the bisco theory; chapter 2
the bisco theory; chapter 2
jaejoong ♥ yunho | bff!jaechunsu | bff!homin
AU | comedy | fluff | romance | chaptered
+3, 500 words
Summary: The story is about Kim Jaejoong, who meets Jeong Yunho on the first day of university. It’s love at first Hi, complete with electric-charged handshake and chest groping. Always the firm believer of Love Will Come To Those Who Slave For It, or what he dubbed as The Bisco Theory, he goes on a quest to make Yunho his, in spite of the fact that Yunho is definitely, and without a doubt, straight.
[ tl;dr author's note][ prologue][ one]
--
Chapter 2 - Yunho;
I like living in hostels. Not that I have ever tried living in one, but the prospect of never having to answer to my mother’s one too many questions about what I do everyday seems blissfully tempting. The hostels have very late curfew, but from the talks of the street, the curfew was rarely regarded. Boys and girls sneak into each other’s dorms, and booze are smuggled on a daily basis. Those were what I thought of when I signed for a two-room student apartment. I didn’t even think of the possibilities that my housemate could be a psychotic, male-groping enthusiast.
I’m lying on my new bed, not yet covered with linen but it is okay because the mattress smells and looks new when my new housemate knocks on my door. I’m about to stand and open the door when a cheerful blob of strawberry shaped head appeared from the door crack. The shock makes me fall out of bed, ass meeting the floor painfully.
“Hi, we meet again.” The strawberry head smiles. Wait. I think I know this strawberry-headed guy. Isn’t he that guy from this morning with the spazzy, booze-smelling friend who had kindly showed me where hostel management office was? Whathisnamewhathisname…ah Kim Jaejoong!
“Kim Jaejoong-sshi?” I stand up. Kim Jaejoong the strawberry headed guy nods happily and welcomes himself in before I can say anything. Oh well.
“I didn’t know we’ll be roommates, Yunho-sshi! This is such a pleasant surprise!” Jaejoong says as he sits on the edge of my not-yet-made bed. He is slightly bouncing as he waits for my reply. I’m busy watching my new bed being bounced on to give him a reply.
“Yunho-sshi?” Jaejoong inquires, waving a disturbingly pretty looking hand in front of my face. I gasp. He smiles, knowingly and somewhat creepily. I take a step back.
Jaejoong leers.
What is it about this guy that makes me feel like he's going to jump on me and rape me while I’m asleep?
Goosebumps. Did someone just laugh at me? Did you?
“Oh. Yes. Roommates. Surprise.” I’m curiously reduced to one-word sentence. Frowning at my feet (because I can’t possibly frown at my new housemate, can’t I? House- Wait a minute.)
“Wait. We’re not roommates. We’re housemates.”
Jaejoong shrugs and smirks. How can he do that and still look so pretty? Guys shouldn’t be pretty.
Maybe he’s born with it.
Maybe it’s Maybelline.
Shut up. So what if I know girlies’ ads. I’ve had girlfriends, okay. Actually, I have one right now, so boo you.
“Sound the same to me. We’re going be sharing lots of things anyway.” He says, cryptic about the meaning. I hate it when people go all cryptic on me. I never get their cryptic message, that’s why!
I frown, but just a little. “Umm, yeah. Okay. The bathroom, kitchenette and hallway, right?”
“Yes…” Jaejoong smirks again, or maybe he doesn’t stop smirking since before, as he leans back on the bed and crosses one foot over the other. “…among other things.”
See? Cryptic. I know he thinks he’s being all mysterious and sensual but I just think he’s being selfishly stingy with his knowledge of the things he knows. What ‘other things’? I want to know so badly what he meant by that but I don’t want to ask because then he’ll know I didn’t get what he was insinuating. That would suggest my brain is slow which it is not and that is dastardly humiliating.
And I’m not a slow-brained person!
He stares at me. I stare back at him. One pink tongue darts out to lick along the seams of his lips slowly and one hand elegantly flicks soft-looking hair behind one ear, and I watch all of these with one corner of one stubborn eye.
The stubborn eye calls out to the other stubborn eye. They collectively and collaboratively stare at Jaejoong’s mouth in their stubborn manner.
Brain rings the danger alarm!
Both stubborn eyes ignore. Damn it, stop licking those lips already! I know they’re yours and they’re lickable but just don’t okay!
My nose twitches. Something smells weird here. I sneeze. Heh, nose goo.
“You okay?” Jaejoong asks, face showing concern. I make a random gesture at the window, looking away from his concern-showing face.
“I should open the window.”
“Yeah, you should. It’s hot in here.” Jaejoong moans. I feel my face turns warm, weirdly so. Maybe because he moaned.
Something must have poisoned the air in the room. I can’t breathe properly. Oh God.
“Uhh…” I look around, shifting nervously on my feet. I don’t feel too good about all these. Particularly about a housemate who looks like he’s about to seduce the pants off my very normal, heterosexual person.
