(no subject)
Yesterday I went lifting in Macomb. Didn't do well, but that seems to be the rules anymore. I did reverse band bench and I worked up to doing a bunch of triples then doubles with 400 lbs and blue bands. So about 70 lbs out of the bottom. I used to do that with a good 50 or 60 lbs more. I was just so sad, and I couldn't even seem to do anything. Mostly I was just sitting there and staring at the floor. I told Roger and Judy that I was out of Nationals. When this started out, I gave Judy a brief overview of what was going on with me when it first started because my lifts dropped through the floor and I just looked terrible. Yesterday was no exception. She pulled me aside and asked how I was doing and how things were going, so I told her that Emily decided that she didn't love me anymore and didn't want to be with me anymore. She asked me if there was anything that she could do to help me, but I couldn't think of anything that could be done, otherwise I would have done it already. She told me to trust in God and that her prayers were with me. That was about the point that I pretty much left because I wasn't getting anything done and it was about time to go anyway. On the way home Emily called me and told me that my mom had asked her to come see her when she saw her at lunch and that her mom was still pissed about her coming home late Monday, so she couldn't make it. I asked her if she could come talk with me today, but she said she had to work so I asked about after class and she agreed, but then retracted because she wasn't comfortable talking with me alone right now...I guess...
I was really down when I got home and I sat up at the office and shredded papers for about an hour. I really needed something to do to take my mind off things, so I started calling people seeing who would be available. Basically everyone was working, or busy, or somewhere else. I did get a hiking trip set up with Zac coming up when he can get time off in the next few weeks. I really need to get away now, so I might go somewhere in between now and then. I guess I want to start running now. I eventually got a hold of someone and Siders agreed to go with me to see a movie last night. We went to the Rave and saw the 10 pm show of "Live Free or Die Hard" It was a pretty good movie. Not as good as the third one, but it was non stop action and was an alright distraction last night. That's what I needed. We had a good talk on the drive there and the movie, so I didn't have the opportunity to drink last night. I ended up sleeping through last night and when I woke up, my legs were sore and the bottoms of my feet dirty. Probably went out last night. How far would I have gone to make my legs sore in the morning?
A few weeks back Emily said something to me. She said that all men either move around and leave you, or the clutch on to you for dear life. That's right she said clutch. She also said that it wasn't necessarily a bad thing, but I'm not sure how that can be the interpretation from how that is phrased. I am assuming that she has classified me as one of the "clutchers" because I can't just let go of her. I wish I could make her see that I can leave things, that I don't have an inability to let go, but I just love her that much. I have tried to convince myself otherwise, to tell myself that I will be better off and the like, but I can't seem to rid myself of the feeling. No matter how much she has hurt me, I still seem to love her. If I didn't this would be so much easier, but I can't seem to make that the case.
I was really down when I got home and I sat up at the office and shredded papers for about an hour. I really needed something to do to take my mind off things, so I started calling people seeing who would be available. Basically everyone was working, or busy, or somewhere else. I did get a hiking trip set up with Zac coming up when he can get time off in the next few weeks. I really need to get away now, so I might go somewhere in between now and then. I guess I want to start running now. I eventually got a hold of someone and Siders agreed to go with me to see a movie last night. We went to the Rave and saw the 10 pm show of "Live Free or Die Hard" It was a pretty good movie. Not as good as the third one, but it was non stop action and was an alright distraction last night. That's what I needed. We had a good talk on the drive there and the movie, so I didn't have the opportunity to drink last night. I ended up sleeping through last night and when I woke up, my legs were sore and the bottoms of my feet dirty. Probably went out last night. How far would I have gone to make my legs sore in the morning?
A few weeks back Emily said something to me. She said that all men either move around and leave you, or the clutch on to you for dear life. That's right she said clutch. She also said that it wasn't necessarily a bad thing, but I'm not sure how that can be the interpretation from how that is phrased. I am assuming that she has classified me as one of the "clutchers" because I can't just let go of her. I wish I could make her see that I can leave things, that I don't have an inability to let go, but I just love her that much. I have tried to convince myself otherwise, to tell myself that I will be better off and the like, but I can't seem to rid myself of the feeling. No matter how much she has hurt me, I still seem to love her. If I didn't this would be so much easier, but I can't seem to make that the case.