A well-deserved self-mock, volume two.
As promised, here is the next story in my horrible old WLiiA? bad!fic series. Part one is here, if you missed it.
Unpredictable
By: Laura [redacted] and Sara Coburn
Don’t you love how I roped my friends into this garbage, too?
Chapter 1: The New Guest
(OK you know the drill I don’t own anything or anyone from Whose Line? This is just for fun! Note: Ryan isn’t married in this fic.)
Well, that’s convenient.
“Hey guys!” said Drew “We have a new guest. A FEMALE new guest! Her name is Laura, and she is 24 years old. She should be arriving soon.”
Hear that? A FEMALE new guest. Not just female. FEMALE. Your guess is as good as mine as to why that is in caps.
“That’s great! Another girl! That’s one less female character I have to play! Hey do you think one of us will fall madly in love with her?” Colin said to everyone. The last part, seemed to be directed to Ryan though.
Gee, that’s not making the so-called “plot” of this story blindingly transparent. Not at all.
“I doubt that Col, Brad already has Sara, and he seems content,” Ryan said watching Sara and Brad, holding hands, out of the corner of his eye. “And sorry to break to you, but you’re married buddy! And Kathy! Well, we don’t want to go there!” he finished.
We don’t? I honestly think a little femslash could only brighten these stories up.
“Ha, Ha! Very funny Ryan! But wait, what about you?” Kathy teased.
“Yeah! I am sure! I’m only 18 years older than her! That won’t happen Kathy, you read fairy tales too often.” Ryan said laughing.
I love my random and intermittent aversion to contractions.
“Famous last words.” Colin muttered.
All of a sudden there was a big crash! And the cast of Whose Line looked over to the door and saw Laura laying there in a pile of boxes she had tripped over.
A big crash! Even the narration is excited! And I love how there's a random pile of boxes laying around. I can just see the scene: "Do you think that might be a bit of a hazard?" one stage hand asks. "Nah," says another. "It'll be fine. No one'll trip over 'em!"
“And that’s Laura, ladies and gents.” Drew commented
“Well it’s a good thing you’re not a ballerina,” Sara said, as she walked over to help her best friend up.
All right, that one wasn't as cringe-worthy as some of these attempts at "wit" are, I’ll admit.
“Yeah, I’ll say.” Laura said as she dusted herself off.
“What’s with the high heels?” Sara asked, “You know you can’t walk very well in those!”
“I just wanted to make a good impression.” She said.
Because tripping over things and falling over really makes a good first impression, amirite?
“Well here are the guys and Kathy, do you want to meet them?”
“Sure, why not, I’ve already made myself look like an idiot, what harm can it do?” They walked over to where Ryan, Colin, Kathy, Drew, Greg, Brad, and Wayne were standing.
Oh, hey! Wayne! When did he appear?
“This is Brad.” Sara said with a hint of a glow on her face. “And this is everyone else.” Laura giggled at the way her friend had introduced the castmates.
“Hi Brad,” Laura said, “And hi ‘everyone else.’ Everyone laughed.
“Hey Sara, we have names too.” Greg said snickering
*rolls eyes* And again I want to stab fic!me.
“Oh, Yeah, oops, I forgot, Laura, this is Colin, Wayne, Kathy, Drew, Greg, and Ryan.” She said Ryan’s name in a different pronunciation because she saw him looking at Laura in an irregular way, almost a flirty way. Plus she knew that Laura had a big time crush on him. Laura stuck her hand out to shake his.
Right. I forgot their names, because I’m just that stupid. Good to know that Ryan’s look is irregular. Here I was thinking it was symmetrical.
“N-Nice to meet you,” she stuttered.
...great, some else is stuttering.
“It’s a pleasure,” Ryan said pleasantly. Several reactions occurred from this greeting: Greg, Wayne, and Kathy smirked, Drew and Colin smiled, and Sara and Brad could barely keep from laughing. After this meeting, Sara and the rest of the Whose Line cast knew something was happening between the two performers.
Hooray! We’re masters of the obvious!