Oh man, is he…is he…is he…
He is, isn’t he.
The lips and the creepy smiles and the batty lashes.
He is.
Oh God.
That broken mirror from high school is one revengeful asshole. I hate you!
I spot my duffel bag and boxes, and immediately an excuse lights in my head like those lightbulbs you see in comics. Yeay excuse! My favorite thing in the world after boobs!
“I…I think I should get my things organized. Tidy up this room a bit, you know…put the covers on the bed and everything.” I ramble, gesturing randomly around the room. If you must know, random gestures are my trademarks. I gesture randomly at everything all the time, especially so when I’m trying to run away from someone. Jaejoong smiles, and somehow, that Cheshire cat-like smile just makes my stomach churn in the most displeasing way. He knows I’m making random gestures to run away from him! He knows! Just like I know he is…you know. You know?
“I can help you.” Jaejoong offers to my horror. “I’m pretty much done with my stuffs anyway.”
I shake my head vehemently. What’s with this guy?
“No, no, it’s okay. I can do it. You go out with your friends…and have fun! Yes, in fact you should! Now!”
Jaejoong pouts. My head hurts.
“But I can’t leave you alone cooped up in our apartment on our first day of uni! What would I be then? I’m not that inconsiderate.” He says, totally oblivious to the irony. I groan and fight the urge to roll my eyes. I win and blubber my reply instead.
“Don’t mind me, Jaejoong-sshi, I'm okay. I’ll be going out with my friends later anyway.”
“Your friends?” Jaejoong perks up. “You have friends here already?”
I look at him like he had just grown a third head. (Don’t ask me where the second one is when you know very well where it is, closet perverts.)
“Umm, yeah.” I nod slowly, real slowly. “They are my friends from high school.”
Jaejoong sighs dramatically, raking one hand through his strawberry blonde hair and looking all worn out. I frown out of curiosity.
With a housemate this queer (pun just slightly intended), I can see myself frowning all through first year already.
“Why did you sigh like that?”
Jaejoong looks up at me then looks away, droopy eyes and lips pouty, all twink-like. Don’t get me wrong, people, I’m not homophobic. Seriously, I’m all about tolerance and respect and world peace. Gay people can go have buttsex and whatever kind of sex they like and love each other’s male bodies and I’m cool with all of it. I really am.
But I just don’t like having to deal with homosexual persons. I’ve never met one who is so obviously homosexual. I’m sad to admit I’m pretty scared. My reaction to being scared is to be all suspicious and cautious about everything. I put my hands on my butt, just in case.
Not like he would rape me or shit, but like I’ve said, just in case. One can never be too careful when it comes to warding off potential rapist.
Jaejoong sighs as my thought goes on a tangent. “Don’t tell me you’re one of those guys in those high schools’ varsity team. Jocks, jerks, jeekies, whatever they are called these days.”
“No, I’m not.” I continue frowning. “I was in the Hapkido team though.”
Jaejoong looks up again, eyes suddenly bright as the sunlight. “You practice martial arts? What level are you?”
“Second.”
“Wow. You’re good.” Jaejoong whistles and jumps off my bed, coming scarily closer. I instinctively take a step back. My instinct is right. Jaejoong’s hand darts out to grab me, but I’m known for my quick reflex when someone’s trying to grab me. I whack his hand away, making him yelp loudly.
“That hurts!”
“Sorry.” Saying ‘sorry’ is a reflex too. Damn. “But you…you tried to grab me!”
Jaejoong sticks out his tongue playfully. I think my heart just about to go on eternal vacation from all the acid my stomach’s been churning. The flirtation…it burrnnnnnns.
“You’re no fun! I was just trying to feel your muscles...” He pouts.
My suspicious level goes through the roof and I frown again for the nth time today. “For what?”
“Just to see if they are bigger than mine.” Jaejoong says, as if there is nothing creepily wrong with the situation at all.
U-uh.
“Show me yours first.” I say unintelligently. Jaejoong chuckles and blushes. Shit did I just-
I hope someone’s not outside my room right now because I think the person is bound to have bad mental image from that one unintelligent utterance. Oh brain why you failed me so!
Scarily, he begins unbuttoning his flannel shirt, exposing a muscled-body clad in white tank top. His arms bulged with muscles, and I frown harder seeing how well-defined they are, not like my almost flabby arms. My fault for not working out and binge-eat like a fat cow during winter. Damn.
“I work out regularly.” He says as an explanation. I don’t remember asking for one though.
“Your muscles are pretty…big.” I mutter self-consciously, shielding my dough-like arms with my hands.
“What are you hiding…I’m sure yours are bigger than mine.” Jaejoong giggles. My heart squeezes itself and I die.
No, of course I didn’t die! I just, oh God, are we really doing this comparing muscles thingy now?
Jaejoong looks bored waiting for me to show my muscles. A-ha! Let me bore him till he forgets about the muscles!
