fic: come in closer (i want you to) [9b/?]
He knows they’re supposed to be talking, but Jesse can’t resist licking at Andrew’s mouth. Andrew moans and rolls on top of Jesse, kissing Jesse deeply. He starts rotating his hips and Jesse responds, wrapping his legs around Andrew and rocking up. Jesse feels Andrew bracket him with his arms and Jesse throws his head back, as he lets Andrew gingerly kiss his neck, careful of the hickey.
When Jesse wraps his arms around Andrew’s torso, Andrew laughs and drops his head by Jesse’s, muttering, “What are we doing?”
“Making out.”
“Yeah, but weren’t we…god I’m so horny.”
“Yeah?”
Jesse feels Andrew lift his head.
“We’re supposed to be going slow.”
“I know.”
“It’s kinda hard to, though, when I’m with you.”
“Yeah?” Jesse teases.
“Yeah.” Andrew leans down and bites Jesse on the nose.
“Ow! Stop!”
“Stop what?” Andrew nips at Jesse’s lips then bites his chin.
“Biting me!”
“You love it.” Andrew threads his fingers through Jesse’s hair and pulls. “Come on, admit it.”
Jesse keens. “Admit what?”
(desire)
“When I act rough.”
(yeah)
“You think?”
Andrew pulls harder and Jesse whimpers. Andrew eats the sounds right out of his mouth, hungrily lapping them up.
(okay)
Jesse thrusts his hips up at the same time he clenches his legs and yes, Andrew’s body jerks. Jesse tightens his arms around Andrew and continues to thrust up, as Andrew continues to pull at Jesse’s hair.
(want)
Jesse’s basically humping Andrew from underneath him, and his back rubs against the sheets, his shirt beginning to ride up. Andrew pants into his mouth and Jesse tries to match his thrusts with Andrew’s rocking. He digs his heels into Andrew’s ass and can feel Andrew’s erection through the thin layers of their pyjama pants. Jesse aches with desire, and all he wants is to reach down…touch…
(need)
Andrew rocks down faster onto Jesse, grinding his hips slightly, pushing harder. He curls his fingers and tugs at Jesse’s hair harshly. Jesse’s head is forced back and he groans.
“What are we doing?” Andrew breathes.
Jesse groans again.
Andrew drops his face next to Jesse’s ear. “I can’t stop.”
(neither)
The bed’s squeaking, now, and all Jesse can think of is how badly he wants to put his hand between their crotches.
“Can I - Andrew - my hand - fuck.” Jesse reaches down, between their bodies - holy shit. Jesse rubs the hard outline of Andrew’s dick through his pyjama pants, whilst simultaneously rubbing his own erection with it. Andrew’s rocking down and fuck, fuck -
“Oh my god, pull them down already!” Andrew gasps.
Jesse lifts his hips up, yanking his pants and underwear down to just his thighs. Andrew hovers above him and Jesse feels sweat drip onto his face - it’s so hot underneath the covers - and he pulls Andrew’s pants and briefs half down his ass, just to get his dick out -
“Fuck, yes.” Andrew moans.
Jesse can feel Andrew’s dick against his hand.
(holy shit)
With a shaking hand, he manages to sort of grip at both their dicks. There’s pre-come and Jesse pumps up, into his hand. Fuck, fuck, fuck!
His pants slide against the bottom covers as Andrew rubs.
“Jess.” And suddenly Andrew’s breathing into his mouth again and fuck, Jesse absolutely - oh shit. Andrew thrusts into Jesse’s hand that’s holding their erections close, and the contact is fucking amazing. Jesse grabs Andrew’s half exposed ass with his other hand and pinches the skin.
And the way Andrew moans right into his mouth - Jesse can feel it, he can feel the moan…oh shit…
They’re being too loud, Jesse thinks wildly in the back of his mind, but who cares, right now, this is all that matters, all that Jesse can focus on, there’s nothing else, nothing else and it’s hot and they’re sweating and Andrew is panting and messily licking at Jesse’s lips and Jesse is trying to fist both their cocks at the same time whilst they both thrust against each other and Jesse’s fingers are just pinching at the soft skin of Andrew’s ass and Andrew’s tightening his hold in Andrew’s hair -
“I’m going to -” Andrew grunts against Jesse’s face and then he fucking yanks at Jesse’s curls. Jesse squeals softly and he can feel hot spunk seeping onto his hand and onto his dick and now they’re sliding against each other and Jesse’s dick twitches and when Andrew shoves his face into Jesse’s neck, knocking the hickey, Jesse comes.
