Writing about gaslighting, emotional blackmail, & compassion
Overtime city here at work! I'm writing in the bits and pieces of time to get Shy Gal finished.
What is my Shy Gal novel about? Basically, "what do you do when your boyfriend threatens to commit suicide if you leave him?"
Learning a shtload about emotional blackmail, BPD, and gaslighting. I've figured out that these things don't need to be in your face to be effective. Gaslighting is most effective when you don't even know it's taking place -- otherwise duh it doesn't work.
Though emotional blackmail -- "if you leave I'll kill myself" -- tends to be in your face to the point where you can't make a decision without its influence. Which actually becomes no decision, because, you know, he might carry through with his threat.
In this situation, you know you're being played, but you're afraid to leave him because he just might be for real.
My big challenge is figuring out ways to write from that old compassionate view that got me in over my head with this guy in the first place. (In later years, somebody mentioned that quick wariness I carry into social encounters -- I kind of wonder if those years that I'm writing about now fostered that wariness.) But the other day I was listening to "Hurt" by Johnny Cash when I suddenly found Kay's worldview right there in that song. Thanks John, you are a stand-up man.
(I know, NIN did that song first, but dammit Johnny is pretty awesome.)
But writing this story now, I wish to hell I'd had the internet when I was Kay's age, and maybe I would have broken away sooner. Or, maybe not.
"Who's to say if you had that second chance, you wouldn't do it again?"
This post is probably incoherent but I have no time for editing. alas! maybe someday.
Back to work.
What is my Shy Gal novel about? Basically, "what do you do when your boyfriend threatens to commit suicide if you leave him?"
Learning a shtload about emotional blackmail, BPD, and gaslighting. I've figured out that these things don't need to be in your face to be effective. Gaslighting is most effective when you don't even know it's taking place -- otherwise duh it doesn't work.
Though emotional blackmail -- "if you leave I'll kill myself" -- tends to be in your face to the point where you can't make a decision without its influence. Which actually becomes no decision, because, you know, he might carry through with his threat.
In this situation, you know you're being played, but you're afraid to leave him because he just might be for real.
My big challenge is figuring out ways to write from that old compassionate view that got me in over my head with this guy in the first place. (In later years, somebody mentioned that quick wariness I carry into social encounters -- I kind of wonder if those years that I'm writing about now fostered that wariness.) But the other day I was listening to "Hurt" by Johnny Cash when I suddenly found Kay's worldview right there in that song. Thanks John, you are a stand-up man.
(I know, NIN did that song first, but dammit Johnny is pretty awesome.)
But writing this story now, I wish to hell I'd had the internet when I was Kay's age, and maybe I would have broken away sooner. Or, maybe not.
"Who's to say if you had that second chance, you wouldn't do it again?"
This post is probably incoherent but I have no time for editing. alas! maybe someday.
Back to work.