Seconds turn to a minute, I guesstimate. I look up at the ceiling and count imaginary cobwebs.
I hear Jaejoong yawns. Yeay!
“Do you mind…?” He asks suddenly, and I look back to see him start taking off his tank top.
“Now what are you doing, Jaejoong-sshi?” I ask nervously, sounding like a girl before her first time sex. Seriously, is he going to rape me now? Should I make the run for the door?
I gulp. My feet are totally frozen on the spot. Somebody help! Leg muscles, cooperate!
“It’s getting pretty hot in here, don’t you think?” Jaejoong says, voice dripping with innuendos. I gulp again.
“Don’t you feel hot? You’re hot…” he pauses, and I really just want to die. “…right?”
I resist from looking away when Jaejoong finishes half-undressing, because it’s normal for a male to be half-naked in presence of another male, right? And the normal male reaction when one sees a half-naked man is to be unaffected, right? There is nothing new there to look at after all. Everything is the same to what I have; the flat chest, the ripped stomach, the happy trails of hair leading to…Wait.
Why is the wall too far when I need to bang my head against it?
“Jaejoong-sshi.” I croak, just like a frog. “I really should get unpacking.”
I look into his eyes, hoping my seriousness would come off well, and not confused with my current state of confusion and desperation. Jaejoong stares back at me for three seconds more, before sighing and picking his shirts from my bed.
“Alright, I’ll let you get to your things. You have surprisingly lots of stuff.” Jaejoong says as he gestures around the room randomly. I think he’s purposely mimicking me. Damn him.
I force out a polite smile and try not to sigh too happily when he makes for the door. His too sweet perfume drifts into my nose when he passes me by, the sharp smell poking at my conscience.
It’s his dastardly perfume that has been poisoning the air, making my feet freeze and my brain work all weirdly!
“We’ll talk later, okay? There’s so much for us to talk about. Isn’t it exciting?” The guy with the poisonous, sweet-smelling perfume whispers into my ear and winks.
The door closes, but my eyes are still wide opened.
What the hell just happened?
I have no problems with nudity. I had seen people naked before, on my laptop screen and on pages of magazines I keep inside my sacred box under my bed. Jiggly boobs, pert bottoms, plump kissable lips…I have my favorite fantasy and like many other men, I have it all safely warm and fuzzy inside my mind, only to be brought up under special circumstances.
Like every morning, when I have a damn steel rod in my pants and I need to go to class in about an hour.
I would imagine long, pretty fingers wrapped around my shaft, stroking slowly up and down, squeezing in rhythms. I would think of lips so soft puckered just above the flare head of my cock, ready to kiss and suck. Oh God. As I tremble, I would imagine those red lips wrapped around my hard meat, warm tongue licking the pearlescent liquid, as strings of satisfied moans filtered through the haze of fantasy in my mind.
I shudder, body buckling as I spill into my hand.
I open my eyes, look down at the wet stain on the front of my short and curse. Fuck! I should have remembered to get out of them first. Laundry is my most hated chore in the whole wide world.
Grabbing my towel and not bothering to take off the stained pants, I walk out of my room to get to the bathroom, only to see Jaejoong coming out of it, hair wet and towel wrapped around his waist.
“Morning, Yunho-sshi.” Jaejoong greets, smirking as his eyes traveled lower. “Good morning it seems.”
My eyes deficiently follow where Jaejoong’s eyes are looking and I feel my face burns in embarrassment. He knows I just jerked off! This is so humiliating!
I quickly cover the evidence of my wayward ways with my balled up towel.
“Umm.”
Jaejoong chuckles, and my heart drops to my guts. “Relax, Yunho-sshi. We’re both guys, nothing to be ashamed of.”
I give it a thought. Yeah, he’s right. We are both guys, I shouldn’t be ashamed of what I had done because most healthy men our age masturbate on a regular basis. I’m sure Jaejoong jerks off too, probably more often than I do because Jaejoong always have that just-got-my-orgasm look every time we crossed paths.
Just-got-my-orgasm look? What the fuck? I shake my head clear. I must be thinking with my dick still.
“You’re done? I need, umm, to shower.” I gesture at the bathroom behind Jaejoong with my chin. Jaejoong sidesteps graciously to let me through, all the while grinning knowingly and devilishly. God I hate that kind of grin.
“Ah Yunho-sshi, before I forgot, I’ve cleaned the shower stall after I used it. If there’s any white stain left, I’m really sorry. I probably missed some spots.”
What the-
I nod once and hurriedly close the door, stifling my groan in my throat. Fuck fuck fuck. Now I can’t even bathe without thinking of Jaejoong jerking off in the shower, and I would have to be careful of where I am touching inside the stall. White spots, oh the nerve of this guy!
I step cautiously into the shower stall, my eyes doing quick scan of my surrounding looking for white spots. I feel like crying.
That fucking weirdo. Just so you know, I’m slaying him in my mind and offering his limp body to the hungry dogs!
