just another shitty weekend...
let's start off with working 7 days in a row, only to know you have another 3 ahead of you.
followed by a nagging mother that will not leave you be for more than 3 minutes (and that's pushing it)
next we have a obnoxious younger brother who's an tempered asshole one day and a tipsy cockhead the next.
needless to say, there's been a lot of build up.
and the king of all downers:
I miss Kevin.
I can't help it.
I miss Kevin.
I'm trying so hard to just move on, and I want to call him, but I don't know what's worse:
Knowing that you can't get back with the person you love, or knowing that he feels indifferent towards you?
Why do the guys I fall in love with call me their "best friend," and then wait 4 months to wait to talk to me?
I hate that! Don't tell me you want to be friends if you won't talk to me.
God I want to call him, and yet I don't really want to know what he's doing because whatever he is doing, I know he'd rather be doing that than talk to me.
I'm just in this complete state of bitterness, exhaustion, and isolation.
No matter how many smiles I can fake, nighttime always shows how I really feel.
I wish school would start for the sole reason that I could be so busy I don't have time to think about any of this, however...
the past 3 weeks have been hectic and I still find time to sulk.
That's just great.
I think the worst part is that for some reason I have these visions in my head of his car being in my driveway when I get home from work or wherever I was and he'll just run out of his car and hold me telling me everything will be ok...
Kevin's not that kind of person, I should know.
But everyday I wish and I hope that today will be the day that something amazing will happen! that something will go right, and everything will be like it was, just perfect.
In the meantime, I've decided to stay away from any physical temptation with anyone. Not because I expect for Kevin and I to get back together, but because everytime I've been intimate with someone, I get so attached and I just set everything so high that I just fall harder at the end.
In otherword, goodbye sex hello celibacy.
I've also decided that in my entries, info, myspace, or whatever, that I'm not going to hide how I feel anymore. I'm not going to pretend that I'm supper happy when I'm not. Honesty is the best policy afterall. I have no one to impress, and I can't kid myself anymore.
k thanks.
followed by a nagging mother that will not leave you be for more than 3 minutes (and that's pushing it)
next we have a obnoxious younger brother who's an tempered asshole one day and a tipsy cockhead the next.
needless to say, there's been a lot of build up.
and the king of all downers:
I miss Kevin.
I can't help it.
I miss Kevin.
I'm trying so hard to just move on, and I want to call him, but I don't know what's worse:
Knowing that you can't get back with the person you love, or knowing that he feels indifferent towards you?
Why do the guys I fall in love with call me their "best friend," and then wait 4 months to wait to talk to me?
I hate that! Don't tell me you want to be friends if you won't talk to me.
God I want to call him, and yet I don't really want to know what he's doing because whatever he is doing, I know he'd rather be doing that than talk to me.
I'm just in this complete state of bitterness, exhaustion, and isolation.
No matter how many smiles I can fake, nighttime always shows how I really feel.
I wish school would start for the sole reason that I could be so busy I don't have time to think about any of this, however...
the past 3 weeks have been hectic and I still find time to sulk.
That's just great.
I think the worst part is that for some reason I have these visions in my head of his car being in my driveway when I get home from work or wherever I was and he'll just run out of his car and hold me telling me everything will be ok...
Kevin's not that kind of person, I should know.
But everyday I wish and I hope that today will be the day that something amazing will happen! that something will go right, and everything will be like it was, just perfect.
In the meantime, I've decided to stay away from any physical temptation with anyone. Not because I expect for Kevin and I to get back together, but because everytime I've been intimate with someone, I get so attached and I just set everything so high that I just fall harder at the end.
In otherword, goodbye sex hello celibacy.
I've also decided that in my entries, info, myspace, or whatever, that I'm not going to hide how I feel anymore. I'm not going to pretend that I'm supper happy when I'm not. Honesty is the best policy afterall. I have no one to impress, and I can't kid myself anymore.
k thanks.