Chapter 2: Trailer Arrangements
“Uh-oh,” Drew said, sounding upset.
“What’s wrong?” Brad asked.
“We are two trailers short!” Drew answered
Wow, what a twist! Didn't see that coming!
“That’s OK,” Sara said with relief, “Brad and I can share one, we did it last time.”
Last time? Exactly when was “last time”? I have no idea about this timeline.
“Let’s just hope it doesn’t thunder-storm.” Greg smirked
“Yeah, you two can share, but that still leaves us a trailer short.” Drew commented.
“I’ve got it!” Sara said suddenly.
Eureka!
“How about Laura shares a trailer with Ryan? I mean they seem to have become fast friends.” She said friends differently because the way Laura and Ryan were flirting was just too obvious.
Why thank you for clearing that up, completely unnecessary narration.
“Yeah, real good friends.” Greg snickered, catching on.
“OK! I’ll ask them, see if they mind” Drew said.
“I think they will mind about as much as they mind talking to each other.” Sara whispered to Brad, giggling, then kissing him on the cheek. Sara heard Laura almost squeal with excitement when Drew went over there to ask them. Neither of them minded, a surprise to no one.
I’m still trying to figure out what my system was with punctuating quotations. It’s so bizarre. And yes, I am ignoring how ridiculous fic!me is acting. Why do you ask?
“Come on Brad, let’s go over there and help Laura with her luggage.” Sara said starting to pull on him arm.
“I think we’re too late” he said, as he heard Ryan offer to help her.
“Well how do you like that?” Sara asked incredulously. “She doesn’t even wait for her best friend.”
Of course not, fic!me! There's a guy around! Don’t you have your priorities straight?!
Laura saw Drew coming up to her and Ryan, so she asked, “What’s up Drew?”
“Nothing, except, we’re a trailer short, do you two mind sharing?” he asked. Laura was speechless at first, then she saw Sara snickering at her. She must have set this up somehow, Laura thought.
Gotta love randomly going back in time for a Repeated Scene in someone else’s POV.
“That’s OK Drew,” She heard Ryan’s reply, “We don’t mind.”
Way to be presumptuous there, Ryan.
“Great!” Drew exclaimed, then walked away.
“Do you want help with your luggage?” She heard Ryan ask
“Sure,” she replied, “That would be nice.”
She only heard Ryan ask that. He didn’t actually. In fact, the entire thing was a hallucination and she was really talking to a stuffed animal.
Chapter 3: Time to talk
After Laura was all settled in, Sara asked her to go on a walk. She accepted and barely 5 minutes later Sara said, “So you seem to like Ryan, I mean you flirting with him so much back there, it was hard to miss.”
Wow, I waited a whole five minutes? Fic!me has marvelous restraint.
“How obvious was it?” Laura asked
“About as obvious as a brick wall.” Sara giggled
Sigh. Another failed attempt at wit.
“Oh that’s nice, how many people noticed?”
“I’d say the whole room did.”
“Oh great!” Laura said, annoyed
I would be annoyed, too, Laura, if I were stuck in a fic as bad as-wait.
Meanwhile........back on set.
Another period orgy! My god, they’re a horny punctuation.
“Ryan, do I remember you saying that you wouldn’t fall for the new guest?” Greg teased.
“What are you talking about Greg?” Ryan asked, doing his best to sound nonchalant.
My guess is that I use the word ‘nonchalant’ at least once in every story.
“Oh don’t play innocent, Ry, everyone could tell you were majorly flirting with Laura.” Colin said smirking.
“You could tell?” Ryan asked
“Uh, duh! It was kind of obvious.” Wayne added
Whoa, dude! Wayne got a line! Hi, Wayne!
“Ooops, I guess I was flirting a little too much.” Ryan said smiling
“Not “I” buddy, “we” would be the correct term, she wasn’t exactly trying to stop you.” Colin added playfully.
For a second I thought Colin was insinuating he and Ryan were the ones flirting. Yay for unintentional slashy overtones.
“Yeah, she was totally flirting back!” Greg teased
“Definitely!” Brad said
Completely! Absolutely!
