Dating the Jewish way
It has been proposed, largely in order to curtail my incessant whining regarding my current relationship status, that I go speed dating at some point in the immediate future. Naturally before doing such a thing and, more importantly, before writing about it I do some cursory research via the wonder that is wikipedia. It was from this most reliable of sources that I learn that speed dating was originally contrived to allow Jews to meet each other, though I believe it was referred to as SpeedDating and involved more food.
Interestingly upon its mention, a not insignificant number of my friends and acquaintances have commented that they would "love" to go speed dating1. Every one of these people is happily in a relationship and therefore has no need of doing any kind of dating.2. But then I suppose if I could fly I would be considerably more convinced about going parachute jumping.
My issue with the whole thing, apart from my suspicion that I will find it mortifyingly embarrassing, apart from my inherent fear of rejection, apart from my concern that such an event will provide nobody that I would actually wish to relationship with, apart from the likelihood that I'm never going to get round to it anyway, is that I think I'll end up being silly and acting like a tit. Already I can see myself becoming bored and running out of conversation3 and it is at such a point that disaster will happen. I will fall into one of two traps:
A - Imparting interesting information about myself
B - Asking questions
I'm doomed.
1 - I use the non-trademarked version purely for convenience, it was not possible to tell from their tone whether they were capitalising and omitting spaces. Plus they didn't mention Jews.
2 - These are suppositions. My judgement on their happiness at being in a relationship is purely subjective. Additionally, does anyone really ever NEED to 'do' dating?
3 - On average I have sufficient conversation to last 1 minute and 39 seconds
Interestingly upon its mention, a not insignificant number of my friends and acquaintances have commented that they would "love" to go speed dating1. Every one of these people is happily in a relationship and therefore has no need of doing any kind of dating.2. But then I suppose if I could fly I would be considerably more convinced about going parachute jumping.
My issue with the whole thing, apart from my suspicion that I will find it mortifyingly embarrassing, apart from my inherent fear of rejection, apart from my concern that such an event will provide nobody that I would actually wish to relationship with, apart from the likelihood that I'm never going to get round to it anyway, is that I think I'll end up being silly and acting like a tit. Already I can see myself becoming bored and running out of conversation3 and it is at such a point that disaster will happen. I will fall into one of two traps:
A - Imparting interesting information about myself
- I used to go to a girls' school
- I carry a periodic table in my wallet
- I can do impressions of rocks
- Let me tell you about Juan...
B - Asking questions
- If you were a rodent, what animal would you most like to be eaten by?
- Who would you rather do, James May or Willie Nelson?
- What's your favourite book for leaning on whilst writing?
- In which foreign country have you had the most sex?
I'm doomed.
1 - I use the non-trademarked version purely for convenience, it was not possible to tell from their tone whether they were capitalising and omitting spaces. Plus they didn't mention Jews.
2 - These are suppositions. My judgement on their happiness at being in a relationship is purely subjective. Additionally, does anyone really ever NEED to 'do' dating?
3 - On average I have sufficient conversation to last 1 minute and 39 seconds