Changmin comes later that night to laugh at my unfortunate fate. He’s such a wanker, this Shim Changmin. If he’s not dating my younger sister I would have poke his face in and leave him with a third nostril. But I love my younger sister, so I can’t possibly mutate her boyfriend. The cruel, materialistic world will give her such a hard time for having three-nostriled boyfriend.
“You’ve got a twink as a housemate! Bawwww, I pity you, my friend! You have to guard your loin when you sleep from now on!” Changmin cackles, eyes all teary from laughing too much.
“Yeah, go on, laugh.” I say drily. I don’t like humor made on my expense. “But don’t ever think about borrowing my Boobierella series again. You’re off my good book.”
Changmin stops laughing immediately and begins to pout. Yuck. He actually looks adorable when he does that, so yuck!
“B-b-but…we’re best friends!” He says indignantly. “And I’m going to be your brother-in-law in a few years!”
I snort. “Yeah right. Like I’m going to let you marry my sister.”
Changmin huffs mulishly. “It’s not like you own Yeonhee.”
“You don’t own her either.”
“I will be.”
“I won’t let you.”
“I don’t need you to let me. Your parents’ permission is enough.” Changmin states proudly and annoyingly. “They adore me more than they adore you anyways.”
I groan. My life sucks. I have a best friend who sucks at being a best friend. And a housemate who probably sucks his best friends.
Fucking hell why is my mind like this? Cries.
Changmin nudges my foot with his foot and shove a beer my way. “Hey, chillax. It’s been what, a week? Twink-housemate could turn out to be an amazing twink-friend, who knows? You hated me at first, don’t you, but now you love me.”
I grumble and snatch the beer from his hand, guzzling it like my life depends on it. “I still hate you, you idiot.”
“That’s just ‘cause I fuck your sister.”
I splutter beer all over my newly made bed and snort some up my nose. Bastard!
“Bastard!”
He crows, hands clapping like a retarded monkey. “Hahaha you should see your face! Goddamn hilarious! Hahaha!”
I kick his foot in vengeance. Yeonhee why this guy? Why did you choose this hairy (true fact) ape man (still true fact) to be your boyfriend?
Images of hairy ape man fucking my sister infiltrate my mind. Arghhhhhh! I got mind-raped by myself!
I begin kicking Changmin in earnest.
“Ow ow ow! Yunho stop it!” Changmin yelps, crawling away from my kicking foot. “Yeonheeyahhhhhh!”
“Your Yeonhee is not here! Haha!” I laugh sadistically, and continue kicking him. I want bruise, I want to see bruise, give me bruise.
Changmin howls in pain.
I laugh more.
Then I hear the front door opens. Changmin screams for help.
I put my hand over his mouth, because instinct tells me it’s not wise to let this person who just came in meet Changmin. The world might meet early apocalypse!
My room door opens and Jaejoong’s head pokes in. I close my eyes in defeat and Changmin hollers in victory.
“Everything’s alright in here, boys?” Jaejoong says, voice cheerful and goddamn motherly. What kind of man sounds motherly?
Changmin flails and I let him get away from my crazy, talented, kicking foot which has stopped kicking. He runs to the door and opens it wide, letting Jaejoong sees the expanse of my under-decorated room.
“You Kim Jaejoong?” He holds out his hand to my new housemate and grins. “I’m Shim Changmin, Yunho’s best friend and his sister’s boyfriend.”
“You are?” Jaejoong says, cocking his head the way he cocks his head as he shakes Min’s hand. “That’s so sweet of Yunho to befriend his sister’s boyfriend. If it was me, I’ll kill the guy before he touches any of my sisters.”
“Thank God my girlfriend is Yunho’s sis and not yours.” They laugh together, sharing a joke. They laugh together.
They laugh. Together.
I facepalm.
“So…” Changmin starts again. He flicks his gaze once at me and smirks. I realize what that means. That smirk means revenge!
Don’t say anything about him being gay, Min, don’t say- “Wow you twinkle!”
Jaejoong looks down at his sequined jacket and giggles. I gape.
“You must have liked rainbow colors.” Changmin continues, sneakily smirking at me and kindly smiling at Jaejoong.
Jaejoong pouts, oblivious to Min’s hidden plan. “Not really.”
“Yeah? What about ponies?”
“They are so cute! But I like real horses better. They give better rides.”
“Of course, surely they do. You like riding?”
“I love riding.”
My face burns. Oh yes it burns and now my eyes are going to melt and pour out of my sockets. What is this? Why does everything in the world intend on going against me?
“Jaejoong-sshi…” Changmin says, and I hear the speculative undertones even before he utters the next part of the sentence. “…Yunho looooooooooves riding too.”
Jaejoong chuckles and looks at me shyly and I just die. I really died this time.
Bye bye world. This is Jeong Yunho signing out. Peace and respect.