“Brad I wouldn’t be talking, you weren’t exactly clean either, we saw you getting all flirty with Sara.” Greg said as-a-matter-of-factly.
“Hey, I can do that, she’s my girlfriend, it’s not like I was flirting with someone I had just met two minutes ago.” He said, while looking at Ryan.
Except in the first story, they totally were flirting after knowing each other only a short time.
“Yeah, he’s got a point there Ryan.”
“You guys are impossible, did you know that?” Ryan said laughing. Just then Sara and Laura walked in, and he shut up instantly, and walked over to Laura; He immediately started flirting again.
Okay, we get it; their flirting is excessive. Can we stop mentioning it? The word is starting to lose its meaning.
While Ryan and Laura were talking, Sara came over to the others and said, “Ryan should seriously ask Laura out, I mean he only flirts with her every chance he gets.”
Or Laura could ask Ryan out, seeing as she has control over her vocal cords.
“Sounds like someone else we know, who flirts with a certain girl any time he can.” Greg said, while smirking at Brad and Sara, who had already joined hands again. Sara looked down at their hands, and smiled.
“Greg, that’s something I could argue for days with you about!” she said laughing.”
No, I’m not sure what that means either.
Chapter 4: A long night
Before they knew it, it was already nine so they decided to head to their trailers. Ryan’s and Laura’s was right next to Brad and Sara’s so they asked them if they wanted to play cards. “Sure. That would be fun” they both replied, “What do you want to play?” they asked.
Dammit. Attack of the Unison Speech Fairy yet again.
“How about Rummy?” Sara suggested
“Yeah, I love that game!” Everyone replied.
*bangs head against wall*
So they sat down and started to play, Sara won very quickly,
Naturally! I’m Head Sue around here!
but they decided to keep playing until everyone but one person was done. Pretty soon it was between Ryan and Laura, so Sara and Brad sat and waited for them to finish. They sat in an armchair talking, laughing, and the occasional kissing, Laura watched this out of the corner of her eye.
Good idea! Making out in front of guests is totally tasteful.
Oh don’t they look so cute? She thought to herself, ah what she would give for that to be her and Ryan. Soon after, Ryan finally won and they headed back to their trailer.
Of course, Laura just finds it adorable.
“Bye!” Sara and Brad called after them.
When they got to their trailer Laura asked Ryan “Did you see how cute those two looked sitting in that armchair?”
“Yeah, I did, I thought it was sweet,” he said. They were standing back to back,
Wait, what? So...they’re not looking at each other as they’re talking? Just talking to the walls?
and when they both turned around they were very close to each other. And just as Laura was about to say sorry, Ryan kissed her, and her mind just kind of melted.
That’s probably a serious medical condition of some sort, a melted mind. I’d get that looked at.
Then she noticed Sara was in the doorway, her mouth gaping.
Gaping mouth is probably a bad sign too, even though I’m strangely supposed to be surprised here. I thought the two of them were obvious?
“Hi,” she said, “Sorry, you forgot your purse Laura, I didn’t realize you two were......ahem....busy.”
Not as busy as those periods in their little punctuation orgy, though.
“Oh no it’s OK Sara, that kiss was long over due anyway,” someone said behind her, then wrapped their hands around her waist, it was Brad.
“I know it really was.” She added, looking into his eyes and then kissing him.
We start making out at random times in very random places. It’s a little disturbing.
“Hey you guys,” they suddenly heard, “this is supposed to be about us here!” Ryan said.
“Huh?” Sara said, Ryan’s voice snapping her back into reality.
...where she soon realized that she was part of a horrible bad!fic and made a desperate attempt for escape.
“Well thanks for my purse back, bye now!” Laura said hurriedly, as she shut the door in their faces.
Polite!
“Where were we?” She asked Ryan. Ryan pointed to her lips before kissing them again.
“We were right about there.” He said. Laura knew one thing, boy was she going to like this job!
But only because she gets to do Ryan. Not for any other reason.
THE END!
Thank god.
