...fuck
i wish i knew what to do. i don't know what it is, but i need something. Maybe it is cabin fever. It probably is cabin fever. i need something to do outside. i need a reason to leave here. i want so badly to not feel the way i do. i am this guy who stays in his room all day. i don't know. i really don't know. i just don't want to be a part of the world. i want to be on the moon right now. i am inpenatrable on the moon. Nothing can get me. i can stay up there and just stare at the stars. i can escape everything.
i need a job. That is what it comes down to, really. i need to have a reason to leave the house and a reason to stay at the house.
Sometimes it is like life is in slow motion and, at the same time, peeding up. It feels slow but before i know it, the day is over. My days don't even drag out. But my life remains slow. It would be great to slip into a coma right now. i can wake up in the hospital, and a few months could have passed.
i need to talk to someone.
When i die, i don't want people to remember me as a nobody or a loser. If i were to end my life tomorrow, how would i be remembered? WHy would i be remembered? What have i done? i've done absolutely nothing. MY mom wishes i would marry and maybe give her grandkids. My dad wishes i could support myself and find someone to love me. i've let everyone down and i continue to let everyone down. i've let myself down. i can't think realisticly anymore because it just makes everything sound as hopeless as it is.
i have been trying to contact Aaron and i haven't gotten anywhere. i really hope Minerva is alright. Fuck. i just can't deal with that right now. Shit. Fuck fuck fuck.
i need a job. That is what it comes down to, really. i need to have a reason to leave the house and a reason to stay at the house.
Sometimes it is like life is in slow motion and, at the same time, peeding up. It feels slow but before i know it, the day is over. My days don't even drag out. But my life remains slow. It would be great to slip into a coma right now. i can wake up in the hospital, and a few months could have passed.
i need to talk to someone.
When i die, i don't want people to remember me as a nobody or a loser. If i were to end my life tomorrow, how would i be remembered? WHy would i be remembered? What have i done? i've done absolutely nothing. MY mom wishes i would marry and maybe give her grandkids. My dad wishes i could support myself and find someone to love me. i've let everyone down and i continue to let everyone down. i've let myself down. i can't think realisticly anymore because it just makes everything sound as hopeless as it is.
i have been trying to contact Aaron and i haven't gotten anywhere. i really hope Minerva is alright. Fuck. i just can't deal with that right now. Shit. Fuck fuck fuck.