Enemy Ex
I ran into my ex-boyfriend Robert the other day at the mall. The conversation went something like this:
ROBERT: Oh ivan! It's so great to see you!
ME: Die.
ROBERT: Why haven't you returned my calls?
ME: Because I've been trying to file a restraining order against you, and if I have any contact the Judge will probably deny the application.
ROBERT: Oh Ivan...no Judge is going to help you. Not after...the incident...Anyways...I have terrific news! My boyfriend and I are finally going to adopt a baby.
ME: A human baby?
ROBERT: YES. And, we're going to name the baby after the anti-biotic that saved my life.
ME: Oh my God, you're going to name it...Penicillin?
ROBERT: Ivan, don't be crazy, who the hell would name their child Penicillin? No, I was saved by Amoxicillin...We're going to name our baby Amoxicillin. Amox for short, isn't that lovely?
ME: Oh God Robert, have you been eating Glue again? Or have you just been simply eating ACID for kicks?
ROBERT: (looks offended) No No, none of that! I've learned my lesson and have reformed. I've been seeing the color purple ever since I ate that glue...
ROBERT: Oh ivan! It's so great to see you!
ME: Die.
ROBERT: Why haven't you returned my calls?
ME: Because I've been trying to file a restraining order against you, and if I have any contact the Judge will probably deny the application.
ROBERT: Oh Ivan...no Judge is going to help you. Not after...the incident...Anyways...I have terrific news! My boyfriend and I are finally going to adopt a baby.
ME: A human baby?
ROBERT: YES. And, we're going to name the baby after the anti-biotic that saved my life.
ME: Oh my God, you're going to name it...Penicillin?
ROBERT: Ivan, don't be crazy, who the hell would name their child Penicillin? No, I was saved by Amoxicillin...We're going to name our baby Amoxicillin. Amox for short, isn't that lovely?
ME: Oh God Robert, have you been eating Glue again? Or have you just been simply eating ACID for kicks?
ROBERT: (looks offended) No No, none of that! I've learned my lesson and have reformed. I've been seeing the color purple ever since I ate that glue...