--[TBC]
a/n: i suck, don't i? let me go and burn myself 'coz i fail at life. uhuuuuuuuuuuuuu T___T
jaejoong ♥ yunho | bff!jaechunsu | bff!homin
AU | comedy | fluff | romance | chaptered
+3, 500 words
Summary: The story is about Kim Jaejoong, who meets Jeong Yunho on the first day of university. It’s love at first Hi, complete with electric-charged handshake and chest groping. Always the firm believer of Love Will Come To Those Who Slave For It, or what he dubbed as The Bisco Theory, he goes on a quest to make Yunho his, in spite of the fact that Yunho is definitely, and without a doubt, straight.
[ tl;dr author's note][ prologue][ one]
--
Chapter 2 - Yunho;
I like living in hostels. Not that I have ever tried living in one, but the prospect of never having to answer to my mother’s one too many questions about what I do everyday seems blissfully tempting. The hostels have very late curfew, but from the talks of the street, the curfew was rarely regarded. Boys and girls sneak into each other’s dorms, and booze are smuggled on a daily basis. Those were what I thought of when I signed for a two-room student apartment. I didn’t even think of the possibilities that my housemate could be a psychotic, male-groping enthusiast.
I’m lying on my new bed, not yet covered with linen but it is okay because the mattress smells and looks new when my new housemate knocks on my door. I’m about to stand and open the door when a cheerful blob of strawberry shaped head appeared from the door crack. The shock makes me fall out of bed, ass meeting the floor painfully.
“Hi, we meet again.” The strawberry head smiles. Wait. I think I know this strawberry-headed guy. Isn’t he that guy from this morning with the spazzy, booze-smelling friend who had kindly showed me where hostel management office was? Whathisnamewhathisname…ah Kim Jaejoong!
“Kim Jaejoong-sshi?” I stand up. Kim Jaejoong the strawberry headed guy nods happily and welcomes himself in before I can say anything. Oh well.
“I didn’t know we’ll be roommates, Yunho-sshi! This is such a pleasant surprise!” Jaejoong says as he sits on the edge of my not-yet-made bed. He is slightly bouncing as he waits for my reply. I’m busy watching my new bed being bounced on to give him a reply.
“Yunho-sshi?” Jaejoong inquires, waving a disturbingly pretty looking hand in front of my face. I gasp. He smiles, knowingly and somewhat creepily. I take a step back.
Jaejoong leers.
What is it about this guy that makes me feel like he's going to jump on me and rape me while I’m asleep?
Goosebumps. Did someone just laugh at me? Did you?
“Oh. Yes. Roommates. Surprise.” I’m curiously reduced to one-word sentence. Frowning at my feet (because I can’t possibly frown at my new housemate, can’t I? House- Wait a minute.)
“Wait. We’re not roommates. We’re housemates.”
Jaejoong shrugs and smirks. How can he do that and still look so pretty? Guys shouldn’t be pretty.
Maybe he’s born with it.
Maybe it’s Maybelline.
Shut up. So what if I know girlies’ ads. I’ve had girlfriends, okay. Actually, I have one right now, so boo you.
“Sound the same to me. We’re going be sharing lots of things anyway.” He says, cryptic about the meaning. I hate it when people go all cryptic on me. I never get their cryptic message, that’s why!
I frown, but just a little. “Umm, yeah. Okay. The bathroom, kitchenette and hallway, right?”
“Yes…” Jaejoong smirks again, or maybe he doesn’t stop smirking since before, as he leans back on the bed and crosses one foot over the other. “…among other things.”
See? Cryptic. I know he thinks he’s being all mysterious and sensual but I just think he’s being selfishly stingy with his knowledge of the things he knows. What ‘other things’? I want to know so badly what he meant by that but I don’t want to ask because then he’ll know I didn’t get what he was insinuating. That would suggest my brain is slow which it is not and that is dastardly humiliating.
And I’m not a slow-brained person!
He stares at me. I stare back at him. One pink tongue darts out to lick along the seams of his lips slowly and one hand elegantly flicks soft-looking hair behind one ear, and I watch all of these with one corner of one stubborn eye.
The stubborn eye calls out to the other stubborn eye. They collectively and collaboratively stare at Jaejoong’s mouth in their stubborn manner.
Brain rings the danger alarm!
Both stubborn eyes ignore. Damn it, stop licking those lips already! I know they’re yours and they’re lickable but just don’t okay!
My nose twitches. Something smells weird here. I sneeze. Heh, nose goo.
“You okay?” Jaejoong asks, face showing concern. I make a random gesture at the window, looking away from his concern-showing face.
“I should open the window.”
“Yeah, you should. It’s hot in here.” Jaejoong moans. I feel my face turns warm, weirdly so. Maybe because he moaned.
Something must have poisoned the air in the room. I can’t breathe properly. Oh God.
“Uhh…” I look around, shifting nervously on my feet. I don’t feel too good about all these. Particularly about a housemate who looks like he’s about to seduce the pants off my very normal, heterosexual person.
