Pre-new years angst.
I honestly don't know how this is going to end up. I'm looking at the whole thing, at convergences and divergences, at people and their relationships, and I have not the slightest clue where I'm going to be in a month, let alone five.
Let alone seventeen.
So, there's a girl, as usual. It's not a new one, which means I'm pretty much already set up for failure, and it's more of a 'waiting for her to shoot me down' kinda thing. Wonderful, that. It's a good thing I'm so great at manually inflating my self-esteem, otherwise I'd just friggen give up at this point. It's so stupid.
I'm sick, I'm motivationless, I'm driveless, I'm just stuck in this state of complete and total blah.
I just found out that I'll be going up to Rhode Island the afternoon of the 5th - right after dental surgery. Wonderful again!
This break has sucked me dry emotionally, physically, and I frankly just want one or two things to go right between now and when classes (need to get a loan before I can get those...) start up.
I got out of bed once today, and blamed it on being sick. It's just as much listlessness. I see no reason to get up. Nothing's going on.
I feel like I'm leading Jonnie on, when I can't find any reason to feel that way. It's stupid and ridiculous and giving me a guilt trip.
Why do I keep thinking that the island is better than PC? I should figure that out.
I feel like ashes, completely used up. You can't even light them again, because they're just burnt out.
I want to be saved, but I doubt by any of you. Sorry.
Let alone seventeen.
So, there's a girl, as usual. It's not a new one, which means I'm pretty much already set up for failure, and it's more of a 'waiting for her to shoot me down' kinda thing. Wonderful, that. It's a good thing I'm so great at manually inflating my self-esteem, otherwise I'd just friggen give up at this point. It's so stupid.
I'm sick, I'm motivationless, I'm driveless, I'm just stuck in this state of complete and total blah.
I just found out that I'll be going up to Rhode Island the afternoon of the 5th - right after dental surgery. Wonderful again!
This break has sucked me dry emotionally, physically, and I frankly just want one or two things to go right between now and when classes (need to get a loan before I can get those...) start up.
I got out of bed once today, and blamed it on being sick. It's just as much listlessness. I see no reason to get up. Nothing's going on.
I feel like I'm leading Jonnie on, when I can't find any reason to feel that way. It's stupid and ridiculous and giving me a guilt trip.
Why do I keep thinking that the island is better than PC? I should figure that out.
I feel like ashes, completely used up. You can't even light them again, because they're just burnt out.
I want to be saved, but I doubt by any of you. Sorry.