Andrew’s body jerks and Jesse arches his back, despite the weight on top of him. Andrew is making little keening sounds, and Jesse falls back to the bed. He twitches underneath Andrew, his heartbeat resounding in his ears, and he can feel Andrew’s, too, above him, around him, against him. Andrew is slumped over Jesse and he is breathing heavily.
(ah)
Jesse pulls his hands out from Andrew’s pants, and out from between them. It’s slick with come. With Jesse’s come. And Andrew’s.
“Fuck.” Jesse’s voice is muffled by the face that’s resting on his.
“Yeah.” Andrew says into Jesse’s mouth.
“Fuck.” Jesse repeats, because, seriously, fuck.
Everywhere is sticky. His shirt is damp, clinging to his body, and his hand is dripping with their come, not to mention their dicks and stomachs and, oh my god, Jesse thinks, there’s a whole fucking mess down there.
Again.
He keeps his come-covered-hand raised in the air and shifts experimentally. Andrew’s crotch just slips across his own, rubbing the mixture of come and sweat further onto his body. Andrew’s face is sweaty, as is Jesse’s, and his forehead feels hot. Jesse guesses his hair is matted.
Fuck.
Jesse twitches again and Andrew groans.
Fuuuuuuck!
“Andrew?”
“Mmmm?”
“Get off me.”
Andrew slides off Jesse with a grunt, pulling the comforter with him, and he lies next to Jesse on his back, panting.
Jesse feels like falling asleep right there and then, but he supposes there are more pressing issues at the moment.
“What were we talking about again?” Andrew asks in the darkness.
(come)
“I think we were talking about going slow?”
(mess)
Andrew laughs. “Well we’re certainly managing that….”
(his laugh)
Jesse is torn between rolling back onto Andrew and crawling inside himself, because what the fuck, he -
“I touched your dick with my hand.”
“Yeah, and it made me come really hard. What’s that, what are you doing?” Andrew raises an arm to grab at the hand Jesse is still holding in the air.
“No, Andrew don’t -”
Andrew intertwines his fingers through Jesse’s come-splattered ones. Jesse cringes.
“Awesome.”
“Shit.” Jesse cringes again.
Andrew lowers their clasped hands to the bed. “Are you okay? Are we okay?”
When Jesse doesn’t respond, Andrew says, a bit quicker, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, that happened and I don’t, we don’t -”
“Shut up, Andrew. It’s okay. I’m just aware of the mess we made and are currently lying in. And I touched your dick.”
“Is that a problem?”
“Well, we haven’t been dating for very long.” Try less than an hour.
“So?”
“We were just talking about moving too fast!”
(can’t control)
Andrew sits up and shuffles a little. Jesse’s thankful that it’s dark, otherwise he’d be privy to Andrew’s naked ass.
(or not thankful?)
“Jess, don’t you think that that’s a bit relative?”
“What?”
Jesse remains lying down, because there is come on him and his underwear is not on his ass properly.
“Like, someone else’s ‘moving too fast’ mightn’t be our ‘moving too fast’?”
“What?”
“If you’re comfortable with what’s happening, why does it matter if we’re ‘moving too fast’ or not?”
Jesse thinks.
(comfortable?)
(dating?)
(what)
(kristen, rob, jt, emma)
(maybe…)
“Unless, of course, you’re not comfortable, which then it’s entirely my fault and I’m sorry -”
“Shut up Andrew, I’m thinking.”
A pause.
“Okay, can we get cleaned up first, before we continue this conversation?”
“How do you want to do that?” Andrew asks quietly.
“I’ll close my eyes, you go to the bathroom and whatever, then we’ll swap.”
Andrew sighs but does as Jesse suggests.
As Andrew shuffles off Jesse closes his eyes, even though it’s dark and probably doesn’t need to. He hears the bathroom door close and now Jesse sighs, long and hard. He goes to rub his eyes but remembers the come on his hand, so stops.
What’s the big deal?
Jesse’s practically seen Andrew naked before
(tight black spandex)
and he’s touched Andrew before
(lean legs)
so why is he so
(ass)
nervous about
(his fucking dick)
Andrew being naked?
