Thou I walk through the valley...
Could it be that I am the one with the issue? I am the one that has a hard time with love, commitment, emotional intimacy? I keep looking at the past, at all these lost "loves" and I can easily point the finger at all of them. I can find fault. But it is not my judgment to pass. I am the one that is afraid. I am the one that is scared of compromise. I am terrified of making the wrong decision. I am terrified that the person that I choose will not be able to understand me. That is what keeps me distant. That is what builds the walls. I feel fragmented. I am so scared that the feelings I have will dissipate, due to my fear. It is certainly by no accident that I choose men who are afraid to commit. Because then I don't ever have to commit. Today I release my fear, I trust my God and know that the risk is worth it. I may get hurt. I may get crushed. However, I am certain that there is no pain in the world, or in myself that I can not handle with the help of God. I will be okay. I can be sad, I can have my heart broken and the world will not stop turning. The stars will not fall from the sky and my heart will not stop beating. I am more of a complete person than I have ever been. And this will only continue to improve. I have trust today. I have faith today. Most importantly, I have peace today.