(no subject)
i have been trying to write for weeks now... its not going well... maybe i have nothing to say... which is saying something... i mean have you listened to me ramble on and on? life is alright when i stop to breath it in... sometimes i get overwhelmed by all that goes on around me... sometimes i get consumed in depression that i forget to stop and breath in life... it really is beautiful... and honestly things are looking pretty good... i'll probably get promoted and even if i don't i will apply for a different job i know i will get and get a raise for... that doesn't matter to me one way or the other though... as long as things let up a little at work... its not been fun for me in a while and that important to me... i can't be a part of something if i'm not happy... if i don't enjoy myself... lifes to short to be miserable and i try real hard to remember that... to be happy with my life... and as i have recently realized i do sometimes embrace the pain... its familiar and thats a little fucked up but i'm trying... i've been trying for the last 4 years or so... all i can really hope for is baby steps to a happier me... i worry about my family... i really hope steve is going to do better... for his own sake but i had a conversation recently that led me to believe otherwise... i can't protect him or save him... shit i can't save myself... i need to call my dad... he just got back from out of country... i saw barbra today and i haven't talked to him in a bit... i do love the goofy bastard... i need to change some things... i need to get healthy but i'm really no good at that shit... plus i'm tired of being a freak... sometimes i just really get reminded of it... i did today... it hurt a little but... it was truthfull and whatever... i don't give a shit anyways... anyways i've rambled on about nothing long enough now