...so get over it
It is kind of early but i figured i would write in here while i listen to some Norm MacDonald, my favorite comedian. A few things happened to me today.
First Rosy and i had a very short but serious discussion about her friend Davey living on my couch for 400$. The idea fell through because apparently it is a big deal to Aaron's probation officer. Makes absolutely no sense to me but Aaron claims he can go to jail. In a way this sucks. One is because i could have used the extra 400$. And two being just what the fuck? i mean it is my house too. i can't have a friend come and live in my fucking living room? Aaron has got to be one of my least liked roommates. i just want him to leave even though replacing him is going to be extremely overwhelming and difficult. i mean, fuck, the reason why i settled on him was because i wasn't finding anybody else and rent needed to be paid. So anyway there is that. i am also somewhat relieved because it would be really fucking awkward with Rosy. i know he originally, when they were both living homeless in New York, wanted her to be his boyfriend. Though they have never had sex, Rosy has made it very clear that she plans on fucking him. So it would be extremely awkward with him living on my couch even though i am the one with the bed so it will be pretty difficult for them to hook up. ANYWAY to get to the end of my story here, i told her that i can't be the other guy. i told her i don't play that game and so if she chooses to fuck Davey then i must end our sexual relationship. It has to end eventually though so might as well be sooner than later. i don't see things ever progressing with Rosy, though i really do like her and the thought of her banging other dudes does upset me and makes me jealous. The simple fact is that she is just not for me. She is not what i want. She is not what i am looking for. And frankly, she may be toxic to me. So that is that. We are looking at the end of one of my many fuck buddy relationships. Seems like the story of my life. When i think about it i have really only had 2 real relationships. Everyone else was simply a friend with benefits or someone i considered "dating" which is just a fancy term for temporary, equally beneficial, going nowhere relationship. Sad story of my fucking life. So that is that. It was great while it lasted. Very glad i've been able to get affection. Going to miss it a lot, but whatever. Familiar territory.
i have two girls at outpatient trying to hook me up with a job. One of them just got hired to a position that puts her in charge of hiring and firing. The job has something to do with installing cameras i guess. Crystal claims it is under the table and one hundred dollars a day. If that is true then i will be glad to install cameras which sounds very unappealing and somewhat overwhelming. The other girl, Amber, just got hired at a ranch taking care of horses. She says she will ask about getting me a job there. it will probably slip her mind though. Hopefully the ranch job pans out though. i should have asked where it was.
i still have not paid rent. i have no idea how i am going to pull it off this month. If something is going to happen then it needs to happen now. Amber says she only pays like 30$ a month to store her stuff in a storage facility. That gives me hope since being homeless is a definite possibility at this point.
i have been craving, so very badly, for a real meal. Something other than peanut butter and jelly sandwiches which is all i can afford. Come to think about it Minerva is becoming low on food and i am unsure what i am going to do. Yesterday was the first time i really thought about the fact that i may have to give her up and i broke down and cried. A lot. My ride to outpatient, Kirstin, is taking me to breakfast tomorrow at Chubby's and i am so fucking excited. It will be such a nice change. A real meal.
Okay so this thing with Rosy is bugging me way more than it should. But when i think about the other girls i have "dated", Kim especially, i am reminded further of how furthering or continuing the current relationship is an extremely bad idea. i think it bugs me because of all the cute things that Rosy does for me and says to me. She is very affectionate and made me carrot cake. She tells me how much she misses me when we don't have the transportation to see each other. She tells me she has no interest in fucking other guys. Things like that. i mean it really shouldn't be bothering me. It really shouldn't matter. It really should be a cut and dry case. i have done this plenty of times. It is just so weird and it makes absolutely no sense to me. Why do i cling to the girls? Well i know i am neurotic of course. Oi. i guess i just like the attention and affection. It is a simple as that really.
EDIT: Rosy just informed me that she is meeting a guy at 8 (obviously from Craigslist) and if anything happens she will use protection. i am thinking to myself "i need to just end this now". She is already getting a bit drunk but i don't plan on talking to her for the rest of the night and probably not much tomorrow. To be honest, with neither of us having a car, i don't expect to see her anytime soon and so i should really just back off. This is getting to emotional for me.
