...I only have 2 songs by them :(
Okay, In an effort to explain the inpact of not having a car and a job, i am going to try to explain a typical day in the life of billy.
The bus drops me off at the bus stop at around 2:30. It takes me about 5 minutes for me to walk to my house. Keep in mind that I also must lug my guitar around quite often. brining a guitar off and on the bus is a hastle all on its own. so anyways. Lets say I am sick this particular day. I could have gone home earlier if I had my car and was able to go home. I undrop my stuff in the "mud-room" and begin being bored and alone until I end up taking my sleeping meds and going to sleep. During this time, I often get hungry or thirsty. I go downstairs and see RUG or my father walking around. I open the refridgerator. I am lucky if I find a little bit of Sprite left. It would be flat, but better than noithing. Rice is as close as I am going to get to junk food or anything that tastes good and takes a little amount of time to make. I seriously cannot remember the last time my dad has gone food shopping. You may ask... "what does this have to do with not having a job or a car". Well, besides the fact that i wouldn't be bored out of my mind at home, I could go to the store and by a shit load of stuff for me and keep it in my room. So after findsing that it was not worth the effert of walking down the stairs, I go back UP-stairs and look for something to do. I think of all the people I could be hanging out with.... If I had my car. It is getting to the point where I just want to skip all the bordome shit and go right to the Sleeping Meds and wake up for school the next moring. It honestly ewould be alot easier. I can't consintrate on homework either. I wish so much for the option to drive to the library.
So Seed is leaving for Washinton tomorrow. This suck. I will miss her. I hope she sends me a post card. GODDAMN IT! I miss my fucking cable modem. I am getting so fucking pissed. I am going to just start annoying my father. Maybe I could change my day a bit. Come home, "father, I need to use the computer for homework", Stay on comp for as long as possible, then continue on normally. Maybe If I do it enough, Father will egt fed up. I don't have much Ideas on what to do on the computer though. I need something to do to make it more believable. Hmmm. Somehting that involves needing the internet alot. i can "watch stock" for economics class. "virtually build a computer" for BCHM cass. Fucking allergies. If I had a car, I could go get some Clariton. I don't like Thursdays new cd that much. I think my dad just told me he cooked hot-dogs
Gr. I kept trying to write this one song, but everything I wrote was shit. I only came up with something like this, in which i tried to base it off of:
If i hate you so much
then why am i staring at these pictures i found of you
and if i hope so badly that you choke
than why am i the one choking on my own tearsthis is so confusing
i miss the way things were
the way they were before i hated you
for what you have become
Gr... as you can see... it kind of turns to shit towards the end. I will try again tomorrow. I hate when you have like 4 lines and you know you are on to somehting good but can't fucking write anything good.
As most of you can already assume, the beginning pieceof that poem is about the FQ. I cannot even explain the mixed emotions I keep fucking recieving. I hate her. I miss her. I care for her. I hope she chokes on her own alcohol induced vomit, I hope she gets cancer, I miss her friendship, I want to make her jelous, She can make me jelous. Just one more kiss. Just one more hug. Just a kick in the overies. WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH THE SCARF?! Fucking conforming whore. Join me. Trendy. I never want to see or talk to her again. I want to be her friend.... I could go on and on. I hate her now. Let me rephrase that: I hate what she has become. This conforming flirt queen thing. But when I think back to when we were together... What was wrong? What happened? It felt good. I was happy. What went wrong? I wish I could put it into terms that everyone would understand. It is something so great and wonderful. Then it leaves randomly and doubtfully, then it changes into something you would hate or disagree with. Like... How would you feel if your mom just randomly walked out and became a hooker? Would yous till love her? How exactly to you approach that. I know that may have not have been the best example due to the fact that I know very little people who have a close relationship with their mother. Okay... Picture your best friend: You and your friend get along great and you two are happy together... as best friends should be. All of a sudden, your friend says "I dont want to be your best friend anymore' Then leaves and totally becomes a different person and starts hanging with a different crowd of people. Gr. I cant even explain this to myself. But I walk down the halls with Christ and Hardcore Bill or whomever, and I make a mean comment towards the FQ. Though it is funny and it makes me feel good an such, i still feel sooo guilty. Like if you were to start calling your "now hokker" mom a whore or your "ex-best friend" a nazi. You get me? I don't know. What the fuck emotion (genre) do i put "bright Eyes" under on my Media Player.