I need to bloody fucking write.
Writing is one of the only things that gives my life any particular meaning--or so I usually end up thinking after a good, old-fashioned bout of depression, as I am wont to have every so often.
And yet, somehow, it's so easy for me to just stop writing, full stop. This happens every year. I write like a maniac for a few months, bask in the small glory of internet love, and then I get up one day and just give up. it's easier to watch videos, read stupid crap, play games--anything that takes a minimal amount of effort. And then I...for lack of better term...can't get it up anymore.
It's really sad, because I would say that writing is the most important thing in my life, as well as my philosophy. I mean, I love reading novels, and letters. Can you even envision the fact that we're writing primary documents right now? It's amazing that, say, history students in the future will be reading caches of twitter to follow the Egyptian Revolution. Or even that, some day, if I have kids in my life or my classroom, I could drag out those old, cheap $2 notebooks I used to write in obsessively as a kid and show them the exact things I thought when the 9/11 attacks happened, or when we started the Iraq War. (No, really--I have these things in my possession. Hundreds of pages.) And if, for some unimaginable reason, someone is ever researching my life, once they manage to hack my laptop, my facebook, heck, even this livejournal--they'd have so much at their fingertips.
Well, they would if I'd stop leaving half-a-year-or-longer gaps every time I get into a funk.
I haven't even touched my all-consuming story for, like, 8 months. God, I'm one of those writers who leaves an epic WIP and disappears. Half of me never wants to look at that cra--no, not crap. That...gigantic load of virtual paper and words, words, words splattered here and there with bits of ideas trying desperately to manifest from pages upon pages of notes that make little sense to anyone or anything except me.
I was doing okay with the music meme from a few months--oh, god, a few months ago. I did try and keep it up after that, but the first thing that came to my mind was a several page rant about why I don't believe in weddings, and I gave up on that rant too. I do still have it somewhere...
I've written a bit here and there in my private journals. I hate typing. I love writing on a computer--love being able to instantly change and move big swaths of things. I kind of like pen and paper--nice feeling to it, and less eye strain. On the other hand, I hate my handwriting, and I really hate re-typing things after writing them on paper.
Still.
Need to write.
I could go back to using this like an actual journal. I feel like I haven't really been talking to people as much as I used to. I could post random things of interest, I suppose. or I could just do my usual rants (which, fortunately, I usually cut in half before I actually post them). I've been sitting here, writing paragraphs on-and-off for a while and I still haven't decided.
And yet, somehow, it's so easy for me to just stop writing, full stop. This happens every year. I write like a maniac for a few months, bask in the small glory of internet love, and then I get up one day and just give up. it's easier to watch videos, read stupid crap, play games--anything that takes a minimal amount of effort. And then I...for lack of better term...can't get it up anymore.
It's really sad, because I would say that writing is the most important thing in my life, as well as my philosophy. I mean, I love reading novels, and letters. Can you even envision the fact that we're writing primary documents right now? It's amazing that, say, history students in the future will be reading caches of twitter to follow the Egyptian Revolution. Or even that, some day, if I have kids in my life or my classroom, I could drag out those old, cheap $2 notebooks I used to write in obsessively as a kid and show them the exact things I thought when the 9/11 attacks happened, or when we started the Iraq War. (No, really--I have these things in my possession. Hundreds of pages.) And if, for some unimaginable reason, someone is ever researching my life, once they manage to hack my laptop, my facebook, heck, even this livejournal--they'd have so much at their fingertips.
Well, they would if I'd stop leaving half-a-year-or-longer gaps every time I get into a funk.
I haven't even touched my all-consuming story for, like, 8 months. God, I'm one of those writers who leaves an epic WIP and disappears. Half of me never wants to look at that cra--no, not crap. That...gigantic load of virtual paper and words, words, words splattered here and there with bits of ideas trying desperately to manifest from pages upon pages of notes that make little sense to anyone or anything except me.
I was doing okay with the music meme from a few months--oh, god, a few months ago. I did try and keep it up after that, but the first thing that came to my mind was a several page rant about why I don't believe in weddings, and I gave up on that rant too. I do still have it somewhere...
I've written a bit here and there in my private journals. I hate typing. I love writing on a computer--love being able to instantly change and move big swaths of things. I kind of like pen and paper--nice feeling to it, and less eye strain. On the other hand, I hate my handwriting, and I really hate re-typing things after writing them on paper.
Still.
Need to write.
I could go back to using this like an actual journal. I feel like I haven't really been talking to people as much as I used to. I could post random things of interest, I suppose. or I could just do my usual rants (which, fortunately, I usually cut in half before I actually post them). I've been sitting here, writing paragraphs on-and-off for a while and I still haven't decided.