Oh man, is he…is he…is he…
He is, isn’t he.
The lips and the creepy smiles and the batty lashes.
He is.
Oh God.
That broken mirror from high school is one revengeful asshole. I hate you!
I spot my duffel bag and boxes, and immediately an excuse lights in my head like those lightbulbs you see in comics. Yeay excuse! My favorite thing in the world after boobs!
“I…I think I should get my things organized. Tidy up this room a bit, you know…put the covers on the bed and everything.” I ramble, gesturing randomly around the room. If you must know, random gestures are my trademarks. I gesture randomly at everything all the time, especially so when I’m trying to run away from someone. Jaejoong smiles, and somehow, that Cheshire cat-like smile just makes my stomach churn in the most displeasing way. He knows I’m making random gestures to run away from him! He knows! Just like I know he is…you know. You know?
“I can help you.” Jaejoong offers to my horror. “I’m pretty much done with my stuffs anyway.”
I shake my head vehemently. What’s with this guy?
“No, no, it’s okay. I can do it. You go out with your friends…and have fun! Yes, in fact you should! Now!”
Jaejoong pouts. My head hurts.
“But I can’t leave you alone cooped up in our apartment on our first day of uni! What would I be then? I’m not that inconsiderate.” He says, totally oblivious to the irony. I groan and fight the urge to roll my eyes. I win and blubber my reply instead.
“Don’t mind me, Jaejoong-sshi, I'm okay. I’ll be going out with my friends later anyway.”
“Your friends?” Jaejoong perks up. “You have friends here already?”
I look at him like he had just grown a third head. (Don’t ask me where the second one is when you know very well where it is, closet perverts.)
“Umm, yeah.” I nod slowly, real slowly. “They are my friends from high school.”
Jaejoong sighs dramatically, raking one hand through his strawberry blonde hair and looking all worn out. I frown out of curiosity.
With a housemate this queer (pun just slightly intended), I can see myself frowning all through first year already.
“Why did you sigh like that?”
Jaejoong looks up at me then looks away, droopy eyes and lips pouty, all twink-like. Don’t get me wrong, people, I’m not homophobic. Seriously, I’m all about tolerance and respect and world peace. Gay people can go have buttsex and whatever kind of sex they like and love each other’s male bodies and I’m cool with all of it. I really am.
But I just don’t like having to deal with homosexual persons. I’ve never met one who is so obviously homosexual. I’m sad to admit I’m pretty scared. My reaction to being scared is to be all suspicious and cautious about everything. I put my hands on my butt, just in case.
Not like he would rape me or shit, but like I’ve said, just in case. One can never be too careful when it comes to warding off potential rapist.
Jaejoong sighs as my thought goes on a tangent. “Don’t tell me you’re one of those guys in those high schools’ varsity team. Jocks, jerks, jeekies, whatever they are called these days.”
“No, I’m not.” I continue frowning. “I was in the Hapkido team though.”
Jaejoong looks up again, eyes suddenly bright as the sunlight. “You practice martial arts? What level are you?”
“Second.”
“Wow. You’re good.” Jaejoong whistles and jumps off my bed, coming scarily closer. I instinctively take a step back. My instinct is right. Jaejoong’s hand darts out to grab me, but I’m known for my quick reflex when someone’s trying to grab me. I whack his hand away, making him yelp loudly.
“That hurts!”
“Sorry.” Saying ‘sorry’ is a reflex too. Damn. “But you…you tried to grab me!”
Jaejoong sticks out his tongue playfully. I think my heart just about to go on eternal vacation from all the acid my stomach’s been churning. The flirtation…it burrnnnnnns.
“You’re no fun! I was just trying to feel your muscles...” He pouts.
My suspicious level goes through the roof and I frown again for the nth time today. “For what?”
“Just to see if they are bigger than mine.” Jaejoong says, as if there is nothing creepily wrong with the situation at all.
U-uh.
“Show me yours first.” I say unintelligently. Jaejoong chuckles and blushes. Shit did I just-
I hope someone’s not outside my room right now because I think the person is bound to have bad mental image from that one unintelligent utterance. Oh brain why you failed me so!
Scarily, he begins unbuttoning his flannel shirt, exposing a muscled-body clad in white tank top. His arms bulged with muscles, and I frown harder seeing how well-defined they are, not like my almost flabby arms. My fault for not working out and binge-eat like a fat cow during winter. Damn.
“I work out regularly.” He says as an explanation. I don’t remember asking for one though.
“Your muscles are pretty…big.” I mutter self-consciously, shielding my dough-like arms with my hands.
“What are you hiding…I’m sure yours are bigger than mine.” Jaejoong giggles. My heart squeezes itself and I die.
No, of course I didn’t die! I just, oh God, are we really doing this comparing muscles thingy now?
Jaejoong looks bored waiting for me to show my muscles. A-ha! Let me bore him till he forgets about the muscles!
Seconds turn to a minute, I guesstimate. I look up at the ceiling and count imaginary cobwebs.
