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Jan 02, 2005 20:39



My 2004 recap.

2004 seems to have flew by, and I know that a lot has changed in my life since then. Last year on January First, I talked to Mitch and I told Mason I was over him. Mitch is gone, and I was never over Mason. I spent most of this year regretting a lot of things, but even with the mistakes I know I should have never made, there is not one thing that I could change and be happy about it. February is when I fist saw Rolando. And through the months I saw him more and more. He was the first real crush I had since the Summer of 2003, and I thought he was beautiful. If you told me he was going to be the boy I lost my innocence to, I never would have believed it. That night with him was a mistake, and I now tell everyone I know that you should wait until you’re in love. Although I never felt awkward after that night, I still know it was wrong. In time I was able to get over him, and he moved away to Texas for a better life. I cant remember much of the months between Feb and May, but I’m sure something memorable must have happened. In May is when Matt and I started to date. Never would I have thought that I would end up with someone like him, yet I did and I know I was never truly happy with him, but I remember actually feeling the slightest bit of being alive. He too was probably something I could have done without, yet I did learn that I am not always the one that fucks up a good thing. I left for Texas in July and when I came back I felt as if I was different in some way. In July is the last time I spoke to Mason, and although I would rather not believe it was actually the last time, I think I know it is. The boat races brought back great memories that I know I can not forget. I still believe Brandon Thirlby is one of the most beautiful people I have ever seen, and each year he returns, I always know I have eye candy to stare at. I also met Kyla, which I hope I get to meet more people like her. She’s a very beautiful girl and I bet if we lived closer, we’d be pretty good friends. My relationship with Cassie also grew. Cassie is one of the greatest girls that I have never met in person, and although I know she has trouble believing the good things other have to say about her, but she really is someone that I am thankful for having in my life. In August I met the second boy I would fall in love with. He would change me far more than I could have ever imagined. And I would make mistakes, and I would hate myself a little, but I would be happy and I would smile more and I would feel somehow complete. In September is when mine and Bianca’s friendship started to suffered for awhile. But I never forgot who my true friends were, and I know she will always be a big part of my life. I’m sure if this is the month I found out I was dying, but for some reason fear never swooped across me. I do not fear death, I only fear no longer being around. October I don’t remember as well as I should but I know I started to realize that I was really in love, and that I was really stupid. November I turned a year older yet everything about me pretty much stayed the same. Chris Zeman killed himself and Nik and Ryan got into a bad car accident. It reminded me that it’s weird how peoples lives can change in only a blink of an eye. In December I was forced to remember Jake even though I had tried to tuck him away in some place that was in the back of my mind. He would have been 19, and we could have an awesome party. Michael also came home during Christmas time and seeing him made me feel really happy. Through the year that group of friends had faded away and I was losing them, which was something I never wanted. Nik woke up from his coma only to fall back into it with Doctors now saying he isn’t looking too good. If he doesn’t make it, I don’t think I could either. … And then 2005 hit us with Bianca and I talking side by side and me drinking to get a little buzz. The first day of the new year I was able to spend a little of it with Nick, which actually made me happy. ….I know this isn’t all that happened, but these are the things I can remember. And looking back now, I cant believe all the shit that has occurred. I don’t know what the future holds for me, and I don’t know what I’ll be writing about a year from now but I know to never get caught in the moment, because you miss so much of the rest of your life.
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