[ reaction 1/2 ] ...wow I wasn't expecting teal deer lmaoheartbetweenOctober 8 2011, 06:05:15 UTC
[...oh.
This. Well--this explains rather a lot, really. He'd only spoken to this man once before, about two disappearances ago, but he'd wondered about this man. The coldness had unnerved him that time, but now that he takes the time to really think about it...
He can make a definite comparison with Byakuya. Familiar in several ways and yet always distant, like another world, a different plane of existence altogether such as between the human world and the Soul Society.
Kaien can never understand how these people, how William, Byakuya (Sasori, Itachi, Xerxes...) live the way they do. He cannot understand this compulsion for solitude, to stand alone. It is one thing, to know that one can stand on their own feet. It is entirely another to assume it is somehow wrong to have someone to catch you should you stumble
( ... )
It's impossible to be strong all of the time. Trying will just...burn you out, like a candle reaching the end of the wick.
And that kind of strength is--well, I'm not going to say it isn't important.
But on it's own, it's...empty.
There's strength in "weakness" too, you know. In knowing you have someone to catch you when you fall. That way, when you do, you can get up that much easier.
[There's conviction in his tone, and he smiles, lightly. The badge on his left shoulder can be seen at the edge of the video.]
It's not easy to be a protector. I know, I'm a shinigami too, but from a different world than yours. ...I've met you here before, another you. [Added a little hastily, before he gets back to his point.]Anyway, it is hard...but it's who you are, too. To maintain it, to keep being who you are and doing what you do...you have to be well, too. But you can't protect yourself and everyone else from everything all at once. That's what friends are there for--to protect you while you're protecting them
( ... )
[William starts when he hears-and then sees-the other on the Forge. He sets the device face down as the man continues on, silent and allowing him to talk.
He makes William sick. Makes him want to smash the stupid thing, to ask if he's ever seen reality, because that idealism reeks of ignorance. To want to hurt whatever it was that somehow triggered this stranger into saying words that matched up with what he was thinking.
But he does none of those things, instead reaching through the bars of the birdcage to pet Cecilia before returning to his seat at his desk.]
I suppose not even a man's wayward thoughts are allowed to remain as such, are they.
[His voice is even more acerbic than normal.]I'm not going to ask why you decided to preach at me on the values of such nonsense. Clearly you felt it was valuable
( ... )
stubbornly video; also Kaien talks a lot orzheartbetweenOctober 8 2011, 08:33:51 UTC
[He doesn't even flinch at the tone or the words, because this conversation is already comforting in its familiarity. He's had it a number of times in the past two years, and he's come to anticipate many of the arguments and counterarguments. Kaien doesn't even see this conversation resolving in the way he'd hope, either. Another thing about these people is their stubbornness, their tendency to cling harder to their beliefs in the face of someone implanting doubt.]
Mm, that's what this place does, sorry.
You're wrong, though. I didn't respond because I thought it'd be 'valuable.' I did because you're hurting.
[And Kaien can never ignore someone who is suffering--whether they'd admit they are or not.]And I'm guessing all that's a polite way of telling me I don't understand, right? Well, in some sense, that's true--I don't understand anyone can live like that. It's just about as foreign to me as the sky being green, to be honest
( ... )
it's fiiiiinenot_of_avonOctober 9 2011, 01:58:07 UTC
[Even though it's face down, he can't help but glare at the device.]
I am quite capable of knowing when I am in pain, and I can assure you, I am not.
[He has to pause and take a breath. He feels his control slipping, the anger rising, everything threatening to run forth. This stranger does not know him, doesn't know what he's saying.
William doesn't do it out of duty. He does it because there is simply no other place for him in the world. There is nothing beyond being a reaper for him.]
You're wrong. I told you, I don't have a heart. It can't be the source of anything if it doesn't exist.
[Another pause, another moment when he has to smooth down everything and ignore the possible truths, only address the untruths.]
I will take everything I need to take and keep it for as long as I have to. It wouldn't be given to me if I was not capable of bearing it. Everything that must be carried shall be carried, without fail.
[Even if he feels like he'll break, every step forward is progress. It's proof that he's right about being able
( ... )
You realize it's obvious you're lying, right? It was right there in your broadcast. Otherwise I wouldn't be here. [He kind of knows from experience that he has to be blunt about these sorts of things, because if he isn't, he'll leave holes with which to deflect the conversation. You see, William, he's had this argument many times before, with another shinigami of his own world. He probably knows where you're going with it even before you do.
Then there's a sigh, and Kaien--briefly--chooses to skip over William's adamant denial of having a heart for the latter comment.]
Even the strongest man isn't invulnerable, nor invincible. There's a saying I heard in the human world, about a straw that breaks a camel's back, because of the tremendously heavy weight it was already carrying.
[There aren't actually camels in Soul Society, but he can understand the concept of the analogy.]That's what I mean. No one's doubting your capacity to bear your burdens. It's just...how much is too much? It's not sustainable to keep adding to it
( ... )
It also said I was a liar. How do you know I didn't lie throughout the entire broadcast?
[A pithy defence, but it's the best he can muster throughout this assault of truths that can't be truths, ones he is so practised at denying himself the reality of. His health doesn't enter into this.]