It takes time, he thinks. And…eventually he’ll have to take his clothes off, right? That’s what happens. In a relationship. You date somebody, and the expectation is that you kiss and then you touch and eventually you see and you progress, because that’s what happens in this kind of relationship - how fast do you want to move sexually?
But they’re boys!
So?
It’s not like Jesse would know what to do with a girl, anyway. Maybe it’s better that Andrew’s a boy, because at least he has the same bits.
Yeah. And Andrew’s his best friend and for the most part, he’s comfortable with Andrew and Andrew’s comfortable with him and this can work, this has to work, because Jesse doesn’t know how to not want to kiss Andrew and if they’re dating it means that they only kiss each other, doesn’t it?
He hears a door open.
“I’m closing my eyes.” Andrew mutters.
Jesse opens his and gets out of bed, groping for the dresser. Blindly, he finds the underwear drawer and grabs whatever is at the top first, before stepping past Andrew’s dark figure to the bathroom.
Once he returns, he finds the desk lamp on, and Andrew bustling around with linen.
“What?”
Andrew turns around; the comforter and bottom sheets are on the floor, and Andrew is clutching at the white blanket.
“We, uh, it kind of - um. I got in, but it was wet, so I - we need to change the sheets.”
Jesse leans against the wall, next to the bathroom door, and smirks at Andrew. He realizes that perhaps a month ago this would have freaked him out, but he’s feeling pretty okay at the moment.
“I’ll help.”
So despite their weariness, Andrew and Jesse manage to change the sheets. The white blanket escaped being…soiled, though, so that once Jesse crawls into bed and lets his body go limp, Andrew spreads that out over top, turns the desk lamp off and clambers into bed.
He lies next to Jesse and takes his hand.
“Take two, eh?” Jesse laughs.
Andrew hums. “I’m so tired.”
“Me too.”
There’s a brief silence.
“So what was this, about ‘moving too fast’ or whatever?” Jesse wonders.
“Are you comfortable with what just happened?”
Jesse shrugs. “I’m not freaking out, so I guess I’m fine.”
“What were you thinking about before? After I said that it’s all relative whether we ‘move too fast’ or not?”
Right. Well -
“When people date, isn’t there some sort of protocol? You know - a way to do it? If my place is as your boyfriend, then there’s a certain way to do it, isn’t there -”
“Does it really matter?” Andrew asks.
“What?”
“Whether there’s a ‘protocol’ or not. ‘If my place is as your boyfriend’ - Jess, it sounds like, I don’t know, it sounds like…this is a role that you’ve somehow found yourself in and now you’re thinking about all the exact little things you’ve got to do to fill this role. This isn’t an acting part, you know.”
“I know, but Andrew, when two people date there is a way to do it -”
“No, Jess, there isn’t. It’s you do whatever the fuck you want to do. It’s you talk to the other person in the relationship about whatever the fuck you’re feeling and you have fun together. This isn’t an acting role! There aren’t any rules or limitations - there isn’t a script which tells you how to act and what to do and whether things are going to turn out well or whatever!”
“No, but what I mean is -”
“No, Jesse! This is life! We’re not acting. No one is telling us what to do. ‘Life isn’t a fairy-tale, Andrew. Stop romanticising things, Andrew. You’re being too clingy, Andrew. You need to do work, Andrew. There’s no use in dreaming, Andrew. Get your head out of the clouds!’”
Jesse feels Andrew curl away from Jesse, letting go of Jesse’s hand and hunching in on himself. Jesse blinks. He’s never heard Andrew raise his voice before. Well, he has, but in excitement, not in frustration, and definitely never at Jesse.
(this is life)
(there isn’t a script)
“I know there’s no script, Andrew. Clearly, there isn’t. I didn’t mean that.”
Jesse waits, but Andrew makes no sign he heard him. The longer he waits, the more worried he begins to feel. He wonders if this is their first ‘fight’. God he sucks, not even a day in as a boyfriend, and he’s already upsetting Andrew. What did he say wrong? Jesse thinks furiously. There was that conversation they had when he read the poem and - wait. Andrew said…
“But you think we’re moving too fast. And you think you know what boyfriends ‘do’, didn’t you say that before? Isn’t that kind of presuming there’s some sort of protocol?” Jesse says.
Finally Andrew shuffles slightly. “I guess.”
Jesse takes a chance and curls into Andrew.
(the big spoon)
He wraps his arm around Andrew, and finds his hand.
