Nothing or Everything?
I stare longingly into those enchantingly blue eyes.
Those same pools of blue that I've longed to glimpse these dreadful months that we've been apart.
It amuses me that as much as I have longed to embrace you, to kiss you, to feel the warmth of your skin against mine,
I only long to stare into those eyes right now...
Those eyes that tell a story, that reveal all of the secrets you've tried so hard to keep hidden all these years.
They reveal your passion, your vigor...but more importantly, your weakness...
The weakness that you try so hard to veil with your hard and brutish demeanor.
What is this weakness?
Simply a desire to feel love, acceptance, guidance...
The same qualities I've longed to possess myself.
That's what makes this absolutely perfect.
Two lost souls, searching for a reason to live in this world full of sin and grief...
And we discovered each other in the midst of this chaos.
I am your reason, and YOU are mine.
Suddenly, you grip my hands as if I'm going to disappear again
And the warmth of this sudden gesture shoots up my arm,
Like an electric shock that pulses through my entire body.
It's a sensation that I've been longing to feel all of these months that you've been gone.
It's enough to bring tears to my eyes...
And sure enough, I feel a single tear roll down my cheek.
With your free hand, you wipe it away.
And I feel the coarseness of your hands worn with years of physical abuse,
But to me, those hands are beautiful.
They are the hands that, when wrapped around me,
Are enough to make me feel protected,
Even when everything else seems to be falling apart around me.
"Sarah?"
Your voice, so soft, brings me back from my reveries.
It's enough to bring more tears of joy.
"Yes?" I manage to muster as I swallow back the tears.
"I'm sorry about everything. I'm sorry that we've been apart for so long. I'm sorry--"
Impulsively, I embrace him. It's what I've been longing to do for so long.
I despise myself for making him feel like it's all his fault.
Those things...those little intricate details that use to mean so much to me,
That I thought were making me miserable...
They're meaningless now.
I hate that I sent him away for such stupid details.
Sure, he hurt me, in the worst way possible...
But when you love someone this much, you learn to look past their faults...
To forgive.
And as much as what he did to me hurt me...
I've long forgiven him.
Besides, if I hadn't been so selfish...
If I hadn't been so worried about having a picture-perfect relationship...
Maybe he wouldn't have resorted to such desperate measures.
"Stop it," I whisper in his ear. "We both made mistakes. But that's over. We're together now. We never have to be apart again..."
I can't speak anymore.
The tears of joy are streaming down my face onto his shirt...
And I grip him tighter as I slowly close my eyes...
Praying that he doesn't disappear...
And I'm afraid to open my eyes again
Because I know the sight that will greet my eyes...
It's always too good to be true.
I know I will never actually see those deep blue eyes again.
I know I will never feel the warmth of that embrace again...
I'm trapped in this world of chaos...
ALONE.
If dreams give way to your deepest desires,
Then you must be mine...
But how can this be so
If you are hopelessly, regrettably...gone forever,
And I'm the one who sent you away?
But I'm glad I sent you away.
You're happy now...
And as much as I wish that you had been happier with me,
As much as I want to believe the almost four years we spent together
Were the happiest of your life,
I know, deep in my heart full of hurt, that you're happier now.
I haven't seen you in months, but I sense it's true...
And though my deepest desire is to be reunited with you once again,
I push it to the deepest recesses of my heart
Because the desire for you to be the happiest you could possibly be outweighs all others...
And that is enough to stem the flow of grief outpouring from my heart.
But if it hurts this much to think of you,
To glimpse you from afar,
To simply think about those eyes,
Those hands...
How can it be possible...
How can this desire NOT mean something...
EVERYTHING?
Those same pools of blue that I've longed to glimpse these dreadful months that we've been apart.
It amuses me that as much as I have longed to embrace you, to kiss you, to feel the warmth of your skin against mine,
I only long to stare into those eyes right now...
Those eyes that tell a story, that reveal all of the secrets you've tried so hard to keep hidden all these years.
They reveal your passion, your vigor...but more importantly, your weakness...
The weakness that you try so hard to veil with your hard and brutish demeanor.
What is this weakness?
Simply a desire to feel love, acceptance, guidance...
The same qualities I've longed to possess myself.
That's what makes this absolutely perfect.
Two lost souls, searching for a reason to live in this world full of sin and grief...
And we discovered each other in the midst of this chaos.
I am your reason, and YOU are mine.
Suddenly, you grip my hands as if I'm going to disappear again
And the warmth of this sudden gesture shoots up my arm,
Like an electric shock that pulses through my entire body.
It's a sensation that I've been longing to feel all of these months that you've been gone.
It's enough to bring tears to my eyes...
And sure enough, I feel a single tear roll down my cheek.
With your free hand, you wipe it away.
And I feel the coarseness of your hands worn with years of physical abuse,
But to me, those hands are beautiful.
They are the hands that, when wrapped around me,
Are enough to make me feel protected,
Even when everything else seems to be falling apart around me.
"Sarah?"
Your voice, so soft, brings me back from my reveries.
It's enough to bring more tears of joy.
"Yes?" I manage to muster as I swallow back the tears.
"I'm sorry about everything. I'm sorry that we've been apart for so long. I'm sorry--"
Impulsively, I embrace him. It's what I've been longing to do for so long.
I despise myself for making him feel like it's all his fault.
Those things...those little intricate details that use to mean so much to me,
That I thought were making me miserable...
They're meaningless now.
I hate that I sent him away for such stupid details.
Sure, he hurt me, in the worst way possible...
But when you love someone this much, you learn to look past their faults...
To forgive.
And as much as what he did to me hurt me...
I've long forgiven him.
Besides, if I hadn't been so selfish...
If I hadn't been so worried about having a picture-perfect relationship...
Maybe he wouldn't have resorted to such desperate measures.
"Stop it," I whisper in his ear. "We both made mistakes. But that's over. We're together now. We never have to be apart again..."
I can't speak anymore.
The tears of joy are streaming down my face onto his shirt...
And I grip him tighter as I slowly close my eyes...
Praying that he doesn't disappear...
And I'm afraid to open my eyes again
Because I know the sight that will greet my eyes...
It's always too good to be true.
I know I will never actually see those deep blue eyes again.
I know I will never feel the warmth of that embrace again...
I'm trapped in this world of chaos...
ALONE.
If dreams give way to your deepest desires,
Then you must be mine...
But how can this be so
If you are hopelessly, regrettably...gone forever,
And I'm the one who sent you away?
But I'm glad I sent you away.
You're happy now...
And as much as I wish that you had been happier with me,
As much as I want to believe the almost four years we spent together
Were the happiest of your life,
I know, deep in my heart full of hurt, that you're happier now.
I haven't seen you in months, but I sense it's true...
And though my deepest desire is to be reunited with you once again,
I push it to the deepest recesses of my heart
Because the desire for you to be the happiest you could possibly be outweighs all others...
And that is enough to stem the flow of grief outpouring from my heart.
But if it hurts this much to think of you,
To glimpse you from afar,
To simply think about those eyes,
Those hands...
How can it be possible...
How can this desire NOT mean something...
EVERYTHING?