I hear Jaejoong yawns. Yeay!
“Do you mind…?” He asks suddenly, and I look back to see him start taking off his tank top.
“Now what are you doing, Jaejoong-sshi?” I ask nervously, sounding like a girl before her first time sex. Seriously, is he going to rape me now? Should I make the run for the door?
I gulp. My feet are totally frozen on the spot. Somebody help! Leg muscles, cooperate!
“It’s getting pretty hot in here, don’t you think?” Jaejoong says, voice dripping with innuendos. I gulp again.
“Don’t you feel hot? You’re hot…” he pauses, and I really just want to die. “…right?”
I resist from looking away when Jaejoong finishes half-undressing, because it’s normal for a male to be half-naked in presence of another male, right? And the normal male reaction when one sees a half-naked man is to be unaffected, right? There is nothing new there to look at after all. Everything is the same to what I have; the flat chest, the ripped stomach, the happy trails of hair leading to…Wait.
Why is the wall too far when I need to bang my head against it?
“Jaejoong-sshi.” I croak, just like a frog. “I really should get unpacking.”
I look into his eyes, hoping my seriousness would come off well, and not confused with my current state of confusion and desperation. Jaejoong stares back at me for three seconds more, before sighing and picking his shirts from my bed.
“Alright, I’ll let you get to your things. You have surprisingly lots of stuff.” Jaejoong says as he gestures around the room randomly. I think he’s purposely mimicking me. Damn him.
I force out a polite smile and try not to sigh too happily when he makes for the door. His too sweet perfume drifts into my nose when he passes me by, the sharp smell poking at my conscience.
It’s his dastardly perfume that has been poisoning the air, making my feet freeze and my brain work all weirdly!
“We’ll talk later, okay? There’s so much for us to talk about. Isn’t it exciting?” The guy with the poisonous, sweet-smelling perfume whispers into my ear and winks.
The door closes, but my eyes are still wide opened.
What the hell just happened?
I have no problems with nudity. I had seen people naked before, on my laptop screen and on pages of magazines I keep inside my sacred box under my bed. Jiggly boobs, pert bottoms, plump kissable lips…I have my favorite fantasy and like many other men, I have it all safely warm and fuzzy inside my mind, only to be brought up under special circumstances.
Like every morning, when I have a damn steel rod in my pants and I need to go to class in about an hour.
I would imagine long, pretty fingers wrapped around my shaft, stroking slowly up and down, squeezing in rhythms. I would think of lips so soft puckered just above the flare head of my cock, ready to kiss and suck. Oh God. As I tremble, I would imagine those red lips wrapped around my hard meat, warm tongue licking the pearlescent liquid, as strings of satisfied moans filtered through the haze of fantasy in my mind.
I shudder, body buckling as I spill into my hand.
I open my eyes, look down at the wet stain on the front of my short and curse. Fuck! I should have remembered to get out of them first. Laundry is my most hated chore in the whole wide world.
Grabbing my towel and not bothering to take off the stained pants, I walk out of my room to get to the bathroom, only to see Jaejoong coming out of it, hair wet and towel wrapped around his waist.
“Morning, Yunho-sshi.” Jaejoong greets, smirking as his eyes traveled lower. “Good morning it seems.”
My eyes deficiently follow where Jaejoong’s eyes are looking and I feel my face burns in embarrassment. He knows I just jerked off! This is so humiliating!
I quickly cover the evidence of my wayward ways with my balled up towel.
“Umm.”
Jaejoong chuckles, and my heart drops to my guts. “Relax, Yunho-sshi. We’re both guys, nothing to be ashamed of.”
I give it a thought. Yeah, he’s right. We are both guys, I shouldn’t be ashamed of what I had done because most healthy men our age masturbate on a regular basis. I’m sure Jaejoong jerks off too, probably more often than I do because Jaejoong always have that just-got-my-orgasm look every time we crossed paths.
Just-got-my-orgasm look? What the fuck? I shake my head clear. I must be thinking with my dick still.
“You’re done? I need, umm, to shower.” I gesture at the bathroom behind Jaejoong with my chin. Jaejoong sidesteps graciously to let me through, all the while grinning knowingly and devilishly. God I hate that kind of grin.
“Ah Yunho-sshi, before I forgot, I’ve cleaned the shower stall after I used it. If there’s any white stain left, I’m really sorry. I probably missed some spots.”
What the-
I nod once and hurriedly close the door, stifling my groan in my throat. Fuck fuck fuck. Now I can’t even bathe without thinking of Jaejoong jerking off in the shower, and I would have to be careful of where I am touching inside the stall. White spots, oh the nerve of this guy!
I step cautiously into the shower stall, my eyes doing quick scan of my surrounding looking for white spots. I feel like crying.
That fucking weirdo. Just so you know, I’m slaying him in my mind and offering his limp body to the hungry dogs!