“I’m sorry, Jess.”
“Don’t be.” Jesse murmurs.
“Do you still want to be my boyfriend?” Andrew mumbles.
“What? Of course. Do you still want to be my boyfriend?”
Andrew nods and his hair rubs against Jesse’s face.
“I don’t think it matters how fast we move, so long as we’re both comfortable, okay?”
Andrew nods again. “Okay.” He whispers.
“To be honest, though, I don’t really know how I ended up here.”
“At my house? We walked, silly!”
They both laugh and Jesse feels Andrew relax properly into the embrace.
“What I mean is how I ended up as your boyfriend. And, um, to tell you the truth, how I ended up as your friend in general.”
“Well it all started one Saturday morning at the swim centre…”
“Did it now?”
“Yeah, I’d just emerged from the pool and I bumped into this boy with curly hair and blue eyes…”
Jesse hums and - ah, fucking butterflies.
“…and from then on I’d always notice him, and he’d always watch me swimming, but whenever I looked at him he’d always look away. So one Saturday I came to the centre and smiled at him, and he smiled back, to my surprise.”
“That was my birthday.”
“What?”
“The day you smiled, at me. It was my birthday. I turned 18 that day.”
“I like that.”
“When’s your birthday? August, isn’t it?”
“Yeah, August 20th. Anyway, from then on, I made a point about smiling at the boy. And he’d smile back at me, usually. Though every time I got close to him, he’d look away.”
“Wonder why he’d do that.”
“I did wonder. But I didn’t ask or anything, because that’d be weird and he made me feel kind of nervous, ‘cause I’d wonder why the boy would always watch me swimming.”
(ass)
(body)
“Maybe he wondered why you smiled at him.”
“You make a valid point. I don’t know why I did. I think I wanted to see if his smile was as beautiful as his face.”
Quell! Quell the fucking butterflies!
Andrew hums happily and continues. “I saw him at school a couple of times. You see, my friend, Rob, was friends with his friend, Kristen, and we’d sometimes pass by the cafeteria and he’d point her out to me. He always wanted to go in and talk to her, but I didn’t want to, because the boy was there.”
“Why was that a big deal?”
“Don’t know. He made me nervous.”
“Funny.”
“What?”
“Maybe you made the boy nervous too.”
“Well, I never would have found out except Matt ended up having a party and the boy was…invited…”
Andrew yawns and when he does, Jesse feels him shake slightly. Jesse tightens his grip.
“Go to sleep, Andrew.”
“We’ll continue this conversation later?”
Jesse buries his face into Andrew’s hair, and smiles. He kisses the nape of Andrew’s neck, and murmurs, “Sure.”
Andrew shudders.
“What?” Jesse purrs.
“Do that again.”
Jesse begins mouthing at Andrew’s hair, kissing it. He presses himself closer to Andrew’s backside, and Andrew squirms.
“You make me so fucking horny.” Andrew whispers.
Jesse begins rocking back and forth, only slightly, and Andrew moans.
“I came once already today, Jess.”
“Only once?” Jesse should probably stop, but -
“Well, when I woke up I thought about you and I jerked off and I came and - oh - Jess - I also - god - came in the shower afterwards, fuck -”
Jesse breathes into Andrew’s ear and Andrew shoves his ass back against Jesse.
“What are we doing?”
“Do you want to stop?” Jesse mumbles.
“Maybe we should.”
But Andrew begins rotating his hips and keeps moaning and Jesse keeps breathing into Andrew’s ear.
(fuck)
Andrew smells like chlorine and both of them could probably do with a shower.
(fuck)
Jesse feels Andrew guide Jesse’s hand to his crotch area, where he rubs at himself with their clasped hands. Andrew isn’t completely hard yet, but -
“You can put your hand in, if you want.” Andrew whispers.
(fuuuuuck)
Jesse groans. He doesn’t want to come in his pants again tonight though.
He stops.
Andrew doesn’t.
(fuck)
“Andrew, maybe we should - shit - stop.”
Andrew hums and okay, he’s stopping. He raises their hands to his lips, and kisses Jesse’s knuckles.
“I’m sorry.”
“Stop it, Andrew. I - I…wanted to. I just. Well. Don’t want to come in my pants again tonight.”
Andrew turns around and presses his face very close to Jesse’s.
“Do you reckon that was ‘moving too fast’?” He asks.
