...all of you
i don't know what to do with myself at the moment. i really just want the night to fucking end. Today was awful.
My math teacher is so bad at her job. She walks in, writes our required text book on the board* and then goes into math as if i just walked into a class halfway through the lesson. i thought she was talking to herself while writing, but nope. That is how low her speaking voice was. No one could hear her. She sound slike Penelope Cruz too. So not only does she talk low, but i can't understand what she says sometimes. She didn't explain anything. No why or how. People were just so confused the whole time and being aggravated and frustrated. Students walked out. She didn't even introduce herself or the class. Someone eventually asked what her name was. It was horrible.
But here is the best part. My art class that i have to take is a tad more advanced than i thought. I have about 200-300$ of required supplies that i must purchase. Seven out of the nineteen total things (not items because i need more than one type of some of the things) i need by MONDAY! My bank account is -200$ because fucking financial aid was pushed back. So i have to buy all this expensive shit, lug it around, and i am not even a good artist. We had to draw our HAND today, a chair, and a mystery object that we could only feel with our hands. i was so embarrassed. Everyone drew such great pictures. THey had to be done in certain styles too: "contour" and "full value". The hand had to be in "full value" and the other two needed to be "contour". i made such wretched drawings. i am hoping that talent isn't what i am graded on, but understanding the concepts is. This doesn't make a whole lot of sense. Me taking a hand drawing class for an art NEW MEDIA degree.
i was a tad off yesterday when i mentioned the girl with the pink hair and Death Note shirt yesterday. Her name is actually Sofia and she is going to school for 2D drawing and looking to transfer to the art institute. This is according to her introduction on the class discussion board. She has two captives on the left side of her bottom lip and one on the right side. She wears a lot of make-up. i am wondering if her eyelashes might be fake too. i am not going to make the mistake of looking for her facebook. i'll be happy if we did very little talking to one another. i am still worried if i can write 6,000 word essays.
This semester was supposed to be fun. Half of my semester is art classes. Art New Media (Web Design) and Art 300. i cannot believe i'm stressing over an art class. i am more worried about my art class than my math class and english class. Hands. What the fuck. Fuck my hand.
so, i don't know. all i can do is hope that i get money on friday so that i can climb out of my debt, by art supplies, and pay rent. i also have to hope that my SSDI evaluation goes smoothly. i have to hope i do not get denied. And if i don't get denied, i hope that my income isn't cut. There is absolutely no way i can work this semester. None. My time is going to be spent doing school stuff and other school stuff. i fucking hate everything.
i've been listening to the mix CD i mailed Corri over and over, unless i am out. It is probably the best mix CD i have made in years. i am extremely proud of it.
i wonder if my art teacher will email me and tell me to get out of her class. "You suck at drawing, get out." Fuck.
i think i will take my meds early tonight. i just want the night to end. i need this day to come to a close.
It is hard to tell if the yoga is helping me or not, but i did enjoy tonight. It felt really nice. i am jealous of the instructor, Twighla, because she is super flexible. It is almost frustrating. Everything is fucked.
i meant to put another song on this CD, but oh well. Perhaps it is best that i did not. It is so great the way it is right now.
"i may not be pure, but i'm not all that toxic."
i guess i am just going to go. i don't want to be out of bed any longer.
go to hell.
EDIT: i am switching over to friends only after this post i believe.
My math teacher is so bad at her job. She walks in, writes our required text book on the board* and then goes into math as if i just walked into a class halfway through the lesson. i thought she was talking to herself while writing, but nope. That is how low her speaking voice was. No one could hear her. She sound slike Penelope Cruz too. So not only does she talk low, but i can't understand what she says sometimes. She didn't explain anything. No why or how. People were just so confused the whole time and being aggravated and frustrated. Students walked out. She didn't even introduce herself or the class. Someone eventually asked what her name was. It was horrible.
But here is the best part. My art class that i have to take is a tad more advanced than i thought. I have about 200-300$ of required supplies that i must purchase. Seven out of the nineteen total things (not items because i need more than one type of some of the things) i need by MONDAY! My bank account is -200$ because fucking financial aid was pushed back. So i have to buy all this expensive shit, lug it around, and i am not even a good artist. We had to draw our HAND today, a chair, and a mystery object that we could only feel with our hands. i was so embarrassed. Everyone drew such great pictures. THey had to be done in certain styles too: "contour" and "full value". The hand had to be in "full value" and the other two needed to be "contour". i made such wretched drawings. i am hoping that talent isn't what i am graded on, but understanding the concepts is. This doesn't make a whole lot of sense. Me taking a hand drawing class for an art NEW MEDIA degree.
i was a tad off yesterday when i mentioned the girl with the pink hair and Death Note shirt yesterday. Her name is actually Sofia and she is going to school for 2D drawing and looking to transfer to the art institute. This is according to her introduction on the class discussion board. She has two captives on the left side of her bottom lip and one on the right side. She wears a lot of make-up. i am wondering if her eyelashes might be fake too. i am not going to make the mistake of looking for her facebook. i'll be happy if we did very little talking to one another. i am still worried if i can write 6,000 word essays.
This semester was supposed to be fun. Half of my semester is art classes. Art New Media (Web Design) and Art 300. i cannot believe i'm stressing over an art class. i am more worried about my art class than my math class and english class. Hands. What the fuck. Fuck my hand.
so, i don't know. all i can do is hope that i get money on friday so that i can climb out of my debt, by art supplies, and pay rent. i also have to hope that my SSDI evaluation goes smoothly. i have to hope i do not get denied. And if i don't get denied, i hope that my income isn't cut. There is absolutely no way i can work this semester. None. My time is going to be spent doing school stuff and other school stuff. i fucking hate everything.
i've been listening to the mix CD i mailed Corri over and over, unless i am out. It is probably the best mix CD i have made in years. i am extremely proud of it.
i wonder if my art teacher will email me and tell me to get out of her class. "You suck at drawing, get out." Fuck.
i think i will take my meds early tonight. i just want the night to end. i need this day to come to a close.
It is hard to tell if the yoga is helping me or not, but i did enjoy tonight. It felt really nice. i am jealous of the instructor, Twighla, because she is super flexible. It is almost frustrating. Everything is fucked.
i meant to put another song on this CD, but oh well. Perhaps it is best that i did not. It is so great the way it is right now.
"i may not be pure, but i'm not all that toxic."
i guess i am just going to go. i don't want to be out of bed any longer.
go to hell.
EDIT: i am switching over to friends only after this post i believe.