur's killers. She just doesn't know what else she can say, especially to Merlin who has been nothing but sweet to her.]

[pratservant]

You have no reason to apologize.

[Merlin thinks back to the way she wrapped him up before, how it helped, and tries to mimic it now.]

If anything had happened to you, Arthur...I...

[He can't even finish it. It's another horror the day can do without. Merlin holds her for a few moments, waits for some of the trembling to pass from both of them before he dares to speak again.]

You should sit down. I'll get you some water.

[Somehow, water seems to be the first solution for any crisis.]

[calamitousnaiad]

[She nods against his shoulder but doesn't let go right away. There is some comfort in this embrace, even if it is just the knowledge that Merlin is here and alive. But she breaks away after a moment and obediently takes a seat on the couch. It seems backwards that he should be the one getting her the water, but she can't trust her voice yet not to break if she tries to speak.]

[pratservant]

[He's thankful to have something to do for her. It's the only use he feels he has at the moment. Merlin's been tangled up in destiny for so long, he doesn't feel like himself without it.]

[Already his thoughts are turning strange with ideas of what he needs to do next.]

[But for now he gets the water, pulls the scarf free of his neck and runs it under the water as well. Then he returns and kneels down in front of her, offering the cup. Merlin turns his head to wipe his cheek against his shoulder, but his eyes are still wet when he looks up at her.]

[Merlin reaches for her free hand, starts wiping the blood and dirt away with his scarf. Taking care of someone. Merlin knows how to do that too.]

Where are you hurt? Show me.

[calamitousnaiad]

[She takes the cup docilely and drinks a little, trying to calm her breathing. It isn't much use, though at least she's not crying aloud. Merlin's pain cuts to her heart as much as her own and she can barely look at him without starting up again.]

Here.

[She turns her left arm and pulls up the sleeve, the cup of water balanced on the arm of the couch. She fell and caught her arm on a jutting rock in the ruins, earning her a three inch long cut on her forearm, still bleeding a little onto her sleeve.]

[And softly:]

Thank you.

[pratservant]

[Merlin takes her arm gently, frowns at the cut. It's deep and must hurt, but all her tears had been selflessly given for someone else.]

Purhhaele dolgbenn.

[A flash of gold in his eyes and warmth from his hand. Merlin brushes his thumb against the skin, making sure that it's flawless again.]

For what?

[Merlin lifts his eyes sincerely.]

If not for the fact that I wasn't where I needed to be, none of this would've happened.

[calamitousnaiad]

[Verity watches mildly. Magic doesn't surprise her as much anymore and she trusts Merlin, so quiet and deliberate he is as he takes her arm. She can't place the soft sounding words he speaks, but she was never much good with old languages.]

[With the warmth from his hand, the stinging of her cut arm seems to just dissolve. If only it was so simple to cure everything. She meets his gaze earnestly, almost a plea though her voice is still weak.]

You can't blame yourself for what happened. You couldn't have known where we were, much less what was going to happen. Please, Merlin, it isn't your fault.

[pratservant]

Then who do I blame?

[Merlin's voice breaks, cracking like a pond of ice. He's looking at her sincerely with the question, wanting to hear whose fault she thinks it is.]

Destiny? The continuum? How could they let this happen?

[He feels a surge of anger at the very concept of both, the way that the heartbroken sometimes blame God. Merlin chokes, still struggling with his sorrow. But it's not a battle he can win. Merlin folds his arms across Verity's knees and sobs into them, head bowed. He feels tinier now than he ever did before.]

[The second he regains the least bit of composure, only one thing comes to mind:]

I'm going to make them pay for what they did. To you. To Arthur. Everyone.

[calamitousnaiad]

I don't know. I wish I did... that there was some correction...

[But instead of anger, she only feels fear. Fear that this is a sign of the continuum really breaking down, that history will fall apart. She had learned to trust the continuum, but this... how could it possibly recover?]

[She leans down to him, trembling and biting her lip, and puts her arms around his shoulders. How much more terrible this must be for him, such an impossible, incomprehensible loss. But this is all she can do for him.]

That won't make it right.

[She can't honestly say she's entirely against the idea, but in the long run it probably won't make Merlin feel any better.]

[pratservant]

[She's right, of course. Nothing would make it right. If it would bring him back, they would all already be dead. Or so Merlin tells himself, but anyone who's crossed paths with the elves knows how dangerous they are.]

[Merlin takes a deep breath, moves slowly to slide up on the couch beside her.]

What else can I do? For you, I mean. Would you like me to put some sort of spell on the door? Something where no one can come in?

[calamitousnaiad]

You could do that?

[Of course he can, the thinks belatedly. She rubs at her damp eyes. Thinking straight is still hard, though she can no longer tell if it's the effects of the Mist or of grief and fear.]

[But there is something... something the others were saying. Something she needs to know, to hear from him to know that it is true. It's painful to ask him and she doesn't want to make this any harder for him, but if it's true... then there could still be hope. Even so, she can't bring herself to turn her head and look at him when she speaks.]

Merlin... I've heard that people can return here. From death. Is that true?

[pratservant]

I can do that.

[Merlin nods, eyes at least gentle if they're not smiling.]

[He catches his breath at her question. He hasn't allowed himself to think about that too much. How he desperately wants to hope. But it makes them vulnerable, sets them up for disappointment and heartache all over again.]

It's true.

[That much he can say with certainty.]

I did. And Arthur's much stronger than me. In fact, if anyone can do it...

[He trails off, realization dawning on him.]

If anyone can do it, it's Arthur.

[calamitousnaiad]

You died?

[Part of her wants to ask how, but a lot of her curiosity has been killed for the moment. It may as well have been thrown in the waste yard with the bones for how little she wants to talk about death right now. But there are things she must know, or must at least try to understand, so as not to lose hope that the continuum can still right itself.]

He is strong. Brave. He was amazing in that camp.

[To face what they were facing and trying to look out for her at the same time. She wonders how much of a burden she had been to him, if she hadn't done him more harm than good by staying near him. If she'd left him, maybe he wouldn't have died.]

[She shakes her head a little. If she starts to think that way, she'll never be able to go outside again.]

Yes. If anyone, then him. I'm sure. Do you know... is it common? To come back?

[She looks down again, at her lap, and bites her lip.]

I'm sorry, I shouldn't bother you with all these questions. And after... everything.

[She takes a breath. Fidgets. Change the subject, change

[pratservant]

[Merlin nods in response, attempts a smile.]

And here I am.

[His smile both warms and saddens when she tells him how amazing Arthur was. He's not surprised. Arthur would accept nothing less of himself.]

The people who vanish seem to just...vanish. The dead usually come back.

[Usually. But not always. But he's trying to give them both hope. Merlin shakes his head dismissively when she starts apologizing.]

You're no burden, Verity. But...uhm.

[His expression goes puzzled.]

What's a bulldog?