maybe... just maybe... alburt's law has mercy after all '_'
so... the way you know a shingles attack is ending is when the rash stops being moist and scabs over right? well... i see scabs. usually a shingles attack is 2-3 weeks long and even the doctor said that i'd be lucky if the rash didn't get bigger than what it is [two two pence sized clusters on my left side] but the scabs are getting larger. i woke up this morning, showered a bit vigourously ... felt the pain but then two scabs came up. i thought it had been because i scraped some skin off but now there's more of them so yay! maybe in about two or three days the whole thing will be scabbed over and i can go back to my job hunting and generally crazy life... cause boy, my life definitely has not been mundane reading back ._. i definitely sympathise with someone who said paying attention to hprpg is difficult right now due to the whole head/heart business. that kind of shit does not plaaaay, it leaves no room for NOTHING else and consumes all waking thought.
i've decided that... i am a soft touch when it comes to annoyingly pretty/kind guys like Anton. sure, as demonstrated by his dragging me outside yesterday, he's not always kind but that's because he needs to mature. he'll get there ¬_¬ some day. but yes, the reason why i say that is because i woke up this morning and realised that i wasn't mad at him. in fact, thanks to my 'dear' friend simone i may still like him a bit, slightly. don't get me wrong, if craig rung and told me he'd broken up with his girlfriend i would rawly drop everything for him but that's only because i know that craig wouldn't hurt me... long fairy tale story, but yes in the meantime there's nothing wrong with mothering/being with Anton. and i do mother him... it's quite bad actually.
as for craig, i reached a decision. i shall wait but i won't put myself on hold for him, i don't think he'd want it. i look at it this way, i've been thrown in front of craig love-wise for a bit longer than a decade now, if it's meant to be i shall continue to be thrown in front of him and eventually we shall both be ready to say 'you know what, this has gone on too long, let's make something of it'. not to mention we have some major catching up to do anyway, what if what we were like when we were younger is not.... basically what if we aren't each other's ideal anymore? i know i've changed, i changed quite a bit, i'm pretty sure i had to but all the same i've changed... and i'm not naive enough to believe that craig hasn't completely.
anyway, sorry for the rambly entry containing nothing of excitement but you know - i was told i can't go anywhere so the drama is on hold until i stop being infectious :/
i've decided that... i am a soft touch when it comes to annoyingly pretty/kind guys like Anton. sure, as demonstrated by his dragging me outside yesterday, he's not always kind but that's because he needs to mature. he'll get there ¬_¬ some day. but yes, the reason why i say that is because i woke up this morning and realised that i wasn't mad at him. in fact, thanks to my 'dear' friend simone i may still like him a bit, slightly. don't get me wrong, if craig rung and told me he'd broken up with his girlfriend i would rawly drop everything for him but that's only because i know that craig wouldn't hurt me... long fairy tale story, but yes in the meantime there's nothing wrong with mothering/being with Anton. and i do mother him... it's quite bad actually.
as for craig, i reached a decision. i shall wait but i won't put myself on hold for him, i don't think he'd want it. i look at it this way, i've been thrown in front of craig love-wise for a bit longer than a decade now, if it's meant to be i shall continue to be thrown in front of him and eventually we shall both be ready to say 'you know what, this has gone on too long, let's make something of it'. not to mention we have some major catching up to do anyway, what if what we were like when we were younger is not.... basically what if we aren't each other's ideal anymore? i know i've changed, i changed quite a bit, i'm pretty sure i had to but all the same i've changed... and i'm not naive enough to believe that craig hasn't completely.
anyway, sorry for the rambly entry containing nothing of excitement but you know - i was told i can't go anywhere so the drama is on hold until i stop being infectious :/