"As You Wish...."
I've realized I have yet updated recently.. I've been scarying myself away from doing so because I don't want to say something on here that I may regret. Or, even say something that'll lead me into tears that I try so hard to keep under control from pouring out. You'd think tho I'd feel comfortable saying anything, since this is my LJ and I've been more outgoing/open these past months. Doesn't seem like I can scare any more friends off or lose anyone else more than I have already. It's a shame towards all the friends/loved ones that I once had close and now they're just memories. I wanted so badly to rekindle what I've lost for one reason or another, but it seems I'm the only one who would be interested. I feel like my life is on pause.. I don't know my place, what path I should take, or what's there for me anymore. I'm still struggling, hanging in there with all this pain and confusion that still lies within me..
Yea- I'll be graduating on the 19th, which surprisingly is this Thursday. I will be going to Frostburg State University, where I'll major in Recreation & Park Management.. with two concentrations that I'm still deciding between, Adventure Sports or the possibility of Community Program Delivery. I'll be living in the Commons apartments with three roommates, which I've been chatting with back and forth through email, etc. I got something going on that'll lead me forward, but I feel this total emptiness inside me that won't go away. I have this loneliness, this yearning for someone who I can't have. Yea- I'm living my life, but I have no one to share it with. 'You think I was only doing certain things just for you.. I was doing certain things for myself, you, and pretty much for us' NOW- I got nothing to grasp.. my arm/hand is hanging out there with nothing in return to take hold. 'I can't go on not lovin you nor not missing you.. You were/are my other half that I've been waiting for.' I gave you your space that you wanted.. this silence can't keep going on between us. I don't know if I can handle this much longer not knowing how you are, how your life is going, pretty much everything..
But.. if you think this silence will eventually bring us back to a friendship/to have us be in each others' lives once again, then I say..
"As You Wish..."
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"If you asked me how many times you have crossed my mind I would say once because you never really left...."
Yea- I'll be graduating on the 19th, which surprisingly is this Thursday. I will be going to Frostburg State University, where I'll major in Recreation & Park Management.. with two concentrations that I'm still deciding between, Adventure Sports or the possibility of Community Program Delivery. I'll be living in the Commons apartments with three roommates, which I've been chatting with back and forth through email, etc. I got something going on that'll lead me forward, but I feel this total emptiness inside me that won't go away. I have this loneliness, this yearning for someone who I can't have. Yea- I'm living my life, but I have no one to share it with. 'You think I was only doing certain things just for you.. I was doing certain things for myself, you, and pretty much for us' NOW- I got nothing to grasp.. my arm/hand is hanging out there with nothing in return to take hold. 'I can't go on not lovin you nor not missing you.. You were/are my other half that I've been waiting for.' I gave you your space that you wanted.. this silence can't keep going on between us. I don't know if I can handle this much longer not knowing how you are, how your life is going, pretty much everything..
But.. if you think this silence will eventually bring us back to a friendship/to have us be in each others' lives once again, then I say..
"As You Wish..."
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"If you asked me how many times you have crossed my mind I would say once because you never really left...."