She's Gonna Walk Away Without Looking Back
You know how I said that I wanted to experience that feeling that says “This is the one; the search is over!”? I didn’t even get to experience the depression that resulted from the lack of it. For the second time in my life, I was stood up. The first time was Freshman Homecoming, by a boy named Sullivan. I had gotten all gusty up. I had a beautiful three hundred dollar dress. I had sixty dollar shoes (I wonder whatever happened to those shoes?) Mom did my hair and make-up. I was happy. I had a date. Until Sullivan never showed up at the dance and I attempted to not cry in front of my peers. I never talked to Sullivan again. He dropped out of school and got into drugs, last I heard. This time around, I didn’t go the extra mile. This time, the stood up was justifiable. His work kept him over time and he didn’t finish fixing a helicopter. I waited around for his text, saying that he was coming. I shopped at Hot Topic and got some Twilight merchandise (yay!) and at Barnes and Nobles where I got a new edition of one of my favorite single books, Wizard’s First Rule, by Terry Goodkind. The good news out of that was that I learned that they are making a television show based off of the book. I smiled when I saw the security guard on duty. He was a younger guy, and pretty hot too. He didn’t pay me a second glance. A little before eight, I got antsy when I got the text that said that Chris still had to test the helicopter in flight. I told him that I was leaving and not come down. He was sorry about the whole situation and wrote that he would make it up to me. I replied that he didn’t owe me anything. He didn’t reply to that.
Brittany, who now knows about the whole situation, thinks that I was “blowing him off” with that last message. I wasn’t doing that at all. As almost strangers, he has no obligation to fulfill to me. He hardly knows me and that’s that. I’m not his girlfriend or a friend, even. Therefore, he doesn’t have to deal with obligations. I’ve been stood up before. I’m so used to getting hopes up and having them destroyed before my eyes by people who turn out to be so boring that I want to fall asleep or so very wrong for me. My hopes aren’t even going as high as they used to. Meh.
Open Door was stressful. One of the major girls called off and I was chosen to take over her group of Kindergarteners. Oh dear. They are so manipulative. They know that I don’t know the rules very well. I had a little girl who I turned to for answers to my “Can they do that?” questions. Then it was frustrating because I couldn’t figure out how to get through the unfocused mind. Most of the kindergartners were learning how to count to thirty on worksheets and ugh. One girl was confusing “5” and “2” in all of the ways you can. It was frustrating. I loved the third graders, but the kindergartners were something else. Was I like that when I was five years old? Or was I like the little girl who was helping me out? I have to go back there next week and the next to finish my hours. Open Door will not be there in the last two weeks in October due to school break.
I think I did poorly on my probation & parole exam today. Most of the questions I had to think logically on and I b.s.ed most of the short essays and definitions. I think I have to read that class’s textbook, at least. *frown*. Note to self: Don’t take Martinez again.
Brittany, who now knows about the whole situation, thinks that I was “blowing him off” with that last message. I wasn’t doing that at all. As almost strangers, he has no obligation to fulfill to me. He hardly knows me and that’s that. I’m not his girlfriend or a friend, even. Therefore, he doesn’t have to deal with obligations. I’ve been stood up before. I’m so used to getting hopes up and having them destroyed before my eyes by people who turn out to be so boring that I want to fall asleep or so very wrong for me. My hopes aren’t even going as high as they used to. Meh.
Open Door was stressful. One of the major girls called off and I was chosen to take over her group of Kindergarteners. Oh dear. They are so manipulative. They know that I don’t know the rules very well. I had a little girl who I turned to for answers to my “Can they do that?” questions. Then it was frustrating because I couldn’t figure out how to get through the unfocused mind. Most of the kindergartners were learning how to count to thirty on worksheets and ugh. One girl was confusing “5” and “2” in all of the ways you can. It was frustrating. I loved the third graders, but the kindergartners were something else. Was I like that when I was five years old? Or was I like the little girl who was helping me out? I have to go back there next week and the next to finish my hours. Open Door will not be there in the last two weeks in October due to school break.
I think I did poorly on my probation & parole exam today. Most of the questions I had to think logically on and I b.s.ed most of the short essays and definitions. I think I have to read that class’s textbook, at least. *frown*. Note to self: Don’t take Martinez again.