Jesse says, “No. Okay. Maybe just a little. But I felt okay with it. Another time?”
“Definitely.”
Jesse kisses Andrew now, on the lips. Just a peck.
“I like you so fucking much.” Andrew murmurs.
“Me too.”
“You make me so fucking horny.”
“I know.”
Jesse feels Andrew’s lips form a smile against his face.
“Are we going to sleep, now?”
“Yep.”
Jesse moves away from Andrew to lie on his back. Andrew’s hand creeps back into his, and it’s nice. It’s good. It’s wonderful.
Oh fuck how it’s scary.
(pounding)
(take it)
“Are we gay?” Jesse asks.
“Well I’m quite happy.”
Jesse’s lips twitch. “You know what I mean. Homosexual. Are we?”
“I don’t know. Can I figure it out later?
(yeah)
(happy)
Jesse rolls onto Andrew and kisses him hard on the lips. He rolls back and smiles to himself when Andrew breathes out heavily, saying “Woah. What was that for?”
“I don’t know, I guess I just like you so fucking much.” Jesse says casually.
Andrew laughs and turns over to nuzzle himself into Jesse.
“Okay, I’m going to sleep now.”
“Okay.”
Silence.
Then.
“This is the best day of my life.” Andrew says quietly.
“Go to sleep.”
“But it is.”
Jesse considers this.
“It’s mine too.”
Seemingly satisfied, Andrew stops talking and Jesse closes his eyes.
He itches his ankle with his foot and remembers -
Andrew’s boyfriend
(my boy)
(mine)
Jesse falls asleep with a smile on his face.
(mine)
(mine…)
************
“Good morning, boyfriend.”
Jesse opens his eyes to be met with a blurred figure above him.
(boyfriend)
“Andrew?”
I really need to get my eyes checked again, he thinks.
“The one and only!”
Jesse’s eyes focus just in time to see Andrew lean down and kiss him soundly on the lips.
He pulls away, but only an inch or so.
“Hi.”
Andrew’s smile seems huge from where Jesse’s looking.
“Hello.” Jesse croaks.
Andrew brushes his nose with Jesse’s.
“Seriously, what time is it? Why are you so happy?”
Andrew giggles. “I don’t know. I’ve already been up, though. Uncle’s making breakfast and he says he’ll be like, half an hour. I locked the door.”
Jesse squints. It seems like Andrew also opened the curtains.
“Wasn’t it already locked? Why’d you lock it again?” Jesse’s voice sounds groggy to his ears. Fuck he’s tired -
Andrew grinds down.
Oh.
“How’d my boyfriend sleep last night?”
(boyfriend)
Andrew starts kissing Jesse’s neck. He licks at the hickey.
“Hey, the hickey doesn’t hurt as much anymore. And I slept well, thanks for asking. Andrew I’m not sure -”
Fuck!
Andrew’s grinding his hips down and moaning against Jesse’s neck.
“Is this okay?” Andrew whispers.
Jesse tries to speak, but -
“I’m sorry, I’m just really horny. And I -” Andrew bites at Jesse’s upper lip. “- can’t help myself -” He sucks in Jesse’s lower lip. “- around you.”
“Don’t - fuck - say - shit - sorry.” Jesse stutters.
Andrew begins thrusting into Jesse’s crotch and Jesse thinks this is an excellent way to wake up in the morning. Except -
“I haven’t brushed my teeth.”
“I don’t care.”
Jesse tries to protest but Andrew just kisses him harder.
They spend a few minutes humping each other breathlessly, until Andrew’s moans become strangled and he drops his head next to Jesse’s and mutters, “Can I take my shirt off?”
(oh god)
When Jesse doesn’t respond immediately, Andrew slows down a bit and asks, “Is this okay? Is this moving too fast?”
(probably)
(but who gives a fuck)
“It’s not moving too fast if we both want it. Now take it off and keep moving.”
Andrew sits up and the comforter moves with him. He pulls his shirt off and Jesse can’t breathe, he can’t breathe holy fuck Andrew!
So he’s seen Andrew shirtless dozens and dozens of times, but you know it’s completely different when he’s taking the shirt off above you.
Jesse reminds himself to breathe when Andrew throws the shirt to the floor and looks down at Jesse. Lust has enlarged his eyes and dilated his pupils. It’s swelled his lips and mussed his hair. Jesse dares to glance further down.
Fuck.
