Solitary
I feel like the Lexapro is working, but I don't think it's enough. I get tired, but at least the nausea is fading. The panic attacks are easier to handle. Stuff like that. I was supposed to go in and get checked on this week but the car's brakes put it in the shop and it just got back today. That and I was supposed to have a pap smear but I was three days late, which made for a lot of heavy panic. I would welcome the child if it had been, but now is such a bad time. We want to move and get things in order, and money tends to be tight with the four of us on one income with so many expenses.
I think it would work better if I wasn't so alone. I've been in contact with Melody again, but she is so exhausting for me to keep up with. She loves someone who claims to love her back but keeps her afar (a woman) because of the one she's with, and Melody's husband is such an ass it isn't even funny. In a way I'm glad I'm up here so I wouldn't be expected to be there to hold her hand every minute because I can't take the stress. And she calls me so much. I need a lot of space, which is why I disappeared before. We need each other, but I kind of need her less often and with more quality. She's sorry and I told her it's not as bad as she thinks, but I feel bad about the things she deals with. With my meds I'm not really all the way there anyway, so it can be a waste dealing with me.
There's a lady I messaged who is a fellow Scottsburg Wiccan. She wants to e-mail and maybe meet up. She is a nurse or something and a single mom. The thing is she has so much more religious experience than I do. I wonder how much I would get on her nerves, since I act like an utter n00b spiritually. I'm taking the courses and puttering along at a fine pace. I even get involved in the message boards and special groups, but I don't know enough. And I'm still alone. I'd like to think it'll be better next semester when Ben will be home at earlier hours, but I don't see this as being because of him. I'm like a transplanted plant that doesn't know how to put down roots in new soil, like my house plants. I try to stretch out feelers here and there but it is so very hard.
In other news, the vulgar kid on the bus strikes again. Little bastard. Autumn and her friend Destyne (hate the way that's spelled) saw him writing "bitch" on a piece of paper. He handed it to them to look at and wanted it back, but they gave it to the bus driver. It's the neighbor boy Ben suspected all along, as did I for the most part. The principal will hear from me tomorrow about this, since he said to get ahold of him if anything else happened. Jeez. Hope this doesn't screw up her childhood too much.
I think it would work better if I wasn't so alone. I've been in contact with Melody again, but she is so exhausting for me to keep up with. She loves someone who claims to love her back but keeps her afar (a woman) because of the one she's with, and Melody's husband is such an ass it isn't even funny. In a way I'm glad I'm up here so I wouldn't be expected to be there to hold her hand every minute because I can't take the stress. And she calls me so much. I need a lot of space, which is why I disappeared before. We need each other, but I kind of need her less often and with more quality. She's sorry and I told her it's not as bad as she thinks, but I feel bad about the things she deals with. With my meds I'm not really all the way there anyway, so it can be a waste dealing with me.
There's a lady I messaged who is a fellow Scottsburg Wiccan. She wants to e-mail and maybe meet up. She is a nurse or something and a single mom. The thing is she has so much more religious experience than I do. I wonder how much I would get on her nerves, since I act like an utter n00b spiritually. I'm taking the courses and puttering along at a fine pace. I even get involved in the message boards and special groups, but I don't know enough. And I'm still alone. I'd like to think it'll be better next semester when Ben will be home at earlier hours, but I don't see this as being because of him. I'm like a transplanted plant that doesn't know how to put down roots in new soil, like my house plants. I try to stretch out feelers here and there but it is so very hard.
In other news, the vulgar kid on the bus strikes again. Little bastard. Autumn and her friend Destyne (hate the way that's spelled) saw him writing "bitch" on a piece of paper. He handed it to them to look at and wanted it back, but they gave it to the bus driver. It's the neighbor boy Ben suspected all along, as did I for the most part. The principal will hear from me tomorrow about this, since he said to get ahold of him if anything else happened. Jeez. Hope this doesn't screw up her childhood too much.