First Rosy and i had a very short but serious discussion about her friend Davey living on my couch for 400$. The idea fell through because apparently it is a big deal to Aaron's probation officer. Makes absolutely no sense to me but Aaron claims he can go to jail. In a way this sucks. One is because i could have used the extra 400$. And two being just what the fuck? i mean it is my house too. i can't have a friend come and live in my fucking living room? Aaron has got to be one of my least liked roommates. i just want him to leave even though replacing him is going to be extremely overwhelming and difficult. i mean, fuck, the reason why i settled on him was because i wasn't finding anybody else and rent needed to be paid. So anyway there is that. i am also somewhat relieved because it would be really fucking awkward with Rosy. i know he originally, when they were both living homeless in New York, wanted her to be his boyfriend. Though they have never had sex, Rosy has made it very clear that she plans on fucking him. So it would be extremely awkward with him living on my couch even though i am the one with the bed so it will be pretty difficult for them to hook up. ANYWAY to get to the end of my story here, i told her that i can't be the other guy. i told her i don't play that game and so if she chooses to fuck Davey then i must end our sexual relationship. It has to end eventually though so might as well be sooner than later. i don't see things ever progressing with Rosy, though i really do like her and the thought of her banging other dudes does upset me and makes me jealous. The simple fact is that she is just not for me. She is not what i want. She is not what i am looking for. And frankly, she may be toxic to me. So that is that. We are looking at the end of one of my many fuck buddy relationships. Seems like the story of my life. When i think about it i have really only had 2 real relationships. Everyone else was simply a friend with benefits or someone i considered "dating" which is just a fancy term for temporary, equally beneficial, going nowhere relationship. Sad story of my fucking life. So that is that. It was great while it lasted. Very glad i've been able to get affection. Going to miss it a lot, but whatever. Familiar territory.
i have two girls at outpatient trying to hook me up with a job. One of them just got hired to a position that puts her in charge of hiring and firing. The job has something to do with installing cameras i guess. Crystal claims it is under the table and one hundred dollars a day. If that is true then i will be glad to install cameras which sounds very unappealing and somewhat overwhelming. The other girl, Amber, just got hired at a ranch taking care of horses. She says she will ask about getting me a job there. it will probably slip her mind though. Hopefully the ranch job pans out though. i should have asked where it was.
i still have not paid rent. i have no idea how i am going to pull it off this month. If something is going to happen then it needs to happen now. Amber says she only pays like 30$ a month to store her stuff in a storage facility. That gives me hope since being homeless is a definite possibility at this point.
i have been craving, so very badly, for a real meal. Something other than peanut butter and jelly sandwiches which is all i can afford. Come to think about it Minerva is becoming low on food and i am unsure what i am going to do. Yesterday was the first time i really thought about the fact that i may have to give her up and i broke down and cried. A lot. My ride to outpatient, Kirstin, is taking me to breakfast tomorrow at Chubby's and i am so fucking excited. It will be such a nice change. A real meal.
Okay so this thing with Rosy is bugging me way more than it should. But when i think about the other girls i have "dated", Kim especially, i am reminded further of how furthering or continuing the current relationship is an extremely bad idea. i think it bugs me because of all the cute things that Rosy does for me and says to me. She is very affectionate and made me carrot cake. She tells me how much she misses me when we don't have the transportation to see each other. She tells me she has no interest in fucking other guys. Things like that. i mean it really shouldn't be bothering me. It really shouldn't matter. It really should be a cut and dry case. i have done this plenty of times. It is just so weird and it makes absolutely no sense to me. Why do i cling to the girls? Well i know i am neurotic of course. Oi. i guess i just like the attention and affection. It is a simple as that really.
EDIT: Rosy just informed me that she is meeting a guy at 8 (obviously from Craigslist) and if anything happens she will use protection. i am thinking to myself "i need to just end this now". She is already getting a bit drunk but i don't plan on talking to her for the rest of the night and probably not much tomorrow. To be honest, with neither of us having a car, i don't expect to see her anytime soon and so i should really just back off. This is getting to emotional for me.