That golden torso that Jesse has admired from afar countless times is right in front of his fucking face and shit Andrew is sitting on top of him shirtless and Jesse doesn’t know what he’s feeling right now except fuck, no, he’s not thinking with his brain anymore, that’s for sure.
(moving too fast?)
(but so what?)
Jesse places his palms on Andrew’s chest and Andrew smiles.
“I fucking love this.”
“Wow, you’re so romantic.”
Andrew laughs and looks a little shy.
“Andrew, you can’t be shy when you’re shirtless on top of me.”
Jesse slides his palms up to touch Andrew’s collar bone, and then shoulders, and then he slides them back down past Andrew’s fucking nipples to feel his ribs and despite what Andrew says about Jesse being too skinny, Andrew isn’t that much bigger. Stronger, perhaps, but not necessarily bigger.
He moves his hands down to Andrew’s stomach.
“Fuck.”
Andrew leans down, shifting so he’s bracketing Jesse and his naked chest is hovering above Jesse, his naked chest is hovering about Jesse, it’s hovering and it’s right there and it’s naked and it’s Andrew and -
Maybe Jesse should take his shirt off too? Is that how this works?
(there is no protocol!)
(do what you feel comfortable)
But Jesse’s been shirtless around Andrew - they’ve gone in the pool together. Jesse’s been almost butt naked with Andrew twice already, doesn’t that count for something?
(moving too fast?)
Ah, fuck, does it really matter if he’s comfortable with what he’s doing?
“I don’t want to take my shirt off.” Jesse says.
“That’s okay.” Andrew replies. He grabs Jesse's curls, just how Jesse likes it, and pulls gently. He grins when Jesse squeals softly.
“I love it when you do that.” Andrew says.
“What?” Jesse breathes.
Andrew pulls harder this time, and Jesse whines.
“That.”
Jesse grabs Andrew’s face and mashes his lips onto Andrew. I’m getting the hang of this kissing thing, he thinks.
They grind against each other leisurely. Andrew’s shirtless chest rubs against Jesse’s clothed one and there is literally nowhere else Jesse would rather be.
(pants)
(their cocks)
(naked)
(hand)
Jesse wraps his arms around Andrew, and thrusts up faster. Fuck. Are they going to -
“Boys! Breakfast!”
Fuck!
There are footsteps getting closer towards Andrew’s room.
Jesse pushes at Andrew, all good feelings suddenly dissipated, until Andrew rolls off him.
“Get onto the futon!” He hisses.
Andrew gets up and unlocks the door, before diving onto the futon, pulling the comforter up to this chin to hide his half-nakedness.
Jesse curls up underneath the covers.
The door opens.
Jenny peers in and smiles at them. “Andrew, you were up before, I know you’re not sleeping now. Good morning Jesse!”
“Good morning.”
“Breakfast is ready, okay? Come down soon.”
They both nod, and then Jesse notices Andrew’s shirt flung halfway across the room. Will Jenny think it’s weird if Andrew’s not wearing a shirt?
Jenny nods and turns to leave, but Jesse is staring at her face intensely and her eyes definitely rake across the room and - oh. She’s noticed the shirt. Jesse can tell, because there is a very rapid frown, but then it’s gone and she’s smiling cheerfully again.
Once the door closes Andrew breathes out a sigh of relief.
He stands up and itches at his chest. He notices Jesse’s gaze and cocks his head. “What are you thinking about?”
(you tell me what your feeling)
“The fact that you’re shirtless and I’m okay with it.”
Andrew laughs and picks up his shirt. “You’re supposed to say ‘nothing’.”
“I think Jenny saw your shirt.”
Andrew freezes. “Really?”
“I don’t know, but maybe.”
“Shit.” Andrew puts the shirt back on. He shifts uncomfortably. “I’ve got an erection.”
Jesse puts his hands down his pants.
“Me too.”
“Well, what do we do?”
The situation feels familiar and it’s like Jesse’s going through déjà vu.
“Um, I don’t know.”
He feels sort of uncomfortable.
“Jess? Are we still okay?”
Andrew shuffles to the bed and jumps on top of the covers.
“We can’t do that now, Andrew.”
“No - let me kiss you.” Andrew leans down to kiss Jesse on the lips, but Jesse pulls away.
“We have erections, and we need to go to breakfast.”
“We could always jerk each other off quickly.”
(no)
So what Jesse’s touched Andrew’s dick?
