...but i do know that life just plain sucks.
Man. I dislike my father so much. If it weren't for the fact that I have no place to go and can't afford a place of my own, I would leave and NEVER talk to him again. For real.
I decided to dye my hair today. I made sure to be really careful and did everything while sitting on 2 layers of towels. My dad walks in and shits a brick. Going on about how I am going to stain the carpet and it is costing him so much to redo the other room because of hair dye stains. I told him I was being careful and even using towels. That wasn't good enough. I swear. I could have dyed my hair in another state and he would still complain that it will ruin the interior of the house some how. I wish I knew what to do. I definitely can't live on the cape anymore. I think I may just go to RI by myself and live in a hotel or something. I wonder if I could spend one of my days off from work in RI and find something. I just need more money. Everything boils down to money. Fuck whoever says "Money doesn't buy happiness". I want to meet a rich man who is unhappy. It is bad enough i have to give up the dream of having a band. I wish I had the urge to kill myself. I really do. I wake up. I take a shower. I watch 30 mins of tv with Adri because her mother is going to be the cause of our breakup. I drive my loud, embarrassing, almost decent, and semi-rare car to work so I can work 7 hours in the mall. I work and have what I can afford for food. I then drive home, hoping not to get pulled over. I come home, I go online to stare at a blank screen or play the sims. Then I go to bed. That is all. Every day pretty much. I have to save up to fix my car, to eat, to have some sort of fun, for gas, to get a storage place for all my belongings, car insurance, and a place to live... eventually. I think my biggest trouble/issue right now is my dad. He brings me down sooo much. Even just being in the same house with him gets me upset. I spent about 5 hours at stop & Shop/Stop & Shop parking lot just to get out of the house. I always feel like blaming America. I know I shouldn't. But what the fuck. It is sooo expensive to live. I make, just about, 800$ a month. And that is only like half of what I need to live. My dad yells at me so much for not being able to pay rent.
800$
- 240$ (rent)
-~150$ (Insurance)
- 50$ (Loan from bank)
-~???$ (Gas[not sure how much I spend a month yet])
-~150$ (food. That is a minimum amount. sometime I can spend a lot more)
--------
~210$ (I use for fixing my car/donating/and funn when I have people to hang out with)
That of course doesn't counter in gas and the fact that sometimes I spend allot more on food a month. ON TOP of that. I still have to some how save up for a place to live.
I just wish I had answers or a sidekick. I just don't know anymore.
I decided to dye my hair today. I made sure to be really careful and did everything while sitting on 2 layers of towels. My dad walks in and shits a brick. Going on about how I am going to stain the carpet and it is costing him so much to redo the other room because of hair dye stains. I told him I was being careful and even using towels. That wasn't good enough. I swear. I could have dyed my hair in another state and he would still complain that it will ruin the interior of the house some how. I wish I knew what to do. I definitely can't live on the cape anymore. I think I may just go to RI by myself and live in a hotel or something. I wonder if I could spend one of my days off from work in RI and find something. I just need more money. Everything boils down to money. Fuck whoever says "Money doesn't buy happiness". I want to meet a rich man who is unhappy. It is bad enough i have to give up the dream of having a band. I wish I had the urge to kill myself. I really do. I wake up. I take a shower. I watch 30 mins of tv with Adri because her mother is going to be the cause of our breakup. I drive my loud, embarrassing, almost decent, and semi-rare car to work so I can work 7 hours in the mall. I work and have what I can afford for food. I then drive home, hoping not to get pulled over. I come home, I go online to stare at a blank screen or play the sims. Then I go to bed. That is all. Every day pretty much. I have to save up to fix my car, to eat, to have some sort of fun, for gas, to get a storage place for all my belongings, car insurance, and a place to live... eventually. I think my biggest trouble/issue right now is my dad. He brings me down sooo much. Even just being in the same house with him gets me upset. I spent about 5 hours at stop & Shop/Stop & Shop parking lot just to get out of the house. I always feel like blaming America. I know I shouldn't. But what the fuck. It is sooo expensive to live. I make, just about, 800$ a month. And that is only like half of what I need to live. My dad yells at me so much for not being able to pay rent.
800$
- 240$ (rent)
-~150$ (Insurance)
- 50$ (Loan from bank)
-~???$ (Gas[not sure how much I spend a month yet])
-~150$ (food. That is a minimum amount. sometime I can spend a lot more)
--------
~210$ (I use for fixing my car/donating/and funn when I have people to hang out with)
That of course doesn't counter in gas and the fact that sometimes I spend allot more on food a month. ON TOP of that. I still have to some how save up for a place to live.
I just wish I had answers or a sidekick. I just don't know anymore.