(no subject)
And here I am treading gingerly on the brinks sanity, noting that with every step, I can not let go regardless of the chaos that may encompass me. My life at this point could not become anymore organized due to work and school, but it is complicated, to say the least, when no one is around. I know that my life should not be dependant upon people. On moral support, encouragement, and the company that they offer. I know this. But things have become ultimiately dull without them. Sleep, work, school, repeat. Sleep, work, school, repeat. All the while keeping a keen eye out for anything that may hint out of the ordinary.
The truth is, I am the reason for my own monotony. The routine was what i needed to get my life back on track; but now, even being bored with it, I do not desire the things that I used to. I will not humor the same emptiness that had become my life. I need something more meaningful. Relationships that are more meaningful. Reality that is more meaningful. But above all, honesty. I no longer wish to swallow lies to digest as the truth. Honesty is much more substantial. I'm not in desperate need of anyone or anything. I know just what i need will eventually come a long. And the honest reality with it.
On a lighter note, Forrest's dog Cloak has got me thinking about Berran again. I know Undine would be glad to get me a pup as soon as possible, but I need to make sure that I can afford him at this point. I already have two cats, which can not match the companionship of a dog, but I love them just the same.
I think maybe this spring....
I played a bit of Silent Hill 3. More like I died, and watched it be played. Now, moreso than ever, i have to get a ps2. Or if anyone wants to house me that has a ps2 while i play the hell out of it, that would be ideal. thnx ahead of time. ;)
I fell asleep really early last night. I was suppose to get together with a friend and take pictures of the town and things i need to sell on ebay, but i fell asleep. I wasn't in very high spirits yesterday anyway. I do feel better today, just outta kill and a tad lonely. It's strange though how I feel 100% okay with being alone, to 100% not okay with it. At least most of the time I am okay with it.
I have also been talking to my rents about taking a kickboxing class. I have been looking into these things and am kind of excited about doing so. Its kind of expensive though, which should be okay since i don't have any major bills to take care of anytime soon. I could afford to be a little more healthy at this point. :)
I'm really looking forward to Wes moving to town. I could use some more mature friends. I hope he can deal with a dork as big as I am. =P
The truth is, I am the reason for my own monotony. The routine was what i needed to get my life back on track; but now, even being bored with it, I do not desire the things that I used to. I will not humor the same emptiness that had become my life. I need something more meaningful. Relationships that are more meaningful. Reality that is more meaningful. But above all, honesty. I no longer wish to swallow lies to digest as the truth. Honesty is much more substantial. I'm not in desperate need of anyone or anything. I know just what i need will eventually come a long. And the honest reality with it.
On a lighter note, Forrest's dog Cloak has got me thinking about Berran again. I know Undine would be glad to get me a pup as soon as possible, but I need to make sure that I can afford him at this point. I already have two cats, which can not match the companionship of a dog, but I love them just the same.
I think maybe this spring....
I played a bit of Silent Hill 3. More like I died, and watched it be played. Now, moreso than ever, i have to get a ps2. Or if anyone wants to house me that has a ps2 while i play the hell out of it, that would be ideal. thnx ahead of time. ;)
I fell asleep really early last night. I was suppose to get together with a friend and take pictures of the town and things i need to sell on ebay, but i fell asleep. I wasn't in very high spirits yesterday anyway. I do feel better today, just outta kill and a tad lonely. It's strange though how I feel 100% okay with being alone, to 100% not okay with it. At least most of the time I am okay with it.
I have also been talking to my rents about taking a kickboxing class. I have been looking into these things and am kind of excited about doing so. Its kind of expensive though, which should be okay since i don't have any major bills to take care of anytime soon. I could afford to be a little more healthy at this point. :)
I'm really looking forward to Wes moving to town. I could use some more mature friends. I hope he can deal with a dork as big as I am. =P