As you can see, the absurdity was dialed up a tad. Just wait. It totally gets better.
Unpredictable
By: Laura [redacted] and Sara Coburn
Don’t you love how I roped my friends into this garbage, too?
Chapter 1: The New Guest
(OK you know the drill I don’t own anything or anyone from Whose Line? This is just for fun! Note: Ryan isn’t married in this fic.)
Well, that’s convenient.
“Hey guys!” said Drew “We have a new guest. A FEMALE new guest! Her name is Laura, and she is 24 years old. She should be arriving soon.”
Hear that? A FEMALE new guest. Not just female. FEMALE. Your guess is as good as mine as to why that is in caps.
“That’s great! Another girl! That’s one less female character I have to play! Hey do you think one of us will fall madly in love with her?” Colin said to everyone. The last part, seemed to be directed to Ryan though.
Gee, that’s not making the so-called “plot” of this story blindingly transparent. Not at all.
“I doubt that Col, Brad already has Sara, and he seems content,” Ryan said watching Sara and Brad, holding hands, out of the corner of his eye. “And sorry to break to you, but you’re married buddy! And Kathy! Well, we don’t want to go there!” he finished.
We don’t? I honestly think a little femslash could only brighten these stories up.
“Ha, Ha! Very funny Ryan! But wait, what about you?” Kathy teased.
“Yeah! I am sure! I’m only 18 years older than her! That won’t happen Kathy, you read fairy tales too often.” Ryan said laughing.
I love my random and intermittent aversion to contractions.
“Famous last words.” Colin muttered.
All of a sudden there was a big crash! And the cast of Whose Line looked over to the door and saw Laura laying there in a pile of boxes she had tripped over.
A big crash! Even the narration is excited! And I love how there's a random pile of boxes laying around. I can just see the scene: "Do you think that might be a bit of a hazard?" one stage hand asks. "Nah," says another. "It'll be fine. No one'll trip over 'em!"
“And that’s Laura, ladies and gents.” Drew commented
“Well it’s a good thing you’re not a ballerina,” Sara said, as she walked over to help her best friend up.
All right, that one wasn't as cringe-worthy as some of these attempts at "wit" are, I’ll admit.
“Yeah, I’ll say.” Laura said as she dusted herself off.
“What’s with the high heels?” Sara asked, “You know you can’t walk very well in those!”
“I just wanted to make a good impression.” She said.
Because tripping over things and falling over really makes a good first impression, amirite?
“Well here are the guys and Kathy, do you want to meet them?”
“Sure, why not, I’ve already made myself look like an idiot, what harm can it do?” They walked over to where Ryan, Colin, Kathy, Drew, Greg, Brad, and Wayne were standing.
Oh, hey! Wayne! When did he appear?
“This is Brad.” Sara said with a hint of a glow on her face. “And this is everyone else.” Laura giggled at the way her friend had introduced the castmates.
“Hi Brad,” Laura said, “And hi ‘everyone else.’ Everyone laughed.
“Hey Sara, we have names too.” Greg said snickering
*rolls eyes* And again I want to stab fic!me.
“Oh, Yeah, oops, I forgot, Laura, this is Colin, Wayne, Kathy, Drew, Greg, and Ryan.” She said Ryan’s name in a different pronunciation because she saw him looking at Laura in an irregular way, almost a flirty way. Plus she knew that Laura had a big time crush on him. Laura stuck her hand out to shake his.
Right. I forgot their names, because I’m just that stupid. Good to know that Ryan’s look is irregular. Here I was thinking it was symmetrical.
“N-Nice to meet you,” she stuttered.
...great, some else is stuttering.
“It’s a pleasure,” Ryan said pleasantly. Several reactions occurred from this greeting: Greg, Wayne, and Kathy smirked, Drew and Colin smiled, and Sara and Brad could barely keep from laughing. After this meeting, Sara and the rest of the Whose Line cast knew something was happening between the two performers.
Hooray! We’re masters of the obvious!
Chapter 2: Trailer Arrangements
“Uh-oh,” Drew said, sounding upset.
