(no subject)
I've been alright recently. Work has kept my mind busy and distracted. V festival was fucking amazing but hard work. To be honest I have been so frustrated lately its crazy. But to such a weird extent. I have been looking at every girl that walks past because im so frustrated, but my standards seem to be so oddly high that I dont really want anyone.
Got back to the unit today at the same time Laura got back from green man festival. Things are odd between us, she makes an effort to talk to me but theres clear space. like its forced conversation. Seeing her though made me realise how amazing she is. She just looked really good and happy and I still want her so badly :-( I just have to be happy and get through it now, just gonna take time.
I got an email saying shes never gonna be with me, she doesnt want a relationship, and thinks im too serious for her. So shes made it utterly clear, ive got my closure. But I still want her. It will kill me when I see her with another guy.
Although I had a moment on the tube in london that was like a mini moment of clarity. I saw someone on the tube, a girl in her twenties, who was clutching a book in one hand and her cardigan over her hand. A simple ordinary image like any other. However there was something about this image that was heartwarming. This girl clearly needed some attention and looked like she wanted to be loved. She wasnt a loner or nothing seemed wrong with her. She just looked like someone that wants someone. It was in the tube and dark and cold and reminded me of being in london at christmas and the one warming thought was being with someone. Reminded me of thats what I want in life, somebody who has the time and wants me. Someone that will be there when I need them and who I can give my devoted attention to. Laura will never be there for me, and despite wanting her, theres so much more that I want. For a few days I realised that is what I really wanted from life. But seeing her today, i want her badly :-( she looks incredible.
Got back to the unit today at the same time Laura got back from green man festival. Things are odd between us, she makes an effort to talk to me but theres clear space. like its forced conversation. Seeing her though made me realise how amazing she is. She just looked really good and happy and I still want her so badly :-( I just have to be happy and get through it now, just gonna take time.
I got an email saying shes never gonna be with me, she doesnt want a relationship, and thinks im too serious for her. So shes made it utterly clear, ive got my closure. But I still want her. It will kill me when I see her with another guy.
Although I had a moment on the tube in london that was like a mini moment of clarity. I saw someone on the tube, a girl in her twenties, who was clutching a book in one hand and her cardigan over her hand. A simple ordinary image like any other. However there was something about this image that was heartwarming. This girl clearly needed some attention and looked like she wanted to be loved. She wasnt a loner or nothing seemed wrong with her. She just looked like someone that wants someone. It was in the tube and dark and cold and reminded me of being in london at christmas and the one warming thought was being with someone. Reminded me of thats what I want in life, somebody who has the time and wants me. Someone that will be there when I need them and who I can give my devoted attention to. Laura will never be there for me, and despite wanting her, theres so much more that I want. For a few days I realised that is what I really wanted from life. But seeing her today, i want her badly :-( she looks incredible.