I Lived My Life....

[ryuchel]

In therapy today we did this whole body image story today. I know that it seems absurd but I wound up crying my eyes out(and on the day I did my makeup too...) Completely figured out that I really do keep people at a distance and the reason why I have such low self esteem is due to abandonment at such an early age. After that I really figured it be best to just connect with something else like the television and fictional world. Those worlds could never hurt me they'd never leave. They have ALWAYS been there for me as stupid as that sounds. I guess I recognize and know that a part me knows that I can attempt to move on and reclaim myself and my life. But another part of me wants to still cling on and blame everyone else for what I have become. Its selfish and greedy, or at least that's how I see it. I guess that's something that could be debated as well. But anyways my plans for Halloween fell through yet again so I guess I'll be left here and not going up to fun party town UCSB. That is unless I can pull some money out of my bum and get on a train. Hell, I may find it funner to go to Rocky twice in one weekend to make up for the usual lack of Rocky I get in my diet.

If anyone cares enough to want to let me in on ideas that'd be perfect.