(Untitled)

[rudolphofvamps]

--What? [shouting, then an explosion] Oh, bloody hell.

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[phone]

[betterasshole]

[ ringity ring ring guess who's actually taking you up on your offer ]

[phone]

[rudolphofvamps]

[ Morgan. Well, it's not Dexter, he's pretty sure. Green button is go. ]

'ello, luv.

[phone]

[betterasshole]

Hey. You said I could call you to talk, right--well here I am. Calling. [ This better not be a mistake. ] I don't usually do shit like this, but... you're probably the only fucking person who I can talk to right now without feeling like a complete and total asshole.

[phone]

[rudolphofvamps]

[ He hm's, and she can't see it but his smile is sympathetic. ] Hey, did say that, didn't I?

What's on your mind?

[phone]

[betterasshole]

I don't really think I can explain it. [ Okay, you called him Deb, might as well be honest. ] Let's just put it this way--the anon message you responded to on Valentine's--that was me being affected by the fucking virus, and guess which goddamn son of a bitch I was talking about on that.

[phone]

[rudolphofvamps]

............

.. Brian. [ well, shit. that sympathy just multiplied tenfold. ]

[phone]

[betterasshole]

Now you know why I said it wouldn't be a good idea. And I was right--it was the worst fucking mistake I've ever made in my entire life. I don't even give a fuck that it was the virus making me think that way--I still fucking knew better, and I let it happen anyway because I was too fucking in love with him to care that he was a self-absorbed bastard.

And as it turns out, the virus was nice enough to hit him with the same shit it pulled on me, so he was actually fucking nice to me and... can you see where I'm going with this--I'm not about to fill in all the fucking blanks here.

[phone]

[rudolphofvamps]

No, luv, you don't have to-- This is going to sound stupid, yeah? But the same happened to me, years ago. Girl I started telling you about, Buffy. We thought we were in love, to be married, cause of this spell the Witch pulled without knowin' it.

[ mutters, ] Bloody hate magic.

[phone]

[betterasshole]

[ Oh yay he really does understand to an extent. She has to think of how to phrase this. ]

Did it feel real? Did it feel exactly the way it would if it had happened naturally? It did for me, and Jesus fucking Christ, I actually managed to convince myself that I'd always been in love with him. That he was the only person who ever understood me or ever would--I'm pretty sure Claire thinks she was talking to some abused wife, because that's probably what I sounded like, and how I fucking felt, too, so she wouldn't be wrong. But then... we went out for the whole fucking day and actually worked shit out which I... seriously fucking doubt we'll ever do again. It was just... so fucking real.

But apparently, somewhere along the line Dexter texted him so he knew it was a fucking virus and he kept going along with it just to fuck me, so... [ Ohhhhh shit was a horrible Freudian slip right there. ] Fuck with me, not... Just fucking kill me now.

[phone]

[rudolphofvamps]

Did feel real. It was real. At least for me. Didn't know it then, I guess.

[ he sighs. Brian is his mate and all, but he knows Brian is also an evil fuck. ] Not defending him, know that now, but if he was under the same spell as you, he must've convinced himself of the same things.

Doubt that helps, but maybe it's something.

[phone]

[betterasshole]

It is something--it means he's a fucking psychopath, which we obviously already knew, but who keeps going with something like that after they get a fucking heads up about it? Brian's fucking smart--he wouldn't just brush something off like that--he believed Dex was telling him the truth and he just didn't care. I would've fucking cared if the community hadn't kept blocking everyone.

[phone]

[rudolphofvamps]

[ sighs, nodding, then realizing she can't .. see that. he's also pacing, which is helpful. ]

What I'm gettin' at is maybe he didn't think it mattered. Brian's the type who needs to be in control. He may have known it was a virus but he wouldn't be willing to admit the Community actually made him feel somethin' he didn't already feel.

You know him better than I do, luv. Class A God complex, that one.

[phone]

[betterasshole]

[ Okay she could... admit that he had a point there. ]

You're wrong, I don't know him better than you--all I know is what he let me see years ago, which was just a huge pack of bullshit, and what the virus brought out of him yesterday, which doesn't really matter in the long run, does it, because that's not how he really is. [ She's been trying to be angry about this whole thing, and she is, but she's honestly just incredibly sad that it was all a lie, again, and that comes out in the tone of the last part of that sentence.

Because of that, she doesn't give him a chance to respond before going into the next bit. ]

You want to know the worst fucking part of this--not only did this happen with my brother's brother, which really fucking creeps me out now, by the way--but I have a fucking boyfriend on top of all this shit, who I really do love, and how the fuck am I supposed to even look at him now? This one fucking virus just fucked over two of the only relationships that actually mean anything to me and I don't know what I'm supposed

[phone] /tags you from work like a boss

[rudolphofvamps]

Dunno about that one, pet. He actually thought he cared about you and all. It was as real for him as it was for you. The way I figure it, it's not that it's bullshit, it's that Brian doesn't rightly care about anyone. Leaving Dexter, that is.

..Well, that's another thing, isn't it. You gonna tell him?

[phone] oh you :3

[betterasshole]

I didn't say Monday was bullshit--you've probably never actually heard what he did to me five years ago, have you. That was fucking bullshit no matter how you look at it. It doesn't matter how much you don't care about people--that was completely un-fucking-called for.

[ She has to think about that second part a while as she stares intensely out a window. ]

I haven't decided yet.

[phone] aww deb's userhead ;;

[rudolphofvamps]

Know enough to agree with ya, how's that?

Probably be better if he didn't know. Especially if he's not aware of this place. He'd think you were nutters, eh, luv.