It doesn't matter anymore. I've been forced to let some go already by the sole fact that I am here-there's no call for a reaper in Anatole.
[Who is he? That takes some thought. Who is he, without being a reaper? If he had been asked this question back home he wouldn't have been able to answer. But here, perhaps there are some small pieces of a life that may serve as an answer while he looks for the real one. He sighs, and speaks again.]
...I'm going to say something and you're probably going to tell me that's not what you meant. But it's what I can say
( ... )
This. Well--this explains rather a lot, really. He'd only spoken to this man once before, about two disappearances ago, but he'd wondered about this man. The coldness had unnerved him that time, but now that he takes the time to really think about it...
He can make a definite comparison with Byakuya. Familiar in several ways and yet always distant, like another world, a different plane of existence altogether such as between the human world and the Soul Society.
Kaien can never understand how these people, how William, Byakuya (Sasori, Itachi, Xerxes...) live the way they do. He cannot understand this compulsion for solitude, to stand alone. It is one thing, to know that one can stand on their own feet. It is entirely another to assume it is somehow wrong to have someone to catch you should you stumble ( ... )
Reply
And that kind of strength is--well, I'm not going to say it isn't important.
But on it's own, it's...empty.
There's strength in "weakness" too, you know. In knowing you have someone to catch you when you fall. That way, when you do, you can get up that much easier.
[There's conviction in his tone, and he smiles, lightly. The badge on his left shoulder can be seen at the edge of the video.]
It's not easy to be a protector. I know, I'm a shinigami too, but from a different world than yours. ...I've met you here before, another you. [Added a little hastily, before he gets back to his point.]Anyway, it is hard...but it's who you are, too. To maintain it, to keep being who you are and doing what you do...you have to be well, too. But you can't protect yourself and everyone else from everything all at once. That's what friends are there for--to protect you while you're protecting them ( ... )
Reply
He makes William sick. Makes him want to smash the stupid thing, to ask if he's ever seen reality, because that idealism reeks of ignorance. To want to hurt whatever it was that somehow triggered this stranger into saying words that matched up with what he was thinking.
But he does none of those things, instead reaching through the bars of the birdcage to pet Cecilia before returning to his seat at his desk.]
I suppose not even a man's wayward thoughts are allowed to remain as such, are they.
[His voice is even more acerbic than normal.]I'm not going to ask why you decided to preach at me on the values of such nonsense. Clearly you felt it was valuable ( ... )
Reply
Mm, that's what this place does, sorry.
You're wrong, though. I didn't respond because I thought it'd be 'valuable.' I did because you're hurting.
[And Kaien can never ignore someone who is suffering--whether they'd admit they are or not.]And I'm guessing all that's a polite way of telling me I don't understand, right? Well, in some sense, that's true--I don't understand anyone can live like that. It's just about as foreign to me as the sky being green, to be honest ( ... )
Reply
I am quite capable of knowing when I am in pain, and I can assure you, I am not.
[He has to pause and take a breath. He feels his control slipping, the anger rising, everything threatening to run forth. This stranger does not know him, doesn't know what he's saying.
William doesn't do it out of duty. He does it because there is simply no other place for him in the world. There is nothing beyond being a reaper for him.]
You're wrong. I told you, I don't have a heart. It can't be the source of anything if it doesn't exist.
[Another pause, another moment when he has to smooth down everything and ignore the possible truths, only address the untruths.]
I will take everything I need to take and keep it for as long as I have to. It wouldn't be given to me if I was not capable of bearing it. Everything that must be carried shall be carried, without fail.
[Even if he feels like he'll break, every step forward is progress. It's proof that he's right about being able ( ... )
Reply
You realize it's obvious you're lying, right? It was right there in your broadcast. Otherwise I wouldn't be here. [He kind of knows from experience that he has to be blunt about these sorts of things, because if he isn't, he'll leave holes with which to deflect the conversation. You see, William, he's had this argument many times before, with another shinigami of his own world. He probably knows where you're going with it even before you do.
Then there's a sigh, and Kaien--briefly--chooses to skip over William's adamant denial of having a heart for the latter comment.]
Even the strongest man isn't invulnerable, nor invincible. There's a saying I heard in the human world, about a straw that breaks a camel's back, because of the tremendously heavy weight it was already carrying.
[There aren't actually camels in Soul Society, but he can understand the concept of the analogy.]That's what I mean. No one's doubting your capacity to bear your burdens. It's just...how much is too much? It's not sustainable to keep adding to it ( ... )
Reply
[A pithy defence, but it's the best he can muster throughout this assault of truths that can't be truths, ones he is so practised at denying himself the reality of. His health doesn't enter into this.]
It doesn't matter anymore. I've been forced to let some go already by the sole fact that I am here-there's no call for a reaper in Anatole.
[Who is he? That takes some thought. Who is he, without being a reaper? If he had been asked this question back home he wouldn't have been able to answer. But here, perhaps there are some small pieces of a life that may serve as an answer while he looks for the real one. He sighs, and speaks again.]
...I'm going to say something and you're probably going to tell me that's not what you meant. But it's what I can say ( ... )
Reply
Leave a comment