“What’s wrong?” Brad asked.
“We are two trailers short!” Drew answered
Wow, what a twist! Didn't see that coming!
“That’s OK,” Sara said with relief, “Brad and I can share one, we did it last time.”
Last time? Exactly when was “last time”? I have no idea about this timeline.
“Let’s just hope it doesn’t thunder-storm.” Greg smirked
“Yeah, you two can share, but that still leaves us a trailer short.” Drew commented.
“I’ve got it!” Sara said suddenly.
Eureka!
“How about Laura shares a trailer with Ryan? I mean they seem to have become fast friends.” She said friends differently because the way Laura and Ryan were flirting was just too obvious.
Why thank you for clearing that up, completely unnecessary narration.
“Yeah, real good friends.” Greg snickered, catching on.
“OK! I’ll ask them, see if they mind” Drew said.
“I think they will mind about as much as they mind talking to each other.” Sara whispered to Brad, giggling, then kissing him on the cheek. Sara heard Laura almost squeal with excitement when Drew went over there to ask them. Neither of them minded, a surprise to no one.
I’m still trying to figure out what my system was with punctuating quotations. It’s so bizarre. And yes, I am ignoring how ridiculous fic!me is acting. Why do you ask?
“Come on Brad, let’s go over there and help Laura with her luggage.” Sara said starting to pull on him arm.
“I think we’re too late” he said, as he heard Ryan offer to help her.
“Well how do you like that?” Sara asked incredulously. “She doesn’t even wait for her best friend.”
Of course not, fic!me! There's a guy around! Don’t you have your priorities straight?!
Laura saw Drew coming up to her and Ryan, so she asked, “What’s up Drew?”
“Nothing, except, we’re a trailer short, do you two mind sharing?” he asked. Laura was speechless at first, then she saw Sara snickering at her. She must have set this up somehow, Laura thought.
Gotta love randomly going back in time for a Repeated Scene in someone else’s POV.
“That’s OK Drew,” She heard Ryan’s reply, “We don’t mind.”
Way to be presumptuous there, Ryan.
“Great!” Drew exclaimed, then walked away.
“Do you want help with your luggage?” She heard Ryan ask
“Sure,” she replied, “That would be nice.”
She only heard Ryan ask that. He didn’t actually. In fact, the entire thing was a hallucination and she was really talking to a stuffed animal.
Chapter 3: Time to talk
After Laura was all settled in, Sara asked her to go on a walk. She accepted and barely 5 minutes later Sara said, “So you seem to like Ryan, I mean you flirting with him so much back there, it was hard to miss.”
Wow, I waited a whole five minutes? Fic!me has marvelous restraint.
“How obvious was it?” Laura asked
“About as obvious as a brick wall.” Sara giggled
Sigh. Another failed attempt at wit.
“Oh that’s nice, how many people noticed?”
“I’d say the whole room did.”
“Oh great!” Laura said, annoyed
I would be annoyed, too, Laura, if I were stuck in a fic as bad as-wait.
Meanwhile........back on set.
Another period orgy! My god, they’re a horny punctuation.
“Ryan, do I remember you saying that you wouldn’t fall for the new guest?” Greg teased.
“What are you talking about Greg?” Ryan asked, doing his best to sound nonchalant.
My guess is that I use the word ‘nonchalant’ at least once in every story.
“Oh don’t play innocent, Ry, everyone could tell you were majorly flirting with Laura.” Colin said smirking.
“You could tell?” Ryan asked
“Uh, duh! It was kind of obvious.” Wayne added
Whoa, dude! Wayne got a line! Hi, Wayne!
“Ooops, I guess I was flirting a little too much.” Ryan said smiling
“Not “I” buddy, “we” would be the correct term, she wasn’t exactly trying to stop you.” Colin added playfully.
For a second I thought Colin was insinuating he and Ryan were the ones flirting. Yay for unintentional slashy overtones.
“Yeah, she was totally flirting back!” Greg teased
“Definitely!” Brad said
Completely! Absolutely!
