Shoot the Moon....
I had a long entry written out in my head about myself, about who I was and how I had really changed in the last 10 years. ( I just realized 10 years ago this year I basically had my first crush!) But it goes from this back to the one thing in my life that is always predominant in my heart and head. The family that I never acknowledged that much. And I realize- if you do not have family like mine and deal with the things with them that I have through the years. I don't know what to write or what to say- I just know they belong in my heart and somewhere back in my life it it at all possible. And now that all is said and done, pain has come and passed- I've cried for them over the years more times than I can count- poured my pain out into many entries, poems, and tears into my pillow. And they still are a part of my blood, my heart and my being.
Now do not think that my mother and my adopted dad are not fantastic. My mom is my best friend, she is the one who taught me to live my life like I do now; taught me to believe in myself. My dad stood in my biological father's place and raised me as his daughter, loved me and showed me that working with your hands isn't a bad thing. He taught me that family is important- not that I had not known it, but my family gained by him is huge. Still is and some of the best people are in it! And my grandmother is the light of my life, the woman who I hope I take after in everything that I do. I only hope I can be as strong as she is.
I just have to understand that I come from 3 different sides with 3 different families and be able to turn that into what it is. I love them all in different ways and for different things they have taught me and brought into my life. I've learned I just love them for who they are and hopefully in time things come together even with pain and I can be loved for who I am.
Aside from my natural family that I grew up with and will always call my own- I have my own family now. I have new additions to my family who drive me insane and I love fiercely. Remco and his family. His mother, father and brother. His mom drives me insane- but she is still precious to me and has been the reason I have been able to learn what I know out here. His dad, quiet with me because he doesn't speak alot of English me, but still has a good sense of humor. And you've got Aerjen, his brother, spoiled rotten, used to getting his way, and he is good at making you laugh- I like having him around and am grateful for the brother/friend I have in him and have had in recent years.
And then you can't forget the family Remco and I have together- we live together, laugh together, teach each other, support each other. I read a journal entry I wrote when I was on my way to move here (in the plane) and well- I knew then what was going to happen when I ended up here here- and now almost 2 years later everything has come to fruitation- I'm just struggling to finish a few things, but you know how that goes. It happens.
Life mostly in itself is good. I've got my family, I've got my sense of self, I've got my friends, and I've got my future. Am not sure how much better it gets.
I love being alive and being who I am today.
Now do not think that my mother and my adopted dad are not fantastic. My mom is my best friend, she is the one who taught me to live my life like I do now; taught me to believe in myself. My dad stood in my biological father's place and raised me as his daughter, loved me and showed me that working with your hands isn't a bad thing. He taught me that family is important- not that I had not known it, but my family gained by him is huge. Still is and some of the best people are in it! And my grandmother is the light of my life, the woman who I hope I take after in everything that I do. I only hope I can be as strong as she is.
I just have to understand that I come from 3 different sides with 3 different families and be able to turn that into what it is. I love them all in different ways and for different things they have taught me and brought into my life. I've learned I just love them for who they are and hopefully in time things come together even with pain and I can be loved for who I am.
Aside from my natural family that I grew up with and will always call my own- I have my own family now. I have new additions to my family who drive me insane and I love fiercely. Remco and his family. His mother, father and brother. His mom drives me insane- but she is still precious to me and has been the reason I have been able to learn what I know out here. His dad, quiet with me because he doesn't speak alot of English me, but still has a good sense of humor. And you've got Aerjen, his brother, spoiled rotten, used to getting his way, and he is good at making you laugh- I like having him around and am grateful for the brother/friend I have in him and have had in recent years.
And then you can't forget the family Remco and I have together- we live together, laugh together, teach each other, support each other. I read a journal entry I wrote when I was on my way to move here (in the plane) and well- I knew then what was going to happen when I ended up here here- and now almost 2 years later everything has come to fruitation- I'm just struggling to finish a few things, but you know how that goes. It happens.
Life mostly in itself is good. I've got my family, I've got my sense of self, I've got my friends, and I've got my future. Am not sure how much better it gets.
I love being alive and being who I am today.