My, how time flies...
So, it's officially my 22nd birthday. Another year older, and another day closer to the real world and adult life. I've been thinking so much lately about how my life is evolving and where it might be going. Things are so exciting these days! They're also intensely scary. People change too, and you learn things about them that you never would have believed. You also grow to accept the way things are for what they are, learn from them, and move on. Being a grown up is funny that way - you can't cry because your friend punched you in the arm and took your candy. You have to say "hmm, that was unfair and really unnecessary, but I'll learn to stand farther away and guard what I've got, or offer him the candy before he can steal it next time."
As I'm sure a lot of you know, I got some rather shocking news at the end of winter break. I don't need to air my dirty laundry here, since that's not mature or appropriate, but suffice it to say that people are not always who you think they are. I can say, though, that I have never been so hurt or betrayed in my life. This, you'll remember, is coming from the girl who wrote recently and in the past about how badly she'd been hurt and how the scars will never go away. I'm convinced they never will go away completely, but they heal. I'm still healing from this last one, since the scars were started fresh again. Also, let it be known that I am not the girl you want to fuck over, because you will regret it. I think certain people have learned that lesson, and they will not be so quick to get on my bad side again, if they'll ever get on ANY side with me again.
Moving on, because that's not what I want to dwell on...I just wanted to take this opportunity to reflect on where I am, where I'm coming from, and where I'm going. That little bit was sort of where I'm coming from. I'm still working out the end of that problem, but aside from that, I think a lot of the scars from my past are pretty well healed. I'm no longer an emo kid (I can hear you all cheering, I swear...) and I'm genuinely happy with my life for the most part. Sure, there's stuff I'd change, but nothing major. For the first time in my life, I feel self-confident, smart, happy, fun...all of those good thing. I've pretty much never felt like THAT girl...the one that turns heads as she walks through a room, just as much for her personality as for her looks. I love that feeling, and I never want to let it go. It's taken a lot for me to get here, as I'm sure you all know, and I'm proud to say that I feel that way about myself now.
Where I'm going...now that's a harder question to answer. It's something I spend a lot of time thinking about as each day counts down to graduation. I know that I have a little bit of time to work out my long-term future, and that's really nice. I'm most likely going to be doing an Arabic program in NYC this summer. I agreed with my parents when they said that doing a program will help me be more attractive to the types of jobs I want in the long run. Speaking Arabic, as well as French, will take me so far above the pack of people applying for the kinds of jobs I want that I really need to take the time to work on it. It's an investment in the future, as lame as that sounds. I'm sending in applications in the next week, so I'll know more by then. I also need to find something to do in addition to that. The programs only run till 1:00 pm, so I need a job or an internship that can fill the rest of the day. I desperately need to start making money, so I have to look around for something that pays. I might even be moving into the city, since both programs I'm looking at are there, and that means I can potentially get a job somewhere really cool for the afternoons. It would make the social life thing rather difficult, but I see myself coming back to Westchester as often as possible to hang out. I also am planning on learning to surf this summer, and I have people ready to teach me out in Long Island. That should be fun!
So...time is marching on. I'm another year older, and things seem to be going faster and faster. I don't know where time has gone, but it looks like it's time to hold on to my proverbial hat and get ready for the ride. I'm really anxious and excited to see where this next year will take me, I know it will likely be one of the most important of my life.
As I'm sure a lot of you know, I got some rather shocking news at the end of winter break. I don't need to air my dirty laundry here, since that's not mature or appropriate, but suffice it to say that people are not always who you think they are. I can say, though, that I have never been so hurt or betrayed in my life. This, you'll remember, is coming from the girl who wrote recently and in the past about how badly she'd been hurt and how the scars will never go away. I'm convinced they never will go away completely, but they heal. I'm still healing from this last one, since the scars were started fresh again. Also, let it be known that I am not the girl you want to fuck over, because you will regret it. I think certain people have learned that lesson, and they will not be so quick to get on my bad side again, if they'll ever get on ANY side with me again.
Moving on, because that's not what I want to dwell on...I just wanted to take this opportunity to reflect on where I am, where I'm coming from, and where I'm going. That little bit was sort of where I'm coming from. I'm still working out the end of that problem, but aside from that, I think a lot of the scars from my past are pretty well healed. I'm no longer an emo kid (I can hear you all cheering, I swear...) and I'm genuinely happy with my life for the most part. Sure, there's stuff I'd change, but nothing major. For the first time in my life, I feel self-confident, smart, happy, fun...all of those good thing. I've pretty much never felt like THAT girl...the one that turns heads as she walks through a room, just as much for her personality as for her looks. I love that feeling, and I never want to let it go. It's taken a lot for me to get here, as I'm sure you all know, and I'm proud to say that I feel that way about myself now.
Where I'm going...now that's a harder question to answer. It's something I spend a lot of time thinking about as each day counts down to graduation. I know that I have a little bit of time to work out my long-term future, and that's really nice. I'm most likely going to be doing an Arabic program in NYC this summer. I agreed with my parents when they said that doing a program will help me be more attractive to the types of jobs I want in the long run. Speaking Arabic, as well as French, will take me so far above the pack of people applying for the kinds of jobs I want that I really need to take the time to work on it. It's an investment in the future, as lame as that sounds. I'm sending in applications in the next week, so I'll know more by then. I also need to find something to do in addition to that. The programs only run till 1:00 pm, so I need a job or an internship that can fill the rest of the day. I desperately need to start making money, so I have to look around for something that pays. I might even be moving into the city, since both programs I'm looking at are there, and that means I can potentially get a job somewhere really cool for the afternoons. It would make the social life thing rather difficult, but I see myself coming back to Westchester as often as possible to hang out. I also am planning on learning to surf this summer, and I have people ready to teach me out in Long Island. That should be fun!
So...time is marching on. I'm another year older, and things seem to be going faster and faster. I don't know where time has gone, but it looks like it's time to hold on to my proverbial hat and get ready for the ride. I'm really anxious and excited to see where this next year will take me, I know it will likely be one of the most important of my life.