“Brad I wouldn’t be talking, you weren’t exactly clean either, we saw you getting all flirty with Sara.” Greg said as-a-matter-of-factly.
“Hey, I can do that, she’s my girlfriend, it’s not like I was flirting with someone I had just met two minutes ago.” He said, while looking at Ryan.
Except in the first story, they totally were flirting after knowing each other only a short time.
“Yeah, he’s got a point there Ryan.”
“You guys are impossible, did you know that?” Ryan said laughing. Just then Sara and Laura walked in, and he shut up instantly, and walked over to Laura; He immediately started flirting again.
Okay, we get it; their flirting is excessive. Can we stop mentioning it? The word is starting to lose its meaning.
While Ryan and Laura were talking, Sara came over to the others and said, “Ryan should seriously ask Laura out, I mean he only flirts with her every chance he gets.”
Or Laura could ask Ryan out, seeing as she has control over her vocal cords.
“Sounds like someone else we know, who flirts with a certain girl any time he can.” Greg said, while smirking at Brad and Sara, who had already joined hands again. Sara looked down at their hands, and smiled.
“Greg, that’s something I could argue for days with you about!” she said laughing.”
No, I’m not sure what that means either.
Chapter 4: A long night
Before they knew it, it was already nine so they decided to head to their trailers. Ryan’s and Laura’s was right next to Brad and Sara’s so they asked them if they wanted to play cards. “Sure. That would be fun” they both replied, “What do you want to play?” they asked.
Dammit. Attack of the Unison Speech Fairy yet again.
“How about Rummy?” Sara suggested
“Yeah, I love that game!” Everyone replied.
*bangs head against wall*
So they sat down and started to play, Sara won very quickly,
Naturally! I’m Head Sue around here!
but they decided to keep playing until everyone but one person was done. Pretty soon it was between Ryan and Laura, so Sara and Brad sat and waited for them to finish. They sat in an armchair talking, laughing, and the occasional kissing, Laura watched this out of the corner of her eye.
Good idea! Making out in front of guests is totally tasteful.
Oh don’t they look so cute? She thought to herself, ah what she would give for that to be her and Ryan. Soon after, Ryan finally won and they headed back to their trailer.
Of course, Laura just finds it adorable.
“Bye!” Sara and Brad called after them.
When they got to their trailer Laura asked Ryan “Did you see how cute those two looked sitting in that armchair?”
“Yeah, I did, I thought it was sweet,” he said. They were standing back to back,
Wait, what? So...they’re not looking at each other as they’re talking? Just talking to the walls?
and when they both turned around they were very close to each other. And just as Laura was about to say sorry, Ryan kissed her, and her mind just kind of melted.
That’s probably a serious medical condition of some sort, a melted mind. I’d get that looked at.
Then she noticed Sara was in the doorway, her mouth gaping.
Gaping mouth is probably a bad sign too, even though I’m strangely supposed to be surprised here. I thought the two of them were obvious?
“Hi,” she said, “Sorry, you forgot your purse Laura, I didn’t realize you two were......ahem....busy.”
Not as busy as those periods in their little punctuation orgy, though.
“Oh no it’s OK Sara, that kiss was long over due anyway,” someone said behind her, then wrapped their hands around her waist, it was Brad.
“I know it really was.” She added, looking into his eyes and then kissing him.
We start making out at random times in very random places. It’s a little disturbing.
“Hey you guys,” they suddenly heard, “this is supposed to be about us here!” Ryan said.
“Huh?” Sara said, Ryan’s voice snapping her back into reality.
...where she soon realized that she was part of a horrible bad!fic and made a desperate attempt for escape.
“Well thanks for my purse back, bye now!” Laura said hurriedly, as she shut the door in their faces.
Polite!
“Where were we?” She asked Ryan. Ryan pointed to her lips before kissing them again.
“We were right about there.” He said. Laura knew one thing, boy was she going to like this job!
But only because she gets to do Ryan. Not for any other reason.
THE END!
Thank god.
As you can see, the absurdity was dialed up a tad. Just wait. It totally gets better.