this must be why people hate mondays
i dont think ive ever felt more like a failure than today. sure ive been depressed cuz i think that my life is horrible or that there is no meaning to my life or that i feel lost and a alone or whatever, but i dont think ive really ever felt like i completely fail at everything i do. until today of course.
my new job as an office assistant has made me realize that i am absolutely NOT detail-oriented or organized. i am also not a fast learner, not a self-starter. not a very good team player, not friendly, not a good customer service rep, not good at chinese, not fast at responding to emails, not careful, not attentive. not anything. i am just not cut out for this job.
honestly, i would not be surprised if my manager or the ceo hates me or wishes that i would just quit so that they dont have to fire me because ive caused much more trouble and lost more money than i have been helpful at all. i just wanted to run away today. run far far away and never come back to that little house on waverley street in downtown palo alto. but i didnt. i just stayed and suffered for a good 11 hrs.
half of me wants to quit.
i partly blame my lack of training though. because seriously, they did not give me enough information before they threw me onto the telephones. how am i supposed to answer people questions about the products and their pricing and what discounts they can have and how they should integrate the material into their courses when i dont know anything?! and i dont like to ask her too many questions because shes busy enough as it is. plus it does not sound very good when you have to tell the person on the other end of the line to "please hold" after every single question that they have. but i guess its not good to just make shit up either and sound like an idiot who does not know anything, except that i am exactly just that.
but maybe i am the idiot who just does not learn fast enough. maybe everyone before me who had this job was fully qualified and somehow they made a very big mistake in hiring me. i realize that i have always been a lot slower than everyone else at doing things. homework that takes other people 2-4 hrs to complete usually takes me around 5-6. i have always been very forgetful and careless, but it never was a big deal until now. because now u cant be forgetful or careless because there are just too many damn things to remember. and these are real people that you are dealing with who get pissed off because their books havent arrived yet or because you are just too frustrating to talk on the phone with. sure ive been clumsy at pearl cafe, but a spill is a spill and you just clean it up, no major damage done.
ugh. anyway. tomorrow will be a new day..........in hell. i wish it was the weekend already. not that i get to relax much cuz i have to work weekends, but the cafe sure beats the office anyday.
my new job as an office assistant has made me realize that i am absolutely NOT detail-oriented or organized. i am also not a fast learner, not a self-starter. not a very good team player, not friendly, not a good customer service rep, not good at chinese, not fast at responding to emails, not careful, not attentive. not anything. i am just not cut out for this job.
honestly, i would not be surprised if my manager or the ceo hates me or wishes that i would just quit so that they dont have to fire me because ive caused much more trouble and lost more money than i have been helpful at all. i just wanted to run away today. run far far away and never come back to that little house on waverley street in downtown palo alto. but i didnt. i just stayed and suffered for a good 11 hrs.
half of me wants to quit.
i partly blame my lack of training though. because seriously, they did not give me enough information before they threw me onto the telephones. how am i supposed to answer people questions about the products and their pricing and what discounts they can have and how they should integrate the material into their courses when i dont know anything?! and i dont like to ask her too many questions because shes busy enough as it is. plus it does not sound very good when you have to tell the person on the other end of the line to "please hold" after every single question that they have. but i guess its not good to just make shit up either and sound like an idiot who does not know anything, except that i am exactly just that.
but maybe i am the idiot who just does not learn fast enough. maybe everyone before me who had this job was fully qualified and somehow they made a very big mistake in hiring me. i realize that i have always been a lot slower than everyone else at doing things. homework that takes other people 2-4 hrs to complete usually takes me around 5-6. i have always been very forgetful and careless, but it never was a big deal until now. because now u cant be forgetful or careless because there are just too many damn things to remember. and these are real people that you are dealing with who get pissed off because their books havent arrived yet or because you are just too frustrating to talk on the phone with. sure ive been clumsy at pearl cafe, but a spill is a spill and you just clean it up, no major damage done.
ugh. anyway. tomorrow will be a new day..........in hell. i wish it was the weekend already. not that i get to relax much cuz i have to work weekends, but the cafe sure beats the office anyday.