“Andrew, I suddenly feel kind of uncomfortable and I don’t like it.”
Andrew frowns. “Are we moving too fast? I’m sorry. Oh god, we’ve only been dating for like, less than two days, am I pushing you, I’m sorry -”
“No, shut up. It’s not you, I think. I think it’s Jenny.”
“What?”
They both get out of the bed, and stand close together on top of the futon.
“Yeah. When she arrived, I suddenly felt - uncomfortable. Weird. Strange. I don’t like it. It’s not you.”
Andrew hugs Jesse gently. Jesse rests his head against Andrew’s chest.
“I think it means you’re not ready to tell anyone, yet.” Andrew says quietly.
Jesse pulls back and looks up at Andrew. “Are you ready?”
Andrew shrugs. “I don’t know. I’m excited I have a boyfriend, you’re my first boyfriend, you know. And even if you weren’t my first, you’d definitely be my favourite.”
Jesse laughs. “That doesn’t even make sense.”
“Whatever. Why?”
“You don’t know what your other boyfriends or girlfriends would be like, so how do you know I’d be your fav-”
Andrew shuts Jesse up with a kiss. He breaks the kiss and leans his forehead against Jesse’s, stooping down a little. “Shut up. No one else compares to you.”
Jesse scoffs. “I seriously don’t believe that.”
“Whatever. I believe it.”
Andrew pulls away and starts walking towards the bathroom. “I need to jerk off really quickly.”
Jesse rolls his eyes. “Okay. I’m just going to, um, sit here. Or something. It’ll go away, eventually, right?”
But when Andrew enters the bathroom, Jesse decides something quickly, and scuttles off to the bathroom downstairs, avoiding the kitchen until Andrew arrives.
************
Jesse goes home after breakfast, because he seriously needs a shower, and also, apparently Kerri’s going home today even though she has a longer winter break than him. Something about getting settled back into college before it starts again.
He’d said goodbye to Andrew with a quick kiss on the cheek, which Andrew had turned into a needy kiss on the lips until Jesse had pulled away because they were fucking standing on Andrew’s porch.
(boyfriend)
Jesse sits cross-legged on Kerri’s bed, as she packs. She’s nearly done.
“It was good to come home, little brother.”
“Yeah.”
“I missed you.”
Jesse hums.
She huffs. “Come on, you can at least admit you missed me a little bit.”
“Fine, I did miss you. It was good seeing you, too.”
Now she laughs. “That’s better.”
Kerri drags the suitcase to her door and sighs. “How’s your hickey?”
Jesse presses it. “It’s better, doesn’t really hurt anymore.”
She nods. “That’s good.”
It’s silent, save for their mother’s yelling from downstairs - “Kerri! Your taxi’s here! Hurry up!” Hallie Kate joins in, laughing with their father.
Jesse shakes his head at them but Kerri says, rather softly, “Jesse, I was thinking.”
He suddenly feels very nervous.
(what?)
“Okay.”
“And, well. Don’t take this the wrong way. I’m probably wrong. Just - well. Jesse…”
Why can he feel his heartbeat so acutely?
“Come on, Kerri, just say it, what’s up?”
“I was thinking, that…well. The day you came home with the hickey, you came home from Andrew’s.”
Jesse feels blank.
“And I know you didn’t have it before the New Year.”
“Kerri! Get yourself down here now young lady! I don’t care that you’re in college, your taxi’s waiting and we’re waiting, bring Jesse down with you too - Kerri!”
Kerri blinks at Jesse before leaving the room. He waits a few seconds before following her downstairs.
They all say goodbye, rather dramatically, because it’s Jesse’s family.
Kerri hugs Jesse. “Bye little brother. It was good to see you again.” She smiles at him, but Jesse knows Kerri, he can see it - in her eyes, fuck, the questions. The knowledge.
The fucking knowledge.
“Okay, Kerri, come on, go, now, we’ll see you soon, dear!” Their mother smiles.
“Work hard, baby.” Their father says.
“Come back soon, Kerri. It’s boring when you’re not around.” Hallie Kate decides.
“Hey!” Jesse glares at his little sister and she sticks her tongue out at him.
“Yeah, bye Kerri.”
Kerri smiles at all of them, but her gaze lingers on Jesse.
“See you, guys.”
And she exits the house and the family return to their routine.
Except Jesse trudges upstairs, dreading the time when school opens again.
part x