Spiraling Downwards.
So I know I haven't updated in a while, but previous events didn't really make me want to advertise what has been going on in my life.
Plus after a five minute drive home with my brother, which consisted of nothing but yelling at me for about gas, I feel that now is as good a time as any other time:
Kevin broke up with me.
Yea, I didn't see it coming either.
He said "He still loves me, and he has cared about me more than anybody ever in his life, but he can't be in a relationship with me anymore."
Isn't that awesome?
We hung out 2 days after the break up. Probably more awkward for me than him, but whatever.
Then again a week later for a nice talk and walk, but there was more walking than talking.
Another week later a phone call for a carpool offer.
Then nothing for two weeks and counting.
The reason behind our split is because we couldn't really talk like we used to, and I thought it was just a bit of a rough patch we were going through, and that some how we would pull through, but he said he had been trying and didn't think anything was improving. So needless to say he wanted to call it quits.
I'm still in love with him, (That's probably obvious) but I dare not call him.
All I'll want to say is how much I miss him, and how much I wish we were still together, and unfortunately I have to remind myself everyday that really deep down, I know that's not what he wants to hear, and that he's moving on so I should try to too.
Though, that gets harder and harder every day.
The dreams I keep having aren't exactly helping me to forget and let go either; images of him smiling back at me, with his eyes saying those three words for his lips. Dreams of his fingers resting gently on my shoulders giving me a sparse feeling of comfort, only to be drown in the tears of my waking eyes.
I'm trying so hard to move on because I know that's what he wants, he wants to be friends, and for me to be happy regardless.
Though, despite what he said, I know that everything has changed.
Of course the easy thing to do would be to give in to "other" obvious and idiotic temptations, but I truly know deep down that I don't want to be in relationship with those temptations, and that that it'll probably meaningless like before anyhow!
I don't want to be with anyone else.
Everyone says "That may not be true now, but in time that'll change."
Guess that's the worst part about growing up, Change.
It was nice hanging out with Chelsea today. I had temporarily forgotten how much I missed her and the rest of his family. It's kind of nice to know they feel the same sometimes.
I just wish I knew if he missed me too.
Even if he does, or did, I know it wouldn't be to the calliber of my emotions. Though, it would be somewhat soothing to know that he occasionally relapsed into nostalgia too.
I also wish that it didn't hurt so much to know that he doesn't believe in true love. Whenever he reminded me of this belief it just made the world seem so much colder, hopeless.
Sure true love may sound proposterous, but if you don't believe in true love, what could be better to hope for? 6.7 billion people is a lot, but isn't it nice to think that someone out there is perfect for you?
I guess not.
Plus after a five minute drive home with my brother, which consisted of nothing but yelling at me for about gas, I feel that now is as good a time as any other time:
Kevin broke up with me.
Yea, I didn't see it coming either.
He said "He still loves me, and he has cared about me more than anybody ever in his life, but he can't be in a relationship with me anymore."
Isn't that awesome?
We hung out 2 days after the break up. Probably more awkward for me than him, but whatever.
Then again a week later for a nice talk and walk, but there was more walking than talking.
Another week later a phone call for a carpool offer.
Then nothing for two weeks and counting.
The reason behind our split is because we couldn't really talk like we used to, and I thought it was just a bit of a rough patch we were going through, and that some how we would pull through, but he said he had been trying and didn't think anything was improving. So needless to say he wanted to call it quits.
I'm still in love with him, (That's probably obvious) but I dare not call him.
All I'll want to say is how much I miss him, and how much I wish we were still together, and unfortunately I have to remind myself everyday that really deep down, I know that's not what he wants to hear, and that he's moving on so I should try to too.
Though, that gets harder and harder every day.
The dreams I keep having aren't exactly helping me to forget and let go either; images of him smiling back at me, with his eyes saying those three words for his lips. Dreams of his fingers resting gently on my shoulders giving me a sparse feeling of comfort, only to be drown in the tears of my waking eyes.
I'm trying so hard to move on because I know that's what he wants, he wants to be friends, and for me to be happy regardless.
Though, despite what he said, I know that everything has changed.
Of course the easy thing to do would be to give in to "other" obvious and idiotic temptations, but I truly know deep down that I don't want to be in relationship with those temptations, and that that it'll probably meaningless like before anyhow!
I don't want to be with anyone else.
Everyone says "That may not be true now, but in time that'll change."
Guess that's the worst part about growing up, Change.
It was nice hanging out with Chelsea today. I had temporarily forgotten how much I missed her and the rest of his family. It's kind of nice to know they feel the same sometimes.
I just wish I knew if he missed me too.
Even if he does, or did, I know it wouldn't be to the calliber of my emotions. Though, it would be somewhat soothing to know that he occasionally relapsed into nostalgia too.
I also wish that it didn't hurt so much to know that he doesn't believe in true love. Whenever he reminded me of this belief it just made the world seem so much colder, hopeless.
Sure true love may sound proposterous, but if you don't believe in true love, what could be better to hope for? 6.7 billion people is a lot, but isn't it nice to think that someone out there is perfect for you?
I guess not.