The Big Clean
I feel so totally not motivated today...yayz. *yawn* I need to do epic amounts of "The Big Clean" before the landlord shows up later today for the monthly hell money. We've been close lately to the ideal but the girls are so destrcutive. Bread and graham cracker bits from the baby everywhere. Autumn's clothes are unwashed all over the house, and she refuses to flush because she's slightly still afraid of the toilet, so there's the ungodly smell in her bathroom and the wreck her room stays in. Stupid mice coming in from the fields for the winter doesn't help either, but I'm finally trying to poison them because all else has failed. Good times, people. Then Ben tries to clean it all up by himself. He busts his butt with work and school and then he tries to do more here when he really shouldn't have to. Today he works from 4:00 p.m. until about noon tomorrow, plus he has class. I feel so sorry for him. I wish I could help more.
It creates a lot of anxiety for me to know that it doesn't matter whether I do anything or not, because it will always be the same. I know it will be better when the girls are older, but that' so far away. Still, I have decided to stop letting things slip so much and to give it another go. I've been trying a lot harder lately to do better, probably my meds kicking in. Next I think I will retackle my exercise routine. I'm tired of hating the way I look. So many changes I want to make, so much uncertain progress.
It creates a lot of anxiety for me to know that it doesn't matter whether I do anything or not, because it will always be the same. I know it will be better when the girls are older, but that' so far away. Still, I have decided to stop letting things slip so much and to give it another go. I've been trying a lot harder lately to do better, probably my meds kicking in. Next I think I will retackle my exercise routine. I'm tired of hating the way I look. So many changes I want to make, so much uncertain progress.