Save You or Save Me?
"Please stop it. You're going to kill yourself if you keep doing this..."
I stare into your deep blue eyes, pupils dilated from the drugs coursing through your system. I try to fight back the tears to compose myself and make my words seem stern.
"This really has to stop. If anything ever happened to you, I..."
But I can't stay the words. I can't say that I can't live without you. I can't say that even though you don't love me anymore, my heart beats with yours. If yours stops, so does mine...
Your eyes start to roll back in your head. I lean back in the car seat so that my lap catches your head as you pass out. My heart literally stops as I fear the worst has just happened. God, no, please don't let him die...
I feel for your pulse. It's faint, but it's there. Silently the tears begin to flow down my face, coming to rest on your beautiful hair and mixing with the beads of perspiration flowing from your forehead. I don't know whether to be thankful that I made it in time to keep you from ending it altogether, angry that you were considering leaving me alone on this earth, or hatred at myself for inadvertently causing this. Then I remember I can't be angry with you... I myself attempted this same stunt only a month ago.
How could this be? I was finally becoming comfortable with the fact that you were gone...well, I could never be comfortable with this fact, but I was at least beginning to accept it. The only thing that was keeping me from being completely miserable was knowing that you were happy. But here you are ...wishing that life would end. How am I supposed to deal with this? I still love you...I will always love you...I don't want you to feel this pain. I know all too well what it feels like. What am I suppose to do? I was trying to let you go. I can't be the one to make you happy again because you don't love me anymore...
How am I supposed to save you if you can't save me?
I try to suppress the sobs that fight to break from my lips. I don't want to wake you from your drug-induced sleep until the drugs fade away and you can make it home safely... Maybe selfishly, I don't want to leave your side because I'm afraid of parting with you. I run my fingers through your soft hair... I know that as soon as you are able, I have to let you leave.
I don't want you to feel any pain. If only I could be your everything again...I would do anything and everything possible to keep you from feeling this way.
In my heart, I know I could help you. In your heart, you don't want my help...
I stare into your deep blue eyes, pupils dilated from the drugs coursing through your system. I try to fight back the tears to compose myself and make my words seem stern.
"This really has to stop. If anything ever happened to you, I..."
But I can't stay the words. I can't say that I can't live without you. I can't say that even though you don't love me anymore, my heart beats with yours. If yours stops, so does mine...
Your eyes start to roll back in your head. I lean back in the car seat so that my lap catches your head as you pass out. My heart literally stops as I fear the worst has just happened. God, no, please don't let him die...
I feel for your pulse. It's faint, but it's there. Silently the tears begin to flow down my face, coming to rest on your beautiful hair and mixing with the beads of perspiration flowing from your forehead. I don't know whether to be thankful that I made it in time to keep you from ending it altogether, angry that you were considering leaving me alone on this earth, or hatred at myself for inadvertently causing this. Then I remember I can't be angry with you... I myself attempted this same stunt only a month ago.
How could this be? I was finally becoming comfortable with the fact that you were gone...well, I could never be comfortable with this fact, but I was at least beginning to accept it. The only thing that was keeping me from being completely miserable was knowing that you were happy. But here you are ...wishing that life would end. How am I supposed to deal with this? I still love you...I will always love you...I don't want you to feel this pain. I know all too well what it feels like. What am I suppose to do? I was trying to let you go. I can't be the one to make you happy again because you don't love me anymore...
How am I supposed to save you if you can't save me?
I try to suppress the sobs that fight to break from my lips. I don't want to wake you from your drug-induced sleep until the drugs fade away and you can make it home safely... Maybe selfishly, I don't want to leave your side because I'm afraid of parting with you. I run my fingers through your soft hair... I know that as soon as you are able, I have to let you leave.
I don't want you to feel any pain. If only I could be your everything again...I would do anything and everything possible to keep you from feeling this way.
In my heart, I know I could help you. In your heart, you don't want my help...