Probably I should have left this until tomorrow in honour of International Talk Like A Pirate Day but hey, I have no self control.
My pirate name is:
Captain Ethel Rackham
Even though there's no legal rank on a pirate ship, everyone recognizes you're the one in charge. You have the good fortune of having a good name, since Rackham (pronounced RACKem, not rack-ham) is one of the coolest sounding surnames for a pirate. Arr!
Get your own pirate name from fidius.org. Now I'll have to Google her and find out who she/I arrrr.