Changmin comes later that night to laugh at my unfortunate fate. He’s such a wanker, this Shim Changmin. If he’s not dating my younger sister I would have poke his face in and leave him with a third nostril. But I love my younger sister, so I can’t possibly mutate her boyfriend. The cruel, materialistic world will give her such a hard time for having three-nostriled boyfriend.
“You’ve got a twink as a housemate! Bawwww, I pity you, my friend! You have to guard your loin when you sleep from now on!” Changmin cackles, eyes all teary from laughing too much.
“Yeah, go on, laugh.” I say drily. I don’t like humor made on my expense. “But don’t ever think about borrowing my Boobierella series again. You’re off my good book.”
Changmin stops laughing immediately and begins to pout. Yuck. He actually looks adorable when he does that, so yuck!
“B-b-but…we’re best friends!” He says indignantly. “And I’m going to be your brother-in-law in a few years!”
I snort. “Yeah right. Like I’m going to let you marry my sister.”
Changmin huffs mulishly. “It’s not like you own Yeonhee.”
“You don’t own her either.”
“I will be.”
“I won’t let you.”
“I don’t need you to let me. Your parents’ permission is enough.” Changmin states proudly and annoyingly. “They adore me more than they adore you anyways.”
I groan. My life sucks. I have a best friend who sucks at being a best friend. And a housemate who probably sucks his best friends.
Fucking hell why is my mind like this? Cries.
Changmin nudges my foot with his foot and shove a beer my way. “Hey, chillax. It’s been what, a week? Twink-housemate could turn out to be an amazing twink-friend, who knows? You hated me at first, don’t you, but now you love me.”
I grumble and snatch the beer from his hand, guzzling it like my life depends on it. “I still hate you, you idiot.”
“That’s just ‘cause I fuck your sister.”
I splutter beer all over my newly made bed and snort some up my nose. Bastard!
“Bastard!”
He crows, hands clapping like a retarded monkey. “Hahaha you should see your face! Goddamn hilarious! Hahaha!”
I kick his foot in vengeance. Yeonhee why this guy? Why did you choose this hairy (true fact) ape man (still true fact) to be your boyfriend?
Images of hairy ape man fucking my sister infiltrate my mind. Arghhhhhh! I got mind-raped by myself!
I begin kicking Changmin in earnest.
“Ow ow ow! Yunho stop it!” Changmin yelps, crawling away from my kicking foot. “Yeonheeyahhhhhh!”
“Your Yeonhee is not here! Haha!” I laugh sadistically, and continue kicking him. I want bruise, I want to see bruise, give me bruise.
Changmin howls in pain.
I laugh more.
Then I hear the front door opens. Changmin screams for help.
I put my hand over his mouth, because instinct tells me it’s not wise to let this person who just came in meet Changmin. The world might meet early apocalypse!
My room door opens and Jaejoong’s head pokes in. I close my eyes in defeat and Changmin hollers in victory.
“Everything’s alright in here, boys?” Jaejoong says, voice cheerful and goddamn motherly. What kind of man sounds motherly?
Changmin flails and I let him get away from my crazy, talented, kicking foot which has stopped kicking. He runs to the door and opens it wide, letting Jaejoong sees the expanse of my under-decorated room.
“You Kim Jaejoong?” He holds out his hand to my new housemate and grins. “I’m Shim Changmin, Yunho’s best friend and his sister’s boyfriend.”
“You are?” Jaejoong says, cocking his head the way he cocks his head as he shakes Min’s hand. “That’s so sweet of Yunho to befriend his sister’s boyfriend. If it was me, I’ll kill the guy before he touches any of my sisters.”
“Thank God my girlfriend is Yunho’s sis and not yours.” They laugh together, sharing a joke. They laugh together.
They laugh. Together.
I facepalm.
“So…” Changmin starts again. He flicks his gaze once at me and smirks. I realize what that means. That smirk means revenge!
Don’t say anything about him being gay, Min, don’t say- “Wow you twinkle!”
Jaejoong looks down at his sequined jacket and giggles. I gape.
“You must have liked rainbow colors.” Changmin continues, sneakily smirking at me and kindly smiling at Jaejoong.
Jaejoong pouts, oblivious to Min’s hidden plan. “Not really.”
“Yeah? What about ponies?”
“They are so cute! But I like real horses better. They give better rides.”
“Of course, surely they do. You like riding?”
“I love riding.”
My face burns. Oh yes it burns and now my eyes are going to melt and pour out of my sockets. What is this? Why does everything in the world intend on going against me?
“Jaejoong-sshi…” Changmin says, and I hear the speculative undertones even before he utters the next part of the sentence. “…Yunho looooooooooves riding too.”
Jaejoong chuckles and looks at me shyly and I just die. I really died this time.
Bye bye world. This is Jeong Yunho signing out. Peace and respect.
--[TBC]
a/n: i suck, don't i? let me go and burn myself 'coz i fail at life. uhuuuuuuuuuuuuu T___T