(no subject)
I figured out that it's okay to be vulnerable, it's beautiful to be vulnerable.
The skin that had grown thicker over the past few months has somehow been completely torn off. I guess that is just a side effect of love. I feel overwhelmed, my cup overfloweth...I am terrified. How can I feel completely loved and completely unloved at the same time? Am I reading too much into things? Okay, so thoughts on the idea of marriage; it completely terrifies and excites me at the same time. I am terrifed of losing my identity, yet excited about gaining a new one. How could someone actually be content with just me? How does he know? I know, but I am unable to crawl inside and experience what he is experiencing. Therefore, I am at a loss. I am without certainty. This is where faith comes in. This is what I am supposed to be practicing. This is what I struggle with the most. Faith. Loss or rather release of control. Like I said in my previous entry, maybe I am the one with commitment issues. I don't want fear in my life today. I don't want to live under that blanket. I am only myself now, all of my other defenses have been completely stripped away. I have no more crutches to lean upon and this is what is so terrifying. For the first time I am completely without pretense, without any walls or any numbing agents.
The skin that had grown thicker over the past few months has somehow been completely torn off. I guess that is just a side effect of love. I feel overwhelmed, my cup overfloweth...I am terrified. How can I feel completely loved and completely unloved at the same time? Am I reading too much into things? Okay, so thoughts on the idea of marriage; it completely terrifies and excites me at the same time. I am terrifed of losing my identity, yet excited about gaining a new one. How could someone actually be content with just me? How does he know? I know, but I am unable to crawl inside and experience what he is experiencing. Therefore, I am at a loss. I am without certainty. This is where faith comes in. This is what I am supposed to be practicing. This is what I struggle with the most. Faith. Loss or rather release of control. Like I said in my previous entry, maybe I am the one with commitment issues. I don't want fear in my life today. I don't want to live under that blanket. I am only myself now, all of my other defenses have been completely stripped away. I have no more crutches to lean upon and this is what is so terrifying. For the first time I am completely without pretense, without any walls or any numbing agents.