line: 4 | Broadcast Mind
there is only order
there is / are lines
and edges on the diagonal.
my own shadow tells me it's half past noon even though the sky reads midnight. i cannot reconcile the difference, and for that i am afraid
through the differences the nonsense the cracks it's so easy to mis-place your step and fall down
once
it
happened
it was only
i meant thrice
once would be lying
i lie too often
but grabbing the edges, ignoring the way it cuts, pulling the self up and out of the mess and everything
he (she) fell and made a ladder
descends and ascends at will
maddening creature
do i envy it? certainly. a control i will never know, never allow myself to know because the price of that control is control of everything else
some days i wish to simply stay in a perfect place and not move an inch
the voices might still then
there is no heart in death it rips yours out as a blood cost
in kindness it gives you ice in return
a mockery of what was and what might be
it hurts until your soul goes so cold you no longer feel
in ice it is easier to break it into pieces and lock them down
i'm getting fucking nostalgic and i despise it
this
is not who i am choose to be define myself
in eternity we all go mad
they say i have as well
not mad but bound more than a madman is
is it wrong to pull back the chains and examine the perfectly geometric lines they leave on you
yes it is
it's weakness
it is weakness
and it does not matter you must be strong you must build yourself to accommodate for your faults and never never never never not do so
you give rest you do not take it
i hate for the freedom, hate for the ease of integration, hate because it is there and it is something i am allowed to feel
and i think he knows
and i hate him worse
is there a chance, now that i am forcibly free?
why do i still feel the weight of them on me and the marks not healing even in the slightest
/
/
/
it's time
i married my past just before she died and never sought another
the stress and anxiety is my lover now
and he (she) is
rubbing off on me fuck
there is comfort in a small thing that sings for its own purposes and trusts you
because it will not judge you
because you speak without words you speak the only dialogue that matters
i want to sleep
but i can never dream
/
i am the protector
but
is it ever my turn to be protected?
it is never my turn to be protected
because
i am the protector
say nothing because no one is interested in what you have to say
accept fate
for she wields a weapon more deadly than your own scythe
strings
/
/
i have lost my count of /
i am in love with my own lies
because they are the only things that know the truth about me
i am incomplete
(?)