Unfortunately you really can't. If you confront them about it, or even tell them about it they will most likely deny it to it's dying day. Then they'll get pissed at you and accuse you of being jealous of the time they spend with the other person.
The best remedy is, unfortunately, to sit on the sidelines and be there for the manipulatee, just let them know you're around if they ever want to talk. Pretty soon that person will get a clue, or a suspicion. Or at least that's the way it's worked for me.
Re: ooc journalgot_bells_onJune 14 2006, 00:27:42 UTC
((problem is, its not exactly obvious. its the sorta thing where the person being manipulated is in such a way that they become kinda clinging to the person, defending 'em, etc. the sort that'd manipulate someone to get that person to support them. could give a real good example of somethin similar from the Bleach series, but that'd be a giant spoiler.
its annoying, 'cuz its not obvious, more all subtle and all, but from what i figure it cant be a good thing to be caught up in...))
Hee, I know what you mean more than most people will. In this case I was the one being manipulated. That's why I know what the immediate gut response will be. It took me almost a year before I even started to suspect. I was young and a wee bit foolish. I'm sorry you're on the outside of this, and I'm even sorrier for the friend who is being manipulated. When and if they find out, it's going to hurt like hell, that's when they'll need their true friends even more.
And it's not a good thing to be involved in. It might have taken me awhile to figure it out, it took even longer to recover.
Has the manipulator been isolating the other person from their friends and/or family? Trying to influence behavior and such?
Re: ooc journalgot_bells_onJune 14 2006, 00:39:46 UTC
i dunno. dont see any of them very much, usually just online. so dunno what's going on over there, though both people already have mostly the same mutual friends and all.
first person's been crabbier with me since being round the second, tho. and like i said in the post, i wasnt entirely comfortable with that person from the start, so could prolly expect the same was true for them. me, i guess just a gut feeling distrust, dunno why theyd have a problem with me tho.
Sometimes if you can put your finger on why it is they make you uncomfortable, you can explain that to someone else. There's a guy here, friend of a friend, who made me kind of uneasy when he first started hanging around, but I ignored it for a long time. Then I found out what it was--he'd worked at the same place as my younger sister until being fired, and had stalked her constantly while he was there. He doesn't know yet that I know about this, but a lot of my friends do now, and now they understand why they had a feeling of uneasiness around him--he's a creepy bastard. Your other friend might feel like something's not right but be in the situation we all were in, where no one wanted to say anything to anyone else because this person was a friend of a good friend of ours, and we didn't want to hurt any feelings. But someone's welfare is a lot more important than some hurt feelings. I wouldn't necessarily tell your friend they're being manipulated, as such, but explain to them about your uneasiness, especially if you can put a name
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problem is, Im not so good with words and all that, explaining what i mean and all, unless im all blunt like here or whatever. couple times in the past got lucky and had someone who played mediator, but cant expect that to always happen.
and i dunno, its really hard to tell. the first person from my post, far as i can see they LIKE the second person, get defensive of 'em, and all that. like i said to the last comment, can think of a great example from Bleach of somethin kinda similar, cept for it being full of spoilers and all.
I understand the problem with words. I've pretty much just come straight out to the people who I've explained my uneasiness to, just saying "He stalked my sister. The bastard will pay." But then, my friends know that I do that kind of thing anyway. Still, I haven't said anything to the friend who brought the creepy bastard among us, because I'm too indelicate to do it.
Yeah, I haven't seen much from Bleach myself. Sometimes it's hard to understand why people choose the company they choose. Are the things the second person doing harmful to your friend?
so far as i know, nothing overtly harmful. just the first person's gotten sudden all attached to or defensive of the second lately. which kinda weirded me out even before someone else pointed it out to me, 'cuz it seemed a little OOC for 'em. so i guess nothin harmful like that, but doesnt seem like a good or healthy thing to me, or maybe it could get emotionally bad for them, i dunno.
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The best remedy is, unfortunately, to sit on the sidelines and be there for the manipulatee, just let them know you're around if they ever want to talk. Pretty soon that person will get a clue, or a suspicion. Or at least that's the way it's worked for me.
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its annoying, 'cuz its not obvious, more all subtle and all, but from what i figure it cant be a good thing to be caught up in...))
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And it's not a good thing to be involved in. It might have taken me awhile to figure it out, it took even longer to recover.
Has the manipulator been isolating the other person from their friends and/or family? Trying to influence behavior and such?
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first person's been crabbier with me since being round the second, tho. and like i said in the post, i wasnt entirely comfortable with that person from the start, so could prolly expect the same was true for them. me, i guess just a gut feeling distrust, dunno why theyd have a problem with me tho.
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and i dunno, its really hard to tell. the first person from my post, far as i can see they LIKE the second person, get defensive of 'em, and all that. like i said to the last comment, can think of a great example from Bleach of somethin kinda similar, cept for it being full of spoilers and all.
Reply
Yeah, I haven't seen much from Bleach myself. Sometimes it's hard to understand why people choose the company they choose. Are the